The Ghosts of My Past
by TwilightMommyof4girls
Summary: Bella has it all, a loving father, a great boyfriend and a promising future. But is all as it seems? Does love make everything right or wrong? An entry for The Black Balloon Contest now continued!
1. Bella's story

**The Black Balloon Contest**

**Title: **The Ghosts That Haunt Me

**Your pen name:** Twilightmommyof4girls

**Characters**: Mainly Bella and Edward

**Disclaimer: **These characters don't belong to me. The belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. I just enjoy playing with them!

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I met Edward Cullen when I was seventeen. I had just moved to the little rainy town of Forks after my mother remarried, living with my bachelor father who I had only seen for a week or two out of a year before I decided to try some good old Daddy/daughter bonding.

I actually met him on my first day at Forks High School. I hated being the center of attention and from the moment I arrived at the school in my big red truck, all eyes were on me. I kept my eyes on the ground and made my way to the office to get my schedule. Get in, get it done and leave.

I had just exited the office with my schedule and a map of the school. Seriously, for a small school it was extremely confusing. When I finally looked up from my map to try to get my bearings, I saw him. He was standing about ten feet away with two other guys, a blonde and a hulk of a guy. All I focused on was him.

He was gorgeous! Tall, with a light muscular build, copper hair that begged my fingers to touch it, and the greenest eyes I'd ever seen. But all of that paled in comparison to his smile. The incredible crooked grin set my heart racing and it didn't stop as I watched him make his way from his friends towards me.

I thought I was going to faint.

When he stopped in front of me and smiled right at me, I was hooked. I think I was in love before he even opened his mouth.

Not that his voice did anything to discourage my feelings. His voice was like velvet and the way he said my name....

"Hello, Bella," he had said, surprising me.

"How did you know my name?" I asked him shocked.

"Everybody knows your name, Miss Swan," he said, holding out his hand to greet me. "I'm Edward Cullen."

"Nice to meet you Mr. Cullen," I said, grasping his hand.

Instead of shaking my hand as I had expected, Edward brought my hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss onto the back of it.

"Are you lost?" he asked, smiling again.

"Just a little," I said, biting my lip.

"What class do you have first?" he asked.

"Biology with Mr. Banner," I said.

"What a wonderful coincidence, so do I," he said. "May I escort you to class?"

"Yes, you may," I said smiling up at him.

"Do you like chicken?" he asked. Random question or what?

"Um, I guess," I said, looking puzzled.

"Good!" he replied, "Grab a wing" He held out his arm with his elbow bent so I could loop my hand through it, which I did gratefully.

"Great!" muttered a blonde boy who I later learned was Mike Newton. "Cullen already has dibs on the new girl."

"A friend of yours?" I asked blushing.

"No," he said, the sound coming out almost as a growl. "That boy is a menace."

"I figured as much," I said. "He looks like he spends more time on his hair than I do."

Edward snickered and led me to biology. As luck would have it we had all of our classes together, except for PE, which was segregated. At lunch he insisted I eat with him and his friends; the two guys from this morning, Jasper and Emmett, and their respective girlfriends Alice and Rosalie.

They were great and I don't think I had ever enjoyed a lunch break as much. It was also great to get to know the girls as they were both in PE with me.

"So Bella," he asked as he escorted me from the school to my truck at the end of my first day. "Can I take you to dinner this evening?"

"I'd like that," I said.

"Pick you up at 6:00?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

He walked me to the side of my bright red truck and pressed his lips to my hand once again. That was the first and last time I drove my truck to school.

From that night on Edward and I were inseparable. Charlie was a little worried because he felt that our entire relationship was too intense, but since he knew the Cullens, he was content to let it pass.

I guess intense was the best way to describe our relationship. The only time I wasn't with Edward, I was with Rose and Alice. I don't even think I could name another person from our graduating class that I had a conversation with, other than something school related. Then again, everything about Edward was intense. He played sports with a vengeance, studied hard and aced every test. Luckily I was smart enough to keep up with him. He had his goals set before I met him, he was going to be a doctor like his dad. I believed he would. He could do anything he set his mind to.

He never treated me as any less than a princess. He opened every door, carried my books, kissed my hand and treated me the way any lady should be treated. There was no making out in the halls, or sneaking into the janitor's closet for us. Not that we lacked passion, it was just that everything he did showed his respect for me. I often heard other girls in school berating their boys for not treating them like Edward treated me. I was one lucky girl.

He looked at me like I was the only person he could see. I had always seen myself as plain and boring... he made me feel beautiful. He was my first everything. My first boyfriend, my first kiss, and three months after I arrived in Forks, he was my first lover. We spent a glorious year and a half together in almost perfect bliss. He even flew across the country to attend my mother's funeral with me after she and her new husband were killed in a car accident.

Charlie grew to love him like the son he never had. His friends were my friends and his family welcomed me as if I was one of their own. It was bliss.

Edward decided to go to Dartmouth after graduation. He was accepted before he even applied, it was his father's alma matter and he had perfect grades! After much begging and pleading on his behalf I applied, although I knew the tuition was far beyond what my dad could afford. When I was accepted, Carlisle and Esme sat down with Charlie and made all the financial arrangements. I was going to Dartmouth with Edward.

That night Edward placed a small sapphire ring on my finger.

"It's not an engagement ring," he said. "It's a promise ring. I promise that I will be with you every day, and that one day I will place a diamond on that finger and officially claim you as mine."

"You don't need a ring or a piece of paper," I said kissing him. "I am yours."

Graduation came quickly and before I knew it Edward and I had all of our belongings packed into a moving van for our trip across country. Esme and Carlisle had bought an apartment for us close to the campus and we settled in quickly.

It was perfect. Other than during classes we were together always. We studied together, ate together and made love multiple times a day. We spoke to our parents every Sunday and went home for the holidays.

During the summer, we both decided to stay at school and do the summer semester. We each traveled home for a weekend, during that summer. Unfortunately it was different weekends. That was the longest we had ever been apart since we met. But after that trip, the first crack in our relationship appeared.

We had been together for nearly three years, and every week his parents seemed to push him into proposing. Emmett and Rosalie had eloped to Vegas during spring break, and Jasper had proposed to Alice at Christmas. Edward told his parents that he would do things on his terms and that when he decided that he wanted to marry me, he would ask me not a moment sooner.

I'm sure he hadn't meant for it to hurt me, but it did.

Suddenly I found myself questioning everything. Had I been mistaken? Did he not want me forever? I fought back the tears for as long as I could, then quickly left the room. After he hung up the phone, he followed me to the bedroom and apologized. He hadn't meant to say that, he just didn't want to be pushed. We would do things on our time.

"I can't have a future that doesn't have you in it," he swore.

I believed him.

Life was perfect again as we moved into the fall and winter. We went home at Christmas for Alice and Jasper's wedding. It was beautiful and we all had a great time. Carlisle and Charlie had both given Edward large hints about dropping the question, but he managed to laugh them off.

Just before we returned to school, I caught a nasty bug. Carlisle assured me it was nothing serious, handed me some pills and I was ready to go. January and February passed in a blur of studying and exams. We were planning on staying at the school through summer again, effectively cutting a year off of both of our degrees.

In March I got sick again, but this time it persisted, lasting an entire week. I insisted that we not tell our parents during our weekly phone calls as I didn't want them to worry, and I assured my very worried boyfriend that I would go to the clinic after classes on Monday to make sure it wasn't anything serious.

I only had two classes on Monday so as soon as I was finished I made my way to the small medical clinic near our building. They dealt with students a lot so I figured it would be best.

"Hello," I said to the girl behind the counter. "My name is Isabella Swan and I need to see a doctor."

"Okay," she said smiling at me. "Just fill out these papers."

I sat down in the waiting room and filled them all out. Luckily I was still covered by Charlie's insurance and wouldn't have an issue with that. Then it got to a question that stumped me. LMP.

I thought back to see when it was exactly. I had been so busy since we returned that I hadn't written it in my book like I always do. I just shrugged my shoulders and left it blank. I was certain it wasn't important, I was on the pill.

I brought my completed paperwork to the desk and the young nurse escorted me back to a small examination room. The door had barely shut behind her when the doctor entered. He asked me questions about symptoms and general health. Then he said the words that I'll never forget.

"I think that you might be pregnant," he said. "I need you to pee in this little jar here and we'll have an answer for you momentarily."

I just nodded my head, unable to say anything.

PREGNANT?!!?

I moved down the hall to the bathroom that he had shown me and carefully set about doing my business. Once I was done, I rinsed the sides of the container, in case there had been any spillage and dried it, carrying it in a paper towel back to the exam room.

The nurse met me there with a sympathetic smile and took my urine to the small desk in the room and dipped the pregnancy test in. She then placed the lid back on the container and the test beside it, setting a small white timer.

"I guess you'll know in three minutes," she said as she left the room. "The doctor will be back soon."

I sat across the room, looking at the wall. There was no way I could be pregnant! One minute. I tapped my feet nervously on the floor. I was on the pill and I never missed one. I took them every morning when I brushed my teeth. Two minutes. My heart was beating so fast tha I think I was starting to hyperventilate. I focused on my breathing. IN – one mississippi – OUT. IN - one mississippi – OUT. DING!!

Three minutes.

I waited for about thirty more seconds before I crossed the room to look at the white plastic test.

Two lines.

Pregnant.

I sat down in the closest chair. What were we going to do? Before I had any real time to contemplate anything, Dr. Franz was back in the room.

"So you are pregnant," he said.

"Uh huh," I said, unable to be more coherent then that.

"I take it this wasn't planned?" he asked.

"I'm on the pill," I said, stupidly.

"Missed any doses?" he asked.

I simply shook my head, no.

"Have you had any antibiotics lately?" he asked.

"January," I replied. "Just after Christmas."

"Then my guess is that would make you about ten weeks pregnant," he said. "Would you like an ultrasound?"

"Umm," I said. "My dad's insurance... I don't want him to know yet."

"We are also a pregnancy support center. We'll move you to that file and then your father won't be billed for anything. Shall we try an ultrasound?" he pushed.

I agreed. I needed to see it with my own eyes.

The doctor walked down the hall with me.

"You have a boyfriend?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied. "We've been together for three and a half years."

"How will he feel about this?" he asked.

"I'm not sure," I said. "We never really talked about kids. We have both been pushing our education to the forefront. We certainly weren't planning anything before we graduated."

"I have to tell you about all your options," he said.

"I know them," I said smiling softly at him.

"Are you considering abortion?" he asked.

"I don't know," I replied honestly. "I've never really had to think about it."

He brought me into a small dark room and had me lie down on a table. The paper crinkled underneath me.

"Lower the waistband of your pants and raise your shirt," he said. "This may be a little cold."

I did as he requested and he placed a towel against the waistband of my pants before he squirted some blue goo on my stomach and pulled out a small wand, pressing it to my abdomen.

"Most of the time we try to do this when a woman's bladder is full. We get a better image that way, but we'll see what we can see," he said.

I watched the tiny screen as black and white seemed to jumble through the screen. Finally the doctor stopped moving the wand. He pressed a button and a soft whooshing sound filled the room.

"There we go," he said. "That's your baby's heartbeat."

I listened to the sound and looked at the screen for a moment before I was able to see the profile of the baby. My baby. Edward's baby. Our baby was small but perfect. I could see everything, head, body, arms and legs. I even thought I saw fingers. I was in awe staring at the perfect creature on the screen. It was a baby, Edward's and my baby. I knew as I watched the tiny person on the screen that abortion could not be a consideration for me. I loved this baby with all that I was. I only hoped that Edward felt the same.

"You are measuring at 11 weeks and four days, putting conception around January 11th and your due date at October 3rd," he said.

"Wow," I said. It was all I could say.

"You have until twenty weeks to consider your options..." he said.

"I couldn't," I said, tears beginning to form in my eyes.

"I didn't think so," he said with a smile. He pressed some papers into my hand and told me to stop and see the nurse on my way out.

I looked down at the papers, surprised to see the still images that I had just seen floating on the screen. There was a tiny image where the baby's hand was reaching out and you could see the five fingers. The doctor had typed out "Hi Mom and Dad" across the top.

Mom.

I put the pictures in my purse, cleaned the goo off my stomach, and walked out to speak to the nurse. She handed me a small bag full of reading materials and some prenatal vitamins and told me to call if I had any questions and to book an appointment with either their clinic or another clinic in four weeks time.

I walked slowly home in the crisp air. I wasn't certain how Edward would take the news right away, but I knew he loved me and that no matter what we would deal with this together.

When I got home, Edward still wasn't home from his late class. I set the bag on the table and started to make some dinner. I fried up some chicken breast and made a nice chicken stir fry with some rice.

"Hi, Babe," Edward said as he came in. "How are you feeling?"

"A little overwhelmed," I answered honestly.

"How were your classes?" he asked, filling his plate and moving to the living room, where we usually ate.

"Fine," I said, grabbing a small plate for myself and following him in.

He turned on the TV to the sports channel, Edward's one guilty pleasure.

"How were your classes?" I asked.

"We had dissection today in the lab. First time with an actual cadaver," he said.

"Sounds interesting," I said. "How was it?"

He spent the next twenty minutes going into great detail about it. Thankfully I had a strong constitution. We had finished dinner by the time he was done.

"I went to the doctor today," I said.

"Good!" he said. "Were they able to tell you what was wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong per say," I said, moving to grab my purse.

"What's that mean?" he asked.

"I think I can show you better than I can tell you," I said, pulling the pictures out of my purse, putting the picture with the words 'Hi Mom and Dad' on the top, and handing them to him.

He looked down at the pictures, moving from one to the next. When he got to the last one, he was silent for a long time.

"Is this a joke?" he asked finally.

"What?" I said shocked. "No!"

"Did you do it on purpose?" he asked.

I felt like I had been sucker punched.

"Of course not. The doctor said it was the antibiotics," I said.

"We need to get it taken care of right away," he said.

Taken care of. He was talking about an abortion.

"Edward!" I said. "No! I won't kill our baby."

"It isn't a baby yet," he said harshly.

"It is. You see the pictures. I even heard the heartbeat. Edward it was so beautiful," I said.

"You want it?" he practically screamed at me.

"I... I do," I said. "I wasn't sure at first, but Edward, watching the baby move inside me, and hearing the heartbeat... I've never wanted anything so much."

He was silent for a moment.

"And what about school?" he asked.

"I'll drop out after this semester I guess. I'll go back when...." I said.

"You've got this all planned don't you Isabella?" he said viciously.

"No," I said, hurt. "I had no clue until the doctor told me. I didn't know what to do at all until I saw the baby, our baby on the screen. Now I'm trying to figure it out. I'm scared to death and I really want you to hold me and tell me that it's going to be hard, but we'll figure it out."

He was silent for a time as I sat sobbing next to him on the couch. Anytime that I dared to look at him his face was set in a scowl.

"Please Edward," I begged.

"No," he said finally, standing up. "I will not be conned into your little ploy."

"What ploy?" I asked. "You think I planned this?"

"I know you did. You've made no secret about the fact that you wanted to marry me," he spat.

"I did. I do. But that has nothing to do with this," I said, angrily, standing to meet him face to face.

"Sure!" he said sarcastically.

"I thought you wanted to marry me. I thought that was the plan," I said.

"Plans change, Isabella," he said.

"So what now?" I asked. "What are you saying?"

"We're done," he said. "And I want nothing to do with you or your bastard child."

He took the pictures in his hand and tore them in half, dropping the remains on the floor.

"Don't breathe a word of this to anyone. Not Alice or Rose or even your dad. And if my parents find out... There will be hell to pay," he said as he stormed out of the apartment.

I dropped to my knees and pulled the pieces of the pictures onto my lap. How had this all gone so horribly wrong? Did he not love me at all? Was this just an over reaction and he would be back? My heart wanted to believe that that was the case, but my head said no. Finally, I pulled myself onto the couch and cried myself to sleep.

Dawn came early the next morning and I opened my eyes, hoping for some sign of Edward. I walked slowly to our room, hoping he would be there. He wasn't. I went into the bathroom, with tears pouring down my face. His toothbrush was gone from it's spot next to mine. His shaving stuff was also gone. I ran back to the bedroom and opened the closet. Gone! His drawers were empty too.

I sat on the bed and cried.

I wasn't sure what to do. How could I fix this?

I dialed his cell... straight to voice mail.

Finally I decided that I was going to face this head on and hope that Edward would come around. The Edward that I knew would never do this. He had to come around, didn't he? I got into the shower, got dressed and headed out to class. He knew where I was and he was going to have to come to me.

A day passed.

Then almost a week.

Finally it was Sunday night, the night we always called our families. I dialed Charlie's number.

"Hey, Kiddo," he said.

"Hi Daddy," I said, fighting back tears.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Been a rough week," I said. "I had a test and an exam this week."

Honesty is the best policy with me. I couldn't lie to save my life.

"Are you sleeping okay?" he asked.

"Sorta," I answered.

"Tell Edward he better take care of you," he said.

"I will," I answered, truly fighting back tears now.

"I love you, Honey," he said.

"I love you too," I said. "I'll talk to you next week."

"Bye," he said.

I hoped that Edward would call his parents from wherever he was. I wasn't going to be the one to call them and explain.

My phone rang an hour later and I answered, hoping it was Edward.

"Hello," I said.

"Hi Honey," Esme's voice said, from the other end of the line. "I just got off the phone with Edward. He was at the library and couldn't talk long so I thought I'd give you a call here. How are things?"

"Not great," I said. "I've had so much going on."

"Yeah, both you and Edward are at a busy time. He said that he'd hardly seen you at all this week," she said.

Understatement of the week.

"That's college for you," I said, swallowing the lump in my throat.

We spoke for a few more moments before I begged off and went to my room to cry myself to sleep.

I awoke at 3:00 am pondering a few things. I was so screwed. I was living here without paying for anything. Edward didn't want me to get a job as he had plenty of money that he never had a problem giving me. Now what was I supposed to do? I didn't have money for rent, utilities or even food. I was going to need a job and quick.

By 7:00 am, I was up and dressed with my resume printed out. I didn't have class until 11:00 and I was bound and determined to have a job before class.

As luck would have it the library, my second stop, was desperately in need of staff and they were happy to give me as many hours as I could handle. My first shift was scheduled the next day.

I hurried to class and made it through my day.

When I arrived home that night, I knew instantly that something was different. As I walked in, I couldn't pinpoint anything and thought I must have been dreaming.

I ate a little dinner, with the small amount of food I had left before heading to the bedroom to change into something more comfortable. As I walked in I saw a white envelope on the bed, with my name written on the front in his elegant script.

I tore the envelope open quickly, hoping that it was an apology or a gesture of some sort towards some sort of reconciliation.

_**Isabella,**_

_**Good girl. You played your part well on the phone with your father and my mother. Here is enough money to get you through the week.**_

_**Edward.**_

Good girl??? What was I? A dog?

I searched the envelope and found $200.00. As much as I hated the thought of accepting anything from him at this point, I was desperate, and I needed it to keep me and the baby healthy. I hoped that meant he actually cared.

I went out and picked up some groceries, heavy on the fruits and vegetables. This baby may only have one parent, but he or she was going to have the best care I could provide, even if it came from him.

I started at the library straight after class the next day. It wasn't hard work and I found myself really enjoying it. By the time the next Sunday arrived I still hadn't heard anything from Edward.

I called my dad and after a short conversation, headed up to my bed. When the phone rang later, I knew it was Esme and I just couldn't deal so I let her call go to voicemail.

When I got home from work on Monday night there was another white envelope on my pillow.

_**Not nice Isabella. Don't do that again or there will be consequences.**_

_**E**_

There was no money in the envelope, but I hadn't expected there to be after the tone of his letter. Luckily I would be okay without it.

Life passed like this for weeks. I played nice with Esme on the phone and had brief conversations with my dad. I did nothing but eat, sleep, go to school, go to work, and study. Every Monday there was a note on the bed, always with $200.00 since I played nice. Once I had my first paycheck from the library, I simply kept the envelopes in my night stand, I wouldn't accept anymore from him than I had to.

Life moved on both quickly and slowly at the same time. During the day I was so busy and the days seemed to fly by, but the nights, the nights when I slept alone in the cold bed where I had once spent all my time curled up in my love's arms, were so long. Finally, I gave up and stayed up as late as I could, usually passing out on the couch from utter exhaustion. But at least I didn't have nightmares.

I saw the doctor again, four week after my first visit. I had the full check up, but no ultrasound, which disappointed me. My ripped up baby pictures were still on the fridge at home, reminding me of my sweet baby and the fact that his or her father hated us. I had given up my jeans and other tight fitting clothes, opting instead for yoga pants and oversized sweatshirts. I never saw Edward.

My conversations with Charlie, Esme and occasionally Carlisle continued to be short. The guilt I felt during those conversations was intense. Alice, Rose and I usually spoke at least once a month, but I was completely avoiding their calls. Nobody can get you to spill like your girlfriends.

Finally nine weeks later, on a Friday morning, I had my next ultrasound. I had hoped that the doctor would be nice enough to replace the pictures that I currently had taped together and stuck to the fridge. I had had to trade shifts with another staff member so I could have the morning off, meaning I was closing that night, but the late shift was worth it for the chance to see my baby again, plus I wouldn't have to worry about exhaustion, it would come with the territory.

It was just as magical as my first ultrasound, my heart which had been mostly dead since Edward walked out of my life was filled with love as I lay in the dark room watching at my son wiggle on the screen. My son. Edward's son.

As much as I wanted to hate Edward for what he was doing, I couldn't. I decided at that point that I would tell Charlie at the end of term. I was certain that Edward would have a bird about that, but there wasn't much he could do about it. I was still debating whether or not would tell Esme and Carlisle myself or let Charlie do it for me.

I left the clinic, new pictures safely held in my purse, and made my way to the registrar's office. It was time to remove myself from my summer courses and to let them know I wouldn't be returning in the fall. The clerk studied my near perfect transcripts and asked if I was sure. When I told them I was, they said that they'd hold my place for one year, a very fine offer, I thought, though I doubted I would return.

I attended my lone class and hurried to the library, eating the turkey breast and spinach salad I had made myself earlier as I walked across the campus. The library was unusually busy that night, due to the fact that the next three weeks were exam weeks. But busy was good. My heart was at such odds with itself. I loved Edward and no matter what, I was unable to just turn it off, though I wished I could.

As I locked up the library at the end of the shift, I made my way slowly towards the apartment, a ten minute walk if I went as slow as I did. Within a minute, it was obvious that I was being followed. I placed my hand over my abdomen and walked faster, grabbing the pepper spray from my purse, and preparing to use it if necessary.

"Running away, Isabella?" Edward's sneering voice called from behind.

"Oh," I said, spinning around.

I was shocked to see him for the first time in nine weeks. Actually, shocked was an understatement.

"We need to talk," he said.

"We do," I agreed. "Where?"

"The apartment," he said, walking ahead of me in the direction of the place that had once been our home.

"Fine," I agreed and started walking after him.

He walked quickly, leaving me to almost run to keep up. He waited for me to open the doors and went in before me, something he had never done before. My gentleman was gone.

When we got into the apartment, I sat uncomfortably on the couch as he walked around, surveying the room.

"So?" I said after a while.

"You're looking fat," he sneered.

"If you're only here to insult me than just leave. I'm not in the mood for it," I said.

He was silent for a moment then cleared his throat.

"I want you to give it up for adoption," he said.

"What?" I asked. "No!"

"I won't have anything to do with it," he said, like that would have any bearing on my decision.

"I kinda figured that out when you walked out of here nine weeks ago," I said.

"So you think you can do it on your own?" he asked. "You won't even have your degree!"

"You're right, I won't," I said. "And apparently I don't have a choice but to do it alone. I'm standing up for my responsibilities and it's going to be hard. But we'll survive." I rested my hands on my small baby bump to emphasize the point.

"I want you to go away," he said next.

"What?" I asked.

"I want you to leave here after this semester. I'll concoct our breakup and you will not tell anyone about the baby," he said.

"And how do you suppose I'm going to do that?" I asked him. "As soon as my father knows so do your parents."

"That's why you won't tell him. It would ruin me Isabella. Ruin everything I worked for," he said.

"And what about me? What about your son? Shouldn't he have the right to know his grandparents?" I asked him angrily.

"What about me? Are you trying to make my parents hate me?" he asked. "They are all I have in this world."

"At least you have Emmett and Jasper. I can't even talk to Alice and Rose!" I said.

"You'll make new friends," he said shrugging his shoulders.

"Okay so I forget all my friends and my family... How do you suppose I get by?" I asked him.

"You have your trust fund from your mother that you will have access to by September. Plus, I'll make it financially worth your while," he said.

"It isn't all about money," I said.

"Nope, it isn't," he said, smirking at me. "But unless you plan on moving back to Forks and living with Daddy Dearest and your little bastard..."

"Don't refer to my son that way," I sneered.

"A boy," he said, his face softening for a moment before turning his next statement into a sneer. "Good luck with that."

"Thanks," I said, acting as though his statement were not meant in a hurtful manner.

I looked at Edward, truly looked at him. His eyes were sunk in and skin was pale. His usually vibrant eyes were dull. He looked like crap.

"So what is it that you are proposing Edward?" I asked.

"I certainly won't be proposing to you," he sneered and my heart lurched in my chest.

"I wouldn't say yes, if you did," I said back.

"Then why are you still wearing the ring?" he asked gesturing towards my hand.

"I wanted something to show my son that his father loved me at one point. That he wasn't created in some little tawdry one night stand..." I said, tears streaming down my face.

"But I don't love you anymore Isabella," he said causing my heart to shatter inside my chest.

I knew it. I knew by his absence that he didn't love me. I knew he didn't want me anymore, but the words... the hateful words coming from his lips.... were more than I could take.

"I know. And I hate that! Because as much as you hate me... I still love you. I kept this from your parents and my dad for you. As much as I hate myself for it... I can't hate you," I said, sobbing at the end.

"So you'll do it?" he asked. "For me?"

"You want me to run away? Leave everyone I have ever known behind, including my father... for a little bit of money?" I asked.

"It's no little bit, Isabella," he said, handing me an envelope.

I looked inside and found a cashier's check for $250 000.00 in my name. I looked at him in shock.

"My trust fund, left to me by my birth parents," he said. "You take the money and leave. I know a man who can create you and the boy a life in Canada. A fresh start."

Just like that. All neat and tidy.

"Can I have time to think about it?" I asked him.

"Two weeks," he said.

I would do it, for him. I already knew it. I'm sure he did too. My only hesitation was Charlie. Could I walk away from my father?

"Two weeks," he said again. "I'll be outside the building waiting when you come home from work."

"Goodbye, Isabella," he said kissing my forehead.

"Goodbye, Edward," I said.

He walked out the door of the apartment.

"I love you Edward Anthony Masen Cullen," I whispered after he was gone.

Saturday dawned with a new piece of news. Charlie, my father, had a heart attack and was gone.

"Bella," Esme said, after Carlisle had dropped the news that I was not an orphan on me. "We'll hold the funeral until you can come home. Do you want Carlisle and I to come help you?"

"No," I replied. "I'll be fine. Will it be okay to wait three weeks? I could just..."

"Missing your exams would be catastrophic for you Sweetheart. Charlie wouldn't want that," she said.

"Okay," I said.

"I'll make all the arrangements on this end. All you have to do is show up," she said.

"I'll call Edward, unless you want to," she said after I told her Edward was out for the day with friends.

"I'll just let him know when he gets home," I told her as I rubbed my hands over my swollen belly. My son, the only thing I had left in the world.

"I'll talk to you soon, Sweetheart," she said sympathetically. "I love you. Just like you were my own."

And I loved her too. But I couldn't hurt Edward by polarizing his parents in this. I would leave.

All Charlie's affairs were able to be settled from a distance, and even his life insurance paid out. Unlike my mother's, the substantial sum of money was available to be immediately. So I set about wrapping up my life at Dartmouth, and making plans with Esme to return to Forks for my father's funeral. A funeral I wouldn't actually attend.

I spent the next two weeks wrapping my life up. I went to see the man that Edward had told me about, Mr. Jenks. He created a new identity for me. Angela Elizabeth Webber, daughter Renee and Charles Webber, both deceased. Born on September 14, only one day after my actual birthday. I have dual US and Canadian citizenship as my mother is from Victoria, B.C, and my father is from Duxbury, Massachusetts. I graduated from Yale with my business management degree, which is what I would have had in one more year at Dartmouth and decided to return to my mother's homeland, after their untimely deaths.

By Friday, I had packed the few possessions that I wanted from the apartment. From the looks of things I could have been packing to come home for the funeral. I left a lot of my clothes behind as they certainly wouldn't fit me now. I had done my last shift at the library the day before. I sat on my couch waiting for Edward. As I waited, Esme called, confirming the time for a flight I wouldn't be on. The tears started as soon as she started talking.

"Oh Sweetheart," she said sympathetically. "How did you manage with your finals?"

"I think they went okay," I answered honestly.

"Bella?" Edward asked, as he walked into the apartment.

"Oh, good," Esme said. "I feel better knowing Edward is there with you. He loves you so much, Sweetheart. We all do. Alice and Jasper will pick you up. They have some exciting news that will hopefully brighten your mood for the drive up to Forks. See you tomorrow, Sweetheart."

"I love you both like you were my own parents," I told her for the last time.

"We love you too, Honey," she said, before hanging up.

As soon as I hung up the phone, I turned to look at Edward. He looked almost sympathetic. Then again, maybe it was my imagination.

"So, Charlie," he said.

"Yeah," I said, grabbing a kleenex, off the side table and dabbing my eyes.

"Have you decided?" he asked, cooly.

"I have nobody," I said to him. "And I won't be taking your family."

"Thanks," he said moving across the room away from me.

"What are you going to tell them?" I asked.

"That I went out to pick up dinner and when I came home, you and your suitcase were gone," he said.

I put my wallet, containing the last traces of Isabella Marie Swan, on the table with the apartment key.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"For what?" I asked, fighting back the tears.

"For not being what you deserve," he said.

"I'm sorry, too," I said. "I never intended to ruin your life. I hope you find happiness Edward. You won't hear from me again." I him standing in the apartment and took the two small suitcases I had down to the waiting car. Mr. Jenks was going to drive me to Canada where I could start my new life.

He had managed to empty my trust fund and access all my money from Charlie. I was on my own. Edward would find a nice white envelope waiting for him on the bed.

_**Edward,**_

_**I am sorry that I wasn't enough for you, but you were always it for me. From the moment that I laid eyes on you in Forks, you were it. Nothing else has ever mattered. I know now that I will love you until the day I die. **_

_**Enclosed you will find the check that you gave me. I didn't want your money, knowing that you didn't want me and that I would only hurt you by staying was enough. Also enclosed is the money you left me to take care of myself. As you see I managed fine on my own. **_

_**Finally, since me continuing to wear your ring seemed to disturb you, I left it with you. I hope you find a finger more deserving of it than you felt mine was. I left all pictures of us but one, just a little something to show my son when he asks about his father. I will never tell him your name but I want him to know he was conceived in love and that even though my love for you is eternal, we weren't meant to be.**_

_**All my love always,**_

_**Bella.**_

Everything he had given me since he walked out the door when he found out about my pregnancy was there, as was the promise ring. Taking it off my finger was one of the hardest things I had ever done. I only hoped that it made him happy.

Mr. Jenks drove into the night. I was thankful that crossing over into Canada with our fake ID was no issue. We arrived in Montreal just after midnight.

"I have a question for you," I said to him, after most of the drive was done in silence.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Does Edward know my new identity?" I asked.

"No," he said. "Not yet."

"Can you keep it that way, please?" I asked him.

He looked a little shell shocked.

"Look," I said. "He didn't want me. He didn't want us... My parents are dead and all I had was tied to him. I have nothing but my son now. But, I can't live knowing that he could try to one day contact me again. I need a fresh start. He doesn't want me now and I want to know that if he changes his mind that he can't just try to waltz back into my life."

He looked at me sympathetically and nodded his head in agreement.

"You are a sweet little girl and I don't agree with what that boy is doing to you," he said. "A man should cherish the mother of his child not pay to get her out of his life. Your secret is safe with me."

With that I walked into the small hotel and away from the last trace of Isabella Swan.

I stayed in that hotel for four days. I spent most of my time on my laptop. I searched the web for any mention of me, or Charlie, but especially Edward.

Charlie was buried as planned in Forks two days later, although none of the Cullens nor any of my friends were there. They had all flown to be with Edward in his time of need. There was a small blurb in the newspaper about me, with an old picture and a large reward.

I went to the salon that day and had my hair cut and streaked, and bought some glasses to wear, although they had no prescription. I researched small towns where I might settle down unnoticed and raise my son, finally settling on one, Prince Rupert, B.C..

At five months pregnant, I boarded a plane to Vancouver, and from there another to Prince Rupert.

Once there I kept to myself and researched businesses that I could run with a child and started to make arrangements. By the time my due date came around, I had decided to buy a guest house on a little land outside the city. It was a quaint old house, right on the water that could be renovated to have ten guest rooms, as well as some other neat amenities. The baby and I could live right on premises and when he was old enough to go school, we were close enough to town.

I met a local handyman who was willing to live in the small cabin, work for me and even help run some whale watching tours or even a fishing charter or two. Jake was a great guy and could fix anything, which I was very thankful for. He also got another job, bringing me to the hospital the day my back ache wouldn't go away and my water broke.

"It's okay, Ang," he said as he drove me in. "It won't be long."

"I can't do this. I changed my mind," I told him, absolutely panicked.

"You can do it," he said. "You are the strongest person I know."

We got to the hospital then and Jake pretty much carried me inside.

"I'll be here for you the whole way," he promised as they got me into a room.

"Oh, Hell no," I yelled as a painful contraction hit me. "You are not coming in. There are certain things that are going to be seen that shouldn't be seen by a friend."

"I think that made sense," he said. "I'll wait in the waiting room."

I labored for what felt like forever. Unfortunately for me, the only anesthesiologist in the small hospital was in an operation and I was going to have to go without drugs. That was actually a blessing, I think.

I worked though each contraction by thinking of wonderful memories of Edward and I.

When we first met.

When we first kissed.

When we made love.

Every glorious memory of the two of us, played over and over in my mind, and although he no longer loved me, I knew I would never stop loving him.

"It's time," the doctor said five hours after I arrived at the hospital. "Let's introduce this little guy to the big wide world."

The table was set up and before I knew it I was pushing. I would rather run a five mile race in bare feet on broken glass than push, but my body just kept on going.

"Push," the nurse said almost an hour later. "Just one more, Angela."

I pushed with everything I had left, screaming slightly at the end.

The glorious sound of my son's cry filled the room.

"You did it," the nurse said happily, far to perky for the level of exhaustion I was feeling. "Congratulations, Mama."

The doctor placed my son on my stomach and the nurse encouraged me to try to nurse him immediately. As I pulled my son into my arms for the first time, I couldn't help but admire the shock of bronze hair that graced the top of his perfect little head. I placed him at my breast as both the nurse and doctor looked on. He latched on like a pro and the doctor went about doing everything he needed to do down south and the nurse brought us some warm towels to cover us and keep us warm. The doctor was finished in under five minutes and I was thrilled that I didn't need any stitches. After a few minutes the doctor and a new nurse took him to be cleaned, weighed and measured, while my nurse helped me to the bathroom and into a shower.

By the time I returned, they placed me in a wheelchair and put my son, bundled up like a little sausage in a white blanket with a blue beanie on his head, in my arms for the ride up to the ward room that I would share with three other new moms, until I was able to go home.

"What's his name?" the nurse asked as we moved through the halls.

"Masen Charles Webber," I replied, holding him close to me.

Masen and I were released the next morning and, since I didn't want to disturb Jake, we took a taxi to our small home. I found it kind of ironic that I had lived in Forks, the rainiest place in the United States and was now in Prince Rupert, the city of liquid sunshine, as they are proud to claim.

I pulled up to the small guest house and paid the driver, pulling Masen in his car seat out of the taxi with the small bag that I had brought to the hospital.

"Angela," Jacob admonished as he came out of the cabin. "You should have called. I would have some to get you."

"Sorry, Jake," I said. "I didn't want to be a bother."

"You are never a bother," he said as he helped me into the house.

I was thankful that the first area we had renovated was the area where Masen and I would live, and that it was mostly complete. I had taken the small bedroom for myself and left the larger one for Masen, knowing that he would need room for his toys later on. It also had a small sitting room and little kitchen, although most meals would be cooked in the main kitchen.

We spent the winter renovating all the guest rooms and by the time Masen was six months old, we were open and my first guests had arrived. We had a fairly busy summer and Jake spent most of his time on the water with either whale watching tours or fishing charters. Business was booming.

In the winter Jake and a couple of his friends from a local reserve, Embry and Seth, build a large hall that overlooked the water. It was perfect. Now we were a wedding destination, party headquarters, and even a small conference center.

Business continued to boom and the next winter Seth and Embry were back building ten cabins for guests and another two for staff. Seth and Embry moved in as soon as they were done. I had almost completely left my old life behind and didn't even flinch when I heard someone call 'Bella' when we were in town.

This winter saw the boys building another twelve cabins on the property, which were all booked up all summer already. I had hired Leah, Seth's sister, and Emily, his cousin, to help with cooking and maid services and they moved into one of the cabins together. Life was going great.

In my free time I still found myself surfing the internet, cyber-stalking my old life. When there was no trace of me after six months it was assumed that I had most likely committed suicide. Grief and drugs were considered to be the factors in it. Edward was on the news a few times, as were his parents, begging for my safe return or looking for leads. They all appeared grief stricken. My heart throbbed for them and I couldn't help but admire Edward's acting abilities.

Carlisle and Esme retire a few years later, moving across the country to be near Edward as he went to school. That fall, after the last guests had left for the season, Masen, now three and I made a quick trip to Forks. I needed to come and say goodbye to my father. We arrived in the small town late in the evening and went straight to the cemetery. I found Charlie's grave quickly and Masen and I placed a handful of flowers on his grave. I drove by my father's old house, finding it was all boarded up and then to the Cullen's.

The house was also closed up. Masen fell asleep in his car seat and I decided not to chance staying in the dreary town full of way too many memories and instead headed straight back to Port Townsend, staying the night there. I decided to make the trip fun for Masen, deciding to bring him to Pike Place Market, the aquarium, the space needle and finally the zoo. It was there I caught my first sight of Alice and Jasper's happy surprise.

Jasper was at the zoo with a little guy that was a spitting image of him, only with jet back hair. I didn't stay long after that, taking my mini Edward back to the car and making a beeline for the Canadian border.

I was officially declared just before Masen turned six. There was a small write up in the Forks newspaper.

I continued to follow Alice and Jasper on the web. Their son, that I saw that day at the zoo, was only three months younger than Masen. His name was Charlie. Three years later, probably just shortly before my trip to Seattle, they had a little boy named Cullen. Alice had her own blog called Fashion Forward Mama, and I was able to follow along on the adventures of her little family vicariously.

Rosalie and Emmett appeared in the blog on a semi-regular basis. Their son Em J, was born exactly a year to the day after Masen and their daughter Isabelle, was born two years later. I only ever heard two casual references to Edward over the years.

I got more news about him from Google. He graduated with honors from Dartmouth and went onto to study pediatrics. Pediatrics! What a joke! He didn't even want his own son and yet he was working with children every day. He must truly have hated me. He relocated to Seattle to work Seattle Children's Hospital. I guess he and the gang must have had a falling out as it wasn't even mentioned in Alice's blog.

There was a big party announcing his arrival in Seattle with tons of pictures of Seattle's most eligible new bachelor in the newspaper and I couldn't help but think that his eyes still had the hollow look they had when I last saw him, seven years previously.

This is our opening week this year. Masen had just finished first grade and was excited to be able to go out on the boat more with Jake this year.

Jake, my long suffering friend. He finally got the courage to ask me out when Masen and I returned from our trip to Seattle. I declined, telling him that I still loved Masen's dad, and always would. Still, he looks at me, like he wants more. More than I still know I will never be able to give.

Jake has taken out little bus and gone to pick up the first guests of the year. It is a large group, needing six rooms, all in the main house There are seven adults and four kids in the party. I sit at the front desk as Masen plays lego quietly on the floor beside me and open up Alice's website. During the summer I constantly fall behind so I like to keep up when I can.

I only read the headline before I hear the bus pull up.

_**Vacation Time! Woo hoo!**_

I shut my laptop down and put on my happy face, prepared to greet the guests. Leah runs through from the kitchen with the appetizers that we always have ready while we greet the guests. Today it is smoked salmon canapes and crab cakes, with cheese and crackers for the kids.

"Thanks, Leah," I say with a grin as she scurries back to the kitchen. Leah is certainly not the most social person in the world, but she is a great worker.

The sound of kids laughter fills the air and Masen looks up at me with bright eyes, excited to have guests he can play with. The price of this place usually means that it is a little out of most families' budgets.

"What a lovely place," I hear a female voice say over the sound of bags being unloaded and the children's gleeful sounds. The woman's voice sounds awfully familiar, and a chill runs up my spine. I want to grab Masen and run, but I know it won't work.

"Look at the playground!" a little boy's voice says, probably noting the gigantic structure that Jake had created for Masen for his birthday. "Can I play, Dad?"

"What do you say we get checked in first, Buddy?" the father's booming voice sounds.

"Me too!" says another boy.

"I'm sure you can," the mother replied. That voice I was sure I knew.

My past arrived and I had no choice but to face it.

As the group made it through the front doors, the numbers dawned on me.

Four kids and seven adults.

Emmett and Rose, with their kids. Jasper and Alice with theirs. Esme and Carlisle were definitely here... and the seventh adult...

"Let me get this taken care of," the voice that starred in every one of my dreams said. "So the kids can..."

My eyes met green as I looked into my true love's face for the first time in over seven years. We both stood shocked, just staring at each other.

"Mom," my son interrupted from his spot next to me. "Can I go meet those kids?"

Edward's eyes shifted from me to our son. The resemblance between the two was undeniable.

"Edward," Esme's voice said, as she came to stand next to him. "Aren't you going to regi...."

She paused as her eyes met mine then my son's. Her hand rushed to her mouth and her eyes filled with tears...

The ghosts of my past were alive and well.... and standing right in front of me!

**PLEASE REVIEW!! AND DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!!!**

**CONTEST OPENS APRIL 9 :)**


	2. Edward's Side of the Story

_A/N: Well I didn't make the top twenty of the Black Balloon Contest... but I'm not sad... Actually that's probably because I have no tears left after sobbing my way through the other entries. Seriously I think I went through an entire box of kleenex!!! So read and vote people. There are tons of great stories in there!!! _

_Now I have continued my story. There is EPOV of my original one shot, I thought I would do that all in one chapter but it has taken me nearly 14,000 words to get half way there!!! So I have broken EPOV into two chapters and then there are at least two or three more continuing on from where chapter one ended._

_Now I have so many great supporters and cheerleaders on FF and I thank everyone who reviews any of my stories. Honestly, since I have truly realized how much your feedback means to me, I have been attempting to leave feedback for every story I read... Doesn't always happen as I read a lot on my iPhone and it takes forever to bring up the review window and then half the time won't let me hit enter anyways... but I digress, my writing goes a lot faster and smoother when I have people cheering me on and this chapter would not have been possible (especially this week) without Sunsetwing. In fact... I told her this wasn't going up until Monday but with her reactions to the bits I had sent her in advance... I couldn't wait. And a shout out also to justyours, who has been more than supportive in letting me whine about who much my ear surgeries have sucked in the last little bit. MWAH!! Thank you Girlies!!!_

_Please review and tell me what you think. _

_Thanks,_

_Sara_

_PS - longest A/N I've ever written._

_PPS- My beta, ACEMCKEAN, is back after a long break and has welcomed a new baby!!! Little Kellan gave his Momma a rotten pregnancy but she is back now with her awesome story The Cullen Brothers and her others too, soon I hear. So go share some love with an awesome FF mama who could use some inspiration! You can find her on my fave authors list!!!_

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**EPOV**

Life in Forks was tedious. There were four people that were even remotely worth talking to; Emmett McCarty, Rosalie Hale, Alice Brandon and Jasper Whitlock. Other than that... let's just say that none of us could wait to get out of this town.

Then, the Forks rumor mill started up again. We heard it in school, at the diner, at the grocery store and even walking down the street. The police chief's daughter was moving back to Forks. She is in high school... a junior... flighty mother... coming from Arizona... Bella.

Bits and pieces of information flooded the whole town for two weeks before her arrival. Alice and Rose both hoped that she would be to me what they were to Emmett and Jasper. I snorted. There was no way that I would find my soul mate in Forks Washington.

The day she arrived at the school, the air was sparking with anticipation. The cheerleaders had a uniform ready to present to Miss Arizona, Mike and some of the other football doofuses were planning on having a party to welcome her... of course each planning on giving her a special present. Yuck!

When I pulled into the parking lot I saw the large red truck that I knew Charlie had bought his daughter. Bella Swan was here. I looked around briefly, looking for Bella. I finally caught sight of Emmett and Jasper, and made my way over to see them.

"I saw the new girl," Emmett said. "She's just your type."

"I didn't know I had a type," I said, laughing at him.

"You do," Jasper said, agreeing with Emmett.

"And what is my type?" I asked.

"First, she needs to be pretty," Emmett said.

"And smart," Jasper added.

"Not a sheep," Emmett said, using the term we used to refer to all the followers in the school.

"Kind of shy," Jasper added.

"And genuinely sweet," Emmett said.

"And Miss Swan is all these things?" I asked skeptically.

"Yup," Emmett said with Jasper just nodding at his side.

"And how long did you talk to her?" I asked with a snort.

"Ummm," Emmett said.

"We didn't," Jasper added. "She just looks like she's your type."

"Guys," I said starting to laugh. "I hardly think I'm going to find my soul mate in For...."

My statement was interrupted as I saw her walking out of the tiny office building. She was stunning. I found myself wishing for her to look up from the map in her hands. She did.

I was completely dumbfounded and did the only thing that I could when her eyes met mine. I smiled. She smiled back and my heart was hooked. I couldn't have stopped my feet from moving towards her, even if I had wanted to try, which I certainly didn't. I heard Emmett and Jasper laughing behind me and Emmett even snorted 'whipped'. I didn't care. My heart was pulling me forward and I was going to listen.

"Hello, Bella," I said, thinking how fitting the name was for the beautiful girl in front of me.

"How did you know my name?" she asked me, blushing slightly.

"Everybody knows your name, Miss Swan," I said, reaching my hand out for hers. "I'm Edward Cullen."

I am sure she expected a simple handshake, but that wasn't good enough for her. She deserved to be treated like the angel she was.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Cullen," she said, placing her tiny hand in mine. Nothing had ever felt so right. I wanted to hold on and never let go. I lifted her hand gently toward me and placed a kiss on the back of her hand. My mother had taught me to be a gentleman, and at this exact moment I had never been so thankful.

Her cheeks flushed beautifully and I couldn't help the warm feeling that spread through me. I knew at that moment that Isabella Swan was my forever.

"Are you lost?" I asked her, praying that she was so that I could have an excuse to spend more time with her.

"Just a little," she said, biting her lip. I watched her teeth against her bottom lip and fought off the need to replace them with my own lips.

"What class do you have first?" I asked, trying not to concentrate on her lips.

"Biology with Mr. Banner," she said.

"What a wonderful coincidence, so do I," I said, doing an internal happy dance. "May I escort you to class?"

"Yes, you may," she said smiling at me.

If I had my way, I would never let her go.

"Do you like chicken?" I asked, praying that she would like my corny gesture.

"Um, I guess," she said, looking at me with a little crinkle in her forehead, trying to figure where the seemingly random question had come from.

"Good!" I said, cheekily. "Grab a wing" I held my arm out, elbow bent, hoping that she would loop her tiny hand into the crook of my arm. I had never been so happy in my entire life when she did it.

"Great!" muttered Mike Newton, one of the biggest players at Forks High. "Cullen already has dibs on the new girl."

Dibs??? The guy was going to get his ass handed to him the next time I met him on the field. Only Mike Newton would call dibs on a girl! What a tool!

"A friend of yours?" she asked, looking very uncomfortable.

Oh hell no!! I would not be associated with Mike Newton.

"No," I growled. "That boy is a menace."

"I figured as much," she said. "He looks like he spends more time on his hair than I do."

I had to bite the inside of my cheek so as not to laugh out too loud. Even so a small chuckle escaped. I pulled her close to me and led her to biology. We spoke as we went and I was ecstatic to find that we had all of our classes together, except for P.E., and that class she would have Alice and Rose in.

At lunch, I escorted her to join our group at our regular table. Alice and Rose were grinning from ear to ear and I swear that Alice was almost vibrating she was so excited to get to know Bella. I sat as close to her as I dared and introduced her to the group officially.

"Bella," I said, grabbing her tiny hand again. "I would like to introduce you to the gang."

"Okay," she said, biting that lip again. I wanted to kiss her so bad, but our first kiss would not be in the middle of a crowded cafeteria. She deserved better than that.

"This big goof is Emmett, and to his right is his girlfriend Rosalie," I said pointing them out.

"Pleased to meet you," Bella said, holding her hand out. Emmett was having none of that and before I could warn her, Emmett was out of his chair and pulling her into a giant bear hug.

"Don't mind the big bear," Rosalie said, helping me separate Bella from my hulking friend. "He's a hugger. Nice to meet you."

"You too," Bella said, grabbing onto my hand, making the first move for the first time.

Could she possibly feel for me what I felt for her?

"And this is Jasper," I said motioning toward Jazz. "And the petite one is Alice. Don't let her size fool you, the girl is packed with dynamite."

"Ha ha, Edward," Alice said sticking her tongue out at me. "Hi, Bella. I can tell we're going to be great friends."

"Hi, Alice," she said, accepting the hug that Alice was thrusting upon her. "Hey, Jasper."

"Nice to meet you, Bella," he said smiling in her direction.

Five minutes and all my friends loved her.

We all fell into easy lunchtime conversation, with Bella falling in with the group like she had always been there.

After school, I met her as she came out of the gym, wanting to be near her again.

"So, Bella," I asked as I walked her to the ancient red truck she was driving, praying that I could ask her out to dinner without passing out. "Can I take you to dinner this evening?"

I did it!! Oh God! What if she doesn't...

"I'd like that," she said, ending my internal struggling.

She said yes!!! I wanted to do a happy dance. I wanted to shout from the rooftops!

"Pick you up at 6:00?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said, smiling widely before biting her bottom lip again. She had no clue how sexy that was.

I pressed my lips to the back of her hand as we reached her truck and I found myself wondering when I could ask her to be my girlfriend.

As I watched her drive out of the parking lot, I knew that my entire life was changing and that Bella Swan was the reason why. I drove home at break neck speed and bounced in the front door.

"You had a good day," my mother observed, walking out of the kitchen. "What's her name?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, deciding to play coy. I followed that with a cheesy grin and then I went quickly to her side and placed a sweet kiss on her cheek. She may not be my biological mother, but she knew me better than anyone else.

"You better dish, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen," she said, shaking her finger at me.

"I met the new girl today and I am taking her out to dinner tonight," I said, grinning from ear to ear.

"Chief Swan's daughter?" she asked, smiling widely. "I am so happy for you."

"She's incredible, Mom," I said as I sat down at the kitchen table. "I think I love her already."

"That was how your father was with your mother," she said smiling at me. "They were in love the moment they laid eyes on each other. You remind me so much of them."

"Mom," I said. "Don't tell anyone, okay"

"My lips are sealed, but you know that your father will know something is up the moment he gets in," she said.

"He doesn't count in anyone, Mom," I told her.

"He'll be thrilled to hear he's a nobody," she said, rolling her eyes as she laughed with me.

"You know what I meant. You and Dad have no secrets. I expect you to tell him everything," I told her.

"You are such a good boy," she said, patting my cheek.

"I had good role models," I said, kissing her cheek again before dashing up to my room to do my homework quickly before I had to go get Bella.

Bella... I wondered if it would be too early to ask her to be my girlfriend on our date.

At 5:40, I was running down the stairs on my way to Bella's.

"Edward," my mother called from the kitchen.

"Yeah, Mom," I said dashing into the kitchen.

"You weren't going to leave without kissing your mother were you?" she asked in mock seriousness.

"Never," I responded with a cheeky grin.

"If you smile at the girl like that she doesn't stand a chance," she said. "Grab some flowers from the greenhouse for her."

"Thank you, Mom," I said, planting a big kiss on her cheek.

"And not too late. Her father has a gun," she called after me.

Great thanks, Mom!

I grabbed some pretty flowers from the greenhouse and jumped into the car. I still managed to make it to Bella's house ten minutes early. As I pulled up I decided that I should ask Chief Swan for permission to date his daughter.

I walked up the walk and climbed the stairs. Once I reached her door, I pressed the bell and listened as her father's boots neared the door.

"Hello," he said as he opened the door.

"Good evening, Chief Swan," I said. "I have come to take Bella to dinner, if that's okay with you."

"If it wasn't I don't think my girl would speak to me again," he said, fighting a smile. "Come on in, Boy. What's your name Edmund? Edgar? Edwin?"

"It's Edward, Dad," came my angel's voice as she came down the stairs. "You better be playing nice!"

I stared at her as she moved towards me, but that did not stop me from seeing Charlie Swan making a halo symbol around his head. He loved his daughter with his entire being, that much was obvious.

"What are you two doing this evening?" he asked.

"Going to Port Angeles for some dinner," I answered.

"And do you know what the speed limit is between here and Port Angeles, Edward?" he asked me.

"Yes sir," I answered. "It's a fifty zone most of the way except for on some of the sharper curves where it goes down to thirty."

"Harumph," he grumbled.

"And you will have her home early?" he asked. "It is a school night."

"I will have her home by 10:30 , Sir," I said.

"See that you do. And if you get a speeding ticket with my daughter in your car... You will be one sorry young man," he threatened.

"Yes, Sir," I said.

I gave Bella the flowers after that and Charlie settled into his recliner to watch a game on TV. She put them in water in the kitchen and joined me again in the entry. I helped her into her jacket and opened the door for her.

"Bye, Dad," she called out.

"You got your pepper spray?" he asked.

"DAD!!" she said.

"What?" he asked innocently. "Just asking."

"I love you Old Man," she said as she closed the door.

"I'm not old," he yelled as the door closed, causing her to giggle.

"Sorry about my dad," she said, rolling her eyes. "He forgets to leave the cop at the station. I'm surprised he didn't show you the gun."

"It's okay," I said, holding her hand as we made our way to the car. "You are most definitely worth it."

I opened the door for her, waited until she was in and closed it, before dashing around to the other side of the car and hopping in.

We made a lot of small talk on our way to Port Angeles but I happily drank up any information that she shared with me. When we got to the restaurant, I hopped out and quickly made my way around to her side, opening her door before she had the chance to.

"Thank you," she said as I offered her my hand to help her out.

"You are most welcome," I said to her, keeping a hold of her hand as we made our way into the restaurant.

We talked freely over dinner and I found myself yearning for her touch, even if it was just her hand on mine. As soon as we finished dinner, we decided to go down to the boardwalk for a little ice cream, even though it was pretty chilly out. We ended up sharing a small chocolate cone as we were both pretty full from dinner.

She looked so beautiful, standing beside me as the moonlight played off her hair.

"Bella," I said to her, causing her to look up at me.

"Yes," she said.

"I have never...." I started to say before I stopped.

"What, Edward?" she asked, looking at me with her big brown doe eyes.

"I have never felt like this before. I don't want to ever be away from you," I said to her.

"Me neither," she said. "I swore I wouldn't get attached to anyone here but..."

"I know," I said. "Bella... I..."

"I love you," she said.

"I love you too," I said. "I never believed in love at first sight until I saw you. Bella I never want to be away from you. Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Yes," she said.

The moonlight danced in her beautiful brown eyes and I lowered my head, moving in close, feeling her breath on my skin. I opened my mouth and moved my lips closer to hers. I brushed my bottom lip against her top one, my breath coming in short pants. I pulled her into my arms and she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Please," she said as my lip brushed against hers again.

Who was I to deny this beautiful angel anything?

I lowered my lips to hers, pressing them against hers with all the passion I felt. It was pure magic. My lips moved with hers in perfect synchronization until we both had to pull away.

"Bella," I said, using my hand to raise her chin to me. "That was incredible."

"I've never..." she said, blushing like crazy.

"What?" I asked her, looking into her beautiful eyes.

"I've never kissed anyone before," she said, biting her lip.

I used my thumb to gently pull her lip from between her teeth.

"Me neither," I admitted.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yup. Believe me there has been nobody worth kissing until now," I said nuzzling her neck.

"Oh," she said.

"I guess I better be getting you home," I said. "I would totally keep you here all night but you did remind me that your father owns a gun and since he is the chief of police, I'm sure he knows how to use it."

"Yeah," she said. "I guess..."

We walked hand in hand back to my car.

The drive back to Forks was spent talking and touching... only our hands! As we passed the welcome to Forks sign, I decided to ask her another question.

"Are you particularly attached to your truck or would it be okay if I drove you to and from school?" I asked, trying to be nonchalant.

"I'd like it if you wanted to pick me up... But you don't have to," she said.

"I would like to pick you up then," I said, smiling from ear to ear.

When we arrived in front of her house, I rushed around to her side of the car, opening the door and offering her my hand to help her out.

"If you are driving me to school every day, I am going to have to open my own door sometime," she said, grinning up at me.

"Not if I can help it. You are my princess and I will treat you as such," I said.

"I think I'll like having my very own Prince Charming," she said.

I walked her to her door, and placed a chaste kiss on her lips.

"Can we study together tomorrow after school?" I asked her.

"Yes," she said, grinning at me again. "Your place or mine?"

"Well," I said. "I was thinking my house, but my mother will be home. So if you're comfortable with that... I'll leave the location up to you."

"Hmmm," she said, pondering it for a moment. "I think I'd like to meet your mother. I have to thank her for raising such a gentleman."

Now it was my turn to blush. Why was it that I was suddenly afraid of Bella meeting my mother? Perhaps I had a premonition of all the embarrassing baby pictures that were about to be shown....

Bella fit into my life seamlessly. She never prevented me from studying, often just pulling up a chair next to me studying as well.

"Two peas in a pod," our parents all said.

"Soul mates," her mother said the one time I talked to her on the phone.

"Inseparable," our friends said.

And they were all right. Bella and I fit together perfectly. She was everything I could ever want and I made sure to show her that daily. I refused to treat her the way that Mike Newton or any of his sheep treated their girls. No make out sessions in hallways, with hands groping for everyone to see. No sneaking away to janitor's closets for quickies or making out under the bleachers. My girl deserved to be treated better than a common whore.

In public, I held her close, kissed her hand, or placed chaste kisses on her perfect pouty lips, but never anything more. In private, keeping my hands to myself became increasingly difficult.

We managed to wait three months before we made love, we could have done it sooner, but my girl deserved more than the backseat of my car, or a hurried fuck before one of our parents got home. She deserved the world and I would do my best to provide.

The opportunity arrived one weekend and neither of us were prepared to turn it down. Charlie was out of town at a police conference and had asked the Brandons if Bella could stay with them. Both of them worked more than full time at their business in Port Angeles but were happy to welcome Bella into their home for a few days. My dad had been in Chicago all week, wrapping up some business and my mom decided to join him for a couple of days.

All the planets had aligned.

Alice, of course, was way more than helpful in the situation, planning a sleepover for both her and Bella at Rosalie's house. The Hales were rarely ever home and Bella would not be missed even if they were. I guess it should have freaked me out that my best friends' girlfriends were helping plan my sex life, but with Alice and Rose you got used to that sort of thing. In fact, within a week of our first date, they hauled Bella on a girl's day out and she came back on birth control. Something Rose and Alice were thrilled to tell me... and Bella... not quite so much.

As soon as school was done on Friday, I picked Bella up from the Hales' house. I would have taken her straight from school but Alice was insistent that she have at least thirty minutes girl time before I whisked her away.

So, exactly thirty minutes after school, I was at the Hales' front door. Alice handed me Bella's overnight bag and then slammed the door in my face, insisting they needed two more minutes. This would have offended me if it was anyone else, but since it was Alice, I took it all in stride.

I had booked a small chalet for the two nights that I would have Bella to myself. It was extremely secluded with a great view of the mountains and a small lake. There was a fireplace in every room. I stocked the kitchen with easy to prepare foods so we wouldn't have to go far and cooking wouldn't be an issue... seeing as I couldn't cook to save my life.

I have to say I hoped that it would be when we went all the way, but if not, just the chance to have her all to myself for a whole weekend was enough.

Once Alice opened the door again, I was thrilled to see Bella standing right behind her smiling sweetly but with a hint of a blush on her cheeks.

I loved that blush.

I took her hand and guided her to the car, opening her door and kissing her sweetly before assisting her into her seat. I know that she didn't need the help, but I enjoyed doing it. She was wearing a denim mini skirt and a tight fitting sweater with some long boots. It was pretty, but far too Alice and Rosalie inspired. I liked her natural style better.

The ride to the cabin was fun and I took every opportunity to make Bella giggle. That sound was the best sound on earth. Once we got there, she seemed shy and I decided to put her right at ease.

"You know we don't have to do anything," I told her as I held her in my arms. "I'm just happy for the chance to hold you close."

"But I want to," she said softly. "I just...."

"Please tell me," I said to her.

"Alice and Rose tried to tell me what to expect but I begged them not to. There is no way that I wanted to hear anything about Em or Jazz!" she said.

I laughed a little. "I wouldn't want to hear it either. Jasper and Emmett don't talk... With everything we hear in the locker room... None of us want to ever make you girls uncomfortable," he said.

"So you won't be telling Jasper and Emmett?" she asked biting her lip.

"I'm sure they'll figure it out. They always seem to know stuff," I said, knowing that Emmett would certainly comment about me turning in my V card.

"Alice and Rose too," she giggled. I pulled her into my arms and held her close.

"I love holding you,"I told her. "It's like you were made to fit in my arms."

"I like it too," she said.

"What do you want to do?" I asked after a while.

"Honestly?" she asked, looking up at me.

"Always," I said kissing the tip of her nose.

"I want to take off these boots, ditch the skirt and put on the comfy clothes I managed to sneak in my overnight bag," she said then bit her lip as though she might have said something wrong.

"Bella," I told her. "The skirt is pretty but I liked the way you dressed before. You wear whatever makes you happy."

"Thank you," she said, planting a soft kiss on my cheek, before grabbing her bag and running down the hall to the bathroom.

I puttered around the living room, trying to ignore the fact that Bella was getting naked just a few feet away. I was doing pretty well until I heard her.

"Alice!" she groaned.

"Bella?" I asked as I came down the hall to the bathroom door. "Everything okay?"

She poked her head out from behind the bathroom door. "The only thing in my bag is.... unmentionables," she said with tears in her eyes. "I know that we wanted to, you know, this weekend but I don't plan on prancing around in.... urggg!"

"Hold on, just a second. I think I can fix this," I said, dashing back to my suitcase. I threw it open and grabbed a T-shirt from inside, then I grabbed one of the pairs of sleep pants I brought with me. I planned for all eventualities.

"Here," I said as I dashed back to the door. "I know they'll be big on you, but they're probably better than what Alice packed for you."

"Thank you," she said as she grabbed the clothes.

She was in the bathroom for a while and I almost went back in search of her when I heard the door open up. She came padding down the hall in my shirt... and only my shirt!!!

"I couldn't make the pants fit," she said, handing the folded up pair of pants back to me.

I nodded my head stupidly as I took the pants from her.

"Sorry I didn't get all sexied up for you," she said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well I had all that stuff Alice sent and I'm not wearing any of it," she said. "Maybe I should..."

She started to move away from me towards the bathroom again.

"No," I said, putting my arms around her. "You don't need any of that Bella. You look so incredibly sexy right now. I just.... Wow. You need to wear my shirts more often."

I wasn't lying. Looking at her long creamy legs peeking out from under my shirt was as attractive as all hell. The girl could make a paper bag look sexy with her innocent doe eyes, her long creamy legs, her tiny waist and ample curves.

"You don't mind that I'm not wearing all that stuff?" she asked, looking up at me.

"Bella, do you know what makes you sexy?" I asked.

"No," she said, biting her lip again.

I moved my thumb to caress her lip, removing it from between her teeth.

"The way you move is sexy," I told her. "The way you smile when you see me. The way you bite your lip. The way you giggle when you are happy. The way you dress on everyday occasions so that I don't have to worry about ruining your cashmere sweater or expensive shoes when I decide to go to the meadow in the spur of the moment. The way you look at me is sexy... and right now... you in my shirt... is sexy as all hell!"

"Thank you," she said turning in my arms and pressing her lips to mine.

The kiss started out sweet and innocent, but it didn't stay that way for long. Soon I found my hands caressing her soft body through my shirt and her hands were tangled in my hair.

"Please," she gasped as we broke for air. "Make love to me."

That was all I needed. My hands, which had remained on her waist until that point made their way down until they were cupping her bottom. I lifted her up and groaned as she wrapped her legs around my waist. I shifted my hands slightly and the shirt fell away from beneath me and I was caressing the bare skin of her upper thighs and something that felt a lot like lace.

"Bedroom?" I asked.

"Please," she gasped as her lips again found mine. Caring your girl down the hall as you kiss her passionately looks a lot easier on TV then it truly is, and I finally had to pull my lips away from hers in order to ensure that we made it safely to the bed. Once we were there I sat her down on the edge and leaned over her, kissing her again.

When we broke for air again, I pulled my t-shirt over my head leaving me topless, before returning my lips to Bella's. My hands moved to her back, under my shirt, which had risen up, exposing her skin to my roving hands.

"Please," she said again as my hands rose and brushed the underside of her bra covered breasts.

"Want do you want, Love?" I asked her.

"Take it off," she said, writhing beneath me, her legs still firmly wrapped around my waist.

I pulled her up so she was sitting and gently pulled my shirt off her body. God she was so beautiful! I found myself staring at the newly exposed skin beneath me.

"So beautiful," I said, looking at her like a starving man at an all you can eat feast.

My hands quickly returned to her creamy skin as she ran hers over mine. Our lips met again and she finally released my lower half with her legs as she struggled to move closer to me.

"Lose the pants," she mumbled against the skin of my neck as her lips kissed the tender skin there.

I slipped my hands between us and moved to unbutton my jeans. The moistness of her center teased the back of my hand and I groaned.

"I love you," I told her as I eased my jeans down. "I love you so much."

"Edward," she gasped as her panty clad center came in contact with my hardness, which was now only covered in the thin fabric of my boxers.

I rolled to my back, pulling her on top of me and continued to kiss her as my hands explored the soft skin of her back. After a few minutes she got frustrated with her bra getting in the way of my hands and told me to take it off. I fumbled with the clasp for a minute before she reached her hands behind her and unclasped it for me.

I pulled the offending fabric away from her back and allowed my hands to explore her spine completely unencumbered. She pulled away from my lips after a few moments and sat up, straddling my waist. Her arms were holding her bra in place and I stared at her chest as it heaved, as she tried to catch her breath.

She smiled down at me and raised her hands to the straps of her bra, pushing them gently off her shoulders as her crossed arms kept the cups pressed to the area that I so desperately wanted to see. Keeping the cups in place she completely removed the straps from her arms as she looked down at me, smiling softly.

"I love you, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen," she said as she removed her arms, letting her bra fall from her breasts.

"So pretty," was all I managed to mumble as my hand moved to cup one of the perfect mounds of flesh. Her pretty pink nipples were rock hard as my fingers made contact with the puckered flesh.

"Oh," she gasped, throwing her head back and pressing her chest towards my hands. Spurred on by her obvious pleasure, I moved the other hand to cup her other breast and soon my hands were discovering every inch of them. I couldn't wait anymore and I thrust my hips up and to the side, sending her toppling to the side. Before she could land on the bed, I caught her and laid her down on her back gently.

"So pretty," I said again as I lowered my head to her breast for the first time, taking the taut pink flesh of her nipple into my mouth.

"Edward," she cried out as my mouth closed around the sensitive little peak.

Her writhing and moaning were driving me into a frenzy and I knew that when I finally entered her I would not last long, hell at this point I wasn't even certain that I would enter her moist haven before I released and I knew that I had to make sure that my angel, my princess, had cum before that happened. I would never forgive myself if this was not just as enjoyable for her as it was for me.

I lowered my hands to the side of her panties as my lips kissed every bit of flesh on her chest. Each time they reached a nipple, I allowed my teeth to gently graze it, causing her to gasp every time. As I hooked my fingers into the tiny bikini panties, she raised her hips off the bed, helping me to lower them.

"Are you sure, Bella?" I asked her, as I lowered the panties past her knees. "We can stop if you want to."

"If you stop, I will be seriously upset," she said, writhing her hips and pressing her center towards me.

"Then never, I will never stop until you make me," I vowed.

"I'll never make you," she said in return, wriggling so she could hook her fingers into the waistband of my boxers and tug them down. I helped her a little as she was at a serious disadvantage being trapped under me as she was.

And we were naked. In a bed. Together.

I moved my fingers down to the soft brown curls that protected her center and she gasped as they made contact with the soft moist flesh beneath. I was a smart guy, I had read books and looked at things in the internet and I knew what I should do to help her reach her peak. My fingers moved against her flesh and simply by her reactions alone, I found a location and a rhythm that worked for her.

I watched as first her cheeks flushed, and then it moved down her neck to her chest, covering her glorious mounds in the soft pink that usually graced her cheeks. My fingers slid down, finding her wet opening and gently pressed in.

"Edward," she all but screamed as her hips raised off the bed. Her hands clenched the covers beside her as she writhed beneath me. "I want to feel you."

"Soon," I said. "I want you to cum first."

"On you," she said. "I want you in me when I do. Please?"

"It will hurt you Sweetheart," I said, not wanting to hurt her in any way, especially before I brought her pleasure.

"Please, Edward," she begged. "I want to feel you in me. Please."

I was so torn. I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want to cum before she did, but I couldn't guarantee holding off for her. But she was pleading with me.

"I'm love you so much," I said as I moved between her legs.

"I love you too," she said. "Please, I need to feel you."

I looked down at her as I lined myself up at her entrance. I had never seen anything more beautiful. My Bella, completely naked beneath me, her hair splayed over the pillow with a gorgeous pink blush covering her skin and a smile just for me.

"I love you, so much," I told her as I began to press my hardness into her soft core.

"I love you," she said, arching her hips toward me.

With that I pressed in hard, all the way, feeling her innocence tear away. The glorious feeling of her warmth surrounding me was tempered by the fact that I knew she was hurting. When I saw the single tear drip down her cheek, I began to pull away.

"No," she cried out, bringing her legs around my hips.

"I love you so much," I said, tears coming to my own eyes.

"As I love you," she said, moving her hands to my cheek and trying to coax my lips to hers.

I did as she silently requested and lowered my lips to hers. The delicious friction that caused where we were connected, caused us both to moan.

"More," she said as she writhed against me. "Please."

"Are you sure?" I asked her.

"Yes," she said.

"You're okay?" I asked again.

"I'm more than okay," she said. "Please make me yours."

I began moving within her honestly at that point. I guess I shouldn't have been concerned about an early release, my body's reaction was tied to hers completely, and my pleasure didn't start to build until I knew hers was. Moving with her, working to the glorious peak for both of us was intense and I knew that our relationship would be even more intense now. I didn't see how I could possibly let her go. She was mine. And as she reached her plateau, screaming out my name, I reached mine, filling her with my essence, claiming her as mine.

"I love you," I said, panting as I fell to my side, pulling her with me so I could remain sheathed in her warmth.

"I love you too," she panted. "Thank you."

"Thank you?" I asked.

"Yes," she said biting her lip.

"How should I respond to that?" I asked, tapping my finger on the tip of her nose.

She giggled and I moved my thumb to coax that lip from between her teeth.

"Happy to be of service Ma'am?" I deadpanned in my best cowboy accent.

Her giggle was louder now and the joy that spread through to her eyes was evident. If I could make her feel like that always I would. I would do anything in my power to make sure she never had a reason to cry over me.

The rest of our weekend was perfect. We cuddled and talked, made love three more times, and generally just enjoyed each other's presence. I never got to see what Alice had packed in the bag as Bella was either naked all weekend, or just wearing one of my shirts. Though I had packed plenty of clean ones, she always insisted on the ones that I had just removed, not that I was complaining. I loved seeing her in my clothes as much as she enjoyed being in them.

Coming back to reality was not easy. I dropped Bella off at her house, knowing that Charlie would be home within the hour and Alice's car pulled up directly behind us. I watched as Alice, Rose, Jasper and Emmett all exited the car.

I hopped out and offered my hand to Bella.

"Yay!" Alice squealed, bouncing to our side. "You guys really did it."

Bella blushed and buried her face in my shoulder.

"Congrats on cashing in your V cards," Emmett said, followed by a smack from Rose.

"Emmett!!" Bella said, pulling her head from my shoulder and looking suddenly fierce, actually causing the smile to fade from Emmett's face.

"Emmett, if I ever hear you say anything like that again I will have a certain part of your body physically removed, or rendered inoperable... I'm sure my dad's taser would be sufficient for my needs," she said, causing Emmett to grip the boys. "And Alice... if you ever try to fill my suitcase with so much lace and sheer fabric again, removing anything remotely wearable, I will cut up your credit cards!"

Yes, Bella," they both said.

"Now what are you doing here?" she asked.

"We brought your suitcase back," Alice said, removing it from the trunk.

"Thanks, Alice," Bella said hugging our little pixie friend.

I guess we weren't as discreet as we thought. I dropped Bella off and made my way home. We both had homework to do and didn't want to alert the parental units about our weekend's activities so we decided that studying in our own homes was necessary.

"Hey, Mom," I said as she came into my room, returning from Chicago.

"Hi," she said, sitting on my desk. "Good weekend?"

"Yeah," I said feigning nonchalance.

My dad came in at that moment and Mom gave him the eye, walking out and shutting the door.

"Uh oh," I said. "I saw the eye. What's up?"

"Please tell me you were safe," he said.

"Am I wearing a sign? Do I have some mark on me that says I had sex?" I asked.

"Not really," he said. "Just the smile... plus we kind of figured you guys would take advantage of this weekend. Please tell me you stayed out of our room."

"Dad," I said. "That's just gross."

"Good!" he said. "Your mom will be so relieved."

With that he left the room and I was left to ponder the fact that my parents knew that when they went out of town, they knew I was likely going to have sex. That was just so wrong on so many levels!

I talked to Bella alter that night and she got pretty much the same reaction from Charlie, who thankfully decided that she didn't need the sex talk after he assured him that she was on the pill and did not have the desire to make him a grandpa before she graduated from college.

The image of Bella pregnant flashed through my mind and caused me to smile. One day, not for many years at least though, I would see her belly swollen with my child. I smiled, and filed it away in my memory.

Life continued on in it's idyllic manner. Charlie's only reaction to me about the weekend happened later that week as I joined them for dinner. After dinner, he pulled out all his guns... all seven of them and began to clean them at the kitchen table. Bella seemed to think nothing of it, so it was obviously something not out of the norm for him. All the same I was nervous when she went upstairs to get her backpack, leaving me sitting with him.

"I will only say this once, Edward," he said. "Hurt my little girl and one of my guns will have an accident... and I never have accidents."

I swallowed hard but didn't have a chance to reply as Bella chose that moment to reappear. We sat and did our homework together and I kissed her goodnight before I went home. Charlie never threatened me again, and seemed to welcome me into his family with open arms. Bella and I often laughed that we could switch families and the parents wouldn't even care. I think she was wrong... my mother would have been ecstatic!

Our idyllic teenage life came to an abrupt halt about six months later. Bella's mother was killed in a car accident in Florida, so Charlie, Bella and I hopped on a flight and I spent the next week in Florida, comforting my very distraught girlfriend. Charlie was more than understanding of her need for me and booked only two hotel rooms. I was certain he was going to make either her or me share with him... but I was wrong.

"There's your key, kids," he said.

"Dad?" Bella asked.

"I snore," was his only response as he walked away.

I held her in my arms every night during that trip. Sometimes we made love, but mostly we just cuddled and it was perfect. Phil and Renee Dwyer had left Bella a large sum of money that she could access after her twenty-first birthday. I hoped that would at least help me convince her to apply to Dartmouth with me.

For as long as I could remember I had only wanted one thing, to attend Dartmouth Medical School. I wanted to become a doctor like both my biological father and my adopted one. Now I wanted two things, Bella and to attend Dartmouth... and if I had to choose I would pick Bella any day. She was my heart, my future... and if I had to attend school elsewhere... then I would.

I started out easy... bringing it up and daydreaming about our time there. Then I moved on to begging. I really wanted her to at least try. I knew Charlie would never be able to pay for it, but she had her trust fund that she could access to help with it.

When I approached my parents with the dilemma, they simply said that they knew Bella and I were meant to be together and that they would pay for her tuition, with Charlie's permission.

I was on cloud nine when she finally decided to apply. I knew that she would be accepted. She was brilliant and had goals set for herself. I bought her a little sapphire ring that I planned to give her when she was accepted.

Charlie's and my relationship was great, especially he knew that I was the guy banging his little girl. At least he could see that I treated her right and that I had planned forever with her. When she got her acceptance letter there was no prouder man than Charlie Swan, well except for me possibly. Then the reality set in and he started to worry.

As soon as my parents heard that she was accepted they called Charlie and invited him to dinner. I don't know what was said at that dinner, as Bella and I were kicked out of the house, but when I brought her back home later that night, Charlie was waiting for us.

"So Bella," he said looking at her sternly.

"What?" she asked, wondering what was going on.

"You ready to go to Dartmouth?" he asked, one side of his mouth giving way to a smile.

"What?" she asked, stunned. She really didn't believe that she would actually be going.

"Between your scholarships and everything... You are going to Dartmouth," he said.

"Dad!" she said, launching herself into her father's arms.

"You do good, okay," he said, tears glistening in his eyes. "I'm going to bed."

"What happened?" she said turning to face me. "How is this possible?"

"Maybe they figured out something. I'll ask what happened," I told her.

She nodded her head.

"We're going to Dartmouth together," she said grinning at me.

"And we need to celebrate!" I said. "I'm taking you out tomorrow."

"We just went out tonight," she giggled.

"Are you declining Miss Swan?" I asked in mock horror.

"No," she said giggling,. "Just letting you know that it isn't necessary."

"I want to," I said, smiling at her big brown eyes that were more alight then they had been since her mother's passing.

"And what would I need to wear for this date?" she asked. "Fancy or regular?"

"Fancy!" I said.

"A skirt then?" she asked.

"Yes please," I said, raising my eyebrows at her.

"You are so silly," she said, giggling and letting me pull her tight against my chest.

"Yup!" I agreed. "But you love me anyways."

"I do," she said looking up at me again.

"Good," I said. "Because I love you too. With all that I am and all that I will be. You are my everything Isabella Marie Swan."

The next night I took her to Port Angeles and returned to the place where we shared our first kiss. That is where I presented her with the ring.

"It's not an engagement ring," I said as I pulled it out of my pocket. "It's a promise ring. I promise that I will be with you every day, and that one day I will place a diamond on that finger and officially claim you as mine."

"You don't need a ring or a piece of paper," she said kissing me and allowing me to slide the ring onto her finger. "I am yours."

I kissed her passionately and held her close for a little while longer before we made our way back to the car and drove home. Our ride home was filled with planning. We wanted to live off campus, but close enough that we could walk to school. She wanted to cook, but I had to do dishes and she would do the laundry if I would vacuum at least once a week. It was all decided by the time I got home.

I think the only thing that ever bothered me about the whole thing is that both sets of our parents remained tight lipped about the financial arrangements that allowed Bella to attend.

My mother set to work right away trying to find us an apartment. I knew she would end up buying something as she would want to renovate it and make sure that it was perfect. She kept referring to it as our first home. I liked that.

Graduation came quickly and the only sadness that we had was leaving our loved ones behind. The rest of the gang was all going to UW, and of course our parents were all staying in Forks. It was a rough week as we both packed our rooms. The furniture was all staying behind, but books, mementos, and clothes were all being loaded into the back of a moving truck, that also contained my Volvo. Bella's truck, that she may have driven ten times since she got it, was remaining in Forks since we would have no need for two cars.

Once we were fully loaded and had said all of our goodbyes, the excitement set it.

"Do you know that I get to spend every night with you in my arms from now on?" I asked her, grinning ear to ear.

"I was thinking the same thing," she said. "It's just you and me now."

"I love you," I said.

"As I love you," she replied.

We played silly games, sang along with one of our iPods and talked about what to expect. Once we arrived I carried all the boxes inside, much to her many protests, but I let her put away all of our clothes and kitchen stuff in exchange. It worked wonderfully.

That night we curled into our bed together and made love until the early hours of the morning.

Living with Bella was pure heaven. We had a perfect routine and worked well together. I never tired of being with her and when I wasn't in class I was with her. We studied together most of the time, though we weren't in any classes together. Just having her beside me was great. During our second semester we decided to stay at school for summer semester, anxious to get ahead in our studies. Both of our parents were a little upset but we promised to make it home for at least a weekend during the summer, and spend Spring Break with them.

We really enjoyed our Spring Break at home and even got to spend some time with Jasper and Alice. Rose and Emmett had taken off on vacation and I was less than surprised to find out that they had headed to Vegas and actually gotten married. Jasper and Alice had been engaged since Christmas and were planning to marry the following Christmas so that Bella and I would be able to be there.

As soon as our parents caught wind of the wedding and the engagement, the questions were on. When were Bella and I going to make it official? The question plagued me too. Finally as summer semester started I decided. Since Bella and I realized that we couldn't make it back to Forks on the same weekend, I would take my weekend as a chance to ask Charlie for her hand in marriage. I was going to do this the right way.

I missed her like crazy when she in Forks, and by the texts she sent, she missed me too. She managed to see both of our parents as well as Rose and Em and Alice and Jasper, and when she returned she had a care package assembled from them all.

When it was by turn to go, a sense of foreboding settled over me. Maybe I was just anxious about being away from her, maybe it was the fact that I wouldn't get to see our friends as they were in Mexico, and even my parents were away until early Saturday morning, so I would be alone for a while.

The flight was easy and I rented a car from Seattle and drove the rest of the way home. When I got there it was late, but I still called Bella to let her know I was safe. Even though it was two in the morning, she had waited for my call.

"I love you," I told her as we were ending the call.

"You are my life," she responded.

"Sleep tight, Sweetheart," I told her. "Have a good day tomorrow."

"I miss you," she said. "I don't know if I can sleep without you."

"Just snuggle onto my side and sniff my pillow," I said laughing a bit. "That's what I had to do."

"Mmmkay," she responded sleepily.

We said more I love yous and a final goodnight before we ended the call. I found myself wide awake and wandering the house. I didn't want to watch late night TV, nor was I ready to sleep, so I made my way to my father's study to read some of his medical journals. That always relaxed me.

I made my way up to Carlisle's office and turned on the lamps in his study, before making my way across the room to turn on the gas fireplace. Once I had the room just how I liked it I began to scour his library. He had everything in here, recent medical texts as well as things from the turn of the century, when medicine wasn't a science, more of a trial and error.

I decided to try a series of texts from 1919. Maybe it was the fact that they said Chicago on it that caught me. Honestly, I'll never know. I scanned through the first one briefly before moving onto the next, a study on the Spanish Influenza that had rocked the area at that time. When I moved to take the book down, some old magazine articles fell to the floor.

I looked down at the yellowed clippings and blanched as I saw the heading.

**LOCAL DOCTOR DEAD IN AN APPARENT MURDER SUICIDE**

There was no date, but I picked it up to look at the article.

**The bodies of Dr. Edward Masen and his wife, Elizabeth were found in their home early this morning. No cause of death has been released but a source within the Chicago PD has said it was an apparent murder suicide. Dr. Masen was a surgeon at Chicago General and Mrs. Masen was a homemaker, caring for their child, 7 month old, Edward Jr. The whereabouts of the baby are unknown at this time.**

Murder suicide? My parents died in a murder suicide? Carlisle and Esme spoke of my parents often. Carlisle had gone to medical school with my father at Dartmouth and Esme had been friends with my mother since childhood. They told me they had died in an accident. Why wouldn't they tell me the truth?

I quickly opened up the next article. A picture of my mother and father accompanied this one.

**Dr. Edward Masen and his wife Elizabeth Masen (nee Simpson) are confirmed dead in a murder suicide that has shocked the affluent neighborhood.**

"**This kind of thing never happens here," said Jenny Smith, a neighbor of the Masens. "The only crime we have ever dealt with is a rash of break ins."**

**When asked what she thought of the Masens she was quick to reply. "They were both real nice and doted on their baby. I don't understand what could have happened."**

**Their son, Edward Jr., was with friends at the time of the incident, where he remains at this time. Funeral arrangements are being made by Jensen's Funeral Home.**

The next article had a picture of a very young Esme and Carlisle, cradling a baby, obviously me, as they stood at the side of two caskets. Why newspapers printed such intimate pictures was beyond me.

**Dr. Edward Masen and his wife Elizabeth Simpson Masen were laid to rest today at Oak Woods Cemetery. Dr Carlisle Cullen, and his wife Esme, friends of the Masens, were in attendance with Edward Masen Jr, the son of the deceased. Elizabeth and Edward died on Friday in an apparent murder suicide, although no reason has been found. **

**The Masens...**

I couldn't read anymore. My father had murdered my mother. One of the people that I grew up wanting to emulate was a murderer.

I had spent years hearing how like my father I was.

"You look just like him, only you have your mother's eyes," Esme was fond of saying.

"Your mother and father fell in love just as quickly as you and Bella. He treated her like a princess too. They would be so proud of the young man you've become," Carlisle had said, just before we left for Dartmouth.

Was I truly like my father?

If I was, would I be capable of killing Bella? Was it fated that I would do this to the most important person to me?

I sat in horror staring at the papers in front of me. Some of the articles had crime scene photos from inside my house. The worst was the blood stained bed...

I stared at the pictures and read all the articles over and over. I was the son of a murderer.

When I realized that the pictures in front of me would yield no more, I powered up Carlisle's laptop and googled my parents. There wasn't a lot there that I hadn't seen in the pictures but it seemed like the word murderer was highlighted over and over.

When I heard my father's car pull into the drive, I grabbed the faded clippings and met them at the door.

"Edward," My mother said, pulling me into a hug as she walked in the door. I stayed stone still, not reciprocating the hug in any way. She might as well have been hugging a statue.

"Edward?" she asked looking me.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

"Tell you what?" she asked.

"That my father is a murderer?" I asked.

"Edward!" she gasped. "No!"

"Son," Carlisle said, having heard the question. "You have the wrong idea."

"So my father didn't shoot my mother?" I asked.

"It was an accident," Esme said, tears streaming down her face. "He didn't mean to. He loved her."

"An accident! Yeah right," I seethed. "Oops my gun just went off and happened to hit you right in the chest."

"Edward," Carlisle said. "It's the truth."

"You lied to me. Both of you," I seethed.

"No," Esme said, tears streaking down her cheeks.

"All of it was a lie," I said, dropping the articles to the ground.

"No," Esme cried. "It's the truth. He never wanted to kill her. It was an accident. When he saw that she was dead, he couldn't deal with it and he killed himself..."

"You know what?" I said. "I don't want to hear it. I spent all my life hearing stories about how wonderful he was then I find out that he killed my mother and himself. I don't want to hear anymore."

I walked out of the room, stopping at the base of the stairs.

"I never want to hear their names again!" I said as I walked up the stairs.

Carlisle had pulled Esme into his arms as she cried. I couldn't believe that they could try to pass a gunshot wound to the chest off as an accident. My father was a murderer and I was going to have to learn to live with that.

The rest of my weekend at home passed quickly. Carlisle tried to bring up my parents once and I told him that I wouldn't hear of it. I didn't need to know anymore.

He let it drop after that. I had wanted to see Charlie on my trip to ask for Isabella's hand in marriage but I couldn't now. She deserved better that a murderer's son. So I headed back to Dartmouth, wanting the comfort of my love's arms, yet knowing I had to push her away... to keep her safe.

In the end, I wasn't strong enough. As soon as I saw her, I wrapped her in my arms and pulled her to me. I wasn't strong enough.

Bella sensed that there was something up, but she didn't push. She never did, and soon enough I was back to my old self, or at least close enough. The ring that I had bought to propose to Bella, was locked in a bank safety deposit box and the dream of placing it on her finger was replaced with one of me one day being strong enough to let her go. To ensure her safety.

Days, weeks and months passed. So did countless classes and a few trips home. As our relationship neared the three year point, both my parents and her father started dropping hints, and then finally straight out asking when we planned to get married. I tried my best to brush it off but it wasn't always easy.

One Sunday night, I was completely stressed. I wanted nothing more than to propose. Alice and Jasper's wedding was approaching and I knew that Bella would have loved to be planning our wedding but I couldn't get past the images of the bloody bed where my father had killed my mother. How could I be the husband she deserved if I was the son of a murderer? It was in my DNA... I couldn't risk it.

"Hi, Honey," my mom said, starting off our regular weekly phone call.

"Hey, Ma," I said, stressed to the max already.

"How are things?" she asked.

"Fine," I replied.

"How is Bella?" she asked.

"She's good," I said, not really wanting to play nice.

"You got a ring for her yet?" she asked playfully.

"You know what," I snapped. "I'll do things on my terms and when and if I decide to propose to Bella I will ask her and not a moment sooner."

Bella was sitting right next to me at the time and I heard her quick intake of breath at my words, at the same time my mom was sobbing on the phone, not understanding why I had snapped at her. I tried to comfort her as I watched Bella trying to compose herself. When the tears started to appear in the corner of her eyes I almost hung up on my mother and begged her forgiveness, but I couldn't.

She lasted almost a minute before excusing herself to go to our room. I wasn't an idiot, I heard her sob as she went off.

"Mom," I said, trying to end the call. "I love her with all that I am and when the time is right things will happen, no sooner. Now I have to go and comfort my girlfriend. I'll talk to you next week."

"Oh, Honey," she sniffled. "I'm sorry for pressuring you two. I know you love her. I'm just anxious I guess. I'll talk to you next week. I love you Edward."

I made my way down the hall to our bedroom. Her sniffling coming through the door almost broke me. How could I hurt her like this? I wasn't my father and I would never hurt her.

"Bella," I said as I sat on the bed next to her. "I didn't mean it, Love. I love you with all that I am!"

She didn't respond, simply buried her face further into the pillow and sniffled.

I rubbed my hand across her back.

"I love you. I just don't like them pushing... I don't want to marry you because Rose and Em did it, or because Alice and Jasper are getting married. I want to do it when it's right for us. I love you. I can't have a future without you," I vowed.

"Really?" she said looking up at me for the first time since running from the room.

"Really, really," I confirmed.

"You are my life, Bella Swan," I vowed. "Without you the world means nothing."

Everything I said to her was the truth. My life meant nothing without her. As much as I wanted her away from me, I couldn't do it. I would be the man she deserved and I redoubled my efforts to that end.

"I love you, she said burying her head against my chest. "I'm sorry I got so upset. I just... I need you like I need oxygen."

Fall passed quickly and soon it was time to travel back to Forks for Alice and Jasper's wedding. It was a grand affair, as it was bound to be with Alice involved and I was certain that I wanted that with Bella. As I stood at Jasper's side watching Alice on her father's arm, I imagined Bella dressed in white walking towards me. When people started egging me about when I would propose, I managed to laugh it off. I would propose. I would be better than my father. It was just a matter of when and how.

Bella got sick shortly before our return to Forks. Just a sinus infection, but I hated her feeling bad. I would rather me be sick a million times, rather than having to watch the love of my life suffer. My father was able to help her quickly and by the time we were on the flight back to school, she was feeling much better.

The next weeks passed quickly. There were projects and exams that seemed to pile one on top of the other. Plus, I was trying to decide how to propose. I wanted something memorable and something that was all Bella. Finally I had it. The end of semester break was coming and though we were scheduled to fly back to Forks, I decided that we would go to England instead. There was a Jane Austen tour that I knew she'd love, then a Shakespeare festival. I had it all planned.

Even though my father's crime was in the back of my head, I would push past it.

Bella got sick again in March. At first I was sure she had eaten something bad... Then I thought it was the flu. Finally, I was beside myself with worry. Bella promised me that she would go to the doctor and begged me not to talk to our parents. Selfless. She didn't want to worry anyone. I agreed.

When Monday came along, I was on pins and needles. She had to be okay. When I got home she was just finishing cooking dinner and she seemed perfectly content, so either she was feeling better or she'd gone to the doctor and she was fine.

"Hi, Babe," I said as I entered. "How are you feeling?"

"A little overwhelmed," she answered. Overwhelmed? That isn't a medical issue. Maybe she had an off day in classes.

"How were your classes?" I asked, trying to feign nonchalance as I filled my plate and moved to the living room, where we always ate.

"Fine," she said as she grabbed her food and followed me.

I turned on the TV and started eating. I was nervous for some reason but decided to play it cool.

"How were your classes?" she asked.

"We had dissection today in the lab. First time with an actual cadaver," I said, trying to make normal conversation when my head was screaming at me that there was something terribly wrong.

"Sounds interesting," she said. "How was it?"

I spent the next twenty minutes going into great detail about it. I wanted her to stop me and just tell me what was up. She seemed to be avoiding it and it was driving me crazy. Finally when there was nothing more that I could blabber about, and dinner was finished, she took my plate and hers and set them on the coffee table. This just confirmed to me that there was something wrong. Something very wrong.

"I went to the doctor today," she said.

"Good!" I said, knowing that something more was coming. "Were they able to tell you what was wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong per say," she said, as she moved to grab her purse. What did she need from her purse at this moment?

"What's that mean?" I asked. I honestly wanted to throw up!! There was something wrong and I needed to know.

"I think I can show you better than I can tell you," she said, pulling some papers out of her purse. I could tell she was nervous as she handed them to me and I looked at her as I took the papers. Was it cancer? Some life threatening disease? My mind was racing and I couldn't get the courage to look down at the papers in my hand.

Finally, I worked up the courage and looked down.

I knew what it was instantly and the words 'Hi Mom and Dad!' stared up at me. I was going to be a dad. Bella was pregnant!! My heart lurched, so thrilled that there was nothing wrong. We would be happy. She and I were going to be parents! I flipped through all the pictures, staring at the perfect little person, the product of our love.

But as happy as I was instantly, the fear was there too. My father had killed my mother. How could I guarantee I wouldn't kill Bella? Would I leave my child an orphan as my father had left me? Would I take away my child's whole world in some sort of rage? I stared at the pictures of my child, wordlessly. There was only one thing I could do. I needed Bella to hate me... to take my child away and never come back. It was the only way I could guarantee their safety. I loved Bella and my unborn child so much, I needed to send them away to protect them. She needed to hate me.

"Is this a joke?" I asked, closing my heart to the hurt I was causing her, knowing that it was for the best.

"What?" she said, shocked. "No!" The hurt in her eyes nearly buckled my knees. I needed to keep this up if I wanted them safe.

"Did you do it on purpose?" I asked. Her eyes glazed over as if I'd kicked her.

"Of course not. The doctor said it was the antibiotics," she said.

"We need to get it taken care of right away," I said, knowing Bella would never kill our child.

"Edward!" she said. "No! I won't kill our baby." I could see her heart breaking and I wanted to gather her in my arms and beg her forgiveness, but I couldn't.

"It isn't a baby yet," I said harshly, silently begging my son or daughter's forgiveness.

"It is. You see the pictures. I even heard the heartbeat. Edward it was so beautiful," she said, tears streaming down her perfect cheeks. I wished that I could have heard that sound, just once, but I also knew that if I did I would never be able to follow through.

"You want it?" I spat.

"I... I do," she said, and I could see it on her face. She did want our child. She would be such a good mom. "I wasn't sure at first, but Edward, watching the baby move inside me, and hearing the heartbeat... I've never wanted anything so much."

I was silent. I wanted him or her too. But now was not the time for my selfish desires. I needed to keep them both safe, safe from me.

"And what about school?" I asked, grasping at straws.

"I'll drop out after this semester I guess. I'll go back when...."she started to say.

"You've got this all planned don't you Isabella?" I spat, knowing she was hurting so much and knowing that I was the one hurting her, but if I stopped they'd never be safe.

"No," she begged. "I had no clue until the doctor told me. I didn't know what to do at all until I saw the baby, our baby on the screen. Now I'm trying to figure it out. I'm scared to death and I really want you to hold me and tell me that it's going to be hard, but we'll figure it out."

She didn't know how bad I wanted to do that. But I couldn't. I couldn't risk her life. She sat on the couch next to me and cried. I wanted to comfort her. Not doing so was like not breathing, it tore me up inside. I saw her looking to me, wondering how I could betray her like this and I scowled, questioning myself.

"Please Edward," she begged.

"No," I said, standing up and moving away from her. I needed something more to make her hate me. "I will not be conned into your little ploy."

"What ploy?" she asked. "You think I planned this?"

"I know you did. You've made no secret about the fact that you wanted to marry me," I spat, and I wanted that too.

"I did. I do. But that has nothing to do with this," she said, angrily, like a kitten facing a tiger. She stood to meet me face to face.

"Sure!" I said sarcastically.

"I thought you wanted to marry me. I thought that was the plan," she said and I could hear the acceptance in her voice. She was giving up and then she'd take my child far away.

"Plans change, Isabella," I said.

"So what now?" she asked. "What are you saying?"

"We're done," I said. I needed to drive the last nail into the coffin of her love for me. "And I want nothing to do with you or your bastard child."

The most blasphemous thing I had ever said and now I had to finish it. I took the pictures that I held in my hand and tore them in half, breaking her heart as completely as my own. Then I dropped them on the floor and turned to leave.

The sudden thought that she would go to her dad, my mom or any of our friends, scared me. As soon as my mom heard, she would see through the bull shit and I would never get away. Bella and my child would never be safe.

"Don't breathe a word of this to anyone. Not Alice or Rose or even your dad. And if my parents find out... There will be hell to pay," I said as I stormed out of the apartment. I made my way to my car, opening the door and slamming my body into the seat before I gave into the tears.

Bella and our child would be safe. I would make sure of that.


	3. Edward's POV part 2

_A/N: Thanks to all the amazing reviewers and people that have added me to favorites and alerts! Special thanks to the following people: **Acemckean**, my beta extraordinaire!, who is back after a long hiatus with a new baby to show for her time off, **Sunsetwing**, who is a great source of information and helped with bits of editing and previewing, **Beegurl13, **for her extreme editing and previewing skills, and **Twilight44** for previewing and editing the chapter as well._

_Seriously the story grew four thousand words after these talented ladies got through with me!!!!_

_One of these days I may start having to make chapters under ten thousand words!!! (over 15,000 now!!)_

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**EPOV continued**

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I sat in my car for hours and let my tears fall. I deserved every ounce of heartbreak that I was feeling and I almost welcomed it. Shortly after midnight, I got out of the car and started walking. The spring air was crisp and I didn't have a coat... but it didn't matter. I just walked.

At four in the morning, I chanced going back to the apartment. I didn't know what I would do if she was still awake.

I slid my keys noiselessly into the lock and entered the apartment. It looked the same as when I had left, but everything was different. Bella was asleep on the sofa, the torn pictures clutched against her chest. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, but still, she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I knew I had to try to make this as easy on her as I could so I moved silently around the apartment, quickly collecting all my personal items and depositing them haphazardly into bags. It didn't matter anyways. Nothing mattered without her.

I took one last look at my love before I left. I prayed that she would let that stubborn streak take over and do what needed to be done. I made my way out of our building to my car and drove until I found a crappy motel, booking myself a room indefinitely. I dropped my bags in the crappy room and fell onto the bed, which was of questionable cleanliness, but I simply didn't care.

For three days I lost myself in the room, just letting my nightmares and dreams take over. In my nightmares, I saw Bella's face as I broke her heart over and over again. Or worse, I saw her body soaked in blood, lying on the bed where my father had killed my mother. In my dreams, we were at a park, having fun as a little red headed boy played with us. My family....

Finally after three days, I pulled myself together and ordered a pizza... while paying for it, I realized exactly what I had done. I was the one who payed for everything, not that I refused Bella anything, but now... I had left her with nothing. What kind of animal was I?

Later on that night I decided to sneak back into the apartment. I didn't know what I'd do if I saw her, or if she saw me, but I had to know she was okay. I quietly opened the door, walking straight into the living room. The TV was on, and I saw my angel asleep on the couch. Her text books were strewn all over the coffee table, and I smiled to myself. My girl was still managing to go to class. I couldn't even manage to climb out of bed and function, yet she was doing it while being pregnant.

I moved around the apartment to check things out. The bedroom was clean and pristine, much like it always was. I couldn't help but move over to the bed and grab a hold of her pillow. Her scent washed over me and I questioned my decision. Could it be that I was over reacting?

I quickly shook off that thought. There was no over reacting where the safety of my love and my child were concerned.

I made my way to the kitchen to check out the food situation. When I looked at the fridge, I nearly fell to me knees in pain as I saw what she had done. The pictures that I had so callously torn were taped back together and hung up on the fridge. The tears streamed down at my face as I looked at the pictures. My baby... my angel's baby. The pain coursed through my body as I thought about the child that I would never know.

I walked back into the living room to see Bella. She was restless in her sleep on the tiny sofa and I heard her mumbling in her sleep. It was my favorite of her little idiosyncrasies.

"Edward," she mumbled and a small smile played across her lips.

I wanted to reach out and caress those lips, or press mine against them. I wanted to wake her and beg her forgiveness.

"I love you," she mumbled.

"I love you too, my angel," I whispered to her as I let the tears fall. She looked so peaceful in her sleep.

"Edward," she said again, a look of pain flaring across her face.

"Please," she mumbled. "Please. I need you."

Then, through her closed eyelids tiny tears began to form and ran down her cheeks. Instinctively, I reached out, running my finger against a single tear, and pulled it into my palm, owning every bit of grief I was causing her.

"I'm sorry," I whispered brokenly. "It's the only way I know to keep you two safe. I love you my angel, always."

I made my way silently out of the apartment and sat in the hall, my back against our door... her door and let the tears fall.

I finally got up the will to move away from the door and back to the hole that was my new home, the only home I deserved.

I managed to crawl out of my hole and attend class on Friday, thankful that I was so far ahead on everything.

By Sunday, I didn't know what to do. It was the day we always called home and yet... what was I supposed to say? _Hi, Mom. I knocked Bella up and then left._ Part of me hoped that Bella would just tell them and let them help her. Part of me hoped that she would run... so she would be safe from me. I decided that I needed to do what I could to make that happen.

Although, I knew I wasn't strong enough to face her again. Not yet.

I turned my cell phone on for the first time since I had exited our apartment nearly a week before. Thirty four missed calls. All from Bella. How I wish she would have left me a voicemail. Something that I could hold onto.

I took a deep breath and dialed my parents number.

"Hi, Honey," my mother said.

"Hey, Ma," I said, trying to keep my composure. What was it that makes a person want to spill their guts by simply talking to their mother?

"Oh, I thought Bella would be on the phone first," my mom said. "How are you my darling boy?"

"Not so good," I said honestly. "It' been a pretty stressful week."

"I am so glad you have Bella," she said. "I swear it's the only reason that I am not on a plane out there right now. You sound so tired. Let me talk to Bella for a minute and make sure she is taking care of you."

"No, Ma," I said. "She's had an even worse week than I have."

"Should I come?" she asked.

"No, Ma," I said. "There's nothing you can do to help."

"Is this about tests?" she asked.

"Mostly," I said, thinking of the pregnancy test.

"Did you fail?" she asked.

"No," I answered.

"That's good," she sighed in relief. "Are you sure you don't need me to come out?"

"Positive," I said.

"Let me talk to Bella," she said.

"She's not here right now," I said.

"Where is she? She's always home to talk to us on Sunday nights," she said, sounding alarmed.

"She's home," I said. "I'm not. I'm at the library just about to sit down with my study group."

"Oh," she said. "On a Sunday night?"

"Yeah, midterms are coming up," I said.

"Alright, Edward," she said. "I'll talk to you soon. Take care of yourself."

"Bye Mom," I said.

"I love you, Honey," she said.

"I love you too, Mom," I said and hung up the phone. I sat back in my little hovel and waited, leaving my phone on. This was a true test of what Bella would do. I knew that Esme would call her and if she spilled the beans my phone would ring soon with either Bella or Esme calling.

I paced back and forth for ten minutes, then twenty and finally, an hour later, I decided it was safe for me to breathe again. Bella hadn't said anything to Esme.

What was she waiting for? Why didn't she say anything?

Finally a little after ten, my phone rang. It was a call from my mom and dad. Had she just now finished talking to Bella? Was Carlisle calling to kick my ass? I let it ring five times before answering it.

"Hey, Edward," my mother's calm voice said.

"Hey," I said. "Why are you calling again? Not trying to be rude."

"I talked to Bella and she sounded really tired and stressed too. Are you sure you two are okay?" she asked.

"It's just a busy time, Mom," I said, lying to my mother.

"Are you sure?" she asked. "Are you guys eating okay?"

"We're fine," I said. "By the end of the semester, everything will be different."

"Maybe you two should consider taking summer semester off," she said, not pausing to let me speak. "You need a break. Maybe we can go to Europe or something. Let me see if Dad and Charlie can take time off."

"I should talk about that with Bella before we make any decisions," I said.

"Okay. And I'll talk to Dad and Charlie," she said.

"Okay, Ma," I said. "I'm going to get back to the group so I can get home and get some sleep."

"Alright. Make sure you take care of our girl," she said, referring to Bella.

"I'll do what I can," I said.

"If you two don't start sounding better soon, I'll come out and help you guys out. I hate that the two of you are so stressed," she said.

"Okay, Mom," I said. "Thanks. Goodnight."

"Night, Honey," she said as I clicked off the phone.

I pondered Bella's silence all night, catching a few winks of sleep here and there. I had to do something so awful that she would go home to Forks. If I made her think that wasn't what I wanted... then she would do it. I would just have to be nastier. The problem was, I knew that she didn't have any money. So how could I take care of her without her knowing that I still cared for her? I'd need to give her money for food, but how would I make her accept?

Finally, I made up my mind. If I tied the money to something she did, made it like a payment of sorts I could do it. Now the question was what could I pay her for. The answer was easier than I thought. I wanted her to not tell my mother so if I paid her to keep her mouth shut and play nice, that was bound to piss her off. I found an envelope and scribbled a quick, nasty note to Bella. Then I put two hundred dollars in it and sealed it up. I would go and put it in the apartment after she left for her first class.

I never bothered to turn my phone off anymore. It didn't matter, she didn't call anyways.

The second week, Bella she had blown Esme off when she talked to her. My mother called me instantly and I had to assuage her fears that something was drastically wrong. Actually, I think the only thing that kept Esme in Forks was the fact that she had been chosen to head the committee that was overseeing the Forks Hospital Gala. Being the perfectionist that we all know and love, she was determined to make it the best ever.

I left another snarky note for Bella, letting her know that she needed to be kind to my mother. One of these darn things was bound to break her.

When week three passed and she still hadn't blabbed to Charlie or my folks, I wondered what it would take to get her to go. She needed to go away and be safe. That's when I came up with the plan to buy her off.

I had met all sorts of unsavory characters at my new place and they told me about a guy named Jenks, who provided people with new identities. Could I suggest that to Bella? There was no way she would go for it, Charlie was her only family and they were close. That had to be the straw that broke the camel's back. She would certainly refuse this. Not seeing her father again would be a deal breaker, of that I was certain.

I decided to wait until I had it all set up. In the meantime I found myself stalking Bella. I wanted to know what she was doing and when. I needed to know. I knew when she was in class and found that she had taken a job at the library. Wasn't I giving her enough money? She needed to rest. She shouldn't be working and going to school while pregnant. That couldn't be good for her, but I guess I lost all right to decide that. In all honesty, I didn't lose it, I threw it away.

I started attending classes and doing the very least I could do. I had been called into a professor's office more than once by a concerned professor or TA who were worried about me. I told them I was struggling through some personal issues, but that I would be fine. I had to be.

At night, I found myself sneaking into our apartment more and more. Watching Bella sleep was like a drug. I needed to be close to her even though it caused me pain.

Honestly, Bella was fairing quite well. She kept up to date on her studies, worked, ate regularly and was growing the most adorable baby belly. She had taken to sleeping on the couch, and I didn't know if it was because of something to do with the pregnancy or simply because she didn't like to be in our bed alone.

It was sweet torture to do this. Getting so close to her, wanting her, hearing her calling my name in her sleep... Watching her belly swell with our child.

I was no better than a peeping tom or a common thief. Just being near her, inhaling her scent, watching her body change, listening to her mumble in her sleep. These were things that I had given up and yet here I was, almost every night, stealing something that didn't belong to me... not anymore.

My conversations with my parents were a lot lighter and they commented how tired Bella always sounded as my mom called her every week after we spoke. I think she realized that there was something up but didn't ask. I was sure I had the hospital benefit to thank for that.

Finally, nine weeks after I walked out of Bella's life, I decided it was time for her to walk out of mine. I waited for her to finish her shift at the library, determined to talk to her. I stood in the shadows as she locked up and watched her. She was wearing a baggy sweatshirt and leggings, and to those who didn't really know her, you would never be able to tell that she was pregnant, but I could see it.

I saw the gentle swell of her belly, the increased size of her chest, the minute difference in her face... and even the little waddle. As I watched her walk away from me, I realized that no matter what, I would never see her really waddle after this. I would not see her completely swollen with our child. I would not get to feel him or her move inside her... I would not get to hold her hand while she gave birth or argue with her playfully over what our child's first word would be.

After she had made it almost a block, I regained my composure and hurried after her. I admired how she walked so carefully, not allowing her clumsy nature to risk our child... her child.

_Come on Edward_, I thought to myself. _If you can't put your game face on she'll never believe you._

She was obviously aware that there was someone behind her and she picked up speed. Her hand fell to her stomach, almost as if she were trying to protect the baby.

"Running away, Isabella?" I said to her in my most menacing voice.

"Oh," she said, spinning around and looking at me. Her eyes were as big as saucers and her hand never left the small baby bump in front of her.

I wanted to say so much to her. I wanted to tell her I was sorry and that I loved her, and that she and our child were the most important things in the world to me... but if I did, I knew my girl, and she would never leave. She would risk herself for me and I couldn't let that happen. I didn't deserve it. I was a monster.

"We need to talk," I said.

"We do," she agreed, breathlessly. "Where?"

"The apartment," I said, walking ahead of her to the apartment. I couldn't watch her walking any longer. I couldn't be so close.

"Fine," she agreed and started walking after me.

I walked fast, trying to keep some space between us, giving myself the mental pep talk as I went. _You are not what's best for them. They need to be safe. The only way they will be safe is to be away from you._ I got to the apartment and for the first time ever I did not open the door for Bella, in fact I waited until she opened it and I walked in first. I needed to show her that I was not the man she fell in love with and that she would be better off without me.

Once we were inside she sat on the sofa, the same sofa where I watched her sleep, night after night. I couldn't think of that now, so I wandered the apartment, looking at everything and nothing.

Everything was as it should be. Even the ring that Bella still wore on her finger. My heart swelled in my chest as I took note of that.

"So?" she said, breaking the silence.

_Be mean, be hateful. Make them safe!_

"You're looking fat," I sneered. Pregnant women were always worried about their weight weren't they?

"If you're only here to insult me then just leave. I'm not in the mood for it," she snapped.

_This is what I want. This is what I need_, I chanted to myself internally,_ this is what they need._

"I want you to give it up for adoption," I said, noting the possessive way she rubbed her belly. She would hate me for this.

"What?" she asked, incredulously, looking at me like I had two heads. "No!"

"I won't have anything to do with it," I said coldly.

"I kinda figured that out when you walked out of here nine weeks ago," she said.

"So you think you can do it on your own?" I asked. "You won't even have your degree!"

"You're right, I won't," she said. "And apparently I don't have a choice but to do it alone. I'm standing up for my responsibilities and it's going to be hard, but we'll survive."

I wasn't a part of that we. The possessive rubbing of her stomach while she cast an evil glare at me proved that.

"I want you to go away," I said.

"What?" she asked.

"I want you to leave here after this semester. I'll concoct our breakup and you will not tell anyone about the baby," I said.

"And how do you suppose I'm going to do that?" I asked him. "As soon as my father knows, so do your parents."

"That's why you won't tell him. It would ruin me, Isabella. Ruin everything I worked for," I said.

She hated me now. She wouldn't care.

"And what about me? What about your son? Shouldn't he have the right to know his grandparents?" she asked me angrily.

A son? She was carrying my son! I almost caved right there, but I thought of the blood stained bed and pictured Bella lying in it while our son cried. No! I would not give in.

"What about me? Are you trying to make my parents hate me?" I asked. "They are all I have in this world."

"At least you have Emmett and Jasper. I can't even talk to Alice and Rose!" she said.

I really had taken everything away from her.

"You'll make new friends," I said shrugging my shoulders as though it were nothing.

"Okay, so you expect me to forget all my friends and family? How do you suppose I get by?" she asked me.

"You have your trust fund from your mother that you will have access to by September. Plus, I'll make it financially worth your while," I said.

"It isn't all about money," she said.

"Nope, it isn't," I said with a menacing smirk. "But unless you plan on moving back to Forks and living with Daddy Dearest and your little bastard..."

Lowest blow yet!

"Don't refer to my son that way," she sneered.

"A boy," I said, feeling the walls starting to crumble. My boy, my son... NO! I put my mask back on, "good luck with that."

"Thanks," she said rather pleasantly. "So what is it that you are proposing Edward?"

Proposing... I still carried her ring in my pocket. How I would love to place it on her finger.

"I certainly won't be proposing to you," I sneered, hoping she couldn't see through my facade.

"I wouldn't say yes, if you did,"she stated firmly.

"Then why are you still wearing the ring?" I asked gesturing towards the promise ring that she still wore.

"I wanted something to show my son that his father loved me at one point. That he wasn't created in some little tawdry one night stand..." she said, tears streaming down her beautiful cheeks.

Once again I felt my resolve starting to buckle, but I had to do this. I had to.

"But I don't love you anymore, Isabella," I said, refusing to look into her beautiful brown eyes as I delivered the vilest of all lies.

"I know," she sobbed. "And I hate that! Because as much as you hate me... I still love you. I kept this from your parents and my dad for you. As much as I hate myself for it... I can't hate you."

"So you'll do it?" I asked. "For me?"

"You want me to run away? Leave everyone I have ever known behind, including my father... for a little bit of money?" she asked.

"It's no little bit, Isabella," I said, handing her the envelope that contained all the money that my birth parents had left for me. $250 000.00. A check sat there, written in her name.

She looked at me in shock.

"My trust fund, left to me by my birth parents," I said. "You take the money and leave. I know a man who can create you and the boy a life in Canada. A fresh start."

Just like that. All neat and tidy.

"Can I have time to think about it?" she asked, tears running down her cheeks endlessly.

"Two weeks," I said.

She hesitated and rung her hands together, nodding her head in recognition of my words, but unable to speak.

"Two weeks," I said again. "I'll be outside the building waiting when you come home from work."

Her body was trembling and the tears streamed down her cheeks completely unchecked. I knew she was seconds away from losing it completely. I couldn't watch that. It would hurt too much.

"Goodbye, Isabella," I said kissing her forehead.

"Goodbye, Edward," she said. It came out as barely more than a whisper.

I turned on my heel, unable to be near her any longer without folding under the weight of my emotions, and walked out of the apartment. I stopped as soon as I close the door and leaned against it as I had done the first night. Her broken sobs echoed around me and I bathed in them. I had to remember

"I love you, Bella," I whispered as the tears streaked down my cheeks. "I hope one day you understand."

I walked around for most of the night. I couldn't go back to the apartment, not now, but I certainly couldn't go back to my room. I hated it there. It just reminded me that I was not with Bella.

I finally ended up sitting on my car as the sun rose and hoped that it was a new beginning. Not for me, my life was doomed without my true love, but for Bella and our son. Our son. _My son_. I wondered what he would be like. I wondered if he would look like me at all, or if he would get all of Bella's features. Would he love music? Books?

I finally went back to my little hovel after nine in the morning. I needed to sleep and prep for my exams over the next two weeks. My phone rang about midday, but I couldn't deal and turned it off. I didn't want to speak to anyone. The benefit that my mother was organizing was two days after the end of the semester and she would certainly be too busy to notice my lack of phone calls.

On Monday night I returned to the apartment to check in on Bella. I was thrilled to see that she had new pictures of our son on the fridge. I stared at the little person in the pictures for a long time, taking pictures of them on my phone, before I went to the living room to see his mother. She looked so sad and I wanted to hold her and make it better, but that wasn't my place anymore. I was the one who put the tears there in the first place. Every night I snuck into the apartment to watch her. The tears and sadness just got worse and worse. Finally, two days before we were supposed to meet for her to give me an answer, I noticed that she had begun to pack. She didn't pack everything, just some. She was going home, where she belonged.

On Thursday night, the last night that I would have this chance, I snuck into the apartment earlier than I had previously. She wasn't on the couch as she had been every night for the past two weeks and so I snuck into the bedroom. Her suitcases were packed and sitting by the door and she was curled up onto my side of the bed, clutching my pillow to her chest.

There were two pictures on the bedside table. One of the two of us, and one of Charlie and her fishing, taken when she was young.

I smiled sadly at her and sat on the bed next to her.

"Edward," she mumbled. "Hold me."

I knew I shouldn't but this was my last chance so I crawled onto the bed behind her and pulled her softly against my chest. The scent of her hair hit me like a battering ram. I loved this woman with all that I was. I allowed my hand to move around her, to caress my son through her slightly swollen abdomen.

"Daddy loves you," I said quietly, as the tears fell from my eyes. "You take good care of your mommy."

I didn't sleep a wink, staying awake waiting for any changes in Bella's sleep to let me know that she was beginning to stir. As the first rays of sunlight peaked through the window, I reluctantly pulled away from my angel. Instinctively she rolled towards me and snuggled into my chest, nestling her head against my heart, which was beating wildly. I needed to leave but I wanted more than anything to stay. I looked down and could see her eyelashes as they rested against her cheeks. This is what I wanted to remember. I wanted to remember her face as she slept, her tiny mumbles and innocent confessions. I was more in love with this angel than ever before and the thought of pulling away was almost too much to bear. I pulled away again, this time leaving a pillow in my place, and I brushed some small tendrils of hair from her face. She sighed in her sleep and cuddled against the pillow.

"Edward," she mumbled. "I love you."

"I love you, my angel," I said, almost silently as I memorized every line of her face.

The tears were running down my cheeks as I heard my angel's declaration of love for the last time.

I leaned in and brushed my lips gently against hers in a final kiss, before I stood up. I walked out of the room backwards, watching her for as long as I could, before turning around and running out of the apartment, leaving my heart firmly in her grasp.

I spent the day visiting all the places that Bella and I had liked to go together. I knew that she was going home today and I thought about what that would mean. I would never go home again. All too soon, it was time for me to go back to the apartment. It was time to say goodbye to the love of my life.

I waited outside the apartment for a long time before I ventured to the door. I hoped that she was alone inside and hadn't called Charlie or my parents to help. My mother would likely castrate me with a pair of rusty kitchen shears, and Charlie was likely to have an accident with one, or all of his guns.

I stood outside the door, contemplating how I should do this. Do I knock? Do I just walk in? Finally I decided to just walk in. I didn't want to appear courteous.

All her bags were in the front hall and there was a Forks newspaper on the top of them. A picture of Charlie was front and center as I read the headline.

_**LOCAL POLICE CHIEF WILL BE BURIED SATURDAY.**_

What??? Charlie had died? How could this be? Who was going to be there for Bella now? I grabbed the newspaper and picked it up, reading further into the story. Charlie had died of a heart attack, the day after I had given Bella the ultimatum.

Her father, the only person she had left in the world was gone.

I heard her talking in the main room as the outside world began to enter my consciousness. She was alone.

"Bella?" I called out.

"I love you both like you were my own parents," she said into the phone, obviously talking to my mother. My parents would stick beside her. I knew they would.

I walked into the room and looked at her. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she held the phone to her ear.

"Soon," she said. "Goodbye."

She clutched the phone to her before hanging it up and glaring at me.

"So, Charlie," I said.

"Yeah," she said, grabbing a kleenex off the side table and dabbing her eyes. My poor Angel. What could I do? What should I do? Should I drop to my knees and beg her forgiveness? No... her safety is still more important, and my parents will stand by her, so will our friends.

"Have you decided?" I asked, cooly.

"I have nobody," she said softly. "And I won't be taking your family."

"Thanks," I said moving across the room while trying to understand what she was saying.

"What are you going to tell them?" she asked. She was seriously leaving?

"That I went out to pick up dinner and when I came home, you and your suitcases were gone," I said quickly. Was she truly leaving? Surely she was returning to Forks to bury her father.

She stood and moved to place her wallet on the table, as well as a key to the apartment.

"I'm sorry," I said to her. _But could I explain everything I was sorry for?_

"For what?" she asked, heartbreak evident in every word.

_How could I answer that? I was sorry for everything. For Charlie's death, for treating her and our son like shit for the past eleven weeks, but mostly..._

"For not being what you deserve," I said.

"I'm sorry, too," she said. "I never intended to ruin your life. I hope you find happiness, Edward. You won't hear from me again."

_Ruin my life? She was the only thing good in my life. How could she think that she had ruined my life?_

As I digested her words and looked for some way to comfort her, I vaguely heard the apartment door close. I turned to look at her and she was gone.

_I knew she was heading to Forks first. Wasn't she? She had to bury her father after all._

"Bella, wait!" I said, moving towards the door and yanking it open. The least I could do was offer her a ride to the airport. She wasn't in the hall so I left the door open and ran after her. I looked out to the street and saw an expensive looking SUV that was double parked a few feet away. I started to make my way towards it when it began to pull away I raced forward, catching a small glimpse of Bella and Jenks.

Why was she with Jenks? She had to be heading home for the funeral. I quickly pulled out my phone and tried to dial her number. It just rang and rang. Then I tried Jenks. It went straight to voicemail.

"Mr. Jenks," I said to the voicemail message. "My name is Edward Cullen and I have made a huge mistake. Please call me. I need to get my girl. I need to make sure she is okay."

I made my way into the apartment slowly and wandered aimlessly through the rooms. All the personal touches that Bella had given our home were still there. My heart was shattered in my chest as I realized exactly what she was going through. I prayed that Jenks would call me soon.

Finally I wandered into the bedroom. There was a small pile of white envelopes on the bed. The top one was addressed to me in Bella's dainty handwriting. I ripped it open, anxious to see what she had written.

_**Edward,**_

_**I am sorry that I wasn't enough for you, but you were always it for me. From the moment that I laid eyes on you in Forks, you were it. Nothing else has ever mattered. I know now that I will love you until the day I die. **_

_**Enclosed you will find the check that you gave me. I didn't want your money, knowing that you didn't want me, and that I would only hurt you by staying was enough. Also enclosed is the money you left me to take care of myself. As you can see, I managed just fine on my own. **_

_**Finally, since me continuing to wear your ring seemed to disturb you, I'm leaving it with you. I hope you find a finger more deserving of it than you felt mine was. I left all pictures of us but one, just a little something to show my son when he asks about his father. I will never tell him your name but I want him to know he was conceived in love and that even though my love for you is eternal, we weren't meant to be.**_

_**All my love, always,**_

_**Bella**_

The tears were streaming down my face as I looked into the envelope. The check I had written was there, as was the promise ring I had placed on her hand, promising her forever... and giving her nothing but heart ache. I took off the necklace that held the Cullen crest, a gift from Carlisle and Esme when I turned eighteen, and slid the promise ring on it. Then, I opened up the remaining envelopes. Only the first three had even been opened 10 by her at all, and all the money I had given her was in there.

Sobs were now erupting from my chest as I read the vile words I had left for her. I might as well have murdered her for all the damage I had done. I curled into a ball on our bed and cried myself to sleep, clutching her pillow. Her scent, which I was certain would be on it, was gone... just like she was.

I lost all track of time, but was awoken by the shrill ringing of both my cell and the home phone. Since I could only answer one, I chose the cell.

"Hello," I said groggily.

"Edward!" Alice's shrill voice said. "Where are you guys?"

"Alice," I said.

"Jazz and I are at the airport to pick you up. Where are you?" she said.

"I'm at the apartment," I answered.

"In New Hampshire?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Why?" she asked. "Where is Bella?"

"Gone," I said.

"Gone where?" she asked.

"I don't know," I answered, tears springing to my eyes.

"What the hell do you mean you don't know?" Alice shrieked. "What the hell is going on? Bella has been avoiding me for weeks, and now you are telling me that I am standing at the airport and nobody is arriving?"

"I guess," I said stupidly.

"I can't even talk to you," she said dramatically. "Jazz, you talk to him and see if you can make any sense out of things."

The next thing I knew Jasper was on the phone.

"What is going on?" he asked. "Ali is going nuts here."

"She's gone," I said.

"What the hell do you mean?" he asked.

"She left and it's all my fault. I didn't even know..." I said.

"What do you mean?" he asked again. "Dammit, Edward!"

"Bella. She left last night. She's gone," I said.

"You broke up with her?" he asked. "How could you do that when her father just died?"

"I didn't even know," I said. "We spilt two months ago... I didn't even know about Charlie until she was walking out the door last night."

"Is that why you two have been so distant?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Is she coming home?" he asked. "She must be."

"I don't think so," I said. "She's just gone."

"What the hell?" he asked again, not really expecting an answer. "You need to find her."

"I can't," I said. "I have barely even spoken to her in months. I have no clue where she could be... and all her ID is still here. She has disappeared."

"Are you sure? Maybe she... Maybe she couldn't take it anymore... maybe she's really gone," he said.

"Jazz, NO!!" I heard Alice cry in the background.

"Look man, you need to call your mom. She's been calling us for an hour trying to see if you two got in," he said. "I need to go. We'll be in touch... and dammit do what's right and find her. She needs someone. Her whole world has just disintegrated in front of her. Man up and fix it," he said and Alice sobbed in the background.

I didn't even say goodbye before I hung up. I dialed my mother right away.

"Edward?" she said as she answered. "Did you finally land?"

"No," I answered. "I'm still at school."

"What?" she asked. "Edward the funeral is tomorrow and the viewing is tonight. Where is Bella?"

"I don't know," I said dissolving into tears. "I... I drove her away, Mom. She isn't coming home and she isn't here. She's gone."

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! What are you talking about?" she said.

"I didn't know about Charlie until she left last night," I said. "We haven't been together in months."

"You broke up?" she asked. "Why didn't you say anything? Why did you lead us to believe...?"

"I couldn't deal, Mom. I'm sorry. This is all me," I said sobbing uncontrollably now.

"Where did she go?" she asked.

"I don't know," I said, "but I have someone I can ask. He may know."

"Is she with someone else? Why wouldn't she come home?" my mother asked.

"Because of me, Mom. I didn't know about Charlie and I told her that you guys were my family and that she couldn't take you away from me. I was so selfish... but I didn't know. I didn't know that she had nobody," I sobbed.

"Edward!" she said. "You know that we love her. You know that we would love both of you no matter what the status of your relationship. I just thought that you'd be together forever. Please tell me this is fixable," she said.

"It's not," I sobbed. "I broke her. I completely broke her. I love her more than anything, but I drove her away. I just didn't know that she had nobody... I..."

"Your dad and I will leave for Seattle right away. We're on our way and we'll make this better," she said.

"But the funeral. The benefit," I said.

"None of that is important. Edward, you have to know that nothing is more important to me that my family and you are my son... and Bella may not be related to me but I love her, too. We are on our way. You see if that man can help you find her," she said.

"Okay, Ma," I said.

As soon as she hung up, I got in the shower and threw my clothes back on. I made my way to the car and across town to Jenks' office. As I walked in, I saw him glare at me quickly before he spoke.

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"I need her," I said by way of an answer.

"You are an ass," he replied.

"That is definitely true. But she needs me too, well maybe not me, but our friends and family... I didn't know... I didn't know she had nobody. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She wasn't supposed to follow through. I was trying to make her safe. I was trying to get her to go home to her father and my parents. I didn't know he had died," I sobbed.

"Look," he said, "you may think you are hurting. You may think that you have some sort of lock on all the pain, but I have never seen pain like I saw from her. In my book, you are an absolute ass and you don't deserve her. She deserves a chance to get away from you. I promised her that I would never give you or anyone else any information on her."

"I have money," I said. "I have $250 000, if you will just tell me."

"This isn't about money, you pompous prick. I watched your little girl have to deal with losing everything. All she has is that baby and she asked me to insure that you would never have any way to find her. And you won't. Every record has been shredded. Every trace that she ever walked in this door is gone," he said.

"I'll get the police involved," I threatened.

"Oh please!" he said. "You think I haven't been investigated before? I am careful. They could investigate me for years and find nothing. You on the other hand wouldn't live until the end of the week. I have very powerful connections."

"Please?" I said as I dropped to my knees. "I need her. She doesn't have to be alone. I thought I was making it better. I thought..."

"Look, I don't care what you thought," he said. "That little girl is safe, and nothing you ever say or do will make me change my mind. Now you know where the exit is. I suggest you find it before I decide to call my associates."

I walked out and returned to my car. He was the only lead I had to my Bella.

She was really gone. I dropped my head to my hands and sobbed. I never believed that she would do it. I never believed that she would just leave. I was supposed to know she was safe and taken care of. It wasn't supposed to be like this!

I returned to my seedy hotel room and grabbed my bags that I had never even bothered to unpack, tossing them in the back of my car.

I returned to the apartment and waited for my parents. I don't know how much time passed when I heard a pounding at the door. I moved to open the door and was met with a very angry Emmett.

"What the fuck have you done?" he bellowed as he lifted me by the front of my shirt.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Where is she?" Rose said, as she entered behind her husband.

"I don't know. She could be anywhere by now," I said.

"What did you do?" Emmett asked.

"I broke her," I answered. "Are you happy now? I was a complete ass and I broke her heart and made her feel guilty about telling you all about it. I drove her away from everybody because I was a selfish prick. But I didn't know. I didn't know about Charlie."

Emmett's fist connected with my jaw at that point and he dropped me to the floor at the same time.

"You promised. You swore that she was it for you," he bellowed.

"She is. I love her... I was just not good for her. She needed someone better," I said.

"Damn right she did," Rose sneered. "But she loved you. What the fuck were you thinking?"

"I'm sorry," I said as I crumpled onto the floor even more. The sobs overtook me and I just curled up and let them. Rose and Emmett were taken aback and the verbal and physical assault stopped. They knew there was something more but didn't know what to do about it. They walked into the living room, leaving me to my misery.

I could hear them talking , but didn't care enough to listen to the words they said.

The next thing I knew my mother was in front of me, pulling me into her arms. The tears that had been constant increased ten fold.

"I don't deserve this," I said. "I caused her so much pain. I don't deserve any comfort."

"Edward," my mother soother. "We're here now. Let us help you fix this."

Jasper and Alice were there too, both looking at me angrily. They knew that this was my fault and they were mad as hell. Neither even spoke to me.

"What happened to your face?" Carlisle asked as he looked at the angry bruise.

"I happened," Emmett said before I could answer.

Carlisle went into doctor mode and checked my face while my mother took a bag of frozen peas from the freezer to put on it.

"Start talking, Edward," Alice said. "Tell us what the hell is going on."

I should have spilled it all. I should have told them about the baby and what had driven me off the deep end but I didn't.

"It was a Monday and I came home. I don't even know what set me off," I said. "I told her that we couldn't do this anymore and I walked out. I moved into a little motel and made sure she had money to live. She didn't accept it. She just left it all for me. She had gotten a job at the library and supported herself."

"Why?" my mother asked.

"I don't know," I said. "I just know that she deserved better than me. I wasn't good for her."

"Damn right," Emmett bellowed.

"So where is she now?" Carlisle asked.

"I knew of a man who can make good quality fake IDs. I told her about him. Just trying to... I don't even know. I didn't really expect her to use him for anything. I mean she had Charlie... But I didn't know. He died the day after I told her about him. I didn't talk to her and I didn't know he was gone. I didn't talk to you guys either so... I didn't have a clue. Not until I was here last night. I saw a copy of the newspaper she had and while I was trying to digest the fact that he was gone, we had some words and she left. I begged the man for information but he told me that he promised her a fresh start and wouldn't even bend for a quarter million dollars," I said. "He basically threw me out and told me that he would have me 'taken care of', if there was any investigation. I know he has ties to some powerful people... I'm so, so sorry."

The uproar was quick and pain filled. Finally, my parents, the voice of reason when all else fails, came up with an idea.

"We won't go visit this man again," my father said. "From the sounds of it, it's far too risky, but we will go to the police and to the media. Hopefully if we get her picture out there and plead for her return, we'll come up with something."

"Is that all we can do?" Alice asked, rubbing her stomach.

Jasper wrapped himself against his wife's back and placed his hands over hers.

They were expecting a baby. Had I not been such a fool, our children could have been raised together, but I drove my angel away.

Days passed with both police interviews and television interviews. I had to give the police her promise ring that I had placed on my necklace as well as sit through countless depositions.

My mother went on television, pleading for any information on her, but there was nothing. The school told us that she dropped out the day that she and I had spoken, before I had said anything, and left no forwarding address. They did however give my parents copies of her transcripts. Even with all the shit we had gone through she had perfect marks, and perfect attendance. I knew my barely passing grades and lack of attendance showed what I had been through, yet Bella who was facing something so much worse persevered. Nobody, not even Bella's coworkers at the library had any indication that she was pregnant.

After a week, the media died down, and Emmett, Rose, Alice and Jasper returned to Seattle. They still hadn't said much to me. I didn't expect it. After a month, the police said that she was probably dead and her case went cold. My parents returned to Forks without me, much to their displeasure. I stayed at school for the summer semester, retaking all my courses from the previous semester to raise my grades to acceptable levels.

Once October came around, all I could think about was Bella and our son. I knew that he was due to arrive any time and I prayed every night that wherever they were, they were safe and healthy. Alice and Jasper welcomed their son in January of the next year, though they didn't call to tell me, I heard it from my parents during one of their monthly visits. Charlie Alexander Whitlock was a little dark haired clone of Jasper. As I studied his picture, I wondered what my own son looked like. I imagined that he would have dark hair and eyes like his mother, and maybe, just maybe he'd have some of my features. I sent a gift for the new family back to Seattle with my parents when they left, since neither Alice and Jasper, nor Rose and Emmett were speaking to me. I didn't blame them in the least.

Emmett and Rose welcomed their own son that October, shortly after I had made a trip out west to try to reconnect with them. Rose had lost her parents in a car crash and my mother had practically moved in to help them out.

I attended the funeral for Rose's parents, James and Victoria, and attempted to make peace with both sets of my friends. I guess it worked somewhat because Emmett called me from the hospital to announce that he was a father. His son, Emmett James McCarty, was a blessing, looking so much like Big Em, as everyone had taken to calling him. Rose commented at Christmas time that year, as I spent the first holiday at home since Bella left, that if she hadn't been in the delivery room, she wouldn't believe that she was his mother.

It was true. EmJ was an exact replica of his father, right down to the dimples on his adorable little cheeks. As I held each baby, I thought about my own son. He'd probably be walking now and into mischief. Would he be scared of Santa Claus like Charlie... or would he like the big guy in red? Did he look like me? What was his first word? Did he have someone else to call Daddy?

I went to see Jenks at least once a month for the next three years as I fought my way through school and medical school. I dreamed about Bella and my son every night.

My father retired and he and my mother moved across the country to be with me. I don't think my mother could stand the fact that I did nothing but go to school and study. But the fact of the matter was, without Bella I didn't want anything or anyone else.

Rose and Emmett welcomed baby Isabella Grace McCarty into the world almost exactly two years after EmJ was born. They decided that she would be called Izzy, and laughed at the fact that Bella would have absolutely hated that. It was easier to talk about her now.

Alice and Jasper welcomed a second baby boy, Cullen McCarty Whitlock, just shortly before my own son would be four. That was when my world came smashing in.

I had just returned from a twenty eight hour shift at the hospital for practicum and was ready to drop into bed. I was living with my parents at the time and my mom came into the room- without knocking, I might add- holding the phone.

"Jasper needs to talk to you," she said. "He said it was urgent."

"Hey, Jazz," I said. "What's up?"

"Is there something you neglected to tell us when Bella went missing?" he asked, completely skipping any introduction.

"What?" I asked. "What do you mean?"

"I was at the zoo with Charlie today and had just sat down with some ice cream when I saw a girl who looked just like Bella across the park from us. She had a little red headed boy with her. By the time I got Charlie up, I ran across the park and couldn't find her anywhere. So,???" he said. "Is there anything more we should know?"

My mother was sitting on my bedside looking at me, waiting to see what Jasper needed me for so urgently. I couldn't answer him and let her know she had a grandson out there somewhere that way.

"Let me call you back later, Jazz," I said, and hung up the phone before he could respond.

"What did he want?" she asked anxiously.

"I need to talk to you and Dad together," I said in response. "Is he home?"

"He's in the study," she said. "What is it about?"

"I need to tell you guys something, about Bella and I... but I need to tell you both," I said.

She looked at me for a moment before walking out of my room towards his study. I followed behind, anxious to get the truth out once and for all.

"What's up?" my dad asked as Mom and I came into the study.

"Edward says he needs to speak to us," she said, standing beside him. They both looked at me expectantly. I sat down in the chair across from them and ran my fingers through my hair before I got to the meat and potatoes of the situation. I took a deep breath and then let it out, looking up at both of them.

"Jasper saw Bella today," I said, quietly. "Or at least he thinks he did."

"What? Where?" my mother asked excitedly

"In Seattle. At the zoo," I responded.

"That's great. Did he talk to her? Was she alone?" my mom asked.

"No. By the time he and Charlie made it across the lot she was gone. And she wasn't alone," I said.

"Did he see who she was with?" my dad asked.

"Yeah," I answered. "My son."

The room was quiet for a minute as my parents processed what I had just said.

"What do you mean?" my mother asked, sinking down onto Carlisle's lap.

"Bella was pregnant when she left. That was why we..." I started to explain.

"You left her because she was pregnant?" Carlisle said. He was deadly calm, but of course, that was when he was most dangerous.

"Yes... No," I said shaking my head.

"You better start talking, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen," my mother seethed, her anger written clearly on her face.

"Can you just listen? Please? And then I will answer any question you have to ask," I said.

"Do we have a choice?" my father said.

"Fine," my mother answered in a clipped tone.

"It was the antibiotics that you gave Bella when we were heading back to school after Jasper and Alice's wedding. We didn't know it at the time, but in March, Bella started to feel sick. But I guess I should go back," I said.

My parents glared at me questioning me without words.

"The summer I came home... my parents," I said. "I... I was going to ask Charlie for Bella's hand in marriage. I had the ring and everything. Then I came across the articles. Not only did I see the pictures in the clippings you had, but I googled it too. The pictures.... They showed the blood soaked bed and all I could think was that you always said that he loved her like I loved Bella... and suddenly, in my mind, it was Bella on the bed... I didn't understand how he could have killed her. You always told me how perfect they were. Then Bella was pregnant and all I could think of was that I was a murderer's son and that I could do the same thing to her. I had to make her go. I had to keep her safe..."

I looked at my parent's horror filled faces for a moment before dissolving into tears.

They were both at my side in an instant.

"Oh God!" my mother sobbed. "Oh, Edward, no."

"We should have..." Carlisle said. "We should have told you everything. It was an accident, Edward. It wasn't a murder-suicide, but the press wouldn't hear it. That wasn't sensational enough."

"What?" I asked.

"Let me get something and we can talk," he said, leaving my mother sobbing in my arms.

When he returned, he had a box in his hand and was shaking his head side to side.

"We should have shown you this that summer. I knew you didn't believe us and this would have... I thought you were okay. After that night you seemed fine. I didn't know," he said.

"Just, please," I said.

"Your mother was with us, visiting. We lived about three hours away from them and she had come up to visit with you for a week. Your father had long shifts at the hospital that week and I had just received devastating news," my mother said, taking a deep breath before continuing. "We had been trying for a baby for years and we were told it was impossible. Your mother rushed to my side, and convinced us that we could try other methods to conceive."

"It wasn't even three days into the visit that she was homesick, anxious to get back to your father," my dad said. "They hated being away from each other."

"We insisted she stay for dinner and then get you changed into your sleepers and feed you before she headed home," Esme said.

"We wanted you to sleep in the car so she could drive safely and she was on the road by seven, and would be home by ten," Carlisle said.

"What we didn't know is that there had been a rash of break-ins in their neighborhood, and that the night before, a neighbor had caught the burglar in the act and had been beaten pretty badly. When your father heard the door open, he called out to see who was there. Your mother didn't answer. I don't know if she was trying not to wake you or trying to surprise him. He panicked and when he saw the shadow in the front hall and he asked who was there again... When he still received no answer, he shot," Esme said, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"As soon as she hit the floor, you began to scream and he ran to her side," Carlisle said. "She was gone and you were covered in blood."

"He didn't know if you were bleeding or not and so he undressed you and looked you over. It wasn't you, it had all been her. He changed you and laid you down in your crib, before moving her body to the bed. He couldn't bear the thought of her being on the floor. Then he took a moment to write us a note and put you in the car. He arrived at our house at midnight, rang the doorbell and pounded on the door. By the time we got downstairs, you were there in your bassinet and your dad's car was peeling out down the street," Esme said.

"Esme picked you up... and I found the note under you. By the time I read it, I ran to the car. I knew he wouldn't want to live without her, but I hoped that I could catch him... tell him that you still needed him," Carlisle said, tears streaming down his cheeks. "By the time I arrived at your house, the front door was open and I ran in, yelling for him. I made it up to the bedroom, but he was gone too. I checked both of their pulses and called the police and then Es," he said.

"It was an accident?" I asked.

"It was," Carlisle said.

"I made her hate me for nothing?" I asked, not really expecting an answer.

"Edward, even if he did kill her intentionally, why would you think that you would do the same thing?" my mother asked.

"Ever since I was little you guys told me that I was exactly like my father. Even the way that I fell in love with Bella and the way I treated her... you always said I was exactly like him... and then... I thought he murdered her and I couldn't bear the thought of doing that to Bella. I couldn't bear the thought of ending her life..." I sobbed.

"You have a son?" my mother asked. "You knew it was a boy?"

"Ultrasound," I said, feeling completely sick about the son I never got the chance to know, simply from my own stupidity. "I still have pictures of him on my computer."

We talked for the remainder of the day and night. I told them everything, finally letting the truth spill free. They alternated between guilt at their part in all this, in keeping the information secret for so long, and anger that I would chase her away like I did. Finally six hours later they showed me the contents of the box. It was the note my father had written all those years ago and a copy of the police report, as well as a whole bunch of their personal effects. And I showed them the ultrasounds of my son.

Finally early the next morning, I called Jasper and Alice. I made them wait as I got Emmett and Rose on the phone for a conference call. There was no way I could say this twice.

"I don't know what you all know," I said. "But Jasper called me last night. When he was at the zoo with Charlie yesterday, he thought he saw Bella."

"And?" Alice asked quickly.

"I think he probably did," I said.

"She was with a child," Jasper said. "A boy with red hair, probably about Charlie's age."

"Actually, about three months older," I filled in.

"You knew?" Emmett roared. "She was pregnant and you knew? You stupid selfish son of a bitch!"

"What the fuck did you do Edward?" Rose yelled.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed, and Carlisle put his hand on my back.

"We've talked, guys," Carlisle said. "He has his reasons and maybe I need to fill you in on that."

Slowly, Carlisle and Esme filled them in on my trip home and the mistakes that they felt that they made in not telling me the whole story. I could tell that all my friends were suffering, and most probably crying over the situation.

"You thought you were a danger to them?" Rose asked, emotion causing her normally smooth voice to crack.

"I couldn't bear the thought, Rose,"I said. "I used to sneak into the apartment and just watch her sleep. I love her more than anything and in the time since she left, it hasn't diminished one bit."

"You're so stupid, Edward Cullen," Alice said. "But maybe I understand... Just a little."

"Jazz?" I asked. "How did she look? I mean, did they seem happy?"

"It was such a short time, Edward," he said. "The first time I saw them, it was only from behind. She held his hand and he was giggling. I thought, gee if Bella and Edward had a son, that's likely the picture I would have seen every time you guys left our place. You running ahead to open the car door for them, and Bella and your son walking behind. His hair is the exact same color as yours, you know."

"Really?" I asked, drinking up any information they had on the son that I had given everything up for.

"Yeah," Jasper said. "If I'd known... If only I'd known... I would have stopped her sooner and risked making a fool of myself to make sure instead of just watching. By the time I saw her face she was across the lot. I think she saw me and that's why she left. I tried to get there... But she was just gone."

"Thanks, Jasper," I said.

"He's a cute kid, Ed," Jasper said quietly, probably considering his life without his kids.

"So what do we do now?" Emmett asked, his voice barely at a normal human pitch. Definitely far bellow his normal Emmett exuberance.

"You keep an eye out," Carlisle said. "We are hiring some private investigators to see what we can find. We want to find her and let them iron it out. To let them both know that they have a family if the want it."

"And if she doesn't?" Alice asked. "What if she doesn't want us?"

"Then that's her choice," I said. "I won't force myself back into her life."

"So you would be okay if she remarried and your son was calling some other man Daddy?" Jasper asked.

"Honestly?" I asked. "No. No, I would not be okay... but I would pretend for their sakes. It's always been Bella. Ever since the first day she set foot in the school, it was her. And there has never been and there will never be anyone else."

"Are you telling me that you've been celibate since she left?" Emmett asked, like it was the most horrific thing in the world.

"Yeah," I said. "I don't want anyone else."

Emmett guffawed and even Jasper made sounds like he was incredulous about the whole thing.

"I think it's sweet," Alice said. "You really loved her, didn't you Edward?"

"More than anything," I replied. "They were my only consideration in this. I wanted her to be safe, and I thought... I thought I was the danger."

"So stupid," Rose said. "You couldn't hurt a fly, Edward. We all knew that."

"Yeah," I agreed, half heartedly. "Maybe."

We ended the phone call then and I fell into bed, not having slept in almost forty-eight hours.

I didn't sleep much, and when I did, I dreamed of my little boy and his mama. She was an awesome Mama to him, of course. I always knew she would be. I was going to make it my life's mission to find them. No matter what it took, I would find them, at least to explain to her what happened and to give them an opportunity for my son to know me. I wouldn't ask for her to forgive me, nor would I ask her to love me again. I just wanted her to know why it all happened so she could have some closure on the situation.

Carlisle paid a visit to Jenks on our behalf and begged for information on her, even offering him him a cool million dollars if he would help us find her. He still refused and I found myself both angry at him for denying us his aide, and proud of him, proud that he kept his promise to my Angel.

We spent years with private investigators, in Canada and the US, with no luck. Finally, seven years after her disappearance, with no further leads, the police contacted us to tell us she had been declared dead and that we could pick up any personal effects that they had. Carlisle begged them to delay, but the law was the law and there was nothing that could be done. Carlisle and Esme picked everything up and brought it home. There were three boxes that held everything they knew about her.

As graduation approached, I decided it was time to look in the boxes, so on a Saturday, I pulled the three boxes into my room and started to rifle through them.

In the first box, there was some of her books, textbooks and a photo album filled with tons of pictures of us. I sat back and looked at it all, beginning to end. The first picture was taken days after our first date, and the last was a self portrait we did by turning the camera on ourselves as we lay in our bed. I remembered that picture and that day. It was the last Saturday we spent together, and she must have added it after I broke her heart.

We had spent the morning in bed. She wasn't feeling great and just wanted to be held, so I did. Finally I coaxed her out of bed and we decided to spend the day out. We went to lunch and then a movie, followed by grocery shopping and then we made dinner together and snuggled on the couch watching a movie until she fell asleep. It wasn't that it was a special day, it was like most days we had spent together and my heart thudded painfully wondering if there was someone that she did that with now. Did someone else hold her hand and make her laugh? Did someone else snuggle her at night? Did someone else make her smile?

As much as I selfishly wanted that answer to be no, I hoped for her sake that it was yes. Of all my most fervent hopes, her happiness was the most important to me.

Everything was in that photo album... every memory that we made together and I wondered if she thought of me at all in her new life. Our first weekend, at the cabin, graduation and summer time at First Beach, even pictures of our road trip across the country were there. I set the photo album aside and looked through the rest. There was nothing else personal there so I taped it shut and put it on the floor, ready to go back into storage.

The second box was filled with clothes. I took each piece out, remembering a time when she had worn it. I tried to smell them, to see if there were some remaining essence of Bella on them but they just smelled old and stale. I taped that box up too.

The third box wasn't anywhere near full. But it contained most of Bella's trinkets and silly mementos. A bottle cap from the day we spent at the fair, a little stuffed turtle I bought her when we went to the aquarium in Seattle and a few of the things that either Renee or Charlie had given her as well as countless other treasures of her past. But in the little envelope at the bottom of the box, I found the think that I wanted most. The small sapphire ring that I had given her all those years ago. I removed it from the box and held it in my hand as I let the tears fall. Tears for what should have been if I hadn't let my life be ruled by stupidity.

When I regained my composure, I placed the ring back on the gold chain around my neck. It was one thing I could do that showed my physically that she had been a part of my life.

Life moved quickly after that. I became a doctor and went onto to study pediatrics. I may not get to spend my time with my son, but I felt that if I worked with children I would have some idea of what he was like. Of all the patients that I worked with, the kids that fell into my son's age range were the best. I loved seeing them, and hearing about their lives. Even more, I loved watching them with their mothers. As I watched hundreds of children pass through my life I heard every name imaginable. Michael, Andrew, Adrian, Lamar, Kevin, Quinton, Tyrice... there were millions. Some I couldn't pronounce as the parents decided to try to use names to make their kids stand out. I found myself wondering what Bella would have named our son. She would probably stay more traditional, but not plain I decided and I guessed that she would probably want to honor her father some way. Could he be a Charlie too?

When the last of my residency was complete and I was a full fledges pediatrician, I knew I needed to decide where I was going to set up practice. The fact that I had been one of the top students in my class consistently, meant I had my choice, but it was a no-brainer. I was heading for Seattle.

I hoped that by going there I could fully reestablish my friendship with the old gang, and honestly, it was the last place that Bella had been seen.

My parents and friends all worried that I didn't date, or even talk to women when I didn't have to. My parents begged me to try to move on, but I couldn't. I loved Bella and there was nobody else. Emmett and Jasper were stunned to find out that I hadn't had sex with anyone else

"If you don't use it, I'm sure it will fall off," Emmett said one night.

"I'm going to have to call you Papa Smurf," Jasper said. "Nobody should have balls that blue."

Funny, funny guys!

Once I arrived in Seattle there was a big party that I had to attend. I begged my parents and friends to stay away as I didn't want to be celebrated. They conceded and I attended alone, just staying long enough to pose for a few pictures and shake all the board members' hands. I guess my near perfect marks, since I had no life outside of school, were something to be touted as far as they were concerned.

After the party, I had two weeks to settle in before I actually started work. My parents, however, had other ideas. A friend of Carlisle's, who also happened to be on the board for the hospital I worked at, had visited a lodge a few years back and suggested it as ideal getaway. He even went so far as to book us all rooms for a week. I tried to beg off but my parents and friends wouldn't hear of it. It was our chance to reconnect.

We all took a flight out of Seattle to Vancouver, then from Vancouver to Prince Rupert. The plane landed on Digby Island and there was a large native man waiting there to take us to the resort.

"Hey," he said. "I'm Jake."

"Hi," I said, seeing as I was the only one not wrangling either kids or luggage. I'm Edward."

He stared at me for a minute, seeming to appraise my appearance. With the thorough once over he was giving me I felt the need to tell him I wasn't gay.

"Ummm," I said, looking slightly horrified at the man. "I'm not... I, ummm. I like women."

"It's not like that," he said, looking mortified. "You just look like someone I know."

Emmett found that hilarious and we were all soon boarded on a small comfortable bus with the lodge's name printed on the side, while the other passengers airplane passengers were loaded on a green school bus type thing for the ferry ride to the city.

Once we offloaded from the car ferry, we drove through the small city, finally arriving at the secluded resort. Jake spoke animately about fishing and whale watching as well as all the amenities the lodge offered as he navigated the narrow roads that led to the main guest house. Then he said to the kids, "I have a little buddy about your age that lives here, maybe he'll share his playground with you."

Charlie was quick to ask about it and Jake spent a long time telling him about a playground that sounded perfect for any boy.

"Once we arrive, the owner, Angela, will help you register and show you to your rooms, then you have some time to explore," he said. "And maybe Mase will allow you to play on his playground."

"Does he have toys too?" asked Charlie.

"Yup," he said. "The boy can build anything with Legos!"

The Lego discussion carried us the rest of the way to the lodge. Once the bus was parked, the kids were first off, followed quickly by their fathers, mothers and then my parents. I happily brought up the rear.

"What a lovely place," my mother said as she looked around.

"Look at the playground!" EmJ said, looking at a giant pirate ship playground with a rope swing, slide and even a plank that you could jump off into a foam pit. "Can I play, Dad?"

"What do you say we get checked in first, Buddy?" Emmett said.

"Me too!" says Charlie.

"I'm sure you can," Alice said, laughing at her son's exuberance. Charlie was generally the calm sort, much like his father.

We all started in together, with every man reaching for his wallet.

"Let me get this taken care of," I said as I pulled in front of the group. They all nodded and stopped briefly to look at some of the art in the entry way. I stepped in the door and looked towards the front desk. "So the kids can..."

I would have continued but I couldn't, my eyes had met the owner's large brown eyes. Eyes that I hadn't seen in more than seven years, eyes that I thought I'd never thought I'd see again.

I didn't move from the doorway. I didn't blink or even breathe as I stared at my angel. Time hadn't changed her much. Her long brown hair was pulled behind her, and her eyes were still the exact same, pulling me into their depths as if no time had passed at all. To say that she was shocked to see me was probably an understatement, and I think we could have stood there forever if she hadn't been interrupted by a small voice next to her.

"Mom," the child said, looking up at her. "Can I go meet those kids?"

Jasper had been right. He had my color hair exactly. I appraised mother and son, drinking in everything about them. He had my green eyes too and the excited smile on his face mirrored the one that was creeping up my face. Bella finally pulled her eyes away from me to lean down to talk to our son.

"Mase," she said, quietly. "I need you to go into our room and wait there. Maybe you can see the kids later."

He sighed and rolled his eyes, but did as he was told.

"Bella," I said. It came out more as a sigh than anything.

"Angela," Jake said as he moved in the door. She looked at him, then at me and ran out of the room, the way she had just sent our son. I stood there absolutely still as the others finally entered the lobby around me.

"Please excuse our owner," Jake said, moving behind the desk, looking thoroughly confused. "She must have had some issues with her son, Masen."

My mother looked at me, wondering why I had become a statue in the lobby.

"It's her," I mumbled, barely able to get any volume into my words.

She stared at me for a moment before the words sunk in and she clued in to the boy's name and the words that left my mouth.

"Really?" she asked, tears springing instantly to her eyes.

I could only nod my head in response.

"Where did she go?" she asked me and I pointed at the door that Bella and Masen had disappeared through.

Esme moved quickly to follow where I had pointed while everyone just looked at either her or me, trying to figure out our bizarre behavior.

Jake stepped in front of the door, blocking her path, just before she reached the door handle.

"Sorry, you can't go in there," he said looking at her.

"I know her," Esme insisted. "Please let me see her. I need to see Bella."

"First of all that is the owner's private quarters and nobody is allowed in there. Second, the owner's name is Angela, not Bella, so you must have the wrong person," he said.

"I don't," my mother said firmly. "Now let me go so I can see my girl and meet my grandson."

Jake just stared at her, and then looked up at all of us, his eyes focusing on me, but he didn't move from his position, blocking the door.

Then, all hell broke loose.

Carlisle, Emmett, Alice, Jasper and Rose picked up on the fact that Bella was the owner that had just walked out of the room and started to fight with Jake about getting through the door. The kids just stood there looking dumbstruck at the scene in front of them. Their parents, Nana Esme, and Papa Carlisle were suddenly in an extremely animated discussion with someone. As two more people entered the lobby to assist Jake, I turned and walked out of the room, deciding to walk around back to see if there was another entrance, or exit. What I found was Bella standing on the ground, helping Masen climb out the window about three feet up.

"Hello, Bella," I said, calmly, completely belying the butterflies in my stomach.

"Edward!" she gasped, spinning to face me while pulling Masen behind her.

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**_So you are all now up to date on his side of the story. What did you think? Now we have a heck of a lot of reactions to get to next chapter. Edward... Bella... Masen... Esme, Carlisle, Rose, Emmett, Alice and Jasper. But what about Jake? I mean he's in love with Angela/Bella... What about Seth, Leah and the rest of her workers? Plus Masen has only ever known his mom as Angela. How is he going to take to the fact that she is actually Bella?_**

**_  
All these answers and more on the next edition of Days of our..... oh wait... I got a little confused as to what I was doing there!!!_**

**_Please REVIEW!!!!_**


	4. We Meet Again!

A/N: Thanks again to the following amazing ladies - ACEMCKEAN, my amazing beta... SUNSETWING, who is an endless source of inspiration and beta work, BEEGURL13, who has the most rockin' ideas for where I should elaborate more and Twilight44 who keeps me movin' and inspired. She also shared a song with me that reminded her of the beginning chapters of Ghosts of my Past... and had me absolutely sobbing. It is by Wade Hayes and it's called What I Meant to Say. (www DOT youtube DOT com/watch?v=RKIhDnIPR-E)

A/N 2: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in it. I just borrow them from Stephenie Meyer and for that pleasure, I will be eternally grateful.

A/N 3: I wrote a one shot called What Happens In Vegas DOES NOT Stay In Vegas. It is entered in the Public Lovin' Contest. You can read my entry here: www DOT fanfiction DOT net/s/5907217/1/What_Happens_in_Vegas_DOES_NOT_stay_in_Vegas. Please go vote at publiclovincontest DOT blogspot DOT com.

Thanks. Now you've seen what happened from BPOV and what happened in EPOV... now see what happens NEXT!!!

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BPOV

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"Hello, Bella," he said, calmly.

I finished lowering Masen from the window, and pulled him behind me as I spun and faced the man who had broken my heart all those years ago.

"Edward!" I gasped.

_Shit!! There goes the clean getaway!_

"I didn't know," he said.

"I know," I said. "I just never expected to see you here."

"Mama," Masen interrupted. "Are we still going?"

"Not just yet," I said, kneeling down to talk to him. "Why don't you go and play on your ship."

"Can I?" he asked, his eyes flashing with excitement. He loved that ship!

"Yup," I said. "But I'm not going up to the crow's nest to rescue you this time if you get stuck."

He knew I would, I did it every time.

"Okay," he said as he bolted for his giant climbing structure.

"I'm going to leave," I told Edward, worried that my unintentional presence here was causing him issues. "We'll come back once you guys are gone. Jake and the crew can run this place in the meantime."

"Bella," he said.

The sound of my name, the name I hadn't heard in seven years, coming from his lips sent shivers down my spine. I loved the sound of my name on his lips.  I found myself wondering what he had told everyone, and how much of me everyone had seen. _ Did they know about Masen? Was I as unwelcome in their lives as I had felt all those years ago?_

"I haven't been Bella in a lot of years, Edward," I said finally. "It's Angela now."

If only he knew why.

"I'm so sorry," he said.

_What for this time? For interrupting my perfect life? For abandoning me all those years ago? For what?_

"I believe I've heard that before," I said, coldly. I needed to distance myself from him. I needed to keep every bit of myself in check.

"God... I was such an ass. I really need to explain," he said running his fingers through his hair just like Masen always did when he would get upset.

"No, you really don't," I said, almost panicking. "It's been a long time and it's... whatever."

"No, Bella, it's not," he said, as he stepped toward me, grabbing my arms gently and spinning me to face him. "You need to know what happened. You deserve that... and a lot more."

His touch brought back every memory, good and bad, of our time together. I wanted to lean into it and never let him go... and I wanted to run as far away as I could so he couldn't hurt me again, or worse, hurt Masen.

"I don't know if I can," I said, honestly. "I can't go there. As it is I have a ton of damage control to do here."

"What do you mean?" he asked looking genuinely confused.

"I've been Angela Webber since I walked out of that apartment seven years ago," I said. "Nobody knows me as anything else. Jake... Jake won't take it well."

"Is Jake your boyfriend?" he asked, sounding jealous. _What right did he have to be jealous? Seriously! The man dumped my ass the second he found out I was pregnant!_

"He'd like to be," I laughed bitterly. Jake wanted more than I could offer him, and was beginning to get more determined in his pursuit. "Let's just say I'm not the relationship type anymore."

"God, Bella... I'm so sorry," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Look," I said. "I really can't deal with this right now. I need to take Masen away from here. He doesn't need to be front and center for the drama that is and will unfold. Plus, I need to get some perspective on things before I talk to you... or anyone else who is currently turning my guest house into a three ring circus."

"You'll come back?" he asked. "I won't leave until you do."

I looked at him, trying to judge how serious he was. _Great! Dead serious!_

"Fine," I said. "But I need to take Masen out of here. He doesn't need the confusion. It's been me and him alone for as long as he's known..."

"You've done a great job with him," he said. "He looks so good."

"He looks just like you!" I said with a laugh.

"That he does," he said, smiling.

_Smiling??_

"Somehow I didn't expect that to make you smile," I said.

"There's a lot that you don't know," he said. I looked into his eyes. The green eyes of my first love, of my only love, the spark that had been missing in every picture I had seen of him was there, but buried deep.

"Mama!" Masen called, pulling us out of our staring contest. "Watch!"

At that, Masen ran full speed, and launched himself off of a plank that was about six feet in the air, cannon-balling into a big foam pit below.

"Great job," I said to my son. "Ready to go now?"

"One more time?" he asked, clasping his hands together in a pleading gesture, and giving me the perfect puppy dog pout, the same one his father had used on me forever.

"Just one," I said. _Who could say no to that pout?_

He climbed out of the foam, happily and climbed up the cargo net, back onto the ship. He loved that thing.

"Please," Edward said. "I don't expect anything from you... and I'll even make sure that Esme and Alice keep their distance until you ask to speak to them. I just really need to talk to you."

_Could I really talk to him? Should I? _I was opening myself up to a world of hurt by agreeing, but was leaving myself with too many unanswered questions to deny him.

"Fine," I said, with a resigned sigh. "I am taking Masen into town to a friend's house for the night. We'll talk when I get back. Meet me at cabin twelve in two hours."

Masen launched himself off his pirate ship once again and climbed out, running over to where I stood with Edward. He looked up at me, his little cheeks flushed from his recent activity, then to Edward. He looked at him, speculatively and I found myself uncertain of my son's reaction.

"Hi," he said finally, extending his little hand politely. "I'm Masen Charles Webber."

"I'm Edward," Edward said, his eyes glistening as he shook his son's hand. "It's really nice to meet you."

I didn't miss the emphasis he placed on really.

"It's nice to meet you too," Masen said, smiling up at him, with his gap toothed grin. "You have the same kind of hair I do."

"I do," he said. _Was it just my imagination or was he fighting the off tears?_

"My mommy always rubs it when I'm sad. She says it reminds her of my daddy," Masen said._ He would have to say that!!_

"On that note, Young Man, it's time to get in the car," I said, my cheeks flushing red.

_Why don't you just tell him that I still love him, Son???_

"I hope to see you again really soon, Masen," Edward said, emotion coloring his tone.

The tears in Edward's eyes were undeniable now, and left me with so many questions. _Why was he acting like this mattered to him? Like we mattered? _

"Me too, Mr. Ed," Masen said.

_Mr. Ed???_

I burst out laughing as my son referred to him as a horse, and Edward laughed right along with me. _God I missed that sound!_ Smiling, happy, laughing Edward had left my life almost three months before I walked out of his life for the final time, and hearing his laughter not, not forced or coerced, sent my head into a tailspin and had my stomach doing flip flops. _How could he still get such a reaction out of me?_ Masen just looked up at us as though we'd both lost our minds. Maybe we had, then again, maybe we'd just entered the Twilight Zone!

"I'll see you soon," I said to him.

"Promise?" he asked, looking quite desperate.

"Yeah," I said. "Two hours, cabin twelve."

"I'll be waiting," he said.

Masen and I loaded into my Jeep, and buckled in. No sooner were we on the road, then I noticed the rest of Edward's family file out of the guest house, along with Jake and Seth, and stand next to Edward. From the looks of things, Alice and Esme were really giving him the gears.

Once they were out of sight, I adjusted my rearview mirror to look at my son, who, for all the craziness of the last ten minutes, looked remarkably calm. He noticed me looking at him and smiled at me, with his gap toothed crooked smile.

"I love you, Mama," he said.

"I love you too, Masen," I said, my eyes filling with tears.

He looked out the window again and I figured I might be safe from questions for a little while. I was wrong!

"How did you know Mr. Edward, Mama?" Masen asked.

_Way to get right to the hard questions, Kid!_

"What do you mean?" I asked him.

"Well," Masen said, "he isn't like other peoples that come here. Is he your friend?"

"Edward, was a very good friend of mine for a long time," I said.

"From when you lived with Grandpa Charlie?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said,tearing up a little as I thought of my father.

"I like him," Masen said.

"Me too," I said.

Masen was silent for a while while my Jeep navigated the small dirt roads. Once we turned onto the highway, I chanced another look at Masen in the rearview mirror. He had a puzzled look on his face, like he was trying to figure something out.

"What's up?" I asked him.

"Why didn't he call you Ang, like Jake does?" Masen asked.

"I'll tell you a secret," I told Masen. "My name hasn't always been Angela. I actually picked that name from a name that Edward used to call me."

"You did?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"What did your name used to be?" he asked.

"Bella," I said.

He pondered that for a minute and I could see him playing with the name on his lips, almost like he was trying it on.

"I like that," he said nodding his head. "So why did you chose Angela?"

"Edward used to call me angel, so when I was sad and decided I needed a new name I chose Angela," I told him.

"I think I like Bella better," Masen said.

"You do?" I asked, surprised.

"There is an Angela in my class and she pulls my hair," he said.

"And what did Mrs. Brown say about that?" I asked.

"She says that Angela has to say sorry," he said.

"That's very smart of Mrs. Brown," I said, liking the change of subject.

"Why were all those people mad, Mama?" he asked.

_So much for that!_

"They weren't really mad, just excited. They wanted to talk to Mama, because I haven't seen them in a very long time," I explained to Masen.

"But Jake didn't want to let them talk to you," he said with a frown.

"Jake is just worried about me, that's all," I said.

"Is that why he told Tyler that he couldn't come over anymore?" he asked.

Tyler was a local man that did odd jobs. He generally showed up once every month or two to see if there was anything he could do to help. I had jobs for him occasionally, but Jake and the other boys took care of most of it. I hadn't really thought about it, but I hadn't seen him in months.

"What do you mean, Mase?" I asked him.

"Last time Mr. Tyler came over and you got him to help fix the fireplace, he asked me if you and Jake kissed," Masen reported. "I said no, that Jake wasn't your boyfriend and he asked me if it was okay if he asked you to be his girlfriend."

Masen giggled and wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"I told him you only love my daddy," he said, but Jake heard him talking to me and got mad. Then he said a BAD word, Mama."

"What did he say?" I asked, stunned to be hearing about this now, when the fireplace had been repaired in February.

"I can't say it," Masen said.

"You can, if Mommy says it's okay," I told him.

"He said, 'Stay away from Angela or I will kick your sorry ass!'" Masen said trying to emulate Jake's gruff voice with his little musical one, before dissolving into giggles for the joy of being able to say a swear word.

"I see," I said.

"That wasn't very nice of Jake, was it Mama?" he asked, once he calmed down.

"No it wasn't," I said.

"He won't send Edward away, will he?" Masen asked.

I couldn't answer that question, because in all honesty I could see him try to do that. In fact, I knew he would. Before even considering what I was doing, I pulled a U-turn and sped back to the resort.

"What are we doing, Mommy," Masen asked.

"We're going back, but I need you to do Mommy a big favor," I told him.

"What?" he asks.

"I need you to stay in the car until I tell you it's okay to get out," I told him. "Can you do that?"

"Yes, Mommy," he said.

I took the narrow mud road faster than I ever had before and before I knew it, I was in front of the lodge. The place was packed with cars I had never seen before and there was a lot of shouting.

"Get your hands off my son," Emmett roared as I heard a child wailing.

"Stay here," I reminded Masen as I threw myself out of the car.

The rest of the voices were a jumble of angry shouts mixed with pleading and crying. Before I even got into the mix I found a little girl, so obviously Emmett and Rose's daughter, crouched behind the bus tire, scared and crying.

"Come here, Sweetheart," I said, crouching down to her level. "I won't hurt you, I promise."

The very dirty little princess crawled out to me and buried her head against the crook of my neck.

"Too loud," she sobbed.

"Do me a favor and cover your ears for a minute," I said.

She pressed her tiny mud filled hands against her ears and I marched into the fray.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" I bellowed.

All movement ceased and I looked around to see that all my old gang was being restrained in some way, shape or form by Jake and seven new guys I had never met before. Two big, burly, native guys had Emmett pinned to the ground and another one had two of the children held in his arms. The other boy was pressed to Alice's side, as she was pressed up against the wall. I looked around and noticed Seth, Embry, Leah and Emily standing back against the wall, stunned by what was happening in front of them.

"LET THEM GO!" I ordered.

The men made no move to follow my orders.

I made my way over to Jake, who had Edward pressed against the floor.

"Let him go, Jake," I seethed. "Now!"

He did as he was told, glaring right at me, and Edward got off the floor quickly.

"Tell them to let these people go," I said, staring Jake straight in the eye, which was difficult as I was sixteen inches shorter than him.

"Do it," Jake said.

Emmett was off the floor in an instant, grabbing the two boys from the man that had held them. I was stunned that he didn't try to kill the man, but I guess his fatherly instinct to calm his child won... for the time being. Jasper moved quickly away from the man that had him pinned to take his son from Emmett and move to Alice's side. I watched as both of them comforted the boys in their arms.

"You all need to leave," I said to the guys that Jake had here.

"You heard her," Jake said, grinning. He obviously thought I meant the Edward and his family.

"I don't mean them, Jake. I mean your goons," I said, glaring at him.

"They're just trying to protect you," he said, shocked that I was defending the Cullens, Whitlocks and McCartys.

I motioned towards Rosalie, who was still mostly trapped behind one of the burly men, to come and take her daughter.

"Here's your Mama, Sweetie," I said to the little girl. She removed her mud caked hands from her ears and looked up at me for a second, then her eyes locked on Rose and she practically dove for her.

"Thank you," Rose said quietly as Izzy cuddled into her.

I didn't have a chance to respond to Rose as Jake's actions needed to be addressed. I didn't want him treating anyone, at any time, as he had treated the people that used to mean everything to me.

"I can protect myself just fine, Jacob Black," I seethed. "You have no right to bring these goons in here and threaten anyone! Do you understand?"

He glared at me for a moment.

"Sam," he said to the man that had pressed Alice and Esme into the wall. "You guys should go."

Sam simply nodded his head at the others and they walked out, muttering quiet apologies to the people that they had attacked moments earlier.

"Sorry," Sam said to me. "We were trying to help."

"Terrorizing women and children is not _help_," I said to him.

He lowered his head and nodded in acknowledgement, then he walked out after the rest of the guys. Jake started to follow him.

"Stay," I said to him, glaring at him for all I was worth.

"Carlisle," I said. "I have to apologize on behalf of my staff and myself. Are you still wanting to stay?"

"I think I speak for everyone when I say we definitely wish to stay," he said, smiling at me. The others all nodded in agreement.

"Emily, Leah," I said, calling the girls over. "Please make sure they each get the rooms we set for them on the second floor. Seth, Embry, you take care of the luggage, please."

The room was a buzz of activity as everyone started to move around. Alice, Rose and Esme seemed to be struggling with their desire to get set up, and their desire to talk to me.

"I will come and talk to you later," I said to them. "I have a lot to do first."

They nodded in acknowledgement and followed the girls up the stairs. Edward, however, did not follow the gang up the stairs and I shook my head. It was what I would have expected seven years ago... but now?

Edward, Jake and I were all standing, completely unmoving, while the others left. All at once, it seemed that the room had become deathly quiet. The only sounds I was aware of was my breathing, and the breathing of the two men in the room. The weight of the world suddenly seemed to land squarely on my shoulders as I realized that I was in the room, alone, with two of the most important men in my life.

Edward, my first everything and the father of my son. He was also the man who o threw us away like trash, took away the only family and friends I had during the worst time of my life and then suddenly showed up on my doorstep, acting like Masen and I were the best things he'd ever seen. Worse, he was the man who still held my heart, no matter what he'd done.

Then there was Jacob, my best friend, my own personal sunshine, the man who had picked up the shattered pieces of me when I was so broken and alone. He helped make this place the best and I knew he loved Masen. I also knew he wanted more out of our relationship, and I was both unwilling and unable to go there. You cannot go from looking at a man as your brother for years to seeing him as a romantic partner. It just can't happen.

I took a deep breath, which drew both men's eyes to me.

"Edward," I said, addressing him first, all the while hoping he wouldn't make me sorry for what I was about to ask. "Will you please go to my car and get Masen? Tell him his Mom said it was okay for him to get out now."

He looked between me and Jake for a moment before nodding his head. I smiled at him and handed him the keys to my Jeep.

No sooner had he left the room when Jake was up in my face.

"You're sending, _HIM_, to get Masen?" Jake asked incredulously.

"Yes, I am," I said, calmly. "And you really have no say in the matter."

"What say does he have?" Jake asked.

"None," I replied, angrily. "He is doing what I asked so that _MY_ child isn't stuck sitting in the car any longer. I think we have enough traumatized children here right now, thanks to the stupid stunt you pulled."

I was so mad it felt like my blood was boiling. _What right did Jake think he had? What the hell was his problem?_

"If they would have just left, none of that would have happened," he said.

"And what?" I asked. "They would have just disappeared out of my life forever, forgotten where I am and all of this would have been no more than a bad dream?"

He just looked at me and huffed.

"They obviously wanted to see me. You have no ownership of me. It isn't for you to decide who I want to see and who I don't," I said. I was so angry at him, I could seriously beat him.

Jake was silent again for a moment.

"Don't think I haven't figured out who he is," Jake said, almost smugly.

"Good for you," I said. "Had you asked I would have told you."

"But they wanted to see you and Masen," he said.

"Then what right did you have to try to evict them?" I asked, staring at him, my anger reaching it's peak. "Did you ever ask yourself if I might have wanted to see them too? It is my choice to make, Jake."

"They were causing you problems, I assumed..." Jake began to explain.

"Sorta like you assumed with Tyler?" I asked.

Jake opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.

"Didn't think I'd ever hear about that, did you?" I asked angrily. "What did you say to my son to stop him from telling me?"

"Ang..." he said, almost pleading with me.

"Save it," I said, pinching the bridge of my nose to try to regain composure. It was a move I had learned from Edward in our time together, and still maintained to this very day when I was involved in a stressful situation. "I'm not in the mood to even bring that up. I am so disgusted in you for your behavior here today. There were kids here, Jake!"

"I told them to leave and they refused," he justified, using the same excuse again.

"Kids, Jake!" I said. "Damn it!"

"If they were so worried about their children..." he started.

"Don't!" I said angrily. "Do you think for a minute that any of those people would have put their children at risk for no reason? There is more at play here, and I, for one, intend to find out what it is."

"I should have just left them at the airport once I figured it out," he said. "Then this wouldn't be an issue."

"You don't think they would have called?" I said. "You aren't the one who gets to make the decisions."

"You ran out of here like a bat out of hell," he said. "What was I supposed to think? I decided to get them out of here."

"That isn't your call. This is my business. You are my employee! You do what I tell you to do!" I seethed, my anger was fading, but he needed to know that this was serious.

"Is that all I am, Angela? Or should I say, Bella?" he asked in an almost sneering tone.

"Jake," I said dropping my head slightly, sadness creeping into my entire being. "You're right. I haven't always been Angela, but I left Bella behind when I left the States."

"Did you kill someone?" he asked, trying to be playful.

"No," I said. "I just couldn't be that girl anymore."

"So this person you are here was a lie?" he asked.

"No. She may not have existed a month before I met you, but she is me," I said, trying to make him understand something that I wasn't sure I understood.

"Everything between us was a lie," he said.

"I have never lied to you! I didn't offer information at certain points, but I didn't lie," I said firmly.

"You lied the first moment you met me and introduced yourself as Angela Webber," he said angrily.

"No!" I said, tears beginning to form in my eyes as I thought about my last months as Bella Swan. "I made my choice to leave behind Bella Swan when I lost everything. I took the opportunity to start fresh and I did. I certainly wasn't about to say,_ hey I was Bella Swan now I'm Angela Webber. Let me tell you all about my former life that I am trying so desperately to forget!_"

"But you didn't try, Ang... Bella," he said, his shoulders slumped in defeat. "You never let _HIM_ go."

"I tried, Jake. God knows I tried," I said, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"So what? Now that he is back you're going to jump into his arms and ride off into the sunset?" he asked.

"No!" I said. "First, I'm certain that he doesn't feel the same. He didn't want me then and I'm sure he won't want me now. Second, I'm not the same person that walked out of the apartment all those years ago. She was declared dead this year and she is dead. There is no Bella Swan!"

"And what about me? I've been waiting for a chance with you for years, Ang. I waited for you to be ready," he said in an almost pleading tone.

"And I told you no. Many times. Jake you are my best friend. Isn't that enough?" I begged.

"How can you say that? How can you say I'm your best friend?" he asked. "Best friends share everything, yet you have so many secrets that you kept hidden. Are you going to tell me why you left? Are you going to tell me why I fell in love with Angela Webber and not Bella Swan?"

"No," I said, feeling completely defeated. "Honestly, I can't."

"The hell you can't," he yelled.

"Have you ever loved someone so much that you would give up everything for them?" I asked them.

"Everyday," he answered looking right at me.

_Why couldn't I love him? It would be easy. I knew he would treat Masen and I so well. But my heart just couldn't see him that way._

"Then that's the only answer I can give you," I told him.

"That's bull shit," he said. "There had to be more!"

"No," Edward said from behind him, walking into the room with a sleeping Masen on his shoulder. "She is telling the truth. I...."

"Edward," I said, stopping him. I wasn't ready to hear any of this again right now, especially not in front of Jake, or Masen.

"What the hell do you know?" Jake seethed.

"Quiet!" I said to Jake, moving to take Masen from Edward.

I stared at both of them with my most menacing gaze.

"Can you guys be in the same room for five minutes without killing each other?" I asked as my baby boy simply curled himself into my body. He was so long and lanky now that he was beginning to dwarf my body with his size, but I loved the feel of his little body cuddled into mine. He already hated for me to kiss and hug him in public and I knew I wouldn't be able to do this for very much longer.

"I'm fine," Edward said.

"Whatever!" Jake said, walking across the room.

I moved to go into Masen's and my private quarters and laid him down on his bed. I knew I couldn't let him sleep long or the little monster would be up all night.

When I came back into the main room, Edward and Jake were engaged in a staring contest across the room.

"Edward," I said as I walked back into the room.

He looked at me, and smiled slightly.

"I need you to go upstairs. Make sure everyone is okay and keep them there until I have finished talking to Jake. I will talk to you, I just can't right now," I said.

"Bella..." he said.

"Bella is dead!" Jake said. "You fuckin' killed her."

"Jacob!" I seethed.

"It's fine," Edward said, dropping his head some. "I deserved that."

"No!" I said. "Jacob has no right to speak like that and he certainly doesn't speak for me."

Edward smiled softly at me and left the room, heading for the stairs.

"Ang," Jake said starting across the room.

"Don't," I said. "I don't want you any closer. I'm so mad at you right now."

"We'll get past this. We always do," he soothed.

"I don't know. What the hell were you thinking?" I asked completely defeated by the man how had been my best friend for seven years.

"I was thinking that whoever these assholes were, were causing the woman I love pain... I hate it when you're hurting. I knew it was him the moment I laid eyes on him. I saw the picture you try to hide. You are still so in love with him," he said. "I hoped that by seeing him in person you would realize that he wasn't all that, but the look you gave him before you ran out... I knew that you still loved him. The only thing I could do was get them out of here before they could hurt you anymore."

"Jake," I said. "That wasn't your call."

"But you would have loved me," he said. "I just needed more time."

"You don't think that seven years is enough time?" I asked. "You don't think that if I was going to fall in love with you it would have happened by now?"

"Please, Ang!" he said. "Just try."

"I don't have a magic wand that will just suddenly make things appear that aren't there," I said.

He moved across the room and pulled me into his arms.

"Please?" he begged as he lowered his head to kiss me.

"No," I said, pushing him away. "I don't think of you like that. I never have and I never will."

He turned away and leaned his head against the wall so that his forehead was pressed against it.

"You won't even try," he said.

"No," I said. "You are my best friend Jake. It can't be more."

"It could. You just won't let it," he said sounding angry.

"Jake, you are a great guy, and some day, some woman will be very lucky to have you. It just won't be me. You deserve someone to love you with their whole heart and as much as I love you as my friend, that won't be me. You should cause some girl's heart to flutter at the sound of your name, or make her whole insides twist when you walk into the room. That can't be me," I said, my eyes tearing up.

"Are you sure? I will wait for you," he said. "I can be patient."

"Don't you think I know my own heart?" I asked him.

"Do you?" he asked, turning to face me, staring deeply into my eyes.

I looked at him, really looked at him. He was a handsome man, looking so much younger than he was, not that twenty-six is old. He had beautiful, soulful, dark eyes and a heart of pure gold, but he wasn't mine. He didn't make my heart leap, or my knees turn to jelly.

"I do," I said finally.

"So tell me. Tell me how it is," he said. "I need to know."

"Edward was my first everything. I swore when I arrived to live in the small Podunk town with my father that I wouldn't get attached to anything or anyone, but the moment our eyes met, that was all out the window. My heart was his before he even opened his mouth!" I said.

He didn't interrupt me at all, he just simply watched me and listened.

"And as for what made me leave?" I continued. "He was horrible to me. He went from treating me like an angel to treating me like shit. And as much as I hated him for that, I still loved him. I hated myself for loving him, but it was there. It's still there."

"I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you. He wants you back. Are you going to give in and welcome him back with open arms? What if he decides you're not worth it again?" he asked.

"No," I said. "The fact that I love him... It doesn't mean that we can go back to where we were... Even if it was something that he wants... I have too much riding on it," I said.

"Then give me a chance. You know I love Masen. You know I love you! I know what he did to you, and you have to know. I would never hurt you like that. I would never leave you," he said.

"Jacob. Don't do this!" I said. "You are my friend. I need my friend. It isn't romantic for me and it never will be."

"So that's it then?" he asked, completely defeated, finally understanding that he and I would never be romantically involved.

"I can't love you that way, Jake," I said. "I've been in love. I know what passion and fire feel like. I don't feel any of that for you."

"You haven't let yourself!" he said. "You are so trapped by your feeling for a man that threw you away! Please?"

"I can't," I said.

"Then I can't stay," he said. "I can't be your best friend and take a front row seat to watch you fall in love again, with someone who has already hurt you so badly once. I need to go."

"And you just said you wouldn't leave," I said.

"I can't stay and allow you to trample my heart. I'm not that strong! And it's time for me to be true to myself. If I stay I will wait for you. I will hold out hope that Pretty Boy will screw up and somehow you'll finally see me as more than your friend. I can't do that anymore. You won't even try to be what I want, what I need... I can't be what you need. I'm sorry," he said as tears streamed down his face. He walked over and kissed my forehead before he turned and strode out of the room.

My stomach clenched and my knees trembled as I moved to a chair and let the tears take over. Somehow I had just chased my best friend away, and I knew that he wouldn't be coming back. Yet I couldn't regret it. I needed to set him free to find his own true love.

I let his words wash over me once more, and so many things he said hit home. _Was I really holding out hope for Edward? _

"Umm, Angela," Leah said from behind me.

I dried my eyes and turned to face her.

"Is that still what I should call you?" she asked, smiling softly.

That did it. The tears started to fall again, completely unchecked.

"I'm sorry," Leah said. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

"It's not you, Leah," I said with a small laugh as I worked to brush away the tears again. "It's been a pretty crazy day."

"I think that's what people call an understatement," she said.

"True," I laughed.

"So?" she asked.

"You can call me whatever you want," I said. "I kinda like hearing my real name... It makes this all mine."

"Where did Jake go?" she asked.

"Probably to pack," I said, softly.

"It is time," she said.

"It is," I agreed, surprised she felt that way.

"He wasn't fair to you. Friends don't put friends on the spot. You were honest and up front with him always and he couldn't accept that. It's on him, not on you," Leah said.

"I don't know. Maybe I should have done more," I said.

"He knew you didn't feel the same," Leah said. "There was nothing more that could be done for him."

"I just hate that he's leaving," I said. "I know I hurt him."

"And he needed both," she said. "If you had been nice and said you'd try or that you'd think about it, he'd never leave."

"Hey," I said suddenly. "How did you know what we talked about?"

She flushed deep red, and on her dark complexion that isn't an easy thing to do.

"I was listening," she said. "I just didn't want him to take advantage of you while you are going through all this turmoil."

"So you know who Edward is then?" I asked her.

"Not that I didn't know the second I laid eyes on him," she said rolling her eyes. "If Masen looked anymore like him, he'd be a clone."

"I have to get Mase up, or he'll be up all night. I'm not going to say anything to him yet. He deserves to know but I want him to get past all the turmoil, and losing Jake before I spring this on him. He's had a lot of upheaval in the last little bit," I said.

"That he has," she said, then paused. "Did you really climb out the window?"

"Yeah," I said with a laugh. "I told Masen we were going on an adventure. That said, I better call Krista and let her and Spencer know we aren't going to make it."

"Sounds like a plan," she said. "I'm going to prep dinner and Seth will prepare the spit for the salmon cook out."

"Thanks Leah," I said, hugging her. "You're a good friend."

"You too, Bella," she said, grinning at the fact that she was using my real name.

She wandered into the kitchen and I went into my private quarters to wake Masen. I needed to tell him that Jake was leaving and ask him how he was feeling with all the craziness.

"Hey, Little Man," I said, sitting down on his bed.

"Hi, Mama," he said, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"You fell asleep in the car," I said to him as he snuggled onto my lap. I held him close and ran my fingers through his hair.

"And Edward came to get me out," he said.

"Yeah," I said.

"Is everything better?" he asked.

"Sorta," I said, honestly.

"What's the matter, Mama?" he asked, looking up at me with worried eyes.

"Jake and I had a fight and Jake has decided it was time for him to move away," I said.

"Oh," Masen said, frowning. "He doesn't love us anymore?"

"He loves you. He loves you very much. You were always his special buddy," I said.

"Then why is he going?" he asked.

"Well, he wanted me to love him like a Mommy loves a Daddy," I said. "But I couldn't. I love him like a friend."

"So you don't want to sleep in his bed?" Masen asked, making me blanche considerably.

"That's one way of saying it," I said.

"I'm glad," Masen said.

"What are you glad about?" I asked him.

"Well, if you loved Jake, then you couldn't love my daddy anymore," he said.

"No matter what, I will always love your daddy," I told him. "Do you remember why?"

"Yeah," he said, giggling as I tickled his sides softly. "Because he gave you the bestest present ever, me!"

"You are so smart," I said to him, tapping the tip of his nose. "How did you ever get so smart?"

"I have the best Mama, that's why," he said wrapping both of his little arms around me.

Tears sprang to my eyes at my son's unexpected answer to that question. I hugged him tight and wouldn't have ever let go if he didn't start to wiggle.

"I hear the fire pit," he said, perking up. "Who's doin' it?"

"Seth," I replied.

"Can I help him? Pleeeaase?" he asked.

"Put your coat and boots on and off you go," I said to him.

"Yippee," he said.

"I'll be upstairs talking to the guests. When you're done, go find Leah and Emily and I'm sure they'll let you have a little snack before dinner," I told him.

"Thank you, Mama," he said stepping into his boots.

"Then can I play with the kids later?" he asked.

"I'll ask their parents," I said. "They might be tired from their big trip."

He ran off after that and I heard him calling Seth. Seth adored Masen so I knew he'd be fine. Now I needed to make my way up to talk to the people I hadn't seen in more than seven years.

My stomach was full of butterflies as I made my way towards the stairs. As I got to the landing, all four doors were closed. I knocked on the one I knew was set up for Carlisle and Esme.

"Bella," Esme said as she opened the door, and pulled me into a hug in one fell movement.

"Hi," I said quietly.

"You have no clue how long we've looked for you," she said. "How are you?"

"My life is in complete chaos," I said, "but I am happy to see you."

"I know you are going to talk to Edward still, so I won't say much," she said. "We've missed you so much, Sweetheart."

"I missed you guys too," I said.

"Will you talk to us again after you've spoken with Edward?" she asked.

"I think so," I said.

"I only saw Masen briefly. He... He is... Oh, Bella, he is just so sweet," she said, bursting into tears.

"Thanks," I said, tears streaming down my own cheeks.

Carlisle stepped up then and pulled me into a hug too.

"Don't run from us, again. No matter what. We love you for you and we want to be a part of your life," he said.

"Thanks," I said as I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

"I wish you had never run, but I understand why you did. He told us he was awful to you," Carlisle said.

"He told you?" I asked.

"Not everything right away. He didn't confess anything about Masen or why until after Jasper saw you in Seattle," Esme said.

"Jasper saw me? I thought... I didn't think he had," I said.

"He did, he came racing after you as fast as he could with little Charlie in tow but missed you," Esme said.

"But... Why did you..." I began to ask, not really comprehending that they were looking for me.

"Once you didn't show up at the airport, Alice called Edward to see where you two were. He just said that you were gone and that it was all his fault. We flew out there right away. We knew about Jenks, but you made such an impression on him that he wouldn't disclose anything," Carlisle said. "He isn't the kind of guy that you can just go to the police about so... I guess Edward offered him a quarter million before we even got there to tell him anything. He refused and he threatened to kill Edward if the police ever tracked him down."

"What?" I asked.

"When I visited him after Edward's second confession, I offered him a million," Carlisle said causing my mouth to gape. "He still wouldn't budge. He told me the same thing he told Edward, and then added the fact that he wouldn't mind making Edward disappear too if we didn't stop visiting. Apparently Edward had gone to beg quite a few times over the years."

"I didn't even think... I didn't know that you guys were even looking... or that you had any clue Masen existed," I said.

"Masen or no Masen, we were looking for you," Esme said. "We love you, Honey."

"Oh," I responded.

"Look, we just unloaded a pile of information on you and most of that probably wasn't ours to tell. Will you promise to still talk to Edward. He hasn't been the same, not since you left," Esme said. "You both need the air cleared, and the only way that can happen is if you really listen to him. He was wrong and he knows it, and he has regretted it every day since."

"Now, go say hi to the girls," Esme said. "They have been itching to get their arms around you since they knew who you were."

"And you guys really had no clue I was here?" I asked, clarifying that point.

"Not at all," Carlisle said. "My friend Dr. Bill Copeland came to stay a year and a half ago with his wife..."

"Melanie!" Bella said with a smile.

"Right," Carlisle said. "When Edward came to Seattle I said the gang needed a chance to reconnect after all that had happened and he suggested the lodge and even made the arrangements."

"I see," I said, pondering the coincidence that landed all these people back on my doorstep.

"Now go talk to those girls," Esme said.

I was quickly shooed out into the hall and moved down to Alice's door. I gave a quick knock on the door.

"Bella," Alice squealed, launching herself into my arms.

"Hey, Fashion Forward Mama," I said.

"What?" she asked, looking at me with wide eyes.

I smiled at her.

"How long have you been following?" she asked.

"I found you just after Cullen was born," I said.

"So after I saw you in Seattle?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah I saw you with Charlie and I wanted to know how everything turned out for all of you guys," I said.

"It worked," she said to Jasper and he smiled at her.

"What did?" I asked, completely confused.

"Alice wrote that with you in mind. Hoping that somehow you would find it and maybe contact her, Jasper said.

"No, I couldn't," I said. "I didn't know what had been said. I didn't know that you'd even seen me that day. I couldn't just... I couldn't."

"Edward is such an ass!" Alice said with a harrumph.

"I don't even want to go there," I said.

"I know. You will talk to him, right?" she asked.

"I will," I said. "For Masen."

"Speaking of Masen, where is he?" Jasper asked from behind her. "The boys are over with em and Rose but they are dying to get on that pirate ship."

"So are you and Emmett," Alice said with a giggle.

"Agreed," Jasper said.

"Go for it," I said. "It is adult friendly... just watch the crow's nest. Mase likes to go up, but he is too scared to climb down and I have to rescue him every time."

"Is Masen outside?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah," I said. "He's helping Seth set up the fire pit for tonight's salmon feast."

"Can we take him to play with the kids?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said, smiling at him. "He'd like that. But Jazz... he doesn't know anything about all of you yet. He's just losing a very good friend and I need to give him a little time before I spring this all on him."

"No problem," Jasper said. "I'll threaten Em too so he keeps his trap shut."

"Thanks," I said.

Jasper went out to the hall and knocked on Rose and Em's door. The thundering sound of kids came as soon as the door was opened.

"Bella's in talking to Ali," Jasper said.

"Out of my way, Man," Emmett said and the next thing I knew, Emmett had me in a monster bear hug.

"Bellie!" he crooned as he squished me to within an inch of my life. I couldn't even find it in myself to fight. I didn't want to.

"Put her down you big oaf," Rose said, from some unknown place in the room. Then I heard the resounding smack as she slapped the back of his head. I guess some things never change.

"It's so good to see you, Bellie," Emmett said, with tears in his eyes.

"You too, Em," I said, wiping mine. "I hear you guys are ready to go swashbuckling."

"You betcha! Masen won't have a problem with that will he?" Emmett asked.

"No. He'll love the opportunity to play with the kids. Just make sure he includes Izzy. He tends to forget girls exist," I said.

"That's fine," Rose said, smiling at me. "When Izzy is with these guys she forgets she's a girl too."

"Hey, Rosie Posie," I said turning to her. Her eyes were completely filled with tears. For some reason I was the only one who could ever call her that.

"God, how I've missed you," she said clutching me to her in an Emmett worthy hug.

"I missed you too," I said sniffling.

"Don't ever run from us again,please," she said. "We need you."

"I promise," I said.

"Have you talked to Edward yet?" she asked.

"Not really," I said. "I was planning on it before Jake pulled his stupid shit."

"What was his beef?" Rose asked.

"He has been asking me to see him as more than a friend for years now. I constantly turned him down. I just don't... He was a friend, I couldn't ever see him as anything more," I said. "He figured out who Edward was right away."

"Actually Edward thought he was hitting on him with the way Jake stared at him," Alice added with a giggle.

"Then when he saw the way I stared at him... he got jealous I guess, of the history... and he decided it was best to get you guys away from Masen and I... he went about it the wrong way," I said.

"So what now?" Rose asked.

"He gave me an ultimatum. Either I try to see him as more than a friend or he leaves," I said, tears in my eyes yet again. "I refused."

"So he's going?" Alice asked.

"Yeah," I said. "And I was worried about Mase... but I think I'm gonna need to worry about some other stuff even more."

"Like?" Alice asked.

"Introducing him to his father," I said. "He knows a lot about him... But I lead him to believe some things that weren't true and I need to fix those before I tell him that Edward is his dad, if Edward even wants me to."

"Talk to Edward, Bella," Rose said. "He really needs to tell you a whole pile of shit and he's the only one who can."

"I will," I said. "Maybe after dinner."

"You really shouldn't wait," Alice said. "The sooner the truth is out there the better."

"I guess," I said.

"When do your next guests arrive?" Alice asked. "Since I assume we are the only ones here right now."

"Four cabins tomorrow and three the next day," I said.

"So now is the best time," Alice said. "If you put it off...."

"I know," I said. "I just didn't expect Masen to have to be here for this."

"We'll watch him," Alice said.

"That's fine," I said. "But I think I'll get Emily to stay in my place tonight with him, that way he has all his normal bedtime routines. I'll stay with Leah when Edward and I are finished talking if it's too late."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," I said. "I'll go make arrangements with Emily and then find Edward."

"I think I'm gonna put some runners on and go play pirate ship," Alice said with a grin.

"Have fun," I said.

"I'll go too," Rose said. "There should be an adult there to supervise."

I giggled and hugged them both before I made my way downstairs to the kitchen. Em and Leah were both supportive of my decision and decided to pack us some food while I made my way out back to see the kids all playing on the pirate ship and let Masen know that Em was going to stay with him tonight.

"How the hell do you get down from here?" Emmett asked as soon as I appeared, much to the delight of the others, who were laughing hysterically at his plight. Poor Emmett was sitting up in the crow's nest with Izzy on his lap, looking for an easy way down. "I'd like to see you try this Whitlock!" he growled, sending more laughter through the gang.

"My Mama can do it," Masen cheered. "She's the bestest."

I climbed onto the ship and up the cargo net that led to the crows nest. It was wobbly as all hell and I knew Emmett was probably nervous to try to navigate it when his little princess.

"Hi Izzy," I said as I appeared on the platform next to them.

"Hi," she said smiling at me.

"Want some help getting down?" I asked.

"That's why I called Daddy," she said with a frown on her little face.

"Well daddy doesn't know the secret like I do," I said. "If you want to climb on, I'll have you down in a jiffy."

"Careful Swan," Emmett growled. "Don't be pulling any of that klutzy stuff with my baby girl."

"Fine, Emmett," I said. "You go down first so you can catch her at the bottom if anything happens."

Emmett agreed and moved slowly to the cargo net and started his slow decent down the ropes.

"Now, Izzy," I said to his little daughter. "Are you ready to go the easy way?"

She nodded her head and smiled.

There were two poles that looked more like supports than anything, but if you straddled them, you could use them as a slide. Masen was afraid to go down on his own so I had to climb up and slide down with him every time, even though he could do it himself.

Izzy cuddled to my front and wrapped her legs round my waist. I stood up and went to move towards the slide.

"Careful Swan," Emmett said from the bottom of the cargo net. "That will be much harder with my kid holding onto you."

"Watch and learn, Em," I said as I threw my leg over the bar slide and leaned back a little. Izzy and I slid quickly down the poles and I heard nothing else except for the little giggles she made as we went down.

When I got to the ground, Jasper, Rose and Alice were all in fits of giggles, while Emmett scowled at me.

"You could have told me there was another way," he said.

"And you shouldn't assume that I would willingly put a child at risk," I said with a mock scowl. "I haven't been klutzy since I was a teenager! Pregnancy has a way of making you more aware of your center of gravity and then carrying precious cargo...."

"I hear ya," Emmett said, as the others managed to regain their composure.

"Good," I said.

"You were awesome, Mom," Masen said running up to me.

"Thanks, Bud," I said. "Hey can I talk to you for a minute?"

"But I want to play with the kids," he said.

"It's just quick," I promised.

"Okay," he said rolling his eyes in a very Edward maneuver.

We walked off to the side for a bit and I crouched down with him. "I need to get some stuff done tonight so Emily is going to stay with you."

"But can't I play with the kids?" he asked.

"You can," I said. "I even told Emily that all of you can get the bean bags out and watch a movie on the big screen in the den before bed."

The big screen was a wall projection unit that broadcast videos on a seventy inch screen. It was mighty impressive and Masen's favorite thing to do.

"Can we watch Up? He asked.

"I don't see why not," I said. "Emily and Leah even promised to make movie snacks!"

"YAY!!" he cheered.

"Okay," I said. "Can I get a hug before I go?"

He jumped into my arms and gave me a big hug.

"I love you, Mama," he said sweetly.

"I love you too. Now go play with your new friends," I said.

"Okay!" he said, running off and joining everyone else. Carlisle and Esme had walked out to watch the kids play. Jasper was up in the crow's nest with Cullen, attempting the slide while Alice and Rose were playing with the kids on the ship, Emmett discovered the joys of the plank and I smiled as he cannon-balled off into the foam. I liked having my family back, and it didn't feel weird at all.

Now Edward was another story. I still loved him, that was a fact I couldn't deny, but he hurt me more than I'd ever been hurt before. Now the others had all alluded to the fact that he had his reasons and had been quick to try to change things, but my heart... I didn't know if I could hear what he had to say. I didn't know if it would change anything.

I walked into the kitchen and picked up the bag of food Leah had set out for us and skipped the bottle of wine. I would not allow alcohol to color anything that was going to be said. Instead, I grabbed a couple of cans of pop and a few bottles of water. I left the bags on the front desk so we could grab them on our way out and trudged up to the second floor to knock on Edward's door.

"I didn't think you were coming," he said to me softly.

"I said I would," I replied. "It just took a while to get everything squared away."

"Oh," he said, looking extremely uncomfortable.

"We don't have to do this," I said, wanting to ease his discomfort.

_Damn it! Why did his feelings still matter to me?_

"No," he said. "I want to... I need to."

We stood there for a moment and the uncomfortable silence was strangling. The tension between us was so thick it could have been cut with a knife and I found myself wanting to be anywhere but next to Edward. _A root canal? Sure. Elective surgery? Why not._

"Ready to go?" I asked trying to get past it.

"To the cabin?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said. "It's the one place we won't be interrupted."

"I'd like that," he said. "Do I need anything?"

"I don't think so," I said. "I got us some food and there's a gas fireplace there so we'll be warm."

"Let me just grab my bag and we can go," he said, grabbing a small laptop case off the desk. "Lead the way."

I walked down the stairs and stopped to grab the food. Edward saw what I was about to do and grabbed it for me. His gentlemanly ways were back, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

We walked at a slowly and silently towards the cabin that I had chosen for this meeting. I honestly don't know why I chose this one. It was secluded from the others and had the best view. I often rented it out to honeymooners and others on romantic getaways, so why did I choose this cabin of all places to talk to the man that had shattered my heart?

"This is it," I said, finally breaking the silence as we approached the cabin.

"Nice," he said.

I unlocked the door and turned on the lights. As I entered the living room, I moved to the gas fireplace to turn it on.

"So," I said. "This is it."

"Yeah, he said, running his fingers through his hair. "It is."


	5. Bella Gets Her Say

A/N: Okay... So I had the whole thing done with both sides of the conversation. Unfortunately it got a little wordy. Actually it got a lot wordy and I didn't want to overwhelm you all with 20 000 words. I had a lot of help and support through this from some pretty phenomenal ladies. My beta -** Acemckean**... You all need to read her stories if you haven't. The girl is just back with a new baby after a long hiatus and her stories have me chomping at the bit!!! **Beegurl13**... the girl is a guru with the written word. I feel smarter just for having spoken to her. **Sunsetwing** has been invaluable too. Love you girl MWAH! I have been desperate to read both of their stories but since my time has been so limited of late I have only allowed myself little teasers... and let me tell you I am in a hurry to get my updating done as I want to sit and lose myself in their stories. And I can't forget** Twilight44. **The girl keeps me stocked with ideas and inspiration even when my crazy life threatens to jump up and take my ass down!

A/N 2: I own nothing.... okay I own some stuff but only the plot for this story... and a large box of kleenex! You may want some too. This chapter and the next may require it. The next chapter will be out by Tuesday!

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**BPOV**

"So," I said, "this is it."

"Yeah," he said, running his fingers through his hair. "It is."

"Look," I said, "I want to start."

"Okay," he said, confusion evident on his face.

"I am going to tell you from my point of view what those months were like when you basically abandoned me. I am going to tell you what it was like leaving everything that matters to you. When I'm done, you can say what it is you need to say," I said. "Then, after you've spoken I'll decide if I want to share anything else."

"Okay," he said sitting down in one of the arm chairs. I sat in the other, across from him and looked him in the eye. This wasn't going to be easy, not for either of us... but it was the only thing I could do for my son. He deserved to have a father, but that father needed to know everything and commit to being there for him. I needed to make sure of that.

"First," I said. "I didn't expect to ever see you again. You have to know that."

"I know," he said softly. "And for as much as I want to say I'm sorry that we came bursting into your life and creating all this chaos... I'm not sorry. From the moment you got in that damn truck and I realized what I'd done... I've done everything in my power to find you."

"How can you even say that?" I cried. "You hated me! You hated Masen, before he was even born!"

"No," Edward said as his eyes filled with tears. "You may not believe me, after everything that happened, but you and Masen...before I even knew his name... you are the most important people in the world to me. I fucked up, I fucked up huge, but never because I didn't love you. I don't care if you believe anything else that I say today, but I need you to believe that I never stopped loving you."

_How could he say that? After everything he did... after everything that's happened, his feelings were the one thing I had always been certain of..._

"No," I said, angrily, almost sobbing. "You don't get to do this. Not yet!"

"Bella..." he said.

"No, Edward," I said. "I have earned this right. I raised our son alone for almost seven years. I kept him away from family and people who would have loved and supported us both because you asked me to. I earned the right to speak first."

He flinched as though I'd punched him in the gut.

"You're right," Edward said, running his fingers through his hair. "I'll listen."

"Good," I said.

He looked at me expectantly and I took a deep breath and started.

"No holds barred, finding out I was pregnant was the worst moment of my life, up until that point. I went into the doctor's office thinking I had some sort of flu and the next thing I know, he springs on me the fact that he thinks I'm pregnant," I said, pausing. "I was so scared. We'd never talked about kids. I wanted to throw up... I wanted to call you."

"But you didn't?" he said, as a fact not an accusation.

"You were still in class," I said. "So I did what I needed to do. Then I had to sit in the little room alone while a stupid egg timer counted down my fate. When it sounded, I wanted to just run, but I couldn't. I walked over and looked down and when I saw the little plus sign... I nearly threw up."

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"A million thoughts ran through my head in an instant," I said. "I was scared and I even considered terminating. What did I know about being a mother?"

"No," he said in an almost guttural moan.

"The doctor came in and asked. I didn't have an answer and he offered to do an ultrasound. I was so scared, Edward, I didn't know what to do. I knew you wouldn't be happy that I was pregnant. How could you be? We had never discussed children. We weren't ready for it, I knew that, but I didn't know you would hate me so much... If I had, I would have... I don't know," I said.

"No," he cried out.

"You were my everything," I exclaimed. "If I'd never seen him, if I'd never heard his heart beat... maybe I could have done it. But I did see him, Edward. I saw our baby, and I couldn't. I loved him so much for even existing, because he was a part of you that became a part of me."

"No, please," Edward begged as he dropped to his knees in front of me. "You did what was right. It was all me, Bella. I'm so sorry! God... If I could go back..." he sobbed.

"But you can't," I sobbed. "And as much as I might have wanted to, I can't either."

He placed his head on my knees and began sobbing. He was crying so hard that his whole body was shaking and I could feel his hot tears through the fabric of my jeans. I did the only thing I could, the thing that soothed Masen when he was upset, I ran my fingers through his hair. It worked just as it did with Masen and the body-wracking sobs that plagued him quieted.

"I don't deserve it," he said finally, putting his hand on mine. "I don't deserve your comfort."

It was like lightning, having Edward's hand on mine. Every fiber of my being cried out for the man that I knew I would love for eternity. I didn't want to move my hand, didn't want to lose his touch, but he didn't belong to me anymore, and the sooner my heart realized that, the better we'd both be. With the heaviest of hearts, I removed my hand from his head and he returned to his seat.

He looked completely broken, from the shadows under his eyes to the tear tracks down his cheeks. I wanted to comfort him in some way... I wanted him to comfort me, but I needed to say everything. I needed to let it go.

"He brought me into the ultrasound room. I didn't know what to expect. I wanted you next to me so badly and I was alone," I said. "He started the machine and pressed the wand along my abdomen. When he found the heartbeat... he didn't even need to tell me. He was so real then and I knew that little heartbeat was there because we loved each other. Then I saw him. I expected a blob or something but you could see everything. He was a real being, moving around and so alive. I couldn't kill him."

Edward sobbed silently.

"I walked home after that. I was so worried about how you would take it. I had so many worst case scenarios playing out in my head. I finally convinced myself that you loved me... that no matter what you would make it okay," I said, my voice fading to a squeak at the end.

He wasn't even looking at me. He had his head in his hands and his body was shaking.

After I had calmed myself I tried to clear my voice. It wasn't happening, so I stood up and grabbed two bottles of water from the bags, handing Edward one of them. We both opened them, almost simultaneously, and took a sip. It seemed to work to help us both regain our composure. I grabbed a box of kleenex from the side table, took about ten of them out for myself and handed Edward the box.

"Thanks," he said, his usually velvet voice hoarse from the emotion of our discussion thus far.

I sat down in my seat and used one of my tissues to dry my eyes. I took a few deep breaths before I was ready to continue.

"I got home and paced around the apartment. You weren't scheduled to be home for an hour and I had so much nervous energy. I wanted you to be okay with it... more than anything. I was so scared. My mom was so flighty and irresponsible and I didn't know if I could be a good mother. I had never even considered it," I said.

"I knew you'd be a great mom," he said hoarsely.

"Thanks, I guess," I said, not sure how to take his comments.

He just gave me a half smile as he dried his eyes again.

"Finally I decided that wearing a hole in the floor was going to do me no good at all, and I decided to make us some dinner. I actually managed to get lost in the prep, and I didn't even hear you come in. I wanted to blurt it out right when you came into the kitchen," I said, remembering that day as if it were yesterday, and not more than seven years ago. "But I couldn't, you looked so tired and stressed that I decided to wait until after we ate. Part of me was stalling, dreading your reaction..." I said, tears coming to my eyes as I was getting to the part that had shattered my perfect world into a million pieces.

"As you spoke about your day, and the chance to work on the cadaver for the first time, I managed to calm myself. I loved you...and... I knew..." I said, sobbing. "I knew that you loved me."

He looked right into my eyes, his tears flowing freely down his cheeks.

"So I got out the pictures..." I said, thinking of what had happened to the pictures of the child I already loved so much.

Edward was full fledged sobbing now.

"I put them in your hands and closed my eyes. I wanted you to be excited, or incredulous, or confused... But when I opened my eyes... all I saw was anger and hatred. Even in every worst case scenario that I imagined, nothing came close to what really happened. I thought you might be angry or scared, but even in my worst nightmares, never could I have imagined that you could hate me or our child," I said, trying to catch my breath and calm the sobs that were threatening to break through.

I knew this was going to be hard. How do you talk to the person that tore your world apart? How could I simultaneously love and hate this man with such passion? I had never been able to talk to anyone about this. This was a private pain that I held for years, and now that I was finally opening up about it, it brought me right back to that time. It didn't feel like it happened seven years ago, it felt like it happened yesterday.

"Bella," he sobbed, obviously wanting to say more, but I couldn't hear it. I knew he was hurting. I knew him like I knew the back of my hand, even after the years spent apart, but I couldn't take his pain... It was too much.

"No!" I all but screamed. "I have kept this all inside for too long. You are going to listen. You are going to hear everything I have to say! I've had this inside of me since the day I walked out of that apartment. I couldn't share it with anyone! You had people around you that cared. Esme and Carlisle picked up and moved across the country to be with you. I may have had people around me, but I was alone. Even my son, our son, didn't know me. He didn't even know my name!"

"I'm so sorry," he said, sobbing. "I'm so sorry."

"Nobody got to know the real me," I said angrily. "I didn't even have my own name, Edward. Even Masen, my _SON_, couldn't carry a name that meant anything... He has some made up last name that means nothing. He has no history, and you took that from _him..._ from _us_."

"Oh, God!" Edward sobbed. "Please!"

I couldn't look at his broken form as he curled in on himself so I stood and moved to the window, directly behind Edward. I cleared my throat, calmed myself down a little, and prepared to speak again. Maybe not looking at him would help me be able to get through the rest.

"I couldn't even bury my father. I really tried to figure it out, but there was no way I could hide my belly from everyone, not to mention that the first time Alice, Rose, or Esme got ahold of me, I would have sobbed into their arms and spilled my guts. So he was buried without me, without any family to mourn him, with nobody to accept the flag that had been draped over his coffin," I said calmly, before the emotion came back. Then I added in a whisper, "He died not even knowing he was going to be a grandpa."

The dam that had been holding my emotions in some sort of check broke at that moment. Every hurt that I had began pouring out of me, every injustice I suffered because of his choices. I didn't move from my position at the window as the next words broke free.

"Do you know what it's like to be alone when you give birth? I didn't have a hand to hold. I had a cold metal post. There was nobody to bring me ice chips or wipe my forehead. There was nobody there to comfort and encourage me to keep going when I felt like I was being torn in two. The nurse struggled to help me and assist the doctor at the same time... but the look she gave me... not to mention the doctor.... pity... I was this pathetic little girl giving birth all alone," I said pausing to collect myself.

He didn't move in the room. I could hear his near silent strangled sobs.

"Then I had my son, and from the second he was born, he looked just like you. The moment he opened his eyes... I thought I would be looking into blue eyes. After all, all babies have blue eyes... but Masen... he had the most beautiful green eyes. Looking into them was like seeing your eyes again," I said, reliving the pain that I felt. "Joy, pain, happiness, despair, loneliness and an overwhelming exhaustion all hit me at once. I was so overwhelmed that this little life now depended on me for everything."

I heard him moving behind me, but I couldn't focus on him. I could only focus on getting the words out. If I stopped now, I wasn't sure if would ever be able to start again. Nothing in my life had ever hurt so badly but felt so good at the same time. I was reliving every one of my most pain-filled memories, but this time the pain wasn't all my own, and somehow sharing the burden seemed to help.

"It was like a dagger stabbed into my chest to see this little person that I had just fought to bring into the world. You should have been there. You should have been beside me. You should have been..." I said, heart aching for the girl I had been that day, for the girl I still was.

"Bella..." he whispered. I didn't stop or even pause. I'm sure he thought I didn't hear him, but I did.

"Then they took him from me, to weigh and measure and do all the things they needed to do. The nurse helped me to the bathroom, watching as I did my business and then told me to clean myself up. She stood there, asking me all her medical questions as I allowed the water to wash over me. Once she had the information she needed, she put my bag on the counter with a pair of stretchy mesh underwear and pads bigger than the diapers I had bought for Masen. I just stood in the water and the tears that I had been fighting for months finally began to fall," I told him, my hand going to my now flat abdomen, almost surprised that my body showed almost no evidence now, of the pregnancy. "I felt empty... when Masen was a part of me, a part of you was with me... but he wasn't a part of me anymore, and suddenly neither were you."

I paused for a few moments to try to gather the strength to go on. My thoughts were a complete jumble and I took a few deep breaths to calm myself as I watched the seagulls float on the air currents over the ocean.

"When I was done, I stepped into the stupid clothes that they provided. All I could think was that Alice would have had a fit at the puce green color of the gown that they had on me. When I returned to the labor room, it showed no sign of what had just happened there. Heck the bed was even made and ready for the next person to use. The nurse led me to a wheelchair and told me to sit, then she put a blanket on my lap and said that my son would be back in a few moments. Jake had waited in the waiting room the entire time and another nurse thought it would be good to let him back to see me then. I thanked him for waiting and sent him off. I didn't want him," I said, and I swear I heard Edward let out a sigh of relief. "They placed Masen, who looked like a sausage with a blue beanie on, in my arms and pushed me up to the recovery ward. I got to share a room with three other mothers and their bundles of joy. Do you know how people look at you when you're young and alone, the judgement in their eyes and the speculation?"

Edward was silent. If it wasn't for the sound of his breathing I wouldn't have even known he was still there.

"They set me in a bed and closed the curtains around me, for privacy. I heard visitor after visitor pour in, talking to the other women about how cute their babies were and how proud they were. And Edward, I was alone. I didn't have a mom to come and tell me how beautiful her grandchild was or a dad to talk about taking him fishing. I didn't have someone to say how great I did, having had him with no drugs. When visiting hours were over, and I thought I could finally be one of them... a new mom learning and enjoying her son just like them, that's when I heard the whispers. I wasn't one of them. They never said one word to me, not one, even when I walked by them to use the bathroom. It wasn't for lack of trying. I did, but they would just give a silent smile and then look away, and then when they thought I couldn't hear, they said the meanest and foulest things. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I was so thankful when the doctor was in early the next morning, I begged him to release me from my personal hell and let me go home. He agreed and I was dressed, had Masen dressed and in his car seat, before the nurse came in with my release papers. I actually met them at the nurses station, signed the release forms and filled out his birth certificate, and I bolted before they could change their minds. Do you want to know how I got back home, Edward? I called a taxi," I said, sobbing softly. "The driver put my bag in the back as I loaded Masen in. Once I had his seat buckled in, and was sitting beside him, I told the guy where I was going, but he didn't leave right away. When I asked why we were still sitting there, he said he was waiting for the other passenger. I had to tell him I was alone, and deal with the pitied looks he gave me all the way home."

The tears coursed silently down my face. I made no move to stop them or wipe them away. Edward remained silent, except for the occasional ragged breath.

"Home... There were no balloons or welcome home signs to greet us, no family waiting to claim the baby and coo over how cute he was. No baby shower, no presents arriving in the mail, or congratulations cards. There was nobody to help me when he cried at night and I was exhausted. I had nobody to talk to half the time except some strange Native guy who for some unknown reason to me, wanted to be my friend," I said. My voice was hoarse and the sound came out barely above a whisper.

I moved away from the window then, moving to sit on the floor by the fire. I was cold and needed the heat it provided. Edward, for his part sat and stared at me, tears still falling down his cheeks.

"There was nobody I could call and talk to when he was teething or constipated. I joined a mother and baby group just so he would be able to see other people. More judgement of course because daddies come to those things too, and yet again we were alone. When he slept through the night, rolled over, sat up, crawled, said his first word, walked... I got to tell Jake, who knew nothing about children. His response was always, 'Is that good?'..." I said, as tears streamed down my own cheeks.

I thought through my years with Jake. The poor guy had no clue what to think when I started talking about my son. He loved holding Masen, as long as he smelled okay and was quiet. And smell or sound and he was back in my arms faster than I could believe. As Mase, got a little older he did better. They were actually pretty close and I felt terrible that Masen was losing someone important to him.

"When he learned to walk, Masen didn't get to walk between two people. He walked from me to the couch. There was nobody in front of him cheering him on. I taught him to play baseball and hockey. I took him fishing. I read him stories and figured out how to teach him to pee standing up. And when he asked about his dad... I lied."

"What do you mean?" he asked, his voice no more than a whisper.

"Did you want me to tell him the truth?" I asked, looking up at him. "_Hey, Mase. Your dad didn't want us and sent us away? _No child should ever hear that he isn't wanted. Masen doesn't deserve that!"

"No, Bella, please! Don't think that. I know I made it seem that way, but you two are my everything," he said, pleading with me to believe him. "I love you. I love Masen. I always wanted him."

"You don't get to say that!" I sobbed. "You can't do that to me. You can't tell me you've loved me all this time. Hearing you say you love us... It hurts. It hurts so bad," I sobbed.

"Bella," he sobbed brokenly. I didn't interrupt him, the tears did. I knew he was sorry and I knew he was hurting but I couldn't let that get to me. I couldn't stop now. I had to lay it all on the table.

"I put Masen in preschool before he turned three. It was the first place he wasn't judged because he didn't have a dad. Dad's didn't do preschool pick ups and drop offs very often. But along came my most hated day of the year, Father's Day. My own father was gone, and Masen came home with a craft made specially for his father. That's when I got the first question. He was three..." I said.

I felt the urge to run away. I didn't know how he would react to what I was about to tell him. I could deal with my pain, but my son didn't deserve to feel any. I took a deep breath and continued.

"Do you know what he asked? He said, 'Why don't I have a daddy?' My heart shattered. I was supposed to be enough. I didn't know what to say so I told him that he did have a daddy, but that his daddy lived far, far away. That was the start of it."

"What do you mean?" Edward asked, his voice just a whisper.

"I created you in his mind. Even to this day, he thinks his dad was away learning to be a doctor and that's why he couldn't be with him. There was always a present from you on his birthday, and one present under the Christmas tree from his dad," I confessed.

I began to wring my hands, thinking of the humongous smile that Masen always had when there was something from his dad.

"That was always the first present that he opened. I've played along to this very day, I couldn't explain, I couldn't tell him that he didn't have a dad."

Edward got out of his chair, crossed the space between us and dropped to his knees right in front of me.

"Bella," he said as he tried to touch me.

"No, Edward," I said, standing up. "He thinks that you love him and that one day you would come riding in on a white horse and that we'd be a family. He knows I love you still...telling him who you are isn't going to be easy. I created expectations because I wasn't strong enough."

"I do love him, Bella. He is an incredible child. You don't have to tell him that it wasn't the truth," he said. "I would do anything for him, for you..."

"NO!" I shouted. "You don't get to say that!"

"It's the truth!" he shouted back in a pain filled voice. "The only thing that even kept me alive in the last seven years has been the hope that we would find you. We have had private investigators searching for you in both Canada and the US for years. I became a pediatrician. Do you want to know why?"

"Actually, yes I do," I said, my voice coming out as barely a whisper.

"Because," he said, breathing heavily. "I got to see kids every day, and in every patient I saw, I saw what my son could do, might do. Everything, Bella. The only reason I kept breathing when you left is because, first, I thought it was best for you, and for him. But when you were gone, once you walked out that door... I couldn't even breathe. I have so much I need to tell you."

"I don't know if I can hear it," I said quietly. "I couldn't even tell you everything I needed to."

"Should we take a break?" he asked softly. "Eat some food, get some air?"

"That would probably be helpful," I said. I moved away from him quickly, throwing open the door and walking outside.

The Northern British Columbia air was chilly and I let out an involuntary shiver. That didn't stop me from moving away from the door, heading for the cliffs that the cabin overlooked. This was my favorite area on the whole property. You could look out over the water, and see for miles, or look down and watch the waves crashing on the rocks below. To the right, you could see the lights of the city at night and to the left, nothing but trees.

There was a path along the cliffs, and you could go down to a small beach, that reminded me so much of First Beach back in LaPush. It had a smooth dark sand and rock mixture with bleached driftwood and beach glass galore. Masen loved to lift the large rocks and watch the little beach crabs scatter, or check the tidal pools for sea anemones. There were shells all over the beach and rocks, mostly from birds who used the rock cliffs to smash the clams, and mussels against, so they could access the meat inside.

"It's beautiful here," Edward said as he approached from behind, his voice still showing vestiges of the emotional discussion we had been having. He handed me my sweater and moved away, giving me my own space. I pulled the sweater on and looked out again pretending to be interested in the boats off in the distance. Really, my body was reacting to the proximity of his. After everything, my heart and soul cried out for him.

"I come here to think," I told him, quietly, after a long silence. "It's my version of your meadow in Forks."

The sun was just beginning to set and I admired the beautiful colors that filled the sky. There was nothing like standing here at sunset, watching the sun dip against the water.

"Do you want me to go back? Give you more space?" he asked.

"No," I said. "This is okay."

Silence engulfed us again as the sky started to change into beautiful reddish hues.

"Local sailor's rhyme," I said, feeling my mood get a little lighter. "Red sky at night, sailor's delight. Red sky in the morning, sailor's warning."

"Does it work?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Going on seven years now," I said, smiling a bit.

"It's beautiful here," he said casually.

"When it's sunny it's the most beautiful place in the world, but you know what the local's call it don't you?" I asked, almost giggling.

"What?" he asked.

"The city of liquid sunshine," I said.

He smiled at that, his full crooked smile. I know he was thinking about the fact that that was my biggest complaint about Forks. Too rainy. Me, the girl from Phoenix, who detested the rain...

"Who wins Forks or Prince Rupert?" he asked.

"Forks by about two inches a year in actual rain fall, and by about eleven days," I said.

"I thought you hated the rain?" he asked.

"I don't mind it so much... and Charlie liked it," I said. "I used to tease him about retiring somewhere warm and dry. He said he wanted to buy a fishing lodge in southern Alaska."

"So you bought one just south of Alaska?" he asked.

"I saw a real estate ad on the internet from Montreal," I said. "It was so beautiful I came to see it. It wasn't really up my alley to start with. It was dirty and the people that came to stay wanted to fish, sleep and fish some more. Charlie would have loved it. I started renovating, adding a woman's touch and taking the fake fish and dead animals off the walls. When we added the hall, after the second year and that's what we had the first year or two. Then I cleaned it up, made it posh and exclusive, jacked the prices and now it is a destination."

"I see," he said. "You did good."

"Thanks," I said. "I don't think that was where I was planning on going... but it just seemed right somehow."

"It suits you," he said.

I simply nodded and continued watching the sunset. Edward remained silent at my side but I could feel the tension between us. We really needed to get back and finish up.

"Are you ready to head back?" I asked.

"I guess," he said.

"I'll finish up... hopefully without screaming at you again," I said, a little sheepishly.

"You should be yelling at me," he said. "What I did was so messed up. I didn't think about the costs you'd pay. I didn't think about Masen growing up without a dad."

"Kind of a foreign concept when we were just kids ourselves," I agreed.

He nodded again and when we reached the cabin, he walked in front of me and opened the door for me, allowing me to enter first.

"Shall we eat?" I asked.

"I don't think I could," he answered. "But feel free if you want to."

"I'm good. I'd probably just throw it all up at this point," I said.

"Exactly," he said, giving me a half smile.

We returned to the warm cabin and I grabbed fresh bottles of water for both of us. Edward was standing in front of the fire, staring into the flame. I handed him a bottle of water and moved to grab some more kleenex. I didn't return to my seat but, stared out the window into the darkening night.

"After I gave you the pictures..." I began. "You were silent for so long and I prayed that you were just trying to digest things. I was so scared, Edward, I just wanted you to hold me and tell me we'd be okay... but I could see by looking at you, that that wasn't happening..."

"I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"Then you asked if it was a joke. A joke! I was horrified, that was the worst thing I had ever heard come from your mouth. You knew me better than that.... Then it got worse. You accused me of doing it on purpose. I don't even understand how you could have thought that. I tried to tell you about the antibiotics that your father had given me, that it had affected the birth control... but it was like you didn't even hear me," I sobbed.

I turned from my position to look at Edward. He had moved from his place at the fire and returned to the chair. He had his face buried in his hands, and tears were streaming down his hands and dripping onto his denim covered legs.

"Then you told me to abort...," I said, feeling myself pulled back into that day. "Edward, I couldn't!! Not after seeing him."

Edward's body began to tremble as he cried. I couldn't help but move towards him, to offer him what comfort I could, but I couldn't stop the words, not now. The burden I had carried inside for so long needed to be released and I knew that for both of our sakes, the sooner this was out, the sooner we could figure out where to go. I stood in front of him and leaned forward so that his head rested against my abdomen. I ran my fingers into his hair, but it seemed to have the opposite affect. He seemed more upset as he cried against me, his arms wrapped around my body so that I could feel his sobs, right in my core. I needed to go on...

"You looked down at the pictures," I said as I stroked his hair, almost hysterical myself, "and then you said... You said that he wasn't even a baby yet. But he was Edward, he was everything. He had arms and legs and a head and body... and the most beautiful heartbeat. I tried to explain... I tried to tell you about seeing him in the ultrasound room. You wouldn't listen. And then... Then you accused me of planning it again because I said I'd drop out of school. I tried to tell you... I tried to make you understand that two hours before this conversation took place, that I had no clue... You had your mind made up. I was this evil person that had tried to con you into something you weren't ready for, and then you threw in the fact that you knew I wanted to marry you like it was a bad thing. Only I never needed a piece of paper. I was yours from the moment our eyes locked in front of Forks High, and it was you who kept talking marriage. I didn't need that, I just needed you!"

"I'm so sorry," Edward sobbed out, clutching me tighter. "So sorry, so, so sorry."

"Whenever we talked, it was always about forever, and suddenly my forever was shattered. I was so confused. I had a baby, our baby, that I loved so much and you hated him... and me," I sobbed. "Everything that I had hoped for was gone... and I couldn't even talk to anyone about it."

His sobs weren't even silent anymore, they were consuming his whole body.

"The pictures... I hadn't even really looked at them," I sobbed. "And you tore them, and dropped them to the floor like they were worthless. I felt like it was my heart... It was my heart that you tore in two that day... and it's still broken. It can't be fixed."

"No!" Edward cried out. "Please don't say that Bella. Please!"

"It's true," I sobbed, dropping to my knees. We were face to face.

"No," he cried, grabbing my face. "Please, Bella, don't give up hope. You are perfect and wonderful. You are the sweetest and most sensitive person I have ever known. You deserve the world."

It was my turn to put my head on his lap and cry. I allowed his hands to soothe me. What had gone so wrong that Edward said those things? I needed to get through the rest of my story now. I was both apprehensive and anxious to get to his part. I moved off his lap and grabbed more kleenex. I sat back and dried my eyes and then blew my nose. I am sure that I looked like I had been run over by a truck. Edward did the same, he did look like he'd been hit by a truck, but at the same time, there was more sparkle in his eyes. Even though he was hurting, his eyes held a little sparkle. I cleared my throat and drank a little water.

"After you left I gathered all of the pictures that you tore and held them to me. I prayed that you would come back and tell me that you were an ass and that you were just scared, but I knew you wouldn't. I wanted a chance to at least talk to you, make some sort of plans for where we were supposed to go from there, but you didn't come and you didn't call. I even waited for you a couple of times after some of your classes when mine didn't interfere... but I never even saw you. If it hadn't been for Esme, I would have thought you were dead."

I stood up, visibly calmer than before. Edward seemed calmer too, not to say that both of our breathing wasn't a little labored. He looked up at me and sniffed a bit, waiting for me to say more.

"So I got up every morning, did what I needed to do and prayed to sleep at night. I couldn't even sleep in our bed, it was just another thing that proved you were gone," I said.

"Why did you get a job? Wasn't the money enough?" he asked.

"I decided to get the job before I even knew you would leave me money... but honestly, I didn't want to be paid off. I knew I was going to have to stand on my own two feet for this and I wasn't wanting charity," I said with a little splash of venom.

"It was never charity," he said.

"You made it clear you wanted nothing to do with us and I knew that I was in it alone," I said.

"Why didn't you just tell them?" he asked, knowing that I would know who he meant.

"You didn't want me to," I said honestly.

He was silent and his hand moved to pinch the bridge of his nose again.

"You were my everything and no matter how much you hurt me, I couldn't hurt you," I said. "Even the little notes. I couldn't even read them and just stuffed them in the drawer. I couldn't see continued proof of how much you hated me."

He just shook his head.

"So I made sure to eat healthy, I went to class, went to work and tried to sleep. I had basic conversations with Esme and Carlisle, and with Charlie, and studied whenever I could," I said.

"You did so well, too," he said. "Your grades did not reflect the turmoil at all. Mine on the other hand... I had to retake all the courses through the summer to raise the grades."

"I'm sorry," I said, cringing slightly.

"I fuckin' decimated your entire life and you're sorry that I barely passed my classes?" he asked. "I don't understand you."

"Maybe that was the biggest problem. I loved you with everything I was... in a way, I still do. When you hurt, so do I," I said.

"Please, let me tell you," Edward said. "Let me tell you what happened for me."

"Can I finish? Can I take you through the last few weeks? Because they made the first nine weeks seem like a freaking picnic," I said.

He took a deep breath and nodded his head.

"I figured I wasn't going to see you ever again. I knew that you were worried about everyone finding out about the baby so I had decided that with the money I had saved from the library, I was going to drop out and move to Florida. I still had my mom's house, and I knew that I would have access to the trust fund soon. The Friday morning... the morning before we talked, I had another ultrasound. That's when I found out that Masen was a boy," I said, smiling at the memory of seeing my son on the ultrasound again. "I went from the doctor's office to the registrars and removed myself from the student list after that semester. I was already planning on leaving."

He stared at me, seeming not to understand what I was saying.

"I had it all planned out. I would just tell everyone that we split, and they could ask you for the details. I wouldn't be expected to talk to everyone, except for Charlie, and I had a plan for that. I was just going to send Charlie e-mails at the station to let him know that I was okay," I said. "He could e-mail me back and there would be no trace of where I really was. After a few e-mails to the others, I would just stop returning their e-mails. They were yours first... and I had no right to try to make them choose between us."

His tears started to fall again.

"I was starting to feel good. I had a place to go and a plan for how I was going to make it, even while I was pregnant and then when I had the baby. I had it all figured out. Everybody wins and all that... I was going to make it on my own," I said.

I took a deep breath and gulped a few sips of water. The panic of that night's events was welling up inside of me and I struggled to control my breathing so I could get the rest out.

"I had had to trade shifts and close the library alone so that I could accommodate the ultrasound and classes with my shift. It was the only time I'd ever had to close, let alone by myself, and I was nervous walking home alone so late. I tried to walk quickly without inviting my klutziness to play, but then I heard someone behind me. All I could think about was protecting my son. No matter what I needed him to be safe. Then I found out it was you..." I said. "I felt a moment of joy, seeing that you were okay with my own eyes... I couldn't figure out what you'd want to say to me. I though you had said everything."

My tears fell again, and I began to wonder if they'd ever stop.

"Before I spoke to you I was so certain of my course. I actually felt that I could do this. I could raise my son on my own and do it well. Then you came in, and that peace that I had finally achieved just vanished, that sense that though everything in my life was shit, I was strong, determined, and I was going to take care of myself and our son... It vanished. I was filled with doubts..."

"Oh, God!!" he said, probably thinking back to the conversation.

"You started off by hurling an insult at me, and as much as I pretended it didn't hurt, it did. I was all set up to do it alone, and you just tore me down. I was trying to figure out how to keep Charlie in my life in any way... and then you just didn't even care. You didn't care that I was going to lose everyone in my life. I thought that everything was said, that all possible damage was done, but you weren't finished. I don't honestly know why I still wore my ring... I just couldn't take it off. I felt naked and exposed without it. I tried.... I tried to do it, but I couldn't. When you were so upset about it, I knew I would do it for you. All you had to do was ask. You didn't have to say what you did. You didn't have to say the one thing that shattered my heart... that I hear in my nightmares to this day... 'I don't love you anymore'," I said.

The look on his face was so pained as I relived the last memory that I found myself wanting to comfort him. I couldn't. I needed to finish this.

"I knew that, Edward. I knew you didn't love me but to hear you say it? All that I had left were my memories... all the times that you told me you loved me, all the times you told me that we'd have our forever... In one small statement you took that all away. Five words finally shattered the last ray of hope that I had that somehow we'd fix this. I died just a little more when those words left your mouth. And then, just when I thought I couldn't feel any worse... you thrust a check for a quarter of a million dollars at me," I said, fighting each word to stay calm and finish this.

"No," he whispered.

"I didn't know if you were trying to ease your guilty conscience or simply trying to buy my silence, but I knew then that you didn't even consider me at all anymore," I said, starting to sob.

"No, Bella," He cried in a strangled sob. "I didn't mean it like that. I wanted..."

"But you did," I said, cutting him off completely. "Then you offered me a way to get a clean start. My only issue was with Charlie. After you left, I wandered around the apartment trying to figure everything out. I even thought... I even.... I thought... Things would be so much easier if I didn't have him to consider. Then..."

"Oh, Bella, NO!" he cried out.

"I didn't want him dead. I didn't want him gone!" I sobbed and Edward tried to move towards me, but I didn't want his comfort and I motioned for him to stay away from me. "When your mother called... When she told me what happened... It was my fault!"

"Never," he said. "Nothing you did or didn't do did that. It was his time. It was simply his time to go... and I am so sorry... I never wanted you to hurt like that."

"But I did!" I cried. "I hurt more than I had ever hurt before. Losing my mother was nothing... I had you to cling to. I had my father to comfort me. What did I have when my father died? A long distance phone call with your mother. I didn't have anyone to hold me. I didn't have a shoulder to cry on. I only had my own arms to wrap around myself when I felt like I was breaking in two. Suddenly, the only person in my life who loved me unconditionally was gone and I had nobody."

"Bella," he cried reaching out to me. I ignored him.

"For the first couple of days I wanted to die too. I wanted to stop hurting. I wanted someone to hold me and tell me that I was going to be okay... I went to class, but I have no clue what was said that whole week. I wish I could say I was numb, but I felt everything. Two of my professor's pulled me aside and asked if I was okay. I told them of my father's death and they offered to allow me to write my final exams later. I didn't have later. I was certain that people who saw me all the time would figure out that I was pregnant soon... Thinking of the pregnancy, thinking of the little life that depended on me for everything was my saving grace. I knew I had to go on for him and so I did. I went to see Jenks on the Wednesday... He took care of everything."

There were no words spoken for a few moments, not that it was silent. There were gulping breaths fro each of us as we tried to rein in the emotions that were flowing in the room.

"I packed up what I needed, making sure I had every picture of Charlie that I owned. Most of my other photos were back in Forks. I actually only have one small picture of my mother... I don't even know what happened to the rest," I said. Jenks gave me all my documents that last morning... All I had to do was say goodbye to Charlie. I took a walk in the park, the one we always went to, stopping by the lake. There was an old man standing on the dock, teaching a small boy how to bait his line. I sat on a bench and watched. Charlie would have done that. Heaven knows he tried with me... I just thought worms were yucky," I said.

"In that moment, watching two complete strangers interact, I was able to say my goodbyes to my father..." I finished in a whisper.

"I didn't even know about Charlie...not until the night you left," he said softly.

_Why did that statement make a difference? Why did his ignorance of my father's death make my anger well so much? _

"And that somehow would have changed things?" I asked, letting the anger bubble to the surface. "_Gee sorry, I absolutely hate you and want you completely out of my life, but oh, your dad is dead, maybe I'll reconsider?_"

"Bella," he started again.

"No!" I said, angry again. "It's still me! So I went to visit this Jenks guy. The man was almost tripping over himself to help me. Did you know he never charged me a penny for anything he did?"

"I'm glad," he said, softly.

"He used his above board skills as a lawyer to help me access my trust fund from my mother a few months early. I didn't realize how much money was there, it had never been important. He arranged the quick sale of her Florida house for me too. He expedited everything with my father's estate, too, even getting a payout from his pension so that I would have as much money as possible. I though that those kind of things too months to accomplish, he had them done in eight days. It was all simple and easy until he asked me to decide who I wanted to be," I said.

He looked at me and nodded his head in understanding.

"How do you chose your own name? How do you just get rid of a name that meant something to your parents? I had to pick something, so I chose a name that would remind me of you," I said. "So every time someone said my name, I would think of you."

He looked confused before saying softly, "My angel."

"I told him to choose the last name as I couldn't. It was too soon after losing my father. Giving up his name was impossible," I said, tears springing to my eyes.

"He chose Weber. He said it was because of a friend named Charles Weber who had died recently. My ID is not fake, it is inserted into the Canadian and American government systems seamlessly. He mentioned something about friends in the CIA... I'm sure it is the type of job that should have been way out of my price range, but he wouldn't accept anything, not even gas money for the drive to Canada," I said.

Edward bowed his head and rested it on his hand, and for once I couldn't guess how he was feeling. I couldn't see how this part affected him. I knew he was hurting, the whole world could see that, but it was like there was something I was missing.

"Why did he do that?" Edward asked, maybe more to himself than anything.

"I just assumed you had paid him," I said.

"Not a penny," he said.

I shook my head trying to wrap it around why Jenks had gone so far to help me. After a few moments I decided that there wasn't an answer here and that if I wanted to pursue one, I needed to see the man himself.

"So, then I had to wrap up my life. I basically prepared Isabella Marie Swan for death," I said. "All while taking exams, dodging Rose and Alice, and talking to your mother about funeral plans, for a funeral I knew I couldn't attend."

He just shook his head. Pain evident in every movement.

"Saying goodbye to them was so hard," I said. "Then I got to say goodbye to you. I didn't expect that to be hard... then you started showing me some of the man I fell in love with... I needed to get out of there fast before I begged you to hold me. Hell, I even dreamed that you were holding me the night before I left. It was so real... I could even smell you on my pillow case."

Edward blanched and then nearly choked. _Way to act like a crazy woman, Bella. If he didn't think you were nuts already, he certainly would now.  
_

"I cried all the way to Canada, and Jenks just kept muttering the whole way. Once I got there, he settled me into a hotel and I begged him not to tell you anything about me. I didn't want to spend my life hoping," I said.

"Hoping?" Edward asked incredulously. "With the way I treated you, you would have been hoping that I'd find you?"

"Yeah... and even with everything else. Even knowing that you wouldn't have anything to go on... I still hoped," I admitted.

"You did? Why?" Edward asked, his voice thick with emotion.

I nodded my head slowly, and decided it was time to confess to my activities of the past seven years.

"I stalked you guys on-line, all of you. I just couldn't let go," I said.

"You did?" he asked.

"Google is a marvelous tool," I said. "And Alice's blog was helpful for the four of them and their families."

"That's why she started it. It was written with all the things she would have shared with you," he said.

"That's what she told me earlier. I never really thought of it, but it is kinda written as a letter to a friend. At least she left out details of their sex life.... I always used to find that awkward, knowing what they did in bed and having to look at him over the table at the diner," I said, trying to lighten the conversation a bit.

"I guess," he said, smiling a bit.

We sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. I wondered what his intentions were. Was this just an act for family and friends or did he really want to have a part in Masen's life? I tried to figure it out in my head, with little success. I knew I had no choice but to ask.

"Do you really want a part in Masen's life?" I asked, cautiously. "Not for a minute or two. Not for fun or playtime, but for forever?"

"I do," he said, so softly I almost didn't hear him.

I turned to look at him and his eyes were swimming with tears once again.

"Not fun and games, Edward," I warned. "You can't hurt him. You can't say things to him and not follow through. You have to call him when you say you're going to and when you're with him you have to make sure he brushes his teeth with his toothbrush and not his finger. You need to make sure that he eats his vegetables and not hide them in his pockets... and if his pockets smell like broccoli later..."

"I want it all, Bella," he said more firmly. "More than you can ever know. I want to read him stories and teach him to ride.... I don't even know if he can ride a bike."

"Not yet. There is not a lot of pavement around here for bike riding," I said.

"I want the good and the bad," he said. "I want all nighters because he is throwing up and can't hit the bucket. I want to tell him why frogs can't be kept in pockets... I want him to smile at me. I want to be the one to give him the presents. I want to be his dad."

"Okay then," I said, slightly taken aback by his vehemence in the situation. "We'll have to tell him soon."

"Really? You would do that?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said. "Seriously, with Emmett around, it won't be a secret long, and it's better we tell him then Em."

"Definitely," Edward said, paused for a moment, then added. "Thank you."

"For what?" I asked.

"For including me in the we," he said, eyes tearing up again.

"I can't exactly say, 'Hey Masen, that guy over there is your dad. Go talk to him.' It wouldn't be good for Masen, though it might be fun to watch you squirm."

"Thanks," he said again, smiling. It was the first full crooked grin he had given since I saw him again. _ Masen certainly got his smile!_

"I will tell you this though, Edward," I said, looking him dead in the eye. "Don't hurt him. Don't ever make him feel like he isn't good enough for you. I've been there and I would kill you if you ever did that to him. You need to do this on his schedule too. Don't expect him to jump in your arms and call you Daddy... but if he does, don't reject him. He won't just accept that you are out there somewhere. He will need contact on a regular basis. I know that your life is in Seattle, and I don't expect that to change. Phone calls, Skype... whatever."

"Are you done?" he asked.

"Maybe," I responded honestly. "I don't know if I can let my guard down here. It's part of me and I will not stand by and let Masen be hurt by this. If you can't accept the responsibility then you better pack your bags soon and make sure that the rest stay away because Masen is never going to know you didn't want him."

"I did want him," he said, looking me straight in the eye. "More than you will ever understand."

I stared at him long and hard and saw that he was telling the truth.

"Fine," I said, swallowing the lump in my throat.

_It was me he didn't want. My son had spent the last six and a half years without a father because he couldn't stand being near me any longer. _I took a deep breath and nodded.

"We should get some food," I said, standing up and moving to the bags of food. I needed to be busy or I would cry again. I couldn't cry again.

I set the food out on the table with the sodas and additional bottles of water, while Edward watched me dumbfounded. I guess my emotions turned on a dime and he was still trying to figure it out. I set about fixing a plate and handed the first to Edward, before doing my own.

"You didn't have to do that," he said.

"I know," I responded.

We sat at the small kitchen table and ate in silence. The food tasted bland and I think I just pushed it around the plate more than anything. Even Edward seemed to be doing more pushing then eating.

"Did you tell Alice where we were meeting?" he asked.

"No," I replied. "Did you?"

"Nope," he said.

"Which is why she hasn't come screaming over here to demand to know what's going on," I said with a little giggle. Alice never did well when she wasn't in the know.

"Precisely," he said.

"I guess she hasn't changed much," I said.

"I wouldn't really know," he said frowning.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"Since everything... happened, we haven't been especially close," he said. "This trip was supposed to help us reconnect."

"Why is it that everyone seems to know the whole truth?" I asked. "Last I heard there was a break up story to be concocted and..."

"I never wanted that," he said. "Not really."

This made me angry again and ready. Ready to hear what he had to say, though I doubt that there was anything that could be said.

"Okay," I said, pushing away my plate. "This I need to hear."

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	6. Edward Tries to Explain

**EPOV**

Having Bella share her experience with me was by far the most painful thing I have experienced. Learning that she didn't have an easy time of it, wrenched my insides like nothing I've ever felt. But her words about our son, that he believes that I am out there somewhere waiting to be reunited with him, they gave me hope. I would never let him down the way I had let his mother down. I would be there for him, for them, if she'd let me.

I took a deep breath as we sat across from each other, really looking at her. I honestly couldn't believe that it had been more than seven years since I had last laid eyes on her. She hadn't really changed much. Her hair was a little longer, and it seemed to have more color to it, her body was a little fuller, but she was still incredibly slender, just better proportioned. The biggest change was her eyes. The bright, vibrant, brown eyes that I could spend hours staring into, seemed almost lifeless.

I knew that I was responsible for that.

She stared at me, anticipating what I was going to say and I felt myself growing more nervous. _How could that be? I had only been mentally preparing for this conversation for seven years!_ I cleared my throat and pinched the bridge of my nose. _How do I even begin? Where do I begin? _I took a deep breath. _Man up! She's waiting, and she deserves this._

"I have imagined this conversation for more than seven years," I said. "I knew what I was going to say and how I was going to say it. But now, sitting here, looking at you... Everything has gone out the window."

"Do we need to move this away from the table?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said.

We moved back to the living room where the fire was still burning. All my pre-rehersed lines and explanations meant nothing now that I was face to face with her. I never anticipated hearing what it was like for her, and I certainly never imagined crying like a baby when she did.

How could I tell her everything? Would she let me? Would it mean anything?

"I am going to start way back at the beginning. When my life really found meaning, the day I met you," I said, "maybe a little before."

She rolled her eyes, a trait that she had picked up from me and still used. I knew this was going to be hard for her to believe... she was still under the misimpression that I hated her.

"I grew up knowing that I had been adopted. Esme and Carlisle were my godparents, and my parents very best friends. Carlisle had known my father since they first met in medical school at Dartmouth in both of their first years. My mother and Esme had been friends since they were twelve. Esme met Carlisle first, at some sort of dance or something, but the moment my parents met each other, they were in love. I grew up hearing about what wonderful people they were. Caring, compassionate, loving... Those were just some of the traits that were explained to me," I told her.

She smiled softly as I told her about my family. I knew she didn't understand why I started like this, but it was so important for her to understand where I was coming from.

"I wasn't even a year old when they died but that didn't mean anything to Carlisle and Esme. Every night when they came into my room to read to me, they always shared a story about either my real mom or dad, and often of both of them. Every memory was special and I remember seeing tears in Esme's eyes more than once. In my eyes, Edward and Elizabeth Masen were larger than life, though I couldn't truly remember them," I said.

She nodded in understanding, though she really had no clue where this was going, or why this was important.

"Everything in my life was always about how I was like my father, or what my mother would have thought about something," I said, thinking back.

"I remember," she said softly, not understanding where this was all going. How could she know what this was leading to, or how it pertained to our situation.

"I grew up wanting to be my father. I wanted to love someone like he loved my mother. A love that was all-encompassing. I knew I would never settle for anything less. Perfect, made for each other, soul mates... that's what I had always been told about them," I continued.

"I get it, Edward," she interrupted, trying to guess where this was going. "You thought that you found that with me and realized you didn't once my pregnancy made everything permanent."

"Not at all," I said. "The moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were the love of my life, and nothing has changed that, not time or distance. When I saw you in the lobby today, I felt the same way as I did when I first saw you in front of Forks High ten years ago."

She was less than impressed with that statement and it showed on her face.

"Sell the horse shit to someone else! I'm not buying," she said, venom leaking out with every word.

"All the same, it's the truth," I said. "I have never looked at a woman the way I looked at you. My lips have kissed yours and only yours... and that will be true until the day I die."

"Seriously?" she scoffed, not really asking for confirmation.

"Nobody else, ever," I reiterated. "When I told you I loved you forever I meant it. There has never been nor will there ever be anyone else. It didn't matter that I didn't know where you were, you own my heart, forever. I don't want it back, it is yours until it beats no more."

She made no move at first, no sound. She simply stood there contemplating what I had said.

"Sex?" she asked, finally.

"Only you," I said. "A fact that Emmett and Jasper both find immensely hilarious."

"Me, too," she said quietly.

"You find it funny, too?" I asked, hoping that wasn't what she meant.

"No," she said. "There has never been anyone else, for me either."

"Oh," I said stupidly. I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face. "Would it be wrong of me to say that makes me happy?"

"Maybe and maybe not. I'm pretty happy that you didn't turn into some sort of man-whore," she said.

"Anyway..." I said, knowing I needed to get back to the story, but really wanting to bask in the knowledge that she had never shared her body or her love with anyone else.

"Bella, everything was perfect. That all changed when I went back to Forks alone that summer," he said.

"Did you meet someone else?" she asked, doubting herself again.

"No," I said. "It's so hard to explain."

"After we spoke, the night I arrived, I was... I don't even know. I wasn't tired because I slept on the plane, I didn't want to watch TV, Emmett, Jazz and the girls were gone... so I decided to go to my father's study to do some reading," I said.

"You liked to do that," she said, still not knowing where this was going.

"After getting the room ready, I searched his shelves for something I wanted to read. I didn't want anything too current. They were too much like my text books and I did need the break. I finally decided to read some old medical books, really old books. They were from, like 1918 or 1919. I thought they would be fun and maybe even funny. When I opened one book some old yellowed newspaper clippings fell out. I didn't even pick them up right away, but when I did, what I read shocked me," I said.

"So old newspaper clippings changed the way you felt about me?" she asked confused.

"No," I said. "Nothing has ever changed the way I felt about you. I have been in love with you since I first met you. That hasn't changed."

"Then what did these clippings have to do with anything?" she asked, thoroughly confused.

"They were old articles... about a murder-suicide. I didn't think anything of them until I read a name. Dr. Edward Masen... It was an article about my father, and how he murdered my mother before turning the gun on himself," I said slowly.

"Edward!" she gasped.

"I was so shocked. I was always told that they died in an accident," I said. "Yet I was now looking at newspaper articles that told me that wasn't true. I read every scrap of information that those articles held. I looked at every picture. Finally when they didn't give me any more information, I Googled them for more information. There were pictures in the articles, faded with time, but online they were in color. Pictures of the my parents, smiling in happier times, pictures of the house, surrounded by police tape, even a picture of Esme holding me at their funeral, pictures of police officers and body bags... and even pictures of the blood-soaked bed where they died," I said, my eyes filling with tears, not because of what had happened in that blood soaked bed, but because of what I'd done because of it.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, tears filling her eyes.

"Thanks...." I took a deep breath before continuing. "I spent all night, just drinking in all those images. It was horrible. Newspapers should not be allowed to publish those things.... All I kept seeing is that this was the man that I spent my whole life trying to emulate. This was my hero, half of my DNA and he was a murderer."

Tears streaked down Bella's face as I shared this with her. I knew from experience she wasn't crying for herself, she was crying for me, for my pain.

"They loved each other so much..." I said, losing the composure that I had managed to maintain to that point. "I wanted to be like them... I wanted us to be like them."

"Edward," she said, tears streaking down her beautiful cheeks. I closed my eyes and turned away.

"I confronted my parents when they walked in the door about it. They would only say it was an accident. How was a man shooting his wife in the chest and then stuffing the gun in his own mouth an accident?" I asked her.

She didn't answer. I didn't expect her to.

"They were both so upset... I didn't even understand why. I was just so angry. I told them I never wanted them to mention my father to me again. I never wanted to hear his name, nothing more about him ever," I said, tears coming to my own eyes.

"But you never said anything to me," she said, dabbing her tears.

"I wanted to," I said. "I wanted to tell you everything. I wanted you to wrap your arms around me and make me feel better. I knew you would if only I'd ask, but I couldn't ask. I didn't want to feel better."

"I don't understand," she said.

I struggled for a moment. This was what I needed to explain and yet words were escaping me now. I sucked in a breath and set about trying to tell her.

"From the moment, I saw that article, from the moment that I knew he had killed her, all I could think was how Carlisle and Esme always said, 'You are just like your father'," I said.

She cringed, I think she finally knew where I was going.

"'You look like your father,' was a favorite of Esme's," I added. "And it got worse... There was, 'your mom and dad fell in love just like you and Bella,' or, 'I would say I have never seen two people more in love that you and Bella, but I would be lying. Your mom and dad...'. Everything, my whole life I was compared to a man that had killed my mother and himself."

She looked absolutely horrified.

"He was my hero. He was the man I had spent my life wanting to be, and he was a murderer. Not only a murderer but he murdered the woman who loved him and trusted him more than anything. How could he have killed her if he loved her?" I ranted.

"Edward," she sobbed, moving to comfort me.

"No, please," I said, looking at her. "I need to tell you everything."

"Okay," she said softly, tears still streaming down her cheeks.

"All I could think was that if he loved my mother the same way I loved you, how could he kill her. I couldn't live in a world where you didn't exist. The thought of you dying... Bella, all I could think was if I was exactly like him, as I had grown up believing... I could somehow hurt you," I said, tears pouring down my cheeks.

"Edward, I..." she started to say.

"No, Bella. Please let me finish. Let me tell you everything," I begged, knowing that any kindness she offered now would send me off the deep end.

She just nodded her head.

"It tore me up inside and when I got back, I decided I needed to end our relationship. I couldn't risk your life because of my own selfish desires," I said.

"Edward," she said, sounding incredibly pained.

"But I couldn't, Bella, I was far too selfish. I needed you... More than I needed air. The very thought of being apart from you killed me. I promised myself that I would be better... we wouldn't need to get married... and if you weren't my wife...." I sobbed.

Tears streamed silently down her cheeks.

"But it was a war within myself. I wanted everything with you. I wanted to see you in a wedding dress on Charlie's arm. I wanted to pull the garter from your leg and fling it across the room... I wanted to promise my life to you in front of God and our friends and family..." I cried. "You once said you didn't care, that a piece of paper wasn't important... but it was to me... and it was far more important as the days and weeks dragged on."

She buried her face in her hands and sobbed.

"Then came that conversation with my mother. She wanted to plan a wedding and I wanted her to... but I was so scared. You have to know, Bella, I wanted to marry you when I first set eyes on you. I have never wanted any less than forever... but suddenly my view of the future contained images of your body lying in the pool of blood on the bed. How could I risk you?" I asked her.

"Edward," she sobbed. "You should have told me. We could have made it work."

"Don't you see, I knew that," I cried. "You would have sacrificed yourself for me. You would have risked your life if I gave you the choice. I couldn't... I couldn't do that, Angel..."

"My mother tried to push for us to make things permanent. I wanted it so much that I went out and bought your ring. It was so selfish, believing that I could harm you just by being with you and buying you a ring that would make that happen. I wanted to push you away but I wasn't strong enough," I sobbed.

She was trying to fight back the tears and had wrapped her arms around herself, seemingly trying to hold herself together.

"When I told my mom when and if.... You were so hurt by my words and tried to be brave. I'm so sorry," I sobbed. I was failing miserably at keeping myself together. The sobs were erupting from my chest, making speaking impossible, and I gave up the battle and let the tears take me. I buried my face in my hands and just let myself feel.

She was out of her chair and on her knees in front of me. She grabbed onto my hands, pulling them gently away from my face, and looked at me with tears streaking down her beautiful cheeks.

"When I saw how hurt you were, I knew I had to be better, and I tried, I really tried. I tried to put it behind me. I tried to forget what my father had done. I was going to be better than him, than them. We'd be better," I said, my voice cracking. Having Bella so close to me was both comforting and torturous. I wanted to hold her and beg for her forgiveness. I wanted to pull her close to me and never let her go, but I knew I couldn't. I needed to confess everything.

She stayed in her position on her knees in front of me, both her hands grasping both of mine, her thumbs rubbing soothing circles in my flesh. Nothing had ever felt so perfect and nothing had ever hurt so much.

"I will never even understand how the panic set in," I said, my voice barely a whisper. "I had a ring for you... I wanted our forever... Then I panicked. I saw our child in those pictures, and I wanted him, Bella, I wanted him so bad it hurt."

My words were coming out as sobs and they were matched sob for sob by her own.

"I was so scared. I just wanted you two to be safe. I couldn't live in a world that you didn't exist in and I needed you to be safe. I said all those horrible things, I wanted you to hate me, to leave and take our child away so I could never hurt either one of you..." I sobbed.

She put her head down on my lap and cried, I could feel her hot tears through the fabric of my jeans.

"I wanted you to hate me. I wanted you to tell me to go to hell. I wanted you and our child to be safe," I said.

"Why couldn't you just have told me?" she sobbed. "I wouldn't have gone. I would have stayed with you. We could have dealt with it."

"I knew that," I cried. "I knew that if I told you the truth that you would stay, risking your life to be with me."

"Shouldn't that have been my choice? Why did you choose for me?" she asked, lifting her head off my lap and looking me straight in the eye. Her kitten-like anger was flaring. I was ashamed of the choices I made, ashamed that I had hurt her so badly.

"I tried to choose for you... and for our baby. I tried to make sure you were safe. I just needed to know that you would be okay," I said.

"But where was my choice?" she sobbed. "Edward living without you... doing this without you is worse than death. I have spent years thinking that you hated me. I never understood. I didn't know how you could do that."

"Only you,Bella... I only wanted you to be safe... I loved you so much that I knew the only way I could be okay is if I knew that you and our child were safe, " I said, almost pleading with her to understand.

She didn't seem convinced. I couldn't blame her.

"As much as I love Carlisle and Esme, as much as they have been my mom and dad for my whole life, they weren't my blood. Growing up without someone who was my blood... I have always wondered what it would be like if they were here. How would things be?" I said.

"So you sent us away? It was an act? Every horrible word... every gesture... they were acts?" she asked, trying to come to terms with it.

"Yes," I said, hanging my head. "I wanted you to hate me."

"How could you?" she asked, standing up, my kitten quickly becoming a tiger.

"I'm sorry," I began, but she cut me off.

"No! How can you expect me to believe this? Is this supposed to make me feel better? Am I supposed to just believe the crap you're feeding me?" she asked.

"Bella," I said.

"No, Edward," she said. "You're telling me that all that... all that was a lie. How do I know you aren't lying to me now?"

"I have no reason to lie anymore. I have already lost everything that mattered to me," I said.

She was silent for a minute but I could tell she was angry, angry and confused.

"You're trying to make me believe something that isn't true!" she said finally.

"No," I shouted. "I love you, Bella. You are the only one I have ever loved and the only way I could have done that, ripped my own heart out... taken away the best thing that has ever happened to me is because I did. I loved you so much... I couldn't bear the thought of hurting you."

"You did. You hurt me by what you did. More than if you had shot me. I have spent seven years trying to come to terms with the fact that you didn't love me... I still don't see how you could have said those things... Maybe you got scared. Maybe it was all fun and games until you learned you were going to be a father..." she screamed at me.

"No!" I roared. "I was an idiot kid. I thought of you, of only you when I did this. I'm so incredibly sorry that I hurt you. I only ever wanted what was best for you and our son."

"So tearing my insides to shreds was best?" she asked. Moving her hands to her hips.

"It was better than shooting you, better than leaving you lying in a pool of your own blood!" I yelled back. "All I could picture was you, you on the damn bed in the picture of my parent's home. You dead and bleeding because I did it, because I killed you!" I cried out to her.

"Since when is murder hereditary?" she asked.

"Since when is two people falling in love hereditary? Since when is the way I treated you or felt about you, hereditary? You were my whole world. You were what made my life worth living," I said to her.

"No," she said. "You're lying."

"I'm not, Bella. You are my first thought every morning and my last thought before I go to bed at night. It's you. It's only you," I sobbed.

"It can't be," she sobbed. "How could you hurt me like that if you loved me?"

"I wanted you to hate me. If you didn't, I knew you wouldn't leave. You would have fought for me, for us... and you would have won. I was a mess without you. I could barely get out of bed," I sobbed, begging her to understand.

"I don't understand," she cried. " How could you have done this? How could you have walked out of that apartment and never seen me again? How could you just walk away from me and your son if you say you loved me so much?"

Her chest was heaving with her anger. She didn't know... and I didn't know how she was going to take the next part. I didn't have to tell her. That could be mine, all mine... but I needed her to know. I needed her to know everything.

"I didn't," I said, simply.

"What do you mean?" she asked. "I looked for you. I called you, I waited for you after classes. How could you say you didn't just walk away? The only time you even came near our place was to put those stupid envelopes on the bed, and that was always done while I was in class."

"No," I said again.

"What do you mean, no?" she asked.

"Just what I said," I told her.

"You need to be clearer here, Edward, I'm not a mind reader!" she said, my angry kitten.

"The first time I came back was the same night. It was four in the morning and I had been wandering the streets for hours. I snuck back into the apartment. I needed to make sure you were okay," I said, calming down.

"You only came back to get your stuff," she said. "Making sure I was okay is a convenient excuse now!"

"You're right. I did use the time to collect my stuff. I wanted you to wake up and get a clean start," I said. "Not look at my things and wonder if I was coming back. I tried to make it as painless as possible... I couldn't do that, but I tried."

"If you were really there, for more than just your stuff, then tell me. Tell me anything that would make me believe you," she challenged, turning away from me and walking towards the window.

"You were on the couch, curled onto your side, facing the back of the couch. You were still wearing the same clothes. Your hair was a complete mess and the tear stains on your cheeks were dried there. You had all the ultrasound pictures clutched to your chest, all except for one that was still on the floor. It was simply an image of his hand showing," I said, calmly. "I picked up that little image and touched the tiny hand. I marveled at the sight of it. So tiny yet so perfectly formed. I couldn't bare to put it back on the floor so I placed it on the coffee table. I knew you would find it the next morning. I knew you would touch his tiny hand as I had."

She whipped around and looked at me.

"So you looked at me. So you felt guilty," she scoffed. "That was one night. What did you do every other night? Get drunk? Hang with friends?"

"I didn't have friends. There were people from school who had talked to me in the past, but somehow I managed to chase them all away, not that I minded. I would have been terrible company. Get drunk? On occasion, hoping that it would numb my pain. It didn't," I said. "Actually, most nights I snuck into the apartment to watch you sleep."

"What?" she asked, staring at me.

"I saw all the nights that you fell asleep while studying, your books strewn all over the coffee table, and the very few nights that you actually slept in our bed, you slept on my side with your pillow under your head and mine clutched against your chest. You taped the pictures of Masen together and put them on the fridge."

She just looked at me with tears welling up in her eyes. Her chest heaving from the anger she had been feeling.

"Most nights you slept in sleep shorts and an oversized sweatshirt. You never had socks on your feet, though you always used to. You always wore those silly slipper socks that your dad had bought for you," I said, looking her right in the eye.

She shook her head as if trying to dispel my words.

"Your hair was always up in a bun or a ponytail. Your fridge was always stocked full of fruit and veggies," I continued. "You talked in your sleep still and I loved listening to your sleep-filled mumbles."

"Edward," she said.

"I watched as your stomach rounded with our child and your favorite sleep shorts didn't fit right against your belly. You didn't go get new ones like I expected, you simply lowered them so they sat underneath the rounded part of your stomach. The little slivers of skin you showed when your shirt rode up allowed me a glimpse, and eventually I couldn't take it anymore and I would pull up your shirt to watch him growing there. I wish I had been brave enough to touch you, to caress your skin, but I couldn't," I said.

She stared at me, in absolute silence. Her mouth was slightly agape and her eyes open wide.

"I watched you every night... and the last night... the night before you were supposed to give me your answer.... I was there," I said.

"You were there?" she asked in a whisper. "You really crawled in behind me in the bed?"

"Yes," I admitted, somewhat sheepishly. "I'm sorry."

"How long?" she asked.

"How long, what?" I asked.

"How long were you there?" she asked. "How long did you hold me?"

"I was there for about twenty minutes before... then I held you for about four hours. I actually hadn't planned on it, but you called out in your sleep. You asked me to hold you," I said, "so I did. I moved in behind you and pulled you into my arms and you pushed your back up against my chest, like you always had. I held you and breathed in your scent and allowed my hand to caress your belly."

She began to cry softly.

"I wish I'd have woken. I wish I truly remembered," she said. "I dreamed of you caressing my stomach."

"I dreamed of it, too," I confessed. "So many night I dreamt of holding you in my arms, feeling our son growing within you."

"I left as the sun began to rise. I thought for sure that you'd go home. My mom hadn't called me once in the meantime, so I assumed that you had finally told her and she was so mad that she wouldn't speak to me," I said.

She cringed.

"I spent the day at all the places we had gone together. I went to our park, just after dawn and walked around the lake. I tried to remember each time we had gone. When we laughed and the silly games we'd play," I said.

"I waited out front for a long time that evening. I didn't know that you were already inside," I said.

She nodded her head.

"All those threats, every mean word I said. I was trying to drive you away. I was trying to make you tell my parents and your dad. I wanted you to have them," I said, almost as though the people we loved were some commodity to be given.

"You certainly didn't show that," she said.

"I thought that if I told you to go to them that you would know that I still cared and that... I don't know, I was so screwed up," I said.

"Then what?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, if I went back to our friends and family... what then. You were going to avoid them all?" she asked.

"I would have," I said. "I kinda figured that they'd disown me anyway."

"So finish your story. You waited out front for a long time and came up to the apartment," she said.

"I decided to just walk in," I said, "though even that decision was difficult."

"And?" she asked.

"When I walked in I saw your suitcases. It wasn't as though I didn't know you were leaving. I had seen things being packed for over a week," I said. "But the newspaper was on top of the paper and I saw Charlie's picture. Bella, when I read the words... I didn't know what to think. I was in complete shock."

"Me too," she said.

"I couldn't even think. I don't remember saying anything. I could only think of what you were going through, of how much you were hurting," I said. "Before I could even fathom anything, you were gone..."

She started to sniffle again, remembering that night as surely as I was.

"When I realized that you had left, I ran out to the street. I didn't even know what I planned to do, but I couldn't stand for you to walk out of my life forever. I wanted to beg you to go home to everyone. To have my parents and Rose and Alice take care of you. I didn't want you to be completely alone," I said.

"You sure had a funny way of showing it," she said.

"I did. I thought if you were mad enough you'd call them... I never expected for you to truly leave. I thought that I'd have some idea of how you two were doing... maybe even get to see a picture or two through the years. I knew my parents would be mad at me, but I thought that they'd talk to me eventually... allow me to know my son at least through stories. I never expected you to just disappear," I said, reliving the sight of Jenks' car driving away with all I held dear inside.

"You should have just told me, Edward," she said. "I needed you. I needed you so badly."

"I know," I cried. "I tried, Bella. I messed up and I tried to fix it. I'm so sorry. I have wanted nothing else than to see you again. I wanted to tell you..."

"I don't know what to feel," she cried. "I love you. I always have... but I'm so scared."

"I am too," I said, moving so that I was right next to her. "I had almost given up believing that I would ever see you again, and that even if I did... I didn't think you'd let me explain."

"I need you to tell me everything. What happened after I left?" she asked quietly.

"I ran after Jenks' car and then tried to call him. It went to voicemail and I left a message. I went back to the apartment and found your note. I lost it. I couldn't believe what I had done... I couldn't believe that you were gone," I said. "I can still remember your note. I remember that letter word for word."

"Edward, I..." she started to say.

"Did you mean it?" I asked. "Did you mean you'd love me forever?"

"Yes," she said.

"How?" I sobbed. "How can you love me after all I did?"

"I don't know. I hurt. I'm scared of you, of the power that you have over me. but I do love you," she said.

She was scared of me? Of all things I didn't expect that. I choked back the emotion that bubbled up in me.

"I love you too, so much," I said. "I hate that you're scared of me. I understand it, but I hate it."

My body was just inches from hers and I reached out to touch her. As soon as she felt my touch she leaned into me, resting her back against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, so that they rested against her stomach. It felt so right! I learned down and allowed myself to drink in the scent of her.

We stood like that for an indeterminate amount of time, it could have been seconds, it could have been hours. All I knew is that I wasn't going to let go until she made me.

Finally she let out a big sigh, effectively releasing us from the bubble we were in. She made no move to pull away, which made me happy.

"And after that?" she asked.

"I crawled onto the bed and cried. I couldn't believe what I'd done," I said. "I don't know what time it was when I fell asleep. I had hoped that the bed would at least smell like you, but it didn't."

"I washed the sheets," she said softly.

"I was woken in the morning by the sound of the telephone, actually both telephones. It was Alice and she was wondering where in the hell we were. I told her you were gone. She nearly ripped my head off. She yelled and then gave the phone to Jazz, who after figuring out for himself that you were gone and I didn't know where, told me to call my mother," I said.

Her whole body tensed in my arms and I loosened my arms, thinking that she wanted me to let go. Just as I was about to release her completely, her arms reached for both of mine, holding them in place.

"Please," she whispered. "Not yet."

"They told me to sit tight and that they were going to come," I said. "As soon as I got off the phone I went to beg Jenks to tell me where you were. He said that he promised you that he would never say a word. I offered him the check," I said.

"You offered him two hundred and fifty thousand dollars to tell you where I was?" she asked.

"No," I said. "I offered it to him for any information. Your name... anything."

"Why?" she asked.

"I never wanted you to just disappear. I guess I never thought that you would," I said. "I was so selfish, Bella, I wanted you to be safe away from me, but I thought that I would get to know you were okay. I thought that maybe I'd get to see a picture at some point or hear something about the two of you. The thought of you actually being completely gone from my life was... incomprehensible. I begged Jenks, threatened him with the police... until he finally threatened to kill me if I didn't back off."

"No!" she said, leaning into me further. She was relishing the closeness as much as I was. "What did you say when your parents got there? What did you tell them?"

"First, it wasn't just my parents that came. Rose and Emmett came first," I said. "To say they were pissed would be a major understatement. Rose used her words... Emmett used his fist."

"What?" she asked, stiffening again.

"It's not like I didn't deserve it," I said. "He only hit me once. I think he lost the desire to punch me anymore after that when I hit the floor and just lost it. I didn't have any fight in me. Neither verbal nor physical."

"Rose berated me some but nothing she said even touched me," I said. "I was still reeling from the fact that you were truly gone, that I had succeeded in chasing you away better than I ever thought possible."

"Their arrival was followed soon after by my parents, with Alice and Jasper. They were so mad. I don't think Alice said more than five words to me. Jasper didn't say many more," I said.

"What happened then?" she asked.

"I told them that we broke up and my parents flipped, asking how I could do that," I said. "The others freaked thinking it was within the last few weeks. I told them that it had happened months ago, and that I never even knew until last night that Charlie had died."

"The gang was furious with me. My parents were more understanding and Carlisle took charge," I said. "I was ready to confess everything right there and then and then I saw Jasper cradle Alice in his arms. They both caressed her belly so lovingly, that I knew.... Somehow I couldn't say anything. I hated myself so much and seeing him with her just was like a dagger to my heart."

"Not that you didn't deserve it," she muttered.

"I did," I said, agreeing with her. "I deserved every minute of pain that I felt."

"Then what?" she asked.

"I had told them about Jenks, and about his threat to kill me," I said. "Carlisle still decided that we needed to involve the police, though nobody mentioned Jenks. We suggested that you might have gone to Canada, but since you didn't have your ID they were sure you hadn't. After their investigation they figured that you had killed yourself. I told them that that just wasn't possible, but all evidence led them to that conclusion."

"The others stayed a week before returning to their lives. Nobody even said another word to me," I said. "My parents stayed and worked with investigators to find you, but Jenks covered his tracks well and there was nothing to find."

"He used fake ID for himself to get in and out of Canada too," she said, filling in the blanks.

"Did you see any news reports? Did you see us begging for your return?" I asked.

"I assumed it was an act, done to appease your mother," she said.

"It wasn't," I said. "I wanted you to come back, even if it wasn't to me."

"After a month, my parents needed to return to Forks,and begged me to come with them. I refused, throwing myself into my studies. I stayed at school and made up for almost failing the courses from the previous semester."

"Why did you do that?" she asked, craning her neck to look at me. "Almost fail, I mean."

"I couldn't even exist... I just couldn't function without you, knowing that you were so close, but... Anyways, I put all my energy into studying during the summer semester, then in the fall I started taking extra courses. If I wasn't studying or in class I was sleeping. It was the only way I could exist," I said.

"I see," she said softly.

"Starting the last week of September, I was going nuts. I knew you had to be due anytime. When my mom and dad came, the second week of October, I nearly told them everything. They actually told me later that they were certain I was on drugs after that visit because, in my dad's words, I was near manic," I said. I held her tighter to me and asked for some information, hoping she would supply it readily. "I don't even know when he was born..."

"He was born on his due date, October 4," she said.

"He was okay?" I asked, slipping into doctor mode. "No complications, or problems."

"He was healthy. Apgar scores of 9 and 10, screamed like he was being violated, and nursed like a pro from his first attempt. He was 8 pound, 8 ounces, 20 inches long a shock of copper colored hair and the greenest eyes..." she said, filling in every detail I could hope for.

"Thank you," I said, hugging her.

She simply nodded in response.

"Once October was over I pushed the studying even more. I aced almost every course that semester and was accepted into med school for the spring semester. Even then I pushed it. I completed my primary courses way faster than average and did so with top marks. I did my practicums and residency quicker than usual too. The only negative comment I ever got was from people worried that I would burn out too quickly. My parents were the primary source of those complaints. They visited at least once a month and finally when my dad couldn't take it anymore, he retired and they moved across the country. I think Esme felt a little better knowing that I was eating properly, and Carlisle loved to talk to me about medicine in general."

"Once I graduated, I applied to work in pediatrics. That had been my favorite rotation during my residency. I looked at every child that was born around the same time as Masen and wondered what our son would look like. I figured he might get my hair, but I thought he'd have your eyes," I said.

"Are you disappointed?" she asked.

"No," I said, shocked that she would even ask. "It's almost like looking in a mirror when I see him... except for the fact that he has your little button nose, and your lips."

"How could you know that? You really only saw him for a few minutes," she asked.

_How could I not know? I drank up every ounce of information I could when I was near him._

"I saw his eyes when I walked into the room the first time. I really understood why that Jake guy was checking me out once I saw him. Then when he was playing, I could barely keep my eyes off him. He is so perfect," I said, thinking of my son. My _SON_, I loved saying that and having a face and name to go with that knowledge.

"Then, when you sent me to the car to get him, he was asleep and I couldn't help but to take a few moments to really look at him. I could see what features he got from me, and which he got from you," I said, almost adding a chuckle into the mix.

"So many things he does reminds me of you," she said.

"I know one thing he definitely got from you," I said with a grin, my heart growing ten sizes being able to talk to her about him like this.

"What's that?" she asked.

"He talks in his sleep just like you do," I said, laughing at the little sigh she let out.

"He does and he hates it just as much as I used to," she said.

"Used to?" I asked, knowing how much she hated that particular trait when we were together.

"I've since discovered that it had some advantages," she said, and as I looked down at her I could see a slight flush on her cheeks.

"What advantages?" I asked.

"Never mind," she said.

"Please?" I asked.

"It got you to hold me one more time," she said softly.

"I'm so sorry," I said dropping my head so my forehead rested against her crown.

"I know," she said, sighing. "I just don't know if it's enough."

My breath caught in my throat as she said that. It had to be enough. Now that I was holding her in my arms, I didn't think I would be able to let her go. I had to get through the story. I had to make her see.

"I visited Jenks monthly after that, sometimes even more frequently. After a while, I think he got a kick out of me being there. He never gave me even a hint," I told her.

"Okay," she said.

"I think we were all sort of content where we were, not happy but we had a purpose," I said. "Mine was to get through school and get by, theirs was to be concerned about me getting through school and trying to get by."

"I can see why they would be concerned," she said. "I would have been, too."

"Then, then..." I said, stumbling over my words a bit, "then Jazz saw you in Seattle. He didn't question what he saw at all. It was the first time I really had hope. He didn't even say hello when he called to tell me. He just asked me if there were anymore details that I had missed telling them when you disappeared."

"As soon as I saw him, I practically ran Masen out of there. I certainly wasn't about to let a trip to the zoo ruin things for you," she said.

"God, Bella, I'm so sorry," I said. "I even ruined a trip to the zoo for you guys because of my stupidity."

She didn't speak, didn't move at all.

"My heart started beating a mile a minute and I asked what he meant. That's when he told me about seeing you and Masen at the zoo. If I had been standing, my legs would have collapsed under me. I didn't even answer him because Esme was sitting right next to me, curious as to the reason for Jasper's call. We had all made up by that point, but our relationship was still strained. I realized that it was time to tell them all about our son, but I couldn't tell Jazz yet. Esme was right there, and she didn't deserve to find out second hand. I owed both her and Carlisle better than that. So I quickly ended the conversation and went to finish the confession that I started the morning after you left, to my parents. This time, it was the whole confession," I said.

"How'd they take it?" she asked.

"They were devastated and blamed themselves," I said.

"Why?" she asked.

"I told them everything. How you were sick and then found out you were pregnant, about the antibiotics that caused the birth control to fail, and I told them that I flipped out and why," I said. "Esme collapsed in large gasping sobs and Carlisle had tears streaming down his face. Esme was certain it was all her fault and then they told me the whole story, backed up by my father's last note and the police report," I said.

"What whole story? Why did they feel that they were to blame?" she asked.

"They had never told me how my parents died. I was always told it was an accident, but how can a gunshot wound to the chest be an accident?" I said, feeling the emotion welling up in me. The tears began to fall and her little fingers made their way up to my cheeks to try to rub them away.

"They told me that it had been an accident, that he wasn't truly a murderer. My mother and I had been away visiting Carlisle and Esme. Esme had just learned that she could not have a child of her own and was devastated, so my mother took me to stay with them for a few days. She told them that they could adopt and managed to calm Esme down, but she missed my father terribly so she decided to head back home early. My father had been working long hours at the hospital and was a little nervous at home as there had been a string of break-ins, and one neighbor had been beaten when he interrupted the burglar. When my father heard the door, he assumed it was a burglar and yelled out, asking who was there. Nobody knows why she didn't answer," I said, wiping tears from her cheeks.

"Edward," she sobbed placing her forehead against my chest.

"He called out a second time and she stayed silent. He saw the shadow and he shot. He didn't know what had happened until he heard me crying. Somehow he had shot her in the chest and missed me. As soon as he got to our sides he knew she was gone. He grabbed me and pulled me out of my blood soaked sleeper, checking that I was okay. He put me down in my crib while he picked her up and carried her to their bed. He couldn't stand to leave her on the floor. He wrote a note telling Carlisle and Esme what happened, put me in his car and drove me to their house. He made the three hour drive in less than two, got there, pounded on the door and left me in a baby seat. They figure that he waited until the door opened before he drove out of there. Esme picked me up and there was a note under me, telling them what happened. After Carlisle and Esme read the note Carlisle jumped in the car to follow him back. They both knew he couldn't live without her. By the time Carlisle got there, it was too late. My father had climbed into bed with her and ended his own life," I cried, dissolving into large gasping sobs. Not because of the accident that ended my parents lives, but because of the errors I made because of it.

She clutched herself to my chest and cried. Her sobs matched my own and I don't know if she was crying for me, or for herself, understanding that I had chased her away because I overreacted to something that I didn't have all the details of.

"The media called it a murder-suicide and never printed anything different because it wouldn't sell newspapers. They showed gruesome crime scene photos of the blood stained bed. I believed what was there. I tore us apart because of that," I said, finally allowing my legs to give out as I crumpled to the floor. I placed my head in my hands and allowed the tears to take over.

Bella stood for all of two seconds before she dropped down to cradle me against her. I could feel her sobs shaking her whole body, then again, maybe it was my own. I finally lifted my head and her face was right there.

"Bella," I whispered through my sobs. "I love you. I love you so much."

"I know," she said, pulling me so that my head was against the crook of her neck. The overwhelming scent of her skin mixed with the feeling of her hands comforting me was too much. I wanted to say more. I wanted to tell her how much I missed her, how my heart didn't even beat until I saw her again, but words were impossible. The sadness, the absolutely gut wrenching sadness claimed me then and I let it, clutching Bella desperately, as a drowning man would cling to a life preserver.

If Emmett were to have seen this, I'm sure he would have made me turn in my man card, but none of that mattered. I had finally told Bella what I needed to say, and she was here, holding me.

"Oh Edward," she sobbed as she ran her fingers over my head and neck. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry you were hurting. I'm here. I'm here now."

I looked up into her brown eyes. The eyes that held my world. She stared directly into mine, not blinking, not flinching. I don't know what she was looking for but apparently she found it.

I watched her as she moved her face closer to mine. Our eyes were locked on each other as she moved her face closer. I didn't dare move a muscle, I couldn't. This was her choice, her decision. Her lips were inches from mine, both of our breaths were labored from crying and probably anticipation on my part. I could feel her breath against my lips, I could almost taste her sweet flavor.

Her lips touched mine then, the beautiful sensation grabbing me, pulling me in, but still I remained immobile, letting her lead. I opened my mouth slightly, my lips anticipating her kiss, almost aching for her soft lips to be pressed to mine. Still I let her lead. She ghosted her lips across mine again, and I swear I felt the tip of her tongue touch my upper lip. It was the sweetest form of torture, and when I was sure I would die if I didn't kiss her, I pressed my lips forward, claiming hers in a heated kiss.

I had loved this woman for more than ten years. I had missed the feeling of her lips on mine for more than seven. It was need, pure unbridled need.

She didn't fight the kiss, she willingly participated, her lips moving with mine, her tongue darting out to feel, to taste. When my tongue finally touched hers, it was so much better than I remember. The taste of her on my mouth was better than any flavor in the world. If I bottled it, I would make a fortune, but I never would, it was mine.

Her hands tangled into my hair as she pulled me closer, our mouths finding where they belonged. It was so right. Our lips moved together in unison, as if no time had passed. Our tongues did not battle for dominance, instead working together as two dancers preforming a complicated routine. My need for her, her need for me, our combined need took over the situation. Had we been thinking, we would have known this was too much, too soon.

But our brains were not in control, nor was it our libidos. Our hearts, our souls cried out for each other and we were helpless but to obey. It was pure instinct that made my hands begin to explore her body, moving against her back first and then her sides. Her kitten moans into my mouth were driving it on, spurring me to further exploration. I lowered my hands to her bottom, the sweet roundness of it inviting my hands to hold and knead it.

She practically purred into the kiss and I knew I needed to move my hands away, or my less gentlemanly instincts would take over. I moved my hands to the small of her back, unconsciously taking her shirt with it. When my hands met the heated skin of her back, they took over, moving under the fabric further, playing with the soft skin they had uncovered.

I prayed that I would never wake up if this was truly a dream. I would die a happy man if this were my last thoughts.

She finally moved her hands from my hair, moving them along my neck to my shoulders and finally down my torso, until she too had her hands against my bare flesh.

Our lips finally parted and we were both gasping for breath. I moved to kiss the exposed skin of her neck and she did the same, running her tongue along the area where her neck and shoulder met.

"Edward," she sighed as her hands moved up under my shirt, sending shivers through me. I groaned against the skin of her neck. It was pure heaven to have her like this. Her little kitten mews were driving me wild as my hands reached the fabric of her bra on her back.

Her hands began to force my shirt up, and I couldn't help the growl that left my throat.

"Feels so good," I groaned as my lips searched for hers again. They had been parted long enough.

This kiss was more frantic than the first, our mouths and tongues anxious to claim each other, seeking and delivering pleasure at every touch.

"Please," she moaned into my mouth as her hands began to tug my shirt up farther. I broke away from her completely, for just a moment, and tugged my shirt the rest of the way off, throwing it across the room.

It didn't take long until her hands found their way to my bare skin as she pulled me back to her, her mouth moving to capture mine.

I moved my hands against the bare skin of her back to her sides and gently across the flat expanse of her stomach. They longed to roam unfettered across her body but I was so afraid to push her too far and cause her to stop. I moved my hands again, up her sides until they were almost cupping her fabric covered breasts. She shivered in anticipation as my hands hesitated.

"Edward," she sighed as she pulled away from our kiss. She leaned her head back and I moved to kiss the exposed skin of her throat as I moved my hands up higher, cupping the fabric covered fullness of her breasts. Her shirt hindered my movement somewhat and she growled.

"Just take it off," she moaned.

I didn't need to be told twice. I grasped the bottom of the shirt and started pulling it up. She lifted her hands over her head to help me, and then she was exposed to me, her pink lacy bra the only thing covering her chest. She bit her lip nervously, obviously worried about the exposure.

"So beautiful," I said as I ghosted my hands across the tops of her breasts and down her side to her abdomen. Had I not seen our son for myself, had I not felt her stomach rounded with our child, I would never have known that she had been pregnant at all. Her abdomen was as flat and perfect, as it always had been.

"I need you," she said, looking me right in the eyes. "I need you, Edward, please."

"Are you sure?" I asked, almost begging. I knew I could never live without her again, once we crossed this threshold.

"I don't know what to think, or what to say, or even what to do," she responded. "I do know what I feel. Edward, I love you."

"I love you, Bella, so much," I said as I maneuvered her to the floor, positioning myself over her.

"Make love to me," she begged, pulling my face to meet hers. "Please."


	7. Alice gets Her Say

A/N: Thanks for all the well wishes for my family during our health crisis. I scrapped what I had written before and wrote fresh, over 18,000 words! Since that will take my beta and pre-readers forever to get through I have decided to release it in three parts so that I can get it to you faster. The next part will be out Wednesday, then on Friday we get to the JUICY part!

I want to give a shout out to all the ladies that help me: ACEMCKEAN- my beta extraordinaire!, BEEGURL13- who is a great source of information and ideas and a kick ass author!, TWILIGHT44- a great sounding board and cheerleader for all the drama. She wanted me to wait and post together but I'm too impatient. Sorry!:) SUNSETWING - the girl is talented! She fixes my booboos and writes great stories herself!

If you guys TWEET you can follow me on TWITTER. I am CallMeMrsWrite

I post story previews to my blog - TwilightMommyof4girls (DOT)blogspot(DOT) com

Also I was in a major emo mood last night so I wrote a one shot that I will be posting in the next day or two. It's a little dark, and you definitely need the kleenex but I 3 it.

Hopefully our new normal will continue to settle in and life will be back to normal. Watch at the end as I list some of the authors that kept me sane while I spent the week at the hospital with my daughter

**_8888-8888_**

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APOV

The kids were all set up in the main hall watching Up! on the big screen. It was so awesome to watch Masen interacting with all of our kids. Truth be told, I never expected this to happen. I, Alice Brandon Whitlock, had given up hope of ever seeing Bella again. When she was declared dead, it was like the last nail in her coffin. While I didn't believe that she was actually dead, I felt that our chances of ever finding her were gone. Who knew that an impromptu vacation to a place we'd never heard of would have yielded what we all sought.

To say that she'd changed would be an understatement. Then again, who amongst us had not changed. It was almost haunting to see the pain in her eyes... I wanted to kick Edward's ass as much as I had when I first heard what he'd done, and then when we found out that she had his son. If he hadn't been kicking his own ass so hard by that point, he probably would have had one of my Louboutins up his ass!

I understood his reasoning, once he had explained what happened with his birth parents, really I did. Not that I agreed, mind you, but I saw where he came from. After all, it was Edward, king of over-reactions.

Masen was truly Edward's mini-me. So many of his mannerisms were pure Edward. He had a lot of Bella's attributes, too, especially her heart. He was such a kind hearted kid. Cullen, Charlie, and EmJ were so rough and tumble, they often forgot about Izzy, yet Masen made sure she was included when they played.

I wondered if it was hard on her, being the only girl.

They had so much fun playing on the pirate ship. Even our big boys had fun with that. Rosalie swore that both Jasper and Emmett were going to be sore from all their pirate adventures. The younger kids, climbed and slid and, of course, walked the plank. Izzy was too afraid to try it at first. She watched the boys but every time she walked to the end of the plank, she turned around and walked back. Charlie, EmJ, and Cullen all found it funny and laughed, much to Isabelle's chagrin, and Jasper and Emmett tried to help her, all to no avail, until Masen got involved. He told her that he had been scared the first time, too, and that his mom had held his hand and jumped with him.

The smile on her face was brilliant as she hugged him. Rose and I were both expecting her to come and ask Rose to jump with her, but Izzy surprised us and asked Masen if he would hold her hand. He did, and after the first jump Izzy was hooked, climbing and jumping again and again, though she still preferred to jump with Masen.

The kids were thoroughly impressed with the fire pit and watching their dinner cook. Once dinner was cooked and eaten, they each ran off to get into jammies so they could watch the movie. The boys were all anxious to sit next to Masen. They thought that he was cool because he was older. I was certain that Charlie would have some issues as they usually fawned over him, but he was right in there.

"Can I sit with you in the movie?" Izzy asked him, batting her little almost four year old eyelashes at him.

"Charlie and EmJ already asked, Izzy," Masen said kindly.

Her little lip started to quiver and I could see the tears in her eyes. So could Masen, obviously.

"You could sit on my lap, though," he added quickly.

Her answering smile was brilliant.

"You are in so much trouble," I whispered to Rose as Izzy came running up to her.

"Mommy," Izzy interrupted. "I need my hair in piggy tails."

"Why, princess?" Rose asked, knowing that Izzy always liked her hair down at night.

"Cuz, Masen said my piggy tails were pretty," she said seriously.

Emmett overheard this and rolled his eyes. Rose laughed and did Izzy's hair as she had requested. The boys had hurriedly pulled out a huge beanbag chair, getting ready for the movie. The thing was big enough for Emmett to lie down on comfortably, as he proved as soon as the thing was in sight, so I knew all five kids would be fine. I think they enjoyed evicting him from the beanbag too, although they wouldn't have stood any real chance until Izzy decided to jump in on the fight and accidentally kneed Emmett in the family jewels.

Once, he had been removed, Masen climbed into the very middle and EmJ and Charlie climbed next to him on each side. Cullen climbed up next to Charlie and Izzy ran to join them. Masen opened his legs so Izzy could sit with him. It was so cute that I needed to snap a few pictures of the whole gang together.

This, of course, caused me to tear up. All of our kids were finally together.

"The boy better not get any ideas about my little girl," Emmett growled as he watched his little princess snuggled up onto Masen's lap. She was never this cuddly with our boys, but that was probably because they wouldn't let her.

Rose slapped the back of his head.

"Why do you have to sexualize everything?" she asked. "Honestly, Em. She likes him and he treats her so sweetly and you have to be a giant prick."

"Sorry, Babe," he said. "She's my baby girl and I need to keep all the boys away from her."

"Em," she said. "Wait until she's a teenager until you freak please."

"I'll try," he said, kissing her cheek.

We started the movie and handed out the snacks. They all lasted about twenty minutes before they were fast asleep.

"Should we move them now?" Emmett asked.

"Leave them for a bit," Rose said.

We turned the movie off and put a blanket over them. We moved across the room and the four of us sat to talk. Carlisle and Esme were in their room already.

"So should we ignore the white elephant in the room, or meet it head on?" Jasper asked.

"What do you think she will do?" I asked. They all knew I was talking about Bella.

"I don't know," Rose said. "I can't imagine what this has all been like for her. She has had nobody for seven years and suddenly we're all here."

"You could see that she still loves him, though," Esme said from the door.

"You'd have to be blind to miss it," Rose agreed. "But the question is whether she'll be able to forgive him and move past it."

"I don't have an answer for that," Esme said.

"Do you think she's moved on, in the biblical sense?" Emmett asked. "We all know Eddie hasn't."

"I don't know," I said. "She could have... I just can't imagine her with anyone else."

They all agreed with that statement.

"I wish I could be a fly on the wall where they're talking," I said. "I'm dying to know what's going on!"

"I know," Rose said.

"How do you think Masen will deal with all this?" Esme asked looking over at her sleeping grandson.

"I don't know. I don't know what he knows about any of us," I said.

"EmJ would not deal with this well, if it were him," Rose said.

"Nor would Charlie. Cullen would probably be okay after a bit," I said thinking of my own sons.

"He looks just like Edward did as a child," Esme said wistfully.

"There's no doubt who is father is," Emmett agreed causing Rose to slap him again.

"I can see so many of Edward's traits in him," I said. "Then watching him smile... That had to be hard on Bella."

"But he is so much like Bella. He is sweet and feisty. He is so smart and determined," Carlisle added from the doorway.

He moved into the area and looked at the five sleeping children that seemed almost piled onto the huge beanbag chair.

"He just fits there, doesn't he?" Carlisle asked.

"That he does," Esme said.

"And it seems Bella will allow us a part in his life. Do you think she will return to Seattle?" Carlisle asked.

"Of course she will," Rosalie said. "She's family."

"What if she's happy here?" Jasper said. "After all, this is all Masen knows and Bella has poured her heart and soul into the lodge. Did you see the picture progression of the changes she's made in the photo album over there?"

"How do we leave her here?" I asked.

"She's part of us and we just got her back," Rosalie said.

"We can't make her return," Carlisle said. "And there's the matter of her death. Bella Swan doesn't exist."

"All of this is dependent on her forgiving Edward," Esme said.

"I don't think forgiving is the only thing we need to consider. We all want her back, but we are asking her to sacrifice for us. Are we willing to sacrifice for her?" Carlisle said.

"Edward will," Esme said. "If he thinks he has a chance to reclaim her and be a part of Masen's life, he would sacrifice everything for her."

"Moving to Canada isn't the easiest thing... and involving himself with Bella may bring more trouble on her," Carlisle said.

"Trouble?" Emmett asked, visibly upset that Bella may be in trouble.

"How, Carlisle?" Jasper asked.

"Her ID is fake. He would likely need her to sponsor him to come and she can't. Just the same, she won't be able to immigrate to the States without raising questions," Carlisle said. "Bella could be put in a precarious position. Not to mention be facing jail time."

We were all taken aback by Carlisle's words. Bella could be facing serious repercussions from this.

"I'm gonna kill Edward," I said.

We sat in silence for a few moments and we were interrupted in that by Emily, the lady who had been planning on staying with Masen for the night.

"Is the movie over?" she asked.

"Actually, the children all fell asleep, so we turned it off," Rosalie said.

"I should get Masen into his bed," she said.

"Emily," Jasper asked. "Is Bella happy here?"

"Ang... Bella..." she said, obviously struggling for words. "She loves this place..."

"Look, I know you are probably curious as to who we are," Esme said.

"Actually, it isn't hard to figure out," Emily said smiling. "Plus from the conversations that I have overheard throughout the day..."

"Do you know what Masen knows about his dad?" I asked.

"Masen loves his father. Ang.. Bella told him all about his dad and how he was working hard to be a doctor. If you ask Masen what he wants to be when he grows up, he wants to be a doctor just like his dad," she said, smiling sadly. "Bella never spoke of him in front of anyone else. I am scared for her now."

"Why?" Carlisle asked.

"If I had to describe Angela Weber," she began, "I would say she was subdued, that she was kind, loving, smart, inventive, creative and caring. In reality she only really cared about two things, Masen and this lodge. She never spoke of her past, she was focused and driven. Jake had claimed her as his... not that she noticed. He chased away anyone who threatened his chances with her."

"So she was alone all this time?" Rose asked.

"Not alone," Emily said with a frown. "She is surrounded by great friends... She has never sought out _other _companionship. I know Jake would have been more than willing to provide."

"How could she not see what a jerk Jake was?" Emmett asked.

"Because he isn't a jerk," Emily answered with a little bit of vengeance. "He is a great guy. I know you don't see it that way, and I will admit he went about trying to get you out of here the wrong way. He did it to protect her. None of you knew how she was... to see her come undone... to resort to climbing out of windows to get away... I might have called Sam myself if he hadn't."

"Sam... the guy who roughed up my family?" Emmett said, bristling slightly.

"Sam is a gentle guy. He protects those who need protecting. Jake went overboard in describing the threat you guys posed and so he and the guys were too forceful," Emily said. "He isn't that way usually. Jake made it seem that you guys were trying to ruin Angela. He respects her and what she's done here. Do you guys even know?"

"Know what?" Jasper asked.

"When she bought this place this guest house was here. It was run down and dilapidated. She, this little slip of a girl, turned it around. Do you know how much a week at the lodge cost when she got it?"

"A grand?" Emmett guessed.

"Hardly!" Emily scoffed. "About four hundred, including food. The beds were hard, the rooms were ugly and the food was disgusting."

"Really?" Emmett asked, looking around.

"This is all her," Emily said. "No interior designer, no architect... She didn't hire all sorts of foreign construction workers like most places here. She hired the people here. Jake, Sam, Quil, Embry, Seth... She let them work with their strengths. They all have work during the summer but there's nothing available in the winter. She gave them purpose and paid them well for what they did. All the cabins, the lodge... everything is built by hand and every part is touched by her."

"I didn't know she had it in her," I said softly.

"There is a lot you don't know..." Emily said. "She certainly isn't the same person you knew years ago."

"Thank you, Emily," Carlisle said.

"I'm sorry I got so upset," she said. "She's like my sister."

"I see that," Esme said. "Thank you for being there for her."

"You guys were her adopted family, right?" she asked.

"Yes, Carlisle and I are Edward's adoptive parents," Esme said. "From the moment we met Bella, she was like one of our own. The others were her friends all through high school. They were very close. She lost her mother in her teens and her father just a few months before Masen was born."

"Okay," Emily said. She paused for a while and I could tell that there was something that she wanted to ask. Finally she took a deep breath, and added, "Why did you guys leave her?"

I could see the pain that I felt from that question mirrored across everyone's faces. Carlisle was the first to recover.

"We didn't," he said. "She left us because she thought it was what was best for Edward."

"It is such a long story," Esme continued, "but Edward was going through something and he thought he'd hurt her if she stayed so he tried to make her leave for her own good. It doesn't make a lot of sense now. We have been searching for her since the day she left. We had no clue what name she used or where she was. In total, we've been searching for her for more than seven years."

"Oh," Emily said with a frown.

We were all silent for a while. I was contemplating what would happen from here. Now that we found Bella, I wanted her to be close. Honestly, since she and Edward had moved away for school, I had never felt that my family was complete. Now, it was so close I could taste it, yet I was uncertain if that was the right thing to do. Would I be wrong to ask Bella to come back to Seattle? Was I being selfish?

The group contemplation was brought to an abrupt halt when we heard a voice from the pile of children on the beanbag. The little voice was obviously Masen's.

"Oh," I said. "He's up."

"Not likely," Emily giggled. "He talks in his sleep."

Another trait he got from his mother.

"Shh," Esme said trying to listen to her grandson as we all started to snicker.

"Can you teach me how to ride my bike with no training wheels?" he mumbled. "I want to go real fast like the big kids at my school."

I bit my lip to keep from giggling. There was a little more indiscriminate mumbling before we heard anything intelligible again.

"Thanks, Dad," he mumbled.

Dad. That one word sucked all the oxygen out of the room.

"He talks to his dad a lot at night," Emily said, almost nervously. "I better get him into bed."

She stood to go retrieve him, but Emmett and Rose moved first. Rose grabbed the sleeping Izzy from his lap and Emmett pulled Masen up into his massive arms.

"You'll get to know your dad real soon, Buddy," he said softly, emotion coloring his voice. Emily smiled at him and led him into Bella's private quarters. I looked at Rose, who was cradling Izzy as tears streamed down her cheeks, then to Esme, who was being comforted by Carlisle.

There was a short flurry of activity after that as Jasper and I moved to put Cullen and Charlie into bed, as Rose and Emmett did the same with their sleeping kids. Once all the kids were in bed we returned to the main hall. Emily had turned in for the night, just leaving us. So much had changed since this morning, and our nice relaxing vacation had brought us so much more than any of us ever expected.

"Quite the day," I said, starting it off.

"Has it only been a day?" Esme asked.

"It feels like years ago that we boarded the plane in Vancouver," Jasper said, pulling me close.

"She looks good... and Masen is so sweet. She has done such a good job with him," Esme said.

We all agreed.

"Did any of you expect any less?" Emmett asked. "Seriously, Bella has always had it all together."

"It nearly broke my heart when he called out for his dad," Esme said, tears springing to her eyes.

"What do you think she has told him?" I asked. "He's going to have issues if she told him that his father was dead or something."

"I wanted to pump Emily for information when she said that he talks to his dad at night," Rose said. "I'm trying so hard not to alienate Bella."

"I wonder how her and Ed are doing?" Emmett said.

"What do you think she'll do when she knows the truth?" Jasper asked.

"I wish I knew," Carlisle said. "I hope that she and Edward will be able to make things work."

"Letting him back in after all he did, no matter what the reason... Just letting him be a part of Masen's life would be great... Anymore would be a miracle," Rose said.

"But she loves him," Emmett said. "And Masen needs his dad. How can that work from here? She'll need to come back to Seattle."

"I'd love it if she would," Esme said smiling, probably imagining having her grandson and Bella close to her.

"And Masen could be close to our kids. They all played so well together," Rose said.

"Did you know when Masen's birthday is?" Emmett asked. "I saw his birth certificate on his wall."

"October sometime," I said.

"He is exactly one year older than EmJ," Emmett said.

"Did you remember the date right?" Rose asked.

"There's only four dates I need to remember," Emmett said scowling. "I'm sure of it."

"When is my birthday?" she asked him.

"May 17," he said.

"Our anniversary?" she asked.

"March 17," he said, pumping his fist.

"The kids' birthdays?" she asked.

"EmJ is October 4," he said, grinning. "My little princess is October 1."

"Okay, Em," Jasper said. "How the hell did you remember all that?"

"I'm just good that way," he said grinning.

"Sell it to someone else," Rose said. "Let's hear it!"

"May 17... I memorized because I didn't ever want to forget my angel's special day," he said. "When we were getting married I chose the same date so it would be easy to remember.. plus it's St. Patrick's Day and I get to drink green beer. As for EmJ... Mickey Mantle hit a grand slam in the World Series on October 4... and for Izzy, the Yankees won the first wild card game ever on October 1, 1995."

"So you use the useless sports trivia that always seems so damned important to you to remember our family's special days?" Rose asked, looking rather dangerous.

"Umm, yeah," Emmett said, looking a little fearful.

"Good idea," she said, kissing his cheek.

He sat there stunned for a bit before breaking out into a smile.

"October fourth," Esme said, smiling softly.

"Anything special about the day?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said, smiling at me. "My grandson was born."

"I want to go in there and just watch him sleep," Carlisle said. "I can't believe we are sitting under the same roof as our grandson."

I knew that Esme and Carlisle loved our kids, but I often wondered, after they found out that Edward had a son, if they didn't use our kids as some sort of judge of what their grandson would be doing.

"It was especially nice to see him with our other grandchildren," Esme said. "It was like they were complete."

"Maybe not complete," Rose said with a little smile.

"Rose?" I asked, looking at my blonde friend.

"Due in December," she said with a smile.

There was a round of congratulations and hugs.

"It wasn't planned," Rose said. "Now it feels right that I'll be able to at least call Bella..."

That seemed to bring a damper down on everyone.

"Why can't she just move to Seattle?" Emmett said.

"You know why Emmett," Carlisle said. "She'll have some choices to make... We'll help her to minimize any repercussions... if that's what she wants."

"Of course she wants to come back. She belongs with us," Emmett said.

"This is her life. You all have your lives in Seattle. Would you drop them to move here?" he asked.

"That's not a fair question," Emmett said. "We have the business, the kids' school and friends."

"So does Bella. Only all of that is here," Carlisle said. "What kind of family would we be if we pressured her into relocating for us?"

I knew logistically that he was right, but the thought of Bella being able to shop with me and visit, our boys playing together... I wanted all that again. The thought of going home and leaving Bella and Masen here was heart-wrenching. One look at the others and I knew they were all feeling the same thing.

"How do we do this?" Jasper asked.

"We spend what time we have with her. She has other guests coming and has lost one of her employees, so I imagine that it will be a busy time for her. We get to know Masen... and hopefully Edward will get a chance to let him know that he's..." Carlisle said, before losing his voice to the emotion.

"I wonder how they're doing," I said with a sigh.

"I don't know," Esme said. "The fact that Edward isn't back here yet could be a good thing... or a bad thing. If she doesn't forgive him... It will completely break him."

"He lost her seven years ago," Jasper said.

"But he had hope. He had a hope of seeing her again and having a chance to explain... a hope that they would be able to reunite..." Esme said, dabbing her eyes with a kleenex.

"He never gave that up?" Emmett asked. "I thought that he was just busy being a doctor. Are you telling me that the boy has been pining for her for seven years?"

"He loves her," Carlisle said.

"But he threw her away," Rose said, a little venom entering her voice.

"You know the facts. You saw how much he suffered. You know what his reasons were. The only way he existed after that was for the hope of seeing them again. If they were gone... if she had died, he would not have been far behind. That was why Carlisle and I relocated to be near him. We were worried that he would give up hope..." Esme confessed.

I knew Edward loved her, and I knew she loved him. From the first moment that I saw them together, I knew that they were in love. It shocked me to the core when they split. No matter what excuse he gave it didn't add up until Jasper had seen Bella in Seattle.

_I remember that day as if it were yesterday. Cullen was just weeks old and had his days and nights mixed up. With Charlie, it had never been an issue, I was home with him so I just slept when he did. Having a toddler and a baby was a whole new ball of wax! I was exhausted, so Jasper had decided to spend the afternoon out with Charlie, and was planning on picking up take-out when he got home._

_It had been just what I needed. I got two hours of sleep and was just going to get in the shower when Jazz showed up at home. I assumed that Charlie had been a stinker, but the look on his face let me know that it was much more._

"_What is it, Jasper," I asked._

"_I saw her," he said, looking at me._

_I knew who he was talking about, but my mind wouldn't accept it._

"_Who?" I asked._

"_Bella," he said._

"_Is she okay? Did you talk to her? Is she going to come and see me?" I asked, firing questions at him. My eyes began filling with tears at the mention of her name, and the thought that she was so close._

"_She ran off. I don't know for certain that she saw me, but..." he said._

"_But what?" I asked._

"_She was with a child," he said._

"_As in, she's a nanny, or has she moved on?" I asked. The tears that had been forming started to slip slowly down my cheeks. I knew the answer before Jasper confirmed. It was the piece of the puzzle that had been missing from Edward's initial confession._

"_As in, the child had copper hair, the exact same color as Edward's," he said slowly, "and he appears to be the same age as Charlie, maybe a little older."_

"_Why didn't you talk to her, stop her from leaving?" I asked, tears streaming down my cheeks._

"_I tried," he said. "I just couldn't make it across the park fast enough."_

"_Do you think Edward knows?" I asked him._

"_I have always felt that there was something he wasn't telling us. Like there was more to the story," he said._

"_I felt that too," I said, trying to contain the tears. _

"_It just doesn't add up," he said._

"_But he loves kids," I said. "You think he would chase her off so he didn't have that responsibility? He loved her, he still does... This doesn't make sense, Jazz."_

"_I know," he said. "There is only one person who can answer this, and I'm going to call him now."_

"_And I will be listening on the extension," I insisted._

"_I knew you would be," he said kissing my head._

_He dialed the number and as soon as he nodded, I picked up the cordless phone._

"_Hello," Esme's melodic voice answered._

"_Hi, Mama C," Jasper said, trying to make his voice lighter. It didn't work well._

"_Jasper," she said, and I could hear her smile through the phone. "What can I do for you?"_

"_I need to speak to Edward," Jasper said._

"_He's just gone to bed. He was at the hospital for the last day and a bit," she said._

"_I can't wait, Mama C," he said. "It's urgent that I speak to him."_

"_Can I do anything?" she asked. I could hear rustling in the background, and I hoped that meant that she was going to find Edward._

"_Edward," I heard her say._

"_What's up?" he asked, sounding tired._

"_Jasper need to talk to you," she said. "He said it was urgent."_

"_Hey, Jazz," Edward said as he came on the line. "What's up?"_

_Jasper sighed and I moved to rub his back. He was either announcing that we knew that Edward lied, or that Bella had his child, unbeknownst to him._

"_Is there something you neglected to tell us when Bella went missing?" Jasper asked. He ran his fingers through his blonde hair and waited for Edward's response._

"_What?" Edward asked. "What do you mean?"_

_I winced, of course it wouldn't be that easy._

"_I was at the zoo with Charlie today and had just sat down with some ice cream when I saw a girl who looked just like Bella across the park from us. She had a little red-headed boy with her," Jasper said._

_I could hear Edward's quick intake of breath._

"_By the time I got Charlie up, I ran across the park and couldn't find her anywhere," Jasper continued. "So? Is there anything more we should know?"_

_The silence was deafening. It was the confirmation we needed. Edward and Bella had a son. But why had she gone away with him? She had to know that we would all have been there for him._

"_Let me call you back later, Jazz," Edward said, followed by a click._

"_We have to call him back, Jazz," I said, tears pouring down my cheeks._

"_We need to give him time. His silence was all the confirmation I need for now. They have a son who is about the same age as Charlie. The question is why he didn't say anything," Jasper said._

"_He chickened out and left Bella to deal with it!" I raged. "Stupid prick!"_

"_He loves her. You saw that. There is more to this," Jasper said soothing me._

"_But Jazz, she was alone," I sobbed. _

"_We don't know that," he said._

"_I do," she said. "She didn't have anyone to rub her back when it hurt, to hold her hand when she went into labor. Who drove her to the hospital?" _

"_Honey," he said. "I love you. You can't beat yourself up about this. Bella is a big girl and she and her little boy looked good. Really good. No matter what she has it together. All we can do is be here for her, keep our numbers listed if she is ever wanting to look us up."_

"_But I want her back," I cried._

_I called Rose shortly after and told her about what had happened. She was angry of course, but agreed with Jasper that Edward would not have just done this without some sort of reason. _

_It was a long sleepless night for both of Jasper and I, as I was up with Cullen... and Jasper was up trying to keep me from calling Edward, Esme or Carlisle. When the phone finally rang, we answered quickly and waited while Edward patched Rose and Emmett in too._

_The emotions that swirled through our group for the next hour were thick. Having known Edward since we were all very young, I knew he had the ability to overreact... This was to a whole new scale. It was obvious that he loved her still, and when Jasper told him about the child, his son, you could literally hear him drinking every detail._

"You okay, Alice?" Rose asked.

"I was just thinking," I said.

"I have never been a praying person," Carlisle said, "but I have been praying since we first saw Bella. I just hope that both of them can come to some sort of peace with this all."

"I am praying for much more," Esme said softly. "I want them together again."

"For that you'd need a miracle," Rose said.

We sat in silence for a little while longer.

"We get to talk to Bella tomorrow," I said happily.

"We can't ask her to drop everything to come home," Rose said. "We just need to let her know that we will be there for her no matter what."

We all agreed with Rose pretty quickly after that and decided to turn in for the night. I checked on the boys, who had their own room that connected to ours, and kissed them both on the head. This was certainly going to be a vacation to remember.

**_8888-8888_**

Please review! The next update will be WEDNESDAY!

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The authors and Stories that kept me sane!

**AceMcKean - The Cullen Brothers, Marital Bliss?, **and** My Protectors**

**BEEGURL13 - What Hurts The Most**

**JandMsMommy - Bedroom Confessions**

**Sunsetwing - Here With Me**

**Jayeliwood - The List**

**A Cullen Wannabe - A Sovereign Fate **and** Breakaway**

**isakassees - This is Not My Life**

All authors can be found on my favorites as can all stories!

**All GREAT stories that kept me from sheer boredom while my daughter ignored me the week she was in hospital! Thank you also to my iPhone, without which I surely would have died!**


	8. Bella's POV of Edward's Explanation

A/N: Thanks for all the well wishes for my family during our health crisis. I scrapped what I had written before and wrote fresh, over 18,000 words! Since that will take my beta and pre-readers forever to get through I have decided to release it in three parts so that I can get it to you faster. The next part will be out Wednesday, then on Friday we get to the JUICY part!

I want to give a shout out to all the ladies that help me: ACEMCKEAN- my beta extraordinaire!, BEEGURL13- who is a great source of information and ideas and a kick ass author!, TWILIGHT44- a great sounding board and cheerleader for all the drama. She wanted me to wait and post together but I'm too impatient. Sorry!:) SUNSETWING - the girl is talented! She fixes my booboos and writes great stories herself!

If you guys TWEET you can follow me on TWITTER. I am CallMeMrsWrite

I post story previews to my blog - TwilightMommyof4girls (DOT)blogspot(DOT) com

Also I was in a major emo mood the other day so I wrote a one shot that I will be posting today. It's a little dark, and you definitely need the kleenex but I love it.

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**BPOV**

Sharing my experiences with Edward was hard. Honestly, I didn't know that I was still so emotionally affected by it. I had spent the past seven years burying any trace of emotion about my past. I only allowed myself to think of Edward at nights, when I knew Masen was sleeping.

I loved him, I knew I always would. Seeing him today made my heart clench in my chest. I knew that it would always be his. But was I ready to hear his reasons? He kept offering these confusing statements about loving Masen and me or regretting what happened. That confused me, but the thought of having an answer almost made me panic. Would any answer he gave me matter? Honestly, I didn't think it was possible. However, I knew I should let him, it would probably be healing for him, allow him some closure. I knew that he wanted a part in Masen's life now, and I would never prevent that, no matter who badly it hurt me. Masen deserved a dad.

It was that thought that gave me the strength to press on.

"I am going to start way back at the beginning. When my life really found meaning, the day I met you," he said, "maybe a little before."

_What the hell did that matter? I didn't want or need him to go back to the times when we were happy together. That would only make me hurt._

He spoke about his childhood, about Carlisle and Esme. I honestly didn't understand why we were going there. I could feel the pain start to creep up as he began to talk about how perfect everyone thought we were together, that we were soul mates. The pain was too much for me and I finally snapped at him.

"I get it, Edward," I snapped, not needing this trip down memory lane. "You thought that you found that with me and realized you didn't once my pregnancy made everything permanent."

"Not at all," he said, before the words were completely out of my mouth. "The moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were the love of my life, and nothing has changed that, not time or distance. When I saw you in the lobby today, I felt the same way as I did when I first saw you in front of Forks High ten years ago."

_Bullshit! If he truly loved me the way he said he did, he would never have pushed me away. He would have treasured me the way he always had. _

"Sell the horse shit to someone else! I'm not buying," I said, rejecting his words.

"All the same, it's the truth," he said, looking me in the eyes. "I have never looked at a woman the way I looked at you. My lips have kissed yours and only yours... and that will be true until the day I die."

My heart pounded in my chest. I wanted that to be true, I really did, but my heart couldn't take it... If he wasn't telling the truth, if he lied I would break again.

"Seriously?" I asked, not really expecting an answer. Could he be telling the truth? How could I know for sure?

"Nobody else, ever," he said again. "When I told you I loved you forever, I meant it. There has never been, nor will there ever be, anyone else. It didn't matter that I didn't know where you were, you own my heart, forever. I don't want it back, it is yours until it beats no more."

I couldn't move, I couldn't breath. Could it be that he missed me the way I missed him? Could it be that his heart was mine, as mine was his?

"Sex?" I asked, praying that he'd answer the right way.

"Only you," he said, almost sounding embarrassed. "A fact that Emmett and Jasper both find immensely hilarious."

"Me, too," I whispered, letting him know that he was it for me.

"You find it funny, too?" he asked.

"No," I said quickly. "There has never been anyone else, for me either."

"Oh," he said in a clipped tone. I looked at him, trying to understand his reaction. Finally, a crooked smile overtook him as he looked at me almost nervously. "Would it be wrong of me to say that makes me happy?"

"Maybe and maybe not. I'm pretty happy that you didn't turn into some sort of man-whore," I said, truthfully.

We took a moment, both basking in the facts that had just been revealed. I prayed that it wasn't just guilt that kept him from committing to someone else. Maybe he didn't feel the same...

"Anyway..." he said interrupting my musing.

I looked at him and watched the somewhat happy look on his face fade.

"Bella, everything was perfect. That all changed when I went back to Forks alone that summer," he said.

When he went home? Did he find someone new? He said that he had never kissed anyone else, but was he in love with someone else? Was he waiting for me to release him? I asked him, and he looked shocked as he went on to explain.

The tale he told tore me right to my core. I couldn't imagine what he must have felt, learning that the man he had spent his life looking up to was a murderer. The shock and sadness I felt for him... the confusion as to why he didn't tell me... Why he didn't come to me. He could have called... I would have ditched everything and flown to be with him.

The thought of him looking at the blood soaked bed brought back the images of my own mother's death. Seeing the pictures of the car wreck that claimed her life was devastating and I had nightmares for a couple of years after that.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I listened to him, as I watched him struggle through the pain. My heart broke for him. He told me how he had confronted Carlisle and Esme about it and that they had lied to him.

"But you never said anything to me," I said, hurt that he couldn't confide in me.

"I wanted to," he said, sounding desperate. "I wanted to tell you everything. I wanted you to wrap your arms around me and make me feel better. I knew you would if only I'd ask, but I couldn't ask. I didn't want to feel better."

"I don't understand," I cried... this was so confusing.

"From the moment, I saw that article, from the moment that I knew he had killed her, all I could think was how Carlisle and Esme always said, 'You are just like your father'," he said.

I cringed. How could they have compared him to a man who murdered his wife? How could they never have told them?

"'You look like your father,' was a favorite of Esme's," he added, tears pouring from his eyes and running down his cheeks. He ran his hand through his hair as he tried to regain some composure. "And it got worse... There was, 'your mom and dad fell in love just like you and Bella,' or, 'I would say I have never seen two people more in love that you and Bella, but I would be lying. Your mom and dad...'. Everything, my whole life I was compared to a man that had killed my mother and himself."

I was horrified. Edward's pain was so real I could touch it. I wanted to hold him, but I sensed he needed to go on.

"He was my hero. He was the man I had spent my life wanting to be, and he was a murderer. Not only a murderer but he murdered the woman who loved him and trusted him more than anything. How could he have killed her if he loved her?" he asked through gasping sobs.

"Edward," I sobbed, as I moved towards him, reaching out to comfort him.

"No, please," he said, looking me right in the eye. "I need to tell you everything."

"Okay," I said, lowering my hand. The tears still streamed down my cheeks as I watched him struggle to continue.

"All I could think was that if he loved my mother the same way I loved you, how could he kill her. I couldn't live in a world where you didn't exist. The thought of you dying... Bella, all I could think was if I was exactly like him, as I had grown up believing... I could somehow hurt you," he sobbed, tears streaming unhindered down his cheeks.

"Edward, I..." I said, trying to offer him some comfort.

"No, Bella. Please let me finish. Let me tell you everything," he begged.

I nodded for him to continue.

"It tore me up inside and when I got back, I decided I needed to end our relationship. I couldn't risk your life because of my own selfish desires," he said.

"Edward," I cried. _ How could he think that he would hurt me? How could he have been in so much pain and I didn't notice?_

"But I couldn't, Bella, I was far too selfish. I needed you... More than I needed air. The very thought of being apart from you killed me. I promised myself that I would be better... we wouldn't need to get married... and if you weren't my wife..." he sobbed.

I cried like I had never cried before.

"But it was a war within myself. I wanted everything with you. I wanted to see you in a wedding dress on Charlie's arm. I wanted to pull the garter from your leg and fling it across the room... I wanted to promise my life to you in front of God and our friends and family..." he cried. "You once said you didn't care, that a piece of paper wasn't important... but it was to me... and it was far more important as the days and weeks dragged on."

He had wanted everything with me. He had wanted our happily ever after... I buried my face in my hands and let the tears overtake me.

"Then came that conversation with my mother. She wanted to plan a wedding and I wanted her to... but I was so scared. You have to know, Bella, I wanted to marry you when I first set eyes on you. I have never wanted any less than forever... but suddenly my view of the future contained images of your body lying in the pool of blood on the bed. How could I risk you?" he asked me, seeming to beg me to understand.

I began to understand. I understood how his mind worked and his tendency to over react where things with me were concerned.

"Edward," I cried. "You should have told me. We could have made it work."

"Don't you see, I knew that," he sobbed. "You would have sacrificed yourself for me. You would have risked your life if I gave you the choice. I couldn't... I couldn't do that, you were my angel..."

I sobbed. I cried for his pain, and for mine.

"My mother tried to push for us to make things permanent. I wanted it so much that I went out and bought your ring. It was so selfish, believing that I could harm you just by being with you and buying you a ring that would make that happen. I wanted to push you away but I wasn't strong enough," he sobbed.

I sobbed, I tried to fight the tears that wracked my body and I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hold myself together, trying to contain the pain I felt.

"When I told my mom 'when and if'... You were so hurt by my words and tried to be brave. I'm so sorry," he cried. Finally he just buried his face in his hands and let the sobs overtake him.

I flung myself from the chair and landed on my knees in front of him. I grabbed his hands gently, pulling them away from his face, and I looked at him. The tears flowing down my cheeks, matching his.

"When I saw how hurt you were, I knew I had to be better, and I tried, I really tried. I tried to put it behind me. I tried to forget what my father had done. I was going to be better than him. We'd be better," he said, his velvet voice cracking.

I began to rub soothing circles on the backs of his hands again, it felt so right, our hands together. It just felt right.

"I will never even understand how the panic set in," he whispered. "I had a ring for you... I wanted our forever... Then I panicked. I saw our child in those pictures, and I wanted him, Bella, I wanted him so bad it hurt."

We both sobbed as he confessed to loving our child. The very emotion that I had wanted for him to feel, he felt but couldn't tell me.

"I was so scared. I just wanted you two to be safe. I couldn't live in a world that you didn't exist in and I needed you to be safe. I said all those horrible things, I wanted you to hate me, to leave and take our child away so I could never hurt either one of you..." he sobbed.

I placed my head on his lap and let the tears fall. He loved me, he loved our son but he sent us away to protect us from him. I would never be afraid of him hurting me like that... the emotional pain... of that I was afraid, very afraid.

"I wanted you to hate me. I wanted you to tell me to go to hell. I wanted you and our child to be safe," he begged.

"Why couldn't you just have told me?" I sobbed. "I wouldn't have gone. I would have stayed with you. We could have dealt with it."

"I knew that," he cried. "I knew that if I told you the truth that you would stay, risking your life to be with me."

"Shouldn't that have been my choice? Why did you choose for me?" I asked, angrily, lifting my head and looking into his pain-filled eyes.

"I tried to choose for you... and for our baby. I tried to make sure you were safe. I just needed to know that you would be okay," he cried.

"But where was my choice?" I cried angrily. "Edward living without you... doing this without you is worse than death. I have spent years thinking that you hated me. I never understood. I didn't know how you could do that."

How dare he choose for me? How could he hurt me like that, even if he thought he was protecting me? Didn't he know that I would rather have died then to have lived without him?

"Only you,Bella... I only wanted you to be safe... I loved you so much that I knew the only way I could be okay is if I knew that you and our child were safe, " he said, seemingly pleading with me to understand.

Did he really love me? Could he after everything he had said, everything he'd done?

"As much as I love Carlisle and Esme, as much as they have been my mom and dad for my whole life, they weren't my blood. Growing up without someone who was my blood... I have always wondered what it would be like if they were here. How would things be?" he said, speaking of his parents.

"So you sent us away? It was an act? Every horrible word... every gesture... they were acts?" I asked, trying to understand.

"Yes," he said calmly, reacting to my pain and anger. "I wanted you to hate me."

"How could you?" I asked angrily as I stood up.

"I'm sorry," he began. I couldn't deal with his apology. I needed to know everything.

"No! How can you expect me to believe this? Is this supposed to make me feel better? Am I supposed to just believe the crap you're feeding me?" I screamed at him.

"Bella," he said, trying to placate me. I couldn't let him. My head was spinning, everything I had spent seven years believing, he was now saying was wrong.

"No, Edward," I cried. "You're telling me that all that... all that was a lie. How do I know you aren't lying to me now?"

"I have no reason to lie anymore. I have already lost everything that mattered to me," he said, causing me to stop breathing momentarily.

I looked at him and watched the tears stream down his cheeks. Damn him! Why did his pain still matter. I wanted to be angry with him, I needed to be angry with him. I couldn't speak at all. I was angry, confused, hurting and just basically overwhelmed.

"You're trying to make me believe something that isn't true!" I said. It was the only thing that made sense, though I didn't know what his reasoning would be.

"No," he shouted. "I love you, Bella. You are the only one I have ever loved and the only way I could have done that, ripped my own heart out... taken away the best thing that has ever happened to me is because I did. I loved you so much... I couldn't bear the thought of hurting you."

"You did. You hurt me by what you did. More than if you had shot me. I have spent seven years trying to come to terms with the fact that you didn't love me... I still don't see how you could have said those things... Maybe you got scared. Maybe it was all fun and games until you learned you were going to be a father..." I screamed.

"No!" he yelled. "I was an idiot kid. I thought of you, of only you when I did this. I'm so incredibly sorry that I hurt you. I only ever wanted what was best for you and our son."

"So tearing my insides to shreds was best?" I asked.

I was so confused. I wanted to believe him... I was trying, but I didn't see how he could be telling the truth. The Edward that I loved wouldn't hurt me.

"It was better than shooting you, better than leaving you lying in a pool of your own blood!" he yelled back. "All I could picture was you, you on the damn bed in the picture of my parent's home. You dead and bleeding because I did it, because I killed you!"

"Since when is murder hereditary?" I asked. I couldn't take this my head was swimming and I felt like I was ready to pass out

"Since when is two people falling in love hereditary? Since when is the way I treated you or felt about you, hereditary? You were my whole world. You were what made my life worth living," he said. I could see his eyes, pleading with me to understand, but how could I?

"No," I said, fighting to maintain my stance. "You're lying."

"I'm not, Bella. You are my first thought every morning and my last thought before I go to bed at night. It's you. It's only you," he sobbed.

"It can't be," I cried. "How could you hurt me like that if you loved me?"

"I wanted you to hate me. If you didn't, I knew you wouldn't leave. You would have fought for me, for us... and you would have won. I was a mess without you. I could barely get out of bed," he sobbed.

"I don't understand," I said, gripping my head in my hands. " How could you have done this? How could you have walked out of that apartment and never seen me again? How could you just walk away from me and your son if you say you loved me so much?"

I stared at him, willing him to have an answer to my question. I wanted so much to believe what he was telling me. My heart and mind were warring with the truth and my stomach was regretting the few bites of food that I had managed to choke down.

"I didn't," he said. It came out as little more than a whisper, but he might as well have shouted it..

"What do you mean?" I asked, fighting the hysteria that was threatening to engulf me. "I looked for you. I called you, I waited for you after classes. How could you say you didn't just walk away? The only time you even came near our place was to put those stupid envelopes on the bed, and that was always done while I was in class."

"No," he said again. As he filled me in on his activities, my knees felt weak. I turned away from him and listened as he tried to convince me of his actions. As he told me more and more details of his nighttime visits, my heart began to win the war. He hadn't given up on me. He really was doing what he thought was right for his son and I.

When he confessed to watching my stomach grow, I fought the nausea that threatened to overcome me. He talked about wanting to caress our son through my skin as I had dreamed about every night.

Still, my mind fought to reject the idea.

"I watched you every night... and the last night... the night before you were supposed to give me your answer... I was there," he said, his voice barely a whisper.

The last night in our apartment. The night that I had the most vivid dream of him holding me, of him caressing my stomach and kissing my neck. It had been the most peaceful night's sleep I had since the whole thing began.

"You were there?" I whispered. "You really crawled in behind me in the bed?"

"Yes," he admitted. "I'm sorry."

Sorry? It was the best thing he'd done. It was the thing that showed me he still cared. It was also the thing that showed me that I wasn't crazy.

"How long?" I asked, needing to know how long he had held me for.

"How long, what?" he clarified.

"How long were you there?" I asked. "How long did you hold me?"

"I was there for about twenty minutes before... then I held you for about four hours. I actually hadn't planned on it, but you called out in your sleep. You asked me to hold you," he said, "so I did. I moved in behind you and pulled you into my arms and you pushed your back up against my chest, like you always had. I held you and breathed in your scent and allowed my hand to caress your belly."

He did love me. He truly did.

"I wish I'd have woken. I wish I truly remembered," I said. "I dreamed of you caressing my stomach."

"I dreamed of it, too," he said. "So many night I dreamt of holding you in my arms, feeling our son growing within you."

I didn't know where to go from here. I wanted to hug him, and slap him. I wanted to kiss him, and push his ass off the damned cliff. What I did was just stand there. I didn't move, or even flinch. I barely breathed.

"I left as the sun began to rise. I thought for sure that you'd go home. My mom hadn't called me once in the meantime, so I assumed that you had finally told her and she was so mad that she wouldn't speak to me," he confessed.

I cringed.

"I spent the day at all the places we had gone together. I went to our park, just after dawn and walked around the lake. I tried to remember each time we had gone. When we laughed and the silly games we'd play," he said.

I let my mind wander back to the past. Remembering the good times we had. Being on our own at school was perfect. We were busy, but we had each other. We always made time for each other, whether it was minutes or hours. I let myself think about that time, for the first time in years. The memories weren't clouded with questions. I didn't worry about another woman who might have been involved with him, or anything else. I actually remembered our good times with fondness.

"I waited out front for a long time that evening. I didn't know that you were already inside," he said quietly.

My tears started immediately. He told me that he had expected me to not listen. He thought that I'd have told Charlie, and that his parents and our friends would have been there for me. When he explained his reasoning, I knew he was right. Had he told me to tell them, to go to them... I would have known something was up.

Then he got to the last night that I had seen him before today.

"When I walked in I saw your suitcases. It wasn't as though I didn't know you were leaving. I had seen things being packed for over a week," he said. "But the newspaper was on top of the paper and I saw Charlie's picture. Bella, when I read the words... I didn't know what to think. I was in complete shock."

"Me too," I agreed. I had been in shock. Pregnant, the love of my life suddenly hating me and my father gone. I had nobody that I could talk to.

"I couldn't even think. I don't remember saying anything. I could only think of what you were going through, of how much you were hurting," he said. "Before I could even fathom anything, you were gone..."

I started to sob, the memories of that night were so fresh in my mind. The feelings that I felt were still there. My father, my daddy, was gone. The man that loved me no matter what... the man that I had lied to for weeks, the man that died before he even knew he was going to be a grandpa.

"When I realized that you had left, I ran out to the street," Edward said, breaking me out of my reminiscing. "I didn't even know what I planned to do, but I couldn't stand for you to walk out of my life forever. I wanted to beg you to go home to everyone. To have my parents and Rose and Alice take care of you. I didn't want you to be completely alone."

"You sure had a funny way of showing it," I said, thinking back to his demeanor that night.

"I did. I thought, if you were mad enough you'd call them... I never expected for you to truly leave. I thought that I'd have some idea of how you two were doing... maybe even get to see a picture or two through the years. I knew my parents would be mad at me, but I thought that they'd talk to me eventually... allow me to know my son at least through stories. I never expected you to just disappear," he said, a single tear escaping his eye.

"You should have just told me, Edward," I cried. "I needed you. I needed you so badly."

"I know," he cried. "I tried, Bella. I messed up and I tried to fix it. I'm so sorry. I have wanted nothing else than to see you again. I wanted to tell you..."

"I don't know what to feel," I cried. "I love you. I always have... but I'm so scared."

"I am too," he said, moving so that he was beside me.

I could feel his proximity. My body cried out for his touch, and to touch him. Every nerve ending screamed to be reunited with him, but I couldn't... I was too afraid of what was still to come.

"I had almost given up believing that I would ever see you again, and that even if I did... I didn't think you'd let me explain," he said softly.

"I need you to tell me everything. What happened after I left?" I whispered. I needed everything before I gave into my need for him

"I ran after Jenks' car and then tried to call him. It went to voicemail and I left a message. I went back to the apartment and found your note. I lost it. I couldn't believe what I had done... I couldn't believe that you were gone," he said. "I can still remember your note. I remember that letter word for word."

"Edward, I..." I started to say.

"Did you mean it?" he asked. "Did you mean you'd love me forever?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"How?" he sobbed. "How can you love me after all I did?"

"I don't know. I hurt. I'm scared of you, of the power that you have over me, but I do love you," I said.

There were so many days that I had wished that I could forget him, that my heart would forget it's infatuation with him. It never did, through all the pain, it never faltered in it's need for him.

"I love you, too, so much," he said. The thrill of those words sent shivers through me. It had been far too many years since I had heard them.

"I hate that you're scared of me. I understand it, but I hate it," he added.

He was only inches from me and there was an electricity that flowed through us. My breath coming in pants. I desperately wanted to reach out and touch him. He beat me to it, reaching his hand up tentatively to touch me. As soon as I felt his skin touch mine, I leaned into him, resting against his chest.

The same chest that I spent so many nights curled up against.

His arms wrapped around me pulling me tight against him. I didn't resist, instead I let myself relax into his embrace. It felt so right. I could feel his breath on the back of my head as he breathed in the scent of my hair. He always said that it relaxed him.

We stood frozen in place for a long time. I moved my arms to to cross my body and hold his. I could have stood like that forever. We were in our own happy bubble, a bubble that would eventually have to break, allowing reality back in. I was in no hurry for that to happen.

Finally I sighed, knowing we needed to finish this. I felt as though I were a hundred years old.

"And after that?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"I crawled onto the bed and cried. I couldn't believe what I'd done," he said, leaning into me. I could hear the words vibrating in his chest. It was unbelievably calming. "I don't know what time it was when I fell asleep. I had hoped that the bed would at least smell like you, but it didn't."

"I washed the sheets," I said softly and kept the pillowcase that I swore smelled like him, but I wasn't about to admit that.

"I was woken in the morning by the sound of the telephone, actually both telephones. It was Alice and she was wondering where in the hell we were. I told her you were gone. She nearly ripped my head off. She yelled and then gave the phone to Jazz, who after figuring out for himself that you were gone and I didn't know where, told me to call my mother," he said.

All the while I was sobbing in a hotel room in Montreal, mourning my father, my failed relationship, the fact that I was alone, and the death of Isabella Swan. I felt his arms beginning to release me and I grabbed them, holding them around me. I needed him right now.

"Please," I whispered. "Not yet."

His arms tightened around me again, bringing back that security that I felt being cradled against him.

"They told me to sit tight and that they were going to come," he said. "As soon as I got off the phone I went to beg Jenks to tell me where you were. He said that he promised you that he would never say a word. I offered him the check."

"You offered him two hundred and fifty thousand dollars to tell you where I was?" I asked.

"No," he said with a small humorless chuckle. "I offered it to him for any information. Your name... anything."

"Why?" I asked.

"I never wanted you to just disappear. I guess I never thought that you would," he said. "I was so selfish, Bella, I wanted you to be safe away from me, but I thought that I would get to know you were okay. I thought that maybe I'd get to see a picture at some point or hear something about the two of you. The thought of you actually being completely gone from my life was... incomprehensible. I begged Jenks, threatened him with the police... until he finally threatened to kill me if I didn't back off."

Jenks threatened to kill him? I tensed in his arms as my body fought the very thought of him being gone. For the last seven years, I at least had the privilege of knowing that he was alive. He didn't have that knowledge.

He went on to tell me about everyone's reactions, how he had told them everything, everything except for the fact that I was pregnant. He told me of his heartbreak of seeing Alice expecting and how doting Jasper was. He told me how his studies had suffered which made me upset. I hated that his studies were affected by this.

He, of course, couldn't believe that it would matter to me. He would always matter to me.

"Starting the last week of September, I was going nuts. I knew you had to be due anytime. When my mom and dad came, the second week of October, I nearly told them everything. They actually told me later that they were certain I was on drugs after that visit because, in my dad's words, I was near manic," he said. I felt him grip me tighter as he took a deep breath, finally saying, "I don't even know when he was born..."

"He was born on his due date, October 4," I said.

"He was okay?" he asked, concern lacing his tone. This Edward I knew, the Edward that needed every detail so that he knew for himself that all was right. "No complications, or problems."

I smiled to myself, biting my lip, before I launched into Masen's birth stats.

"He was healthy. Apgar scores of 9 and 10, screamed like he was being violated, and nursed like a pro from his first attempt. He was 8 pound, 8 ounces, 20 inches long, a shock of copper colored hair and the greenest eyes..." I said.

"Thank you," he said, tightening his grasp on me for a moment. I couldn't have spoken more if I wanted to, sharing this information with him was wonderful.

"Once October was over I pushed the studying even more. I aced almost every course that semester and was accepted into med school for the spring semester. Even then I pushed it. I completed my primary courses way faster than average and did so with top marks. I did my practicums and residency quicker than usual too. The only negative comment I ever got was from people worried that I would burn out too quickly. My parents were the primary source of those complaints. They visited at least once a month and finally when my dad couldn't take it anymore, he retired and they moved across the country. I think Esme felt a little better knowing that I was eating properly, and Carlisle loved to talk to me about medicine in general."

I couldn't help but feel proud of him. He had worked hard and achieved his goal.

"Once I graduated, I applied to work in pediatrics. That had been my favorite rotation during my residency. I looked at every child that was born around the same time as Masen and wondered what our son would look like. I figured he might get my hair, but I thought he'd have your eyes," he said, somewhat wistfully.

"Are you disappointed?" I asked, not wanting him to feel disappointed in our son at all. Our son!

"No," he said, obviously aghast that I would think that. "It's almost like looking in a mirror when I see him... except for the fact that he has your little button nose, and your lips."

"How could you know that? You really only saw him for a few minutes," I asked, completely stunned that he had noticed all that about him in the little time he had spent with our child.

"I saw his eyes when I walked into the room the first time. I really understood why that Jake guy was checking me out once I saw him. Then when he was playing, I could barely keep my eyes off him. He is so perfect," he said, making my heart swell.

He sounded like a father, a proud father.

"Then, when you sent me to the car to get him, he was asleep and I couldn't help but to take a few moments to really look at him. I could see what features he got from me, and which he got from you," he said with a chuckle.

"So many things he does reminds me of you," I said.

"I know one thing he definitely got from you," he said cheekily. Just from the tone of his voice, I didn't need his answer.

"What's that?" I asked anyways.

"He talks in his sleep just like you do," he said, followed by a laugh. Poor Masen hated that particular trait!

"He does and he hates it just as much as I used to," I said.

"Used to?" he asked, sounding shocked.

"I've since discovered that it had some advantages," I said, blushing.

"What advantages?" he asked.

"Never mind," I said.

"Please?" he begged.

"It got you to hold me one more time," I whispered.

"I'm so sorry," he said as he dropped his forehead to rest on my head.

"I know," I said, sighing. "I just don't know if it's enough."

I could feel every muscle in his body tense and I knew that I hurt him, but not telling him how I felt would hurt him more.

"I visited Jenks monthly after that, sometimes even more frequently. After a while, I think he got a kick out of me being there. He never gave me even a hint," he said, almost sadly.

He told me a bit more about his life, living with Carlisle and Esme, then he got to the day that I saw Jasper at the zoo.

"Then, then..." he said, "then Jazz saw you in Seattle. He didn't question what he saw at all. It was the first time I really had hope. He didn't even say hello when he called to tell me. He just asked me if there were anymore details that I had missed telling them when you disappeared."

I felt myself tense a bit. What if I hadn't run then?

"As soon as I saw him, I practically ran Masen out of there. I certainly wasn't about to let a trip to the zoo ruin things for you," I said, thinking about my promise when I left.

"God, Bella, I'm so sorry," he said desperately. "I even ruined a trip to the zoo for you guys because of my stupidity."

I just stood there. What else could I say?

"My heart started beating a mile a minute and I asked what he meant. That's when he told me about seeing you and Masen at the zoo. If I had been standing, my legs would have collapsed under me. I didn't even answer him because Esme was sitting right next to me, curious as to the reason for Jasper's call. We had all made up by that point, but our relationship was still strained. I realized that it was time to tell them all about our son, but I couldn't tell Jazz yet. Esme was right there, and she didn't deserve to find out second hand. I owed both her and Carlisle better than that. So I quickly ended the conversation and went to finish the confession that I started the morning after you left, to my parents. This time, it was the whole confession," he said.

"How'd they take it?" I asked.

"They were devastated and blamed themselves," he said.

"Why?" I asked. He seemed almost hesitant to tell me, and I felt his hold on me tighten again.

"I told them everything. How you were sick and then found out you were pregnant, about the antibiotics that caused the birth control to fail, and I told them that I flipped out and why," he said. "Esme collapsed in large gasping sobs and Carlisle had tears streaming down his face. Esme was certain it was all her fault and then they told me the whole story, backed up by my father's last note and the police report."

"What whole story? Why did they feel that they were to blame?" I asked.

"They had never told me how my parents died. I was always told it was an accident, but how can a gunshot wound to the chest be an accident?" he said, desperately, and I felt his tears on my shoulder, so I turned and reached to soothe them away, not understanding how a murder was Carlisle and Esme's fault.

He filled me in on the horrific details of the accident that claimed his mother's life and the anguish that led to his father's suicide

We clung together in the new position and cried together. I couldn't imagine what he must have felt, basing such life changing decisions on misinformation.

"The media called it a murder-suicide and never printed anything different because it wouldn't sell newspapers. They showed gruesome crime scene photos of the blood stained bed. I believed what was there. I tore us apart because of that," he cried, dropping his arms from around me and crumpling to the floor with his head in his hands. I may have lasted two whole seconds before I dropped to the ground with him, pulling him to me as we sobbed together.

We cried together for all we had lost.

"Bella," he whimpered. "I love you. I love you so much."

"I know," I said, pulling him as close to me as I could. I needed to hold him, to do something to ease his pain and guilt.

He was a mess. The sadness and guilt resonated off him as he cried.

"Oh Edward," I sobbed as I soothed him as I did for Masen when he was upset. I had never seen him so broken. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry you were hurting. I'm here. I'm here now."

He looked up at me as I spoke. His eyes were rimmed red and filled with tears but they held one thing that I hadn't seen in years. They held hope. I stared deeply into them. Could I get past this? Could I forgive him for the pain and loneliness?

He didn't move and his breath was coming in shallow gasps as I looked at him. Finally, I moved my face closer to him, I would forgive him. I would work past every ounce of pain I felt and try. I needed him. I stared into his eyes as I moved closer still. I could feel the heat from his skin on mine.

He didn't flinch as I gently touched my lips to his, feeling the familiar tingle. If he wanted this, he wasn't showing it, and I almost pulled away, worried that he didn't want me anymore. But the heaven of his lips was just too close. He opened his mouth slightly and I could taste his breath on mine.

He was so still, but I pressed on, fighting myself to continue. I allowed my tongue to dart out of my mouth to taste his lips. I kept just touching his lips, wanting to press forward but afraid of rejection. Finally he moved, pressing his lips against mine in a torrid kiss.

Our lips moved together as if they had never been apart, our tongues darted forward desperate for each other. I moved my hands to his hair and tangled them into his glorious bronze locks, using them to pull him closer. My heart cried out at the sheer joy it was feeling.

I moved, without separating our lips, so that I could get closer to him. Once he knew what I was doing he helped,tugging me as close to him as he could. Our hands began to explore the familiar territory of the other's body. Our sounds were coming in the form of animalistic grunts and groans, and soon we were seeking bare skin, the thin layers of clothing between us were too much.

Internally, I knew that this could end badly, but I couldn't stop. I couldn't fight what I wanted. When we couldn't keep up with kissing any more due to our traitorous bodies' needs for oxygen, his lips moved to my exposed skin.

We moaned against each other as our lips met again. It was short lived as I began to tug his shirt up, needing more of him. Once his shirt was gone, I explored the exposed skin. His body was the same as I remembered and my hands delighted in exploring every inch of exposed skin. His hands were doing the same, though my shirt was quickly becoming a hindrance.

"Just take it off," I said softly as his lips moved to my neck again. He had it off in an instant, leaving me in my soft pink, lacy bra. He hadn't seen me naked since I had Masen and I knew that my body had changed.

"So beautiful," he said he ran his hands along the skin he had just exposed.

"I need you," I said to him. "I need you, Edward, please."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"There is so much I am not sure of. There is so much that I don't know," I said. "I do know what I feel. Edward, I love you and I want to make love to you right now."

"I love you, Bella, so much," he said as he laid me down on the floor, quickly covering my body with his.

"Make love to me," I begged as I pulled him in to kiss him. "Please."

_**PLEASE REVIEW! **_

_**next update will be Friday and reviewers will get a preview of it!**_


	9. Lemonade and Pillow Talk

A/N: Thanks for all the well wishes for my family during our health crisis. I scrapped what I had written before and wrote fresh, over 18,000 words! Since that will take my beta and pre-readers forever to get through I have decided to release it in three parts so that I can get it to you faster. The next part will be out Wednesday, then on Friday we get to the JUICY part!

I want to give a shout out to all the ladies that help me: ACEMCKEAN- my beta extraordinaire!, BEEGURL13- who is a great source of information and ideas and a kick ass author!, TWILIGHT44- a great sounding board and cheerleader for all the drama. She wanted me to wait and post together but I'm too impatient. Sorry!:) SUNSETWING - the girl is talented! She fixes my booboos and writes great stories herself!

If you guys TWEET you can follow me on TWITTER. I am CallMeMrsWrite

I post story previews to my blog - TwilightMommyof4girls (DOT)blogspot(DOT) com

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**BPOV**

"I love you, Bella, so much," he said as he laid me down on the floor, quickly covering my body with his.

"Make love to me," I begged as I pulled him in to kiss him. "Please."

"If I do... Bella, if we do this, I'll never be able to let you go. I need you... not just for a night, but for forever... if you don't want that, if you can't promise to try, to at least work towards that... then we have to stop. I can't have my angel back in my arms for only one night. It would kill me to lose you again," he begged.

"I love you," I said, panting. "I want this. I want us. I can't promise it isn't going to be hard. We have a lot we need to get past and a lot we need to learn about each other, but I feel the same way. If I were to wake up tomorrow and find you gone, it would kill me. "

"I love you," he said, pulling away from me and standing up. My heart felt the distance immediately and I looked up at him, questioning the space. He just smiled, which confused me for a second, until he bent down and picked me up.

"I am not going to do this here," he said, lifting me up bridal style. "You deserve more that a frantic fuck on the floor. You are my angel and now that I finally have you in my arms again, I am going to do this right. I have dreamed of this for years and I am going to treat you like I should have treated you all along. I am going to worship your body, until neither of us can even move."

I wrapped my arms around his neck, anxious to worship and to be worshipped by, my own personal Adonis and began pressing soft, wet kissed along the exposed skin of his neck, shoulder and chest, concentrating on the collarbone area, since it had always driven him nuts.

"Bella," he growled.

"Um hmm," I said, not stopping the trail of kisses. "Do you know what you are doing to me?"

"Uh uh," I said, playing innocent. I knew exactly what I was doing.

"I'm not going to be able to worship you as I should if you keep that up," he groaned.

Edward had always prided himself on remaining in control. In every aspect of his life, he had a plan for how it should go. Even with sex. Not that sex with him hadn't always been fantastic, but the few times that he had completely lost control were unbe-fucking-lievable!

I shifted in his arms as we got to the bedroom, nipping at his earlobe. He had always been sensitive to my kisses and nips there and I found myself wondering if he still was.

The growl he emitted when I nipped at the sensitive flesh let me know he was. I smiled.

He sat me gently on the large bed and moved to pull away, only I wouldn't release the hold I had on his neck. I kept my arms around him and pulled him into another heated kiss. His initial reluctance was blown to smithereens as soon as our lips touched. I gently sucked his bottom lip into my mouth as he claimed my top one, suckling it gently before pulling back slightly, which left me gasping. As soon as he saw the opening, he dove forward, claiming my mouth again, pressing his tongue through my lips. I didn't waste the opportunity and gently sucked, causing him to groan into my mouth. The taste of him in my mouth sent shivers through my overheated body and I shivered slightly. He pulled away again, with a slight frown creasing his brow. The hold I had on his neck had loosened and he stood up, looking around the room before returning his gaze to me.

"You're cold," he said. "How do I turn on the fireplace in here?"

"I'm not cold," I said, laying back on the bed, content that there was no real problem.

"I felt you shiver," he said.

"Still not cold," I said as I moved my hands to unbutton my jeans.

"Bella," he growled as he looked down at me hungrily.

"Yes, Edward," I said, delighting at the sound of his name on my lips.

"What do you think you're doing?" he growled, crooked smile firmly in place on his lips.

"They're in the way," I said innocently, as I lifted my hips to shimmy the tight denim down, exposing my pink lacy panties that matched my bra perfectly. They weren't the sexiest things, barely a step up from the white cotton bras and panties I wore on a daily basis before, but it was as good as it got here without making a trip to Prince George or Vancouver.

As soon as the pants reached my thighs, he grabbed the bottom of them and tugged, removing them the rest of the way. He looked me up and down hungrily and I blushed slightly, wondering what he was thinking about the changes in my body.

"God, Bella," he moaned, lowering himself onto me. I spread my legs and wrapped them around him, pulling him towards my center.

Feeling him, hard against me, though still not skin to skin, was almost too much for me. My head felt dizzy from the pleasure and although there were still too many layers of fabric between us, it was still better than I remembered.

I moved my hands to the waistband of his jeans and tugged the button loose.

"Bella, Love," he moaned. "I want to worship you, I need to worship you!"

"Later," I said. "I need you, Edward. I need to feel you inside me. I need to be joined to you. Please!"

I knew he would never deny me. He looked into my eyes and nodded slowly. I moved my hand to lower the zipper and my feet to move his jeans away from his hips. As soon as they were past the curve of his ass he pulled away again to remove them completely, tugging his socks off as well.

Socks were not sexy!

Seeing him in his boxers, brought tears to my eyes.

"Bella?" he asked, as he looked at me, taking note of my tear filled eyes.

"I didn't think I'd ever see you like this again," I said softly.

"I'm so sorry," he said.

"No more sorry for now," I said. "Just make love to me. Make me yours again."

He smiled and moved to grab one of my legs, placing it on his shoulder. He began running his hands up and down the smooth white flesh, causing me to writhe as his hands moved so close to where I wanted him to touch me. He hesitated, leaving his hands there for a moment before moving them towards my ankle again, eliciting a groan from me.

He chuckled softly before reaching to remove the little ankle sock that was still covering my foot. He placed a soft kiss and nip on the instep of my foot that caused me to giggle.

Damn my ticklish feet! And damn that little smirk on his face! He knew exactly what he was doing!

He repeated the process with the other leg, this time allowing his hand to touch my panty covered center. I let out a hiss of delight that caused him to smile as he quickly moved down to remove my other sock.

"So pretty," he said, as he gazed down at me. I watched closely as his eyes moved over my body, certain that he was taking in all the changes that had occurred since he had last seen it. I couldn't help but worry that he would be disappointed. I felt my cheeks begin to flush and silently cursed the blush that had haunted me all my life.

"I missed that," he said running his finger along my cheek. "You are even more beautiful than I remember." He moved his finger from my cheek down between the valley of my breasts to my stomach, where he leaned over and pressed a kiss, just above my panty line.

"Please, Edward," I said, reaching up for him. "I need you."

He moved his body over mine again as he moved to capture my lips. Our lips moved hungrily and he rolled us on the bed so that I was on top of him. My hands wound into his hair, pulling slightly.

My fingers relished the feeling of his hair mixed between them. My lips celebrated the feeling of his moving with them. My core screamed with pleasure as his underwear did little to contain his hardness. My whole body was alight with my desire for him. Every nerve called his name. If I died right now, I would die happy.

He moved his hands to unclasp my bra, fumbling as he always had.

"Let me," I said, reaching behind myself to unclasp my bra. He used his hands at my waist to push me up so I was straddling him. As soon as I loosened the clasp, one of the straps slipped from my shoulder, causing him to groan.

"So pretty," he said, as he moved his hands to the straps of my bra, causing the other side to fall from my shoulder. I bit my lip nervously as he gently tugged it away. I looked at him as he watched the fabric come away from my chest, exposing my breasts to him.

"So fucking beautiful," he said, almost purring as he tossed my bra across the room.

His hands claimed the sensitive flesh as soon as they could, causing me to moan out in ecstasy. He kneaded my breasts, carefully avoiding the hard peak of my nipple that just seemed to get impossibly harder with his avoidance, calling for his fingers to touch them.

I moaned in delight as he finally moved to touch the sensitive bud. I began writhing against him, finding friction against his fabric covered hardness as he moved from touching them to pinching. Without warning, I found myself, bucked off, and lying flat on my back in bed.

"If you kept that up," he said huskily as he tugged my panties down, "I was going to blow up before I even got to take these off."

"So perfect," he moaned as his eyes drank in my naked form. The unmistakable look of pleasure on his face killed the last of my inhibitions and I lay there, almost panting as he examined my body.

"I love you so much, Bella," he said as a single tear leaked from his eyes. "I never believed that I would get to worship your body again. Thank you, thank you, thank you." He leaned down and started placing kisses on my stomach, moving up to kiss my breasts.

I writhed in anticipation and moved my feet so that I could hook my toes into the waistband of his boxers. It was a little tricky, especially when his lips finally engulfed one of my nipples suckling it furiously, but I managed to endure. Once they had slipped past his ass, they were still caught in the front. He lifted up a little, moving his hand to free himself from the fabric, and my overheated core got it's first skin to skin contact with his engorged member, or any engorged member for that matter, in seven years."

"Fuck," he cursed under his breath as I gasped at the sensation.

"I need you, Sweetheart," he said, moving so that he could discard the rest of his boxers.

"Please," I said. "Please, take me."

He lined himself up against my dripping core and gently eased the head into my dripping center.

"So wet," he moaned as he slipped gently in. The incredible feel of him filling me was so intense, I nearly lost it instantly. He moved cautiously, I'm sure remembering that it had been a long time since I had last done this, filling me slowly until I could feel his pelvis pressed against mine.

"Yes," I hissed, bucking my hips up before moving my legs to wrap around him.

He moved, tentatively at first, before moving faster and faster. He lowered his head to my lips, claiming them in a heated kiss as I cried out, into his mouth at the pleasure he was creating.

"Bella," he said, pulling away from the kiss and staring down at me. The intense delight in his eyes was nearly my undoing.

"Edward," I whimpered as my back arched. "I love you."

"I love you, Angel," he called out, leaning down a little more. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer, suckling at his earlobe and moving down his neck to his shoulder. I nipped and sucked my way back to his collarbone when I felt him begin to lose control. His measured pace became near frantic and I felt my walls begin to clench as my orgasm overtook me.

"Edward," I screamed as the orgasm ripped through my body.

He couldn't fight his own orgasm off anymore and yelled, "Bella," as he collapsed against my chest, sobbing.

His tears mingled with my own as he rolled us to our sides, our lips meeting in soft gentle kisses as we came down from our highs.

"Emmett is definitely going to make me turn in my man card if this night ever gets out," he said softly.

"This is you and me," I said, sniffling. "Nobody else."

"I love you," he said.

"As I love you," I said.

We lay there kissing and caressing for a little while longer before uncoupling ourselves with a groan. We didn't go far, simply moving so that he lay on his back and I lay with my head on his shoulder.

"Tell me why you named our son after me," he said softly, his fingers plying with my hair.

"I had a list of twenty names that I liked and decided that I would choose his name when I saw him. I had carefully avoided any name that might remind me of you, trying to get past us," I said, linking my hand with his.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Once he was born, and the doctor laid him on my chest for the first time, I could see the copper hair and I knew I would never forget us. When he opened his tiny eyes and they were green, it sealed the deal, so I decided to call him Masen. It just seemed to fit," I said.

"I like it," he said.

"I'm glad," I said, snuggling in tighter. I kissed his chest and cuddled in.

"I love you so much," he said.

"I love you," I told him, allowing my hands to roam over his body, relearning every curve.

As dawn broke, I found myself laying in the exact same position, with my head on Edward's chest, my hand gently caressing his chest. Only now I was looking out the large picture window in the bedroom that looked out over the water. Edward was awake as well, gently stroking his hand up and down my naked back. This was my happiness, and I was so afraid that something was going to disrupt this fragile bubble we had created.

Neither of us had slept all night, alternating between making love, silent cuddling and reminiscing about our time together, before all of this. We carefully avoided all sensitive topics, preferring to remain in the contented bubble as long as possible. We knew that the bubble would burst soon and that we still had a ton to discuss.

"It is so beautiful here," he said softly. His velvety voice was husky. I lifted my head from his chest and looked into his eyes, smiling softly.

"This is my favorite cabin," I said, biting my lip. He moved his hand to caress my cheek, using the pad of his thumb to pull my lip from between my teeth.

I could feel the bubble starting to go and I fought against the panic that threatened to engulf me. I knew we had rushed things to end up where we were.

"I love you," he said as he lifted his lips to meet mine.

"I know," I said, smiling sadly. "I love you, too."

"Where do we go from here, Bella?" he asked with a sigh.

"I don't know, Edward. I wish it could be as easy as this," I said motioning to our current state of undress.

"We still do this rather well," he said, rather smugly.

"Yeah," I agreed with a slight smile before laying my head against his chest again.

We lay silent for a few moments.

"What is Masen going to think of all this?" he asked finally.

"I wish I knew," I told him. "There's so much change right now, with Jake leaving and you guys arriving. I'm going to need to talk to him for a bit, just to see how he is."

"Do you want to wait before we tell him?" he asked.

"No," I said. "For a couple of reasons."

"What reasons?" he asked.

"One, Emmett is here, and unless he has suddenly developed a verbal filter, then Masen is going to hear something from him before we can tell him, which is not advisable. Two, I want you two to get to know each other. The more time you have for that before you have to go..."

"I'm not going back," he said.

"Edward," I said. "You don't have a choice. There's all the customs stuff that you have to deal with. You can't stay here indefinitely without getting into trouble."

"I can't, Bella," he said, clutching me tighter.

"You have a job in Seattle, a house... You can't just up and leave them," I stuttered.

"You don't want me here?" he asked.

"I do," I said. "It kills me that you have to go back, but I know the customs stuff isn't easy. It doesn't mean we can't talk all the time and visit each other. Once the summer is over..."

"Bella, I stood there and let you walk out of my life once and I barely survived. The only thing that kept me going was the fact that I was certain that I was doing what was best for you and our son. When I found out that it wasn't the case... I lived only to find you. I can't let you go. I just can't!" he said, almost pleading with me.

"You have to go back, Edward. At least for a little while. You have to wrap things up there and come to Canada legally. I want you with me but you have to do this the right way or you could lose the ability to come to Canada permanently," I said, panicked at the thought of him being stuck in the States, unable to visit us.

"Come with me," he begged.

"How Edward?" I asked. "My life is here. Masen's life is here. I can't just up and leave. Maybe I could have, for a little while if Jake was still around, but I am now short staffed. I need to be here."

"There has to be a way, Bella," he begged, his arms clutching me to his body. "I can't lose you again."

The desperation in his voice pulled at my heart strings.

"I don't know how, Edward, but we'll make it work. We may be separated for a little while, but we'll work something out. I'll go down and visit as often as I can and you can come up here whenever you can," I said. "We'll get some immigration lawyers working on everything. We have to do this right or we could lose everything."

"What about Jenks?" Edward asked.

"What about him?" I asked him.

"Maybe he could help us," he said.

"It didn't sound like you two had a very good rapport," I said. "From what you said, it seems like he'd be unwilling to help you at all."

"Yeah," he said. "But for whatever reason he likes you. Maybe he'd do it for you."

"That's a long shot at best, Edward, maybe we should go through legal channels first."

"I can't lose you," he whimpered.

"I know," I said. "I don't want to lose you either, but if we have to be apart for a short while if it means we can be together for the long term, then we have to do it."

"I know," he whispered. "I just can't bear the thought."

"Me neither, but we survived for over seven years apart. We can do it for a few months. As soon as September rolls around, the lodge is nearly dead and I could come to Seattle some more if you can't move here. I'll just homeschool Masen so we can travel a bit more."

"God," he said, running his fingers through his hair. "I can't believe I am going to get to be his dad. Tell me more about him. I want to know everything."

"He's so smart, Edward," I started. "Even as a baby he loved books. He was so calm as long as I read to him, so from very young we started on the classics. He gets frustrated if a book has too many pictures... unless it's a science book, then it needs to have pictures."

"He sounds perfect," he said.

"I like to think so," I said.

"He doesn't really play a lot with kids his own age," I said. "They all like baby things still."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Any toy that says age 8 and above is up his alley. They little boy toys don't hold his interest. He could build insane structures out of legos from the time he was really little," I said.

"I love legos. I think my mom still has all mine," he laughed.

"He's really good about cleaning up after himself. He hates it when the vacuum eats his stuff," I said. "He lost a single piece of lego when he was four and has never forgotten it. I think it was because it was a present from his dad."

"From me?" he asked.

"I told you that I gave him presents from you. It was usually lego or transformers. It was always something I ordered online that couldn't be bought here," I said, blushing a little. This was really hard to confess to.

"What does he know about me?" he asked.

"He knows he got your eyes, your hair, your smile. When I want him to eat his vegetables I tell him it is so he can be big and tall like his dad," I said.

"Where does he think I am?" he asked softly.

"He knows you are working hard to be a doctor so that sick people can get better. I think everyone in Prince Rupert knows that fact by now," I said.

"What else?" he asked.

"Lots actually," I said. "Way more than I ever intended to tell him... He knows how we met... not the city but that we met at school."

"So he doesn't hate me?" he asked. I could hear the vulnerability in his voice.

"No," I said. "I think you are his hero."

"Why?" he asked.

"I think every little boy wants to be just like his father," I said. "He doesn't know anything bad... just good memories."

"Why?" he asked.

"Why what?" I said, feeling the tears start to build in my eyes.

"Why did you do that?" he said.

"Tell him about you? Make him think you were real and that you were somewhere out there?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said.

I couldn't fight back the tears anymore and they ran down onto his chest.

"It came upon me really quickly. I had never thought about what I'd say. I just couldn't tell him that you were dead, or that he didn't have a father... and I couldn't tell him that you were out there somewhere and just didn't want him as I believed..." I sobbed.

"Shhh," he soothed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what to tell him... then it was just easy to pretend that you really were out there somewhere, wanting him... wanting us," I sobbed.

"Oh, my beautiful girl," he said, moving us so that he could kiss my cheeks. "I will never be able to thank you."

"Thank me?" I sniffled as he swiped my tears away with his thumbs.

"I always dreamed of finding you two, but as the time passed, I wondered what my son would think of me. Would he hate me for what I'd done? Did he even know I existed? I dreamed of you guys all the time... especially after Jazz saw you at the zoo and I had an idea of what he looked like. As time went on I was sure he was going to hate me and now you are telling me that I'm his hero," he said, tears forming in his eyes. "It's so much..."

"I'm sorry," I said, worried that it was too much, that I had set Masen's expectations too high.

"Never be sorry," he said, letting the tears spill onto his cheeks. "This is so much better than I ever expected!"

"What?" I asked, sniffling.

"He doesn't hate me. We don't have to tell him that I'm not really dead... This is so much better than any scenario that I could have hoped for," he said.

"Don't expect him to run to you with open arms though," I cautioned, rubbing the tears from my eyes.

"I'm sure he'll have questions and stuff," he said, "but, Bella, we can work with those."

"I don't know how he'll react to you going back to Seattle... he kind of expects us to be one big happy family once you come. It was all his thoughts, but I did nothing to dissuade them," I said.

"We'll work it out. I'm going to do my damnedest not to leave. I want to be here," he said.

"Parenting isn't all the fun stuff you see on TV," I cautioned. "He's got his own way of doing things and sometimes it makes you want to bang your head in frustration..."

"I want it all, Bella," he said.

"I want to be the one to get up with him in the middle of the night because he's sick. I want to discipline him when he hits a baseball through the window. I want to make sure he gets his homework done and that he brushes his teeth with more than his finger," he said, causing me to giggle.

"How did you know about that trick?" I asked him, still sniffling from my recent crying jag.

"Know about it! Pfft! I invented it. I even started wetting my toothbrush so that my mom couldn't tell I hadn't used it. She still caught on though."

"Definitely your son," I said.

"I wish I had been there for everything," he lamented.

"Just be there for the rest and you're forgiven," I said. "I'm not saying it will be easy, but I want to be with you."

"I want you, Bella," he said. "Forever."

Conversation ceased at that point as his lips found mine. Pretty soon the conversation was all but forgotten as he finally got around to worshipping me the way he wanted to. When we finished, Edward pulled the covers around us and we snuggled together, finally falling into a blissful sleep.

I was woken some time later, my naked body wrapped tightly with Edward's, hearing his voice, which sounded slightly frantic.

"Bella," he said, shaking me gently. "Bella, wake up."

"Hmmm," I said opening my eyes sleepily. I looked up at Edward and smiled softly at him. He did not smile back, he simply pointed. I blinked back the sleep from my eyes and rolled over to look where he was pointing.

There, perched at the end of the bed was Masen with the biggest smile on his little face.

I pulled the covers up quickly, making sure I was completely covered, pulling away from Edward a bit. Apparently, he was having none of that and he pulled me so that my back was against his chest.

"I knowed you were my Dad! I just knowed it!" he exclaimed.

.

.

**_So what did you think? Review please!_**

**_Review = preview of the next chapter_**


	10. Masen, a mommy and a daddy

**EPOV**

Waking up with Bella in my arms was like a dream. I didn't want to open my eyes or move for fear that she'd disappear. I moved my head to breathe in the scent of her and I heard a little movement at the end of the bed. I smiled to myself, thinking that she must be waking up and moving her legs. I decided to move mine slightly.

That's when I felt it. Both of Bella's legs were intertwined through mine.

So what was the movement?

I opened my eyes and stared down at the end of the bed.

Sitting there was Masen.

I could feel myself begin to panic. This was certainly not how I expected my son to find me and his mother. I glanced around quickly, making sure both of us were sufficiently covered.

"Hi," Masen said, smiling at me.

"Hi," I said to him quietly, smiling nervously at him. It was amazing how much he looked like me.

_Oh God! What do I do? Wake up Bella!_

"Bella," I said, leaning into her. "Bella, wake up."

"Hmmm," she said, snuggling into me a little more, before she opened her beautiful brown eyes to look at me. She smiled softly at me, but I was too nervous to return it. I didn't know how she was going to react to this and I certainly had no clue as to how Masen would react. I pointed in Masen's direction.

I watched as she blinked and slowly rolled over. I kept her clutched closely to me, partly to keep her covered, but partly because I was worried about her reaction and wanted her as close to me as possible. I heard her breath catch when she caught sight of Masen.

As soon as Masen saw his mom with her eyes open, he practically began vibrating and his smile must have been 1000 watts. He looked from me to her, then back to me.

"I knowed you were my dad! I just knowed it!" he said happily.

I think Bella and I both stopped breathing at his statement. Bella recovered first.

"What are you doing here, Buddy?" Bella asked, her voice still husky from sleep. I could hear the shock and nervousness in her voice.

"I missed you, Mama," he said crawling up the bed towards us.

"I missed you, too," she said as he launched himself into her arms.

_God this felt right! My angel and my son both within arm's reach._

"Does Emily know where you are?" she asked.

"Ummm," he said, looking rather guilty.

"How about this?" she said. "You go sit in the living room for a minute and I will come out and call Emily, then we'll talk."

"About Edward being my dad?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes, Smarty Pants," she said. "About Edward being your dad."

"Yes!" he said, pumping his little fist in a very Emmett-like maneuver as he jumped from the bed.

As soon as he was out of the room, I finally let go of the breath I had been holding.

"Are you okay?" Bella giggled.

"Give me a week or two for my heart to settle down," I said. "He freaked me right out!"

"We better get up and dressed," Bella said. "With that level of excitement, he'll be back in here in less than a minute."

We moved around quickly grabbing our clothes. This was not the way I had planned to start my day, granted, it wasn't all bad.

My son was excited to see me.

As soon as we were mostly clothed, Masen bounced back into the room.

"Are you ready yet?" he asked.

"Sit on the couch and count to one hundred," Bella responded.

Masen ran out of the room again and I heard him start counting. _Gotta be the fastest counting I've ever heard!_

Bella turned to me and smiled. "We have under thirty seconds," she said sweetly as she tried to tame her wild mess of morning hair. Finally as Masen reached eighty, she gave up and tied it up in a messy bun.

Just as he hit ninety she grabbed my hand and looked me in the eyes.

"Ready?" she asked.

"More than you could ever believe," I said.

It was only partially a lie. I don't think I could ever really be ready. I wanted to do this, but emotionally, so much hung in the balance. He seemed happy, but would reality set in and he'd get mad at me? Not that I didn't deserve it, but...

"...ninety-nine, one hundred," Masen said as we walked into the main room.

"Good job," Bella said to him, squeezing my hand tightly. He was bouncing on the sofa excitedly and my heart did a little leap that maybe this wouldn't be as hard on him, on them, as I had feared. "What did I say I have to do now?"

"Call Emily," he sighed.

"And why do I have to call her?" she asked.

"Cuz I took off," Masen sighed again.

"Right," she said. "Do we need to go over the rules?"

"No, Mom," he said, his eyebrows creasing slightly.

"Mase," she said, letting go of my hand. "I love you bunches. I just want you to be safe. That means you can't leave the people who are in charge of you without permission."

"I know," he said, looking pleadingly at her. "I was just really excited."

"I know you were excited," she said, ruffling his hair. "You certainly are a smart boy. Let me call Emily and then we can all talk, okay?"

"Uh huh," he said, looking at me again.

Bella stepped away and grabbed her phone, moving to the corner of the room.

"Hey," I said to Masen.

"Are you a doctor?" he asked.

"I am," I said.

"What kind of doctor?" he asked.

"I am a pediatrician," I said to him. "That's a special doctor for kids."

"Do you give needles?" he asked me.

"Not usually," I said, smiling at him. "I usually ask the nurse to do that."

"Good," he said. "I don't like needles."

"Want to know a secret?" I asked him.

"Uh huh," he said, looking at me excitedly. "I don't like needles, either."

"But you're a doctor," he said. "Doctors aren't afraid of nothin'."

"Doctors are afraid of lots of things," I said. "Just like anyone else."

"Like what?" he asked.

"Some doctors are afraid of throw up," he said.

"Ewww," Masen said.

"Why didn't you live with us when you were learning to be a doctor?" he asked, looking straight into my eyes and jumping right to the point.

"Hey, Masen," Bella said, interrupting the hard question.

"Yeah," he said, looking away from me to his mother.

"Why don't we show Edw..., your dad, our beach?" she said.

"Can we?" he asked.

"Yup," she said.

"And can we find crabs?" he asked.

"If you want... but I'm still not touching the little beach spiders," she said.

"Yay!" he cheered. "Wait! I don't have my bucket!"

He was extremely concerned about that fact.

"We'll take the bucket from here this time," she said, obviously not wanting to go back to the main house just yet. To be perfectly honest, I didn't either. I didn't want to face the questioning from the gang just yet.

"Let's go," he enthused.

Bella grabbed the bag that we brought last night that contained some food and drinks. We headed out of the cabin and simply followed Masen.

"I didn't know what to say," I told her.

"Me neither," she said. "We need to stick as close to the truth as we can. One day he will know the truth and he can't feel like we lied to him when he was young."

"I just don't know what to expect," I said.

"Well, that's step one," she said smiling. "No matter what you expect with kids, they'll always come up with something that you didn't anticipate."

"I just wish we'd have had more time to prepare," I said.

"No amount of preparation would have prepared me for him knowing already," she admitted.

"Do you think he overheard Emmett or one of the gang?" I asked.

"I don't know," she said. "I guess we'll find out when we talk to him."

We made our way down a steep narrow path to the beach. I honestly wanted to grab and hold Bella and Masen and try to keep them with me. They descended the path a lot quicker than I did. The last bit of the descent was behind a little rock wall and I couldn't see either Bella or Masen. My heart lurched at that fact, but rejoiced when I heard them talking.

"Can I take off my boots, Mom?" Masen asked.

"Only if I can take my shoes off, too," she said.

"Yeah," he cheered.

"You'll protect me from the beach spiders?" she asked.

"I will," he said. "I promise."

"Good," she said.

As I came around the little outcropping of rocks, the first thing I saw were his boots on the sand, right next to her shoes. Her socks were tucked safely inside. I decided to join them and took off my shoes and socks as well. Once I had my bare feet in the cold sand, I moved across the beach to join them. Bella was sitting on a log, while Masen moved a lightening speed, overturning rocks and collecting treasures from underneath. I moved to sit next to her, as close as I could.

"Is this okay?" I asked as I put my arm around her.

"Yeah," she said softly, leaning into me.

We were both silent as we watched our son move around the beach collecting tiny crabs from beneath the rocks. I don't know how long we sat there watching him, but I could have sat there all day, holding her and watching him.

I must have been in a bit of a dream world for a moment because the sound of Masen right next to me startled me somewhat.

"Why are you crying, Mama?" he asked, reaching his sandy little hand up to touch his mother's cheek.

"I'm happy," she sniffled.

"You cry when you're happy?" he asked.

"Sometimes," she sniffed.

"Then why am I not crying?" he asked.

She laughed softly. "Are you happy?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said. "My dad finally comed to see us."

"Finally came," she corrected with a giggle and a sniffle, too.

"Do you want to come talk to us about this now?" she asked.

"Can I ask questions, too, or is this one of the times when you say we are gonna talk and then you do all the talkin'?" he asked seriously, causing us both to laugh.

"You can ask all the questions you want," she said. "Sometimes they might be tricky to answer, but we'll do our best."

He looked contemplative for a minute before smiling at her.

"Do you want to sit on my lap?" she asked.

"Nope," he said before turning to me. "Can I sit on you?"

"Yeah," I said, feeling a tear slip down my cheek.

"Are you happy, too?" he asked.

"Very happy," I answered.

"Okay," he said, feeling his own cheeks.

Bella shifted away slightly as Masen crawled up onto my lap.

"Did someone tell you that Edward was your dad?" Bella asked.

"No," he giggled. "I told you, I just knowed it."

"How did you figure it out?" she asked him.

"When I was playing outside and you were talking, I saw that he had the same hair as me, and you told me that my dad had my same hair," he said.

_Smart kid!_

"Then," he continued, "when it was time for us to go, I saw that he had green eyes just like me, and you told me that he had my same eyes."

"I see," she said. "So that's why you decided that he was your dad?"

"Nope," he said. "I thought that he may be my dad because you told me that he was your friend before, too... but I knowed he was my dad when he hugged me."

"When he hugged you?" she asked.

"When I was waiting in the car cuz all those peoples were yelling. He came to get me from the car and I was so tired. He picked me up and when he hugged me it made my heart feel like when you hug me," Masen explained.

"Oh," Bella sniffled and I wiped the tears away from my own eyes, too.

"I was going to ask him last night but he didn't go to eat dinner with us," Masen said. "And then he didn't have breakfast with everybody else and you didn't come back yet, so I knowed where you go when you want to get away from everyone."

"You scared Leah and Emily, and even your new friends, when you took off like that," she said softly, trying to bypass the part where he found us in bed together. "Emily sent you to your room to get dressed and then you were gone. Everybody was looking for you."

"I jumped out the window just like we did already," he said, smiling about their adventure the previous day.

"Okay," she said, her cheeks tingeing slightly pink. "But we don't do that unless it's an emergency."

"Okay," he sighed.

I was still recovering from the fact that I was holding his warm little body on my lap, and that he said he knew me because of the way it felt when I hugged him. I didn't even know that he knew that I hugged him.

"Are you going to stay here with me and Mommy now?" he asked me.

"For a little while," I said, trying to explain the mess. "I want to stay all the time but I have some work to do before I can make that happen."

"So you just came for a visit?" he asked.

"I..." I started to try to explain something to my son, but I was at a loss for words.

"Will you be here at my birthday, because Kevin doesn't believe I have a dad?" he said.

"I will be," I said to him. "I promise."

"Okay," he said, then he started biting his lip. He obviously got that from his mom.

"Do you have something else you want to ask me?" I said.

"Am I 'apposed to call you Dad or Daddy?" he said.

I could hear a sob escape Bella's lips, but for the life of me, I couldn't look away from my son's happy face.

"I don't know," I said as a tear slipped down my cheek. "What do you want to call me?"

"Hmmm," he said, obviously pondering things very seriously. "Daddy! You look like a daddy."

Another sob escaped Bella's lips at that point causing us both to look up at her. She tried to smile but it wasn't very convincing.

"Are you still happy, Mommy?" Masen asked moving from my lap to his mom's.

"I am, Masen," she sniffled.

"Then why are you crying so much?" he asked. "Usually you smile when you're happy."

"I am happy, Masen," she said, trying to regain her composure. "I promise."

"Did you know my daddy was coming now? Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

"He surprised us both," she said to him.

"When was he 'apposed to come?" he asked.

"I didn't know," she said honestly.

"Masen," I said, addressing my son. "I made some pretty big mistakes and sometimes that will make Mommy sad, even when she's happy."

He looked at me with a frown on his face.

"What mistakes?" he asked.

"No matter what I should have been here for you and your Momma. I should never have put anything above that," I said, tears falling down my cheeks.

"But being a doctor is important. Momma told me that," he said.

"It is. It is important, but when you're a daddy, nothing should be more important than your family," I cried. "And I was so wrong to ever make you or Mommy think that anything else was more important to me than the two of you. You are the most important things in the world to me and no matter what I am going to be there for both of you from now on."

Masen launched himself into my arms and hugged me. A real hug with his whole body. Bella followed quickly, hugging both Masen and me as we both cried.

"Look," Masen said after a few minutes. "I'm happy, too."

Sure enough there was a tiny tear in his eye, too.

We stayed that way for a few more minutes before Masen wiggled free.

"Are you scared of sand spiders, too, Daddy?" he asked me.

It was the first time he actually called me daddy and the tears, which had finally dried up, started again.

"Hmm," I said, rubbing my eyes. "I don't know. I've never seen a sand spider."

"They're really crabs, but Momma thinks they look like spiders. She doesn't like spiders at all, so I make her safe and put them in the bucket when we come to the beach," Masen said.

"I'm glad you take care of your Momma so well," I said, feeling the pain of not having been there to take care of them.

"Will you help me with that big rock? I know that there are lots of crabs under there and I can't do it myself," he said.

"I will," I said, kissing Bella on the forehead, which was the only part that was available to me.

She pulled away from me and let me stand to help Masen. It took quite a bit of effort to do, but I finally flipped the large rock, and dozens of tiny crabs started scurrying every which way.

"Help me, Daddy," Masen cried as he grabbed the little crabs to move them to the bucket. There was no way I could have said no to my son and we spent the next few minutes grabbing the little things and tossing them into the large bucket. Once we were done, I looked over to Bella, who was smiling.

"What do we do with them once we get them all in the bucket?" I asked Masen.

"It's kinda like timeout," Masen explained. "Once Momma and I are ready to leave the beach I let them all go... well I let them go when Momma is a safe distance away."

"He usually waits until I get my shoes on," Bella said, standing from her place on the log.

"I do," he said. "That way none of the crabs touch her."

"I see," I said.

"Do you want to take your dad and show him the tidal pools?" she asked Masen.

"Yeah!" Masen cheered, grabbing my hand. "You're gonna love them, Daddy. You can see all sorts of stuff. There are clams and muscles, sometimes you can even see sea anen.. sea anenen... sea anenomes."

"Sea anemones," Bella corrected.

"Yeah," he said. "Those things."

"Can we all go see them together?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said jumping up and down. "Come on, Momma."

He grabbed her hand with his other one and walked between us, pulling us both along at his pace. I smiled at Bella, who was truly smiling, though she still had tears in her eyes. It was a short walk to the tidal pools and we even had to climb onto the rocks. Part of me wanted to try to protect both Bella and Masen from the slippery rocks, but I cautioned myself to remember that they had done this countless times before I was there to protect them. They were inviting me into their world and I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that.

The next thirty minutes was spent at the tidal pools. We saw all sorts of sea life in the pools and I watched as Masen's eyes lit up at each new discovery. This really was his home. I didn't know how I was going to do it yet, but I was going to find a way to be here with them.

Masen's tummy grumbled loudly as he peered over a smaller tidal pool.

"It must be lunch time," Bella said.

"Can I have grilled cheese?" he asked.

"I think I can make that," she said. "Ready to head back?"

The last question was directed at me, and I knew it. The answer, honestly, was no, but I knew that we had to get back to reality at some point.

"Let's go," I said as I held out my hand to her. She grabbed my hand and Masen quickly grabbed my other one and we walked slowly across the beach towards our shoes. I waited with Masen while Bella put her shoes back on and we released the crabs into the water together. Bella gave Masen an apple from the bag we had brought and handed me a bottled water, taking one for herself. We walked up the steep path for a ways before Masen interrupted.

"I'm tired. Can you carry me, Daddy?" he looked up, pleading with me.

_Like I could say no!_

"Sure," I said, bending down. "Climb on."

He hopped up on my back and I carried him the rest of the way up the path. He happily bounced along on my back as I held Bella's hand. This was the life I wanted. This was my family!

**Unknown POV**

"Look at them, down there," I said to myself. "I can't believe she forgave him so easily."

I snapped a few pictures as they walked hand in hand across the sand, smiles on all three faces.

"This day is not going to be soon forgotten!" I muttered as I slipped away unseen.


	11. Ack!  new chap in a minute

Ack! i deleted an author's note when I added my new chapter and all of a sudden links don't work! So I am adding this and hoping that the new chapter is following!


	12. Not Everything is Coming Up Roses

A/N: Thanks to AceMcKean and Sunsetwing for their help with this chapter. It was insanely hard to get out and I rewrote in at least seven times before I was happy with it! I hope you all enjoy!

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**BPOV**

Masen responded to Edward's arrival way better than I could have expected. He fit seamlessly into our lives as we spent time at the beach. It felt so natural.

Walking back to the Lodge did not feel the same way. Once we started up the path from the beach, I could feel my anxiety rising. Life couldn't all be like a day at the beach. Reality was going to come and smack us in the face soon. I felt myself begin to worry and over think everything.

Masen managed to con his father into a piggyback ride up the steep climb. I smiled as I peered at father and son, an image that haunted my dreams. I had never expected to see that, but my heart leapt all the same. Masen's grin as he chatted his father's ear off was almost intoxicating and I found myself dreading any separation from Edward. There was only one thing I could do to ensure that never happened.

I would give this up. I would make sure that Masen was never separated from Edward again. Not only that, but he'd have grandparents, too. That was something I never thought I'd be able to give him.

Once we reached the top, Edward put Masen down and Masen quickly scooped up his dad's hand with one of his own, and mine with the other. He quickly started a game of twenty questions with Edward, that wouldn't end until Edward yielded.

"My favorite color is green," Masen said. "What's yours?"

"Brown," Edward answered.

"Do you like green beans?" Masen asked.

"I do," Edward lied skillfully. I knew he hated them.

"Do you like to watch baseball?" he asked before Edward even finished his answer.

"Yeah, and football," Edward said.

"Do you have a favorite baseball team?" he asked.

"The Mariners, of course," Edward answered.

"I like Ichiro," Masen agreed.

"Me, too," Edward said.

"Did you go to a real game ever?" Masen asked.

"Yeah, I've been to a few. I even took your Momma to one a long time ago," he said.

"Momma told me that," Masen smiled. "You caught a foul ball, right?"

"I did," Edward laughed. "I still have that ball."

"You do?" I asked.

"I still have everything," Edward answered.

"Oh," I said. Masen went back to questioning his father, while I thought about all that Edward and I had discussed. In the light of day, I still couldn't say that I regretted what had happened last night. Being with Edward again was perfect. We fit together like we had never been apart, and my heart and my body welcomed him back completely. However, my brain was not on the same page.

I believed everything he said, I did. It was just that I couldn't make myself believe that he missed me as much as I had missed him.

I don't know if it was intentional or not, but we seemed to walk slower the closer we got to the Lodge, even subconsciously we weren't ready to deal with the onslaught that awaited us.

"Are we having tomato soup or ketchup with our grilled cheese?" Masen asked me, finally breaking into my train of thought.

"What do you feel like?" I answered.

"Ketchup!" he said.

"Sounds like a plan," I said.

"Do I have to have vegetables with it?" he asked, causing me to laugh.

"You'll never grow up as big as your dad if you don't eat them," I answered. It was a constant battle.

He looked at Edward suspiciously.

"I guess I should," he said warily.

"You'll be as big as me before you know it," Edward said.

"EmJ must have to eat lots and lots of vegetables," Masen said.

"Why?" Edward asked with a little laugh.

"Cuz his dad is HUGE," Masen said.

"He is," Edward laughed.

"Is he my uncle?" Masen asked.

"Who?" I asked.

"EmJ's dad," Masen said.

"Not really," I answered.

"Neither of us have any real brothers or sisters," Edward said. "But, EmJ, Charlie, Cullen and Izzy all call me Uncle, so I guess you could call their parents Aunty and Uncle if you want."

"I like that," Masen said. "Uncle Emmett... Uncle Jasper..."

He continued trying on the names for a little bit until the lodge came into view.

"What about the other ones? Are they my real grandma and grandpa?" he asked.

Edward looked at me with wide eyes. I nodded my head and Edward stopped and got down to Masen's level.

"Do you mean Esme and Carlisle?" he asked Masen.

"Yeah," Masen said.

"They are my mom and dad, which makes them your grandparents," Edward said.

"But they don't have the same hair," Masen said.

"No," Edward agreed. "They don't. That's because I was adopted when I was just a baby."

"Why did you get adopted? Didn't your real mom and dad want you?" Masen asked.

"My real mom and dad died when I was just a baby, so Carlisle and Esme took me to come and live with them," Edward explained.

"Are you sad that you don't have a real mommy?" Masen asked.

"Esme is my real mommy," Edward said. "She loves me just like your mommy loves you."

"Does she love me?" he asked softly.

"She does," Edward said. "She loves you very much."

"Why didn't she come to see me? She didn't have to be a doctor, too, right?" he asked.

Edward looked at me helplessly for a minute and I got down on Masen's level too. I hadn't expected that question, and had never really thought of what I'd say.

"Masen," I said, but paused. I didn't know what to say.

"Did they lose our address?" he asked.

"It is a very hard address, isn't it?" I said.

"Yeah," he said.

"Daddy?" Masen asked.

"Yeah," Edward said, still looking a little shell shocked at the last question.

"Are you going to buy me real presents now?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" Edward asked.

"Well, Momma always gives me presents that say Daddy on them, but I know they are really from her," he said.

"Why do you think that?" I asked.

"Cuz, it has pretty writing just like you," Masen said.

Smart little monkey.

"I will," Edward promised.

"My birthday is in October. I'm going to be seven," he said.

"That is big. What do you want for your birthday this time?" Edward asked.

"A dog," he said.

"Wait a minute, Mister," I said. "What did I say about a dog?"

He looked up at me and smiled his crooked little grin at me.

"You said, not until I was old enough to take care of him, that's why I asked Daddy," he said.

Did I mention he was smart? He'd met his dad less than a day ago and he was already playing us!

"Hey, Squirt," Edward said. "When Mommy makes a rule, I can't change it. It doesn't work that way."

"Well that stinks," he said, giving his little frown. "Do you like ketchup on your grilled cheese?"

I guess he wasn't too disappointed.

"I do," he said, obviously thankful that the hard questions were momentarily forgotten. "That's my favorite."

We walked the rest of the way to the guest house and I contemplated all that my son knew. I wondered how we could explain Carlisle and Esme's absence, as the question was bound to come up again soon. How much of the truth could Masen handle?

I was extremely surprised to find the guest house completely empty.

"Where did everybody go?" Masen asked. "I wanted to play with EmJ, Izzy, Charlie, and Cullen."

"I don't know," I said.

I went into the kitchen and found a note pasted to the fridge.

_Bella,_

_Wow that looks weird! I like it though, suits you much better than Angela. The two couples with children decided that they wanted to go whale watching so Seth took them out. Emily and I prepped the necessary rooms for the new guests and Emily has the bus to go and pick them up. Carlisle and Esme had some errands they wanted to do in town, so I have taken them in the Jeep. We should all by back around 4:00, with Emily and the new guests arriving at 5:00._

_Leah._

_PS – We have chicken marinading for dinner tonight with abalone for appetizers. I should be back on time to have a snack prepared for the newbies._

"Looks like we are on our own for a while, guys," I said to them.

"Yay!" Masen cheered. "Can I show Daddy my room?"

"Sure," I said. "I'll make the sandwiches."

"Don't forget the vegetables, Mom. I need to be tall like my Daddy," he said. "Wait here, Daddy. I need to make sure my room is all good before you see it."

"Do you need any help?" Edward asked as Masen ran off to his room.

"In the kitchen?" I asked. "Did you learn some mad skills in the last few years that you need to tell me about?"

I asked the question in jest, but it obviously was not received that way.

"Sorry," I said.

"You don't need to be sorry..." he said, sounding like he wanted to add more, but failing.

"Edward," I said. "I didn't mean anything. I was just..."

I was thankful that Masen was enthralled momentarily with his quest to make his room perfect for his dad.

"I know, Bella," he sighed. "I missed so much. You will never know how much I hate myself for that."

"That won't help anything," I said. "We need to leave the past where it is if we hope to have a future."

"I know," he said, pulling me into his arms. It wasn't sexual, just comforting, and I felt myself melting into his embrace.

"Dad!" Masen said, running into the kitchen.

"What's up?" Edward asked, not letting go of his hold on me.

"Are you coming to see my room?" he asked.

"In just a minute," Edward answered. "I can't wait."

"Mom?" Masen asked.

"Ummhmm," I answered.

"Are you ever gonna make lunch?" he asked.

"Yup," I said, moving away from Edward slightly.

"I'm not ready to let you go yet," he whispered.

"I know," I said softly. "We'll have more time later."

"Promise?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said, looking up and kissing his chin.

"I love you," he said, causing my eyes to tear.

"I love you, too," I said.

He reluctantly let me go and followed Masen to his room. As I moved around the kitchen preparing lunch for my family... my family... wow... I never thought this would happen. I dreamed it, many times, but I never even hoped... I couldn't let myself. I listened to the sounds of my son telling Edward all about his favorite things, and to Edward's reaction to him.

I worried slightly that I may have made Masen's expectations too high, but Edward lived up to every one of them, and by the time I had lunch made, I found them next to each other on the floor building a Mechano set that I found on ebay. I had tried to help him put it together, but I had no luck.

"Here are my guys," I said. "Lunch is ready."

"Thanks," Edward said, smiling at me. "Shall we wash up before lunch?" he said to Masen.

"Do we have to?" Masen asked.

"Yes, we do, Munchkin," I said.

"Fine!" he said, walking towards the bathroom.

We all took turns washing our hands before heading for the kitchen to eat. I set three stools at the counter to eat and Masen quickly snagged the middle one. The sandwiches were all on one plate and the veggies on another. I had a plate out for each of us with ketchup and ranch dip.

"Milk, okay?" I asked Edward.

"That would be great," he said.

"You like milk, too?" Masen asked, happy to be finding things out about his dad.

I poured the three glasses and handed them out as Edward put a sandwich on each plate, before adding some carrots, celery, and cucumbers to his own and passing the veggie plate to Masen. Masen would usually take one of each, the minimum he knew I would let him get away with, but today he took the same as his dad, smiling up at Edward when he was done. I took my own veggies and passed the dips along.

The entire lunch, Masen copied everything his dad did. If Edward took a bite of carrot, so did Masen. If Edward had a sip of milk, so did Masen. If Edward wiped his mouth... You get the picture.

"What are we going to do after lunch?" I asked.

"Well, I'm going to do the dishes," Edward said.

"Can I help?" Masen asked.

"You bet," Edward said, smiling down at that.

"You don't have to do that," I said.

"I want to," he replied with a smile. "I still can't cook worth beans, but I do wash a mean dish!"

"Okay, then," I smiled. "I guess I'll shower and change. I have to look presentable when the new guests arrive."

"Can we play on the pirate ship when we finish the dishes?" Masen asked Edward.

"You bet," he said.

I smiled at them both and kissed Masen on the head before I stood to leave the room.

"Where's Daddy's kiss?" Masen asked.

"Did I forget?" I asked, pretending to be shocked. Actually there was very little pretending involved. I had purposely avoided kissing him in an attempt to make Masen more comfortable. Apparently that was unnecessary.

"You're silly, Momma," Masen said.

"I can't forget your daddy," I said, moving over to kiss him.

I touched my lips to his gently, the simple act bringing tingles through my body.

"Have a good shower," Edward said, pulling my against his body, his whole body.

"I will," I said. "As soon as I am clean and dressed, I'll join you guys on the pirate ship."

"See you then," he said pressing his lips to mine once more.

I made my way to my bathroom, grabbing fresh clothes from the bedroom on the way. I started the water, turning it as hot as I could stand before stripping down and stepping in. I hadn't realized, until the hot water hit my body, that I was sore. Muscles that I had forgotten existed screamed as the water beat down on them. What could I expect? It had been a long time since I had done anything like that.

I leaned back in the water and allowed it to soak into my hair, washing it with my usual shampoo and conditioner. When I was clean, and my muscles were relatively soothed, I stepped out and began to dry off. While I did, I examined myself in the mirror. I had really changed from the scared girl who walked out of Edward's door seven years previously, and I wondered if we were still compatible with all my changes. Were we opening a giant can of worms by getting together so quickly? What about Masen? He had so much riding on this all going right... If we couldn't, then what?

I pulled out my blow dryer and started to dry my hair. That was one thing I learned very early living in Northern British Columbia, wet hair stayed wet for days if I didn't dry it.

I stepped into my clothes and pulled my hair back into a ponytail, preparing to meet my boys on the pirate ship. I slipped into a pair of runners and tossed a sweatshirt on.

I moved through the house, checking out the clean kitchen on the way. I smiled as I approached the backdoor, hearing Edward and Masen playing together.

"Alright you salty sea dog," Masen growled in his deepest possible voice. "It's time to walk the plank."

"Never!" Edward growled playfully. I knew that Masen must have pulled out the foam swords from the toy chest and I stood at the side of the house and watched as they playfully dueled, Edward bowing in defeat before Masen forced him to walk the plank.

As he stood at the end of the plank, he looked into the foam below, probably worried that it wasn't safe for an adult or something. Little did I know, it was just a ploy. I watched as his scheme developed. Masen had 'forced' him onto the plank at sword point and Edward walked to the end on his own. When Masen realized that Edward wasn't jumping, he tried to jeer him along.

"Are you a chicken?" Masen asked, still in his pirate voice. "Are ya yellow?"

Edward just ignored him, a small smirk on his lips.

Masen stepped onto the plank. "Get moving you old salt," he growled playfully.

Edward's lips twitched into a grin.

"I said..." Those were the last words Masen got out, as he had gotten too close to Edward and Edward swooped him up in his arms and jumped in one movement, landing both father and son in the foam below.

The sound of both their laughter rang out and my heart danced in my chest at the sound.

"Daddy, you cheated," Masen giggled.

"Never trust a pirate," Edward said in his best pirate voice.

"Let's do it again," Masen said as he started to clamor out of the foam.

"Aye, aye, Captain," Edward said, giving Masen a boost.

As Edward climbed out, his eyes locked with mine and he smiled. "How long have you been standing there, Beautiful?" he asked.

"Long enough to see the pirates go to battle," I answered.

"Come on, Mommy," Masen cheered as he climbed up the cargo net back onto his ship. "Come play with us."

For the next thirty minutes, I did just that. I dueled pirates and climbed the crow's nest to rescue Edward, who didn't know the easy way down. Finally, I became the princess that Pirate Edward and good man, Masen dueled over, with Masen winning in the end, of course. I thought I was in the clear as Masen ordered Edward to walk the plank once more. I should have known better.

At the last moment, Edward scooped me up in his arms. "I may have to walk the plank, but the princess is coming with me," he yelled as he launched the two of us into the foam.

I'll admit, I squeaked as we landed, and Masen appeared at the end of the plank to look down at us. "Look out below," he called, causing Edward and I to roll to the sides as Masen jumped between us, giggling.

We all lay there in the foam for a minute just enjoying being together.

"That was so much fun," Masen said, breaking the silence. "Can we do that every day?"

"We'll see, Buddy," I answered.

"I'd like that," Edward said, smiling at me.

Edward hopped out of the pit first and reached down to pull Masen out. Masen climbed back onto his ship and started up the crow's nest as Edward reached down to help me out.

"Can I offer a hand, Lady Isabella?" he asked cheekily.

"Please do, My Lord," I replied.

He reached his hand down to me, expecting to pull me up, not expecting me to tug and pull him in with me again.

"That was a dirty trick, Miss Swan," he said, pulling me into his arms.

I still hadn't stopped giggling so I just grinned cheekily in response.

"I see that I'm going to need to kiss that grin off your face," he said, lowering his lips to mine. The kiss was not one of the proper kisses we had shared with Masen present. It was scorching and I happily returned it until Masen's call got our attention.

"Mom," he yelled.

"Stuck in the crow's nest again," I muttered.

"Shall I rescue him?" Edward asked.

"I got it," I said, pulling away before yelling. "Coming, Masen."

Edward pulled himself up after me and smiled. "I need a shower," he said.

"Wait until I get Masen down," I said. "He probably won't like you heading in without a warning."

"Okay," he said, smiling.

I quickly climbed the cargo net up to the crow's nest, very aware of Edward's eyes following my every move. Once I got there, I helped Masen onto the poles and slid down with him as he giggled the whole way.

Once on the ground, he ran up to Edward and grabbed his hand.

"I think it's my turn to take a shower," Edward told Masen.

"Okay," he said. "I'll show you where we keep the towels."

"There were some in my room," Edward answered. "I'll be alright."

"Aren't you staying with us?" Masen asked, looking confused.

Edward froze up momentarily and I'm sure I was looking a lot like a fish out of water.

"It's been a long time since I've seen your Momma and you. I didn't know..." Edward started to explain.

"You're the Daddy and she's the Mommy. You're supposed to be in the same big bed," Masen said.

"It doesn't always work that way, Masen," I said, trying to help Edward out. He was obviously uncomfortable at the thought of sharing my bed again so soon.

"But you already did that, right?" he asked. "You had the same bed in the cabin so why can't he just stay in your bed now?"

"Mommy and I need to do more talking. We need to decide how this is all going to work," Edward said.

"Don't you love us?" Masen asked.

"I do love you," Edward said. "I love you and your Mommy with my whole heart."

"Then why didn't you ever come?" he asked.

"I..." Edward started to explain, but what was there to say.

"Masen," I said, stepping up. "Mommy and Daddy made some bad choices, before you were even born. Daddy was confused so I thought it would be better if we went away until he was done all his studying. I knew that if Daddy knew where we were that he would come and find us and he wouldn't get to be a doctor, so I didn't tell him where we were going. I wanted to wait until he was a doctor to be a family."

"That's not fair, Momma," Masen yelled at me. "My Daddy wanted to come to me but he didn't know how to?"

"I know," I said.

"That's why I didn't get to see everybody else?" he asked.

"Yes," I said, tears streaming down my cheeks. I could see the hurt in my son's eyes.

"I hate you," he said to me. "I HATE YOU!"

He ran into the house and I dissolved into a pile of tears. Edward cradled me in his arms and tried to soothe me.

"You shouldn't have taken the blame. He shouldn't be mad at you," Edward cried as he rocked me in his arms. "It isn't your fault, Bella."

I could feel Edward's hot tears against the skin of my neck as we huddled together.

"We need to find him," I gasped. "I don't want him to be upset on his own. He needs someone.."

"I'll go," he said. "I need to make this right."

"Edward..." I started to say.

"I love you, Bella. Masen loves you, too. You did nothing wrong and he needs to know that. He needs to know that this was my fault," he said.

"Then we do it together," I said, wiping my tears away.

"Bella..." he said.

"I know. He is upset and confused and we both did that. I could have refused, I could have told you to go to hell and gone to Forks. At least he would have had a family. I made bad choices, too," I said.

"How do we make this better?" he asked.

"Honestly? I don't know," I said.

We walked into the house together, trying to find Masen. I had the heads up on his location. His favorite spot to hide while avoiding anything unpleasant, the linen storage room under the stairs.

"Hey," I said, as I opened the door.

"I don't want to talk to you," he said, tears on his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Mase," I said.

"Me, too," Edward said.

"Why are you sorry?" Masen asked him, as far as he knew Edward was the innocent party in all of this.

"I did a lot of things wrong, including making your Momma think that she had to run away and hide with you," he said.

"You told her to run away?" Masen asked.

"Can we go find a place to sit and talk?" Edward asked, reaching his hand out to Masen. "All of us, you, me, and Mommy."

"I guess," Masen said, taking his hand.

Masen led Edward to the library, my special place and I turned on the gas fireplace. It was one of my favorite places to be, after the cliffs and cabin, that is.

Edward dropped Masen's hand as we got into the room and he went to sit down on one of the chairs. Masen followed his Dad and sat on his lap. He actually snuggled right into Edward's chest and simply waited for someone to say something.

"Masen," I said, looking at him. "I love you so much. I'm so sorry that you are hurting."

"No," Masen said, snuggling into Edward more.

My heart fractured in my chest just a little more.

"Masen," Edward said. "Your Momma and I were so very young when we met. We were just teenagers and we didn't know a lot of things about life. We did know that we loved each other and that we wanted to spend forever and ever together."

"But Momma ran away," Masen said.

"No, Masen," Edward said. "I told her to run away."

"Why?" Masen asked, looking at Edward. "You didn't love me?"

"I did love you," Edward said, tears on his cheeks. "I loved you so very much, but I was scared. Remember when I told you that I had a different Mommy and Daddy before Carlisle and Esme?"

"Yeah," Masen said. "They died."

He looked at me for confirmation and I shook my head.

"They did," Edward said. "My Dad, his name was Edward, too, he was the one who killed my Mom, Elizabeth."

"Why did he do that? That's mean!" Masen said.

"It is, and for a long time, I worried that if he was mean to the person he loved most in the world that I might be mean to your Mom and I got very scared. I told your Mom a lot of lies to try to make her run away, so that she and you would be safe, in case I was mean, too," Edward explained.

"But you aren't mean," Masen said.

"Neither was my Dad. Not really," Edward said.

"But he killed your Momma," Masen said.

"It was an accident, only, I didn't know that for a long time," Edward said.

"An accident?" Masen asked.

"Yeah, he thought my Mom was away visiting some people with me, and so when someone came into his house he thought it was a bad man and he shot her by mistake," Edward said.

Masen was silent for a minute then he looked at Edward. "Guns are bad. Only police guys should have guns," he said. "My grandpa was a police guy."

"He was, and he was a great policeman," Edward said.

"So you sent Mommy away to protect her?" Masen asked.

"That's what I tried to do. I thought about you guys every single day, though," Edward said.

"And that's why Mommy is Bella and Angela?" Masen asked.

"Yeah," Edward said.

I found myself praying that Masen didn't ask about the lies that were told.

"You did protect me, right, Momma?" Masen said looking at me.

"I did," I said agreeing with Masen.

"And now that Daddy knowed it was an accident we can be a family right?" Masen asked.

"We're going to try, Masen," I promised. "I really want to, but sometimes no matter what you want to happen, things don't always work that way."

"That's why Daddy has to go back right?" he asked. "He wants to stay with us, but he can't."

"That's right," I said.

"Is he going to come and visit? Are you, Daddy?" he asked Edward.

"I am. I am going to try very hard to come and move here. It isn't an easy thing," Edward said.

"But I don't want to miss you, Daddy," Masen said.

"I promise that even when I am not here, I will call you every single day, even if it is just for a few minutes," Edward said. "And I will visit you and Mommy as often as I can."

"Okay," Masen said, still rather unsettled.

We could hear voices and an opening door.

"It was so big!" Charlie called out. "The fin on his back was bigger than me."

"Can I go, Mom?" Masen asked me. "Seth must have found the whales for them!"

"Go ahead," I said.

He went flying out to the other room and I could hear him talking to the kids a mile a minute.

"Was that okay?" Edward asked.

"I think so," I said. "We're both flying blind here."

"What do we do now?" he asked.

"Brace ourselves," I answered as I heard Rose and Alice's voices approaching.

"Bella! Edward!" Alice cried as she burst through the door.

"Hi, Alice," I said as Edward muttered, "Alice."

"Are you okay?" she asked, looking me over as Rose stared at Edward.

"I think so," I said. "How was whale watching?"

"Oh, Seth found a large pod of whales and we sat and watched them for about an hour. It was incredible. The kids were fascinated, so much better than Sea World," she said.

I knew I was only buying time, that the conversation would eventually turn to Edward's and my discussion.

"You should go shower, Edward," Alice said. "You are still in the same clothes as yesterday!"

"I'll do it later," Edward said dismissively, obviously not wanting to leave me alone with the girls.

"Actually, why don't you head up. Alice, Rose, there are snacks set up in the kitchen for everyone. Why don't you do that and then take the kids out to the pirate ship to play. I have a few phone calls to make and then the new guests will be arriving soon. I'm sure we'll find time to talk later," I said.

"Oh," Alice said, shocked that I was so demanding, I'm sure. Push over Bella was long gone

"Rose?" I asked.

"We'll do that, Bella, thanks," she said, also appearing a little shell shocked. The two of them made their way out of the room.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, pulling me into his arms.

"Fine," I said. "I just was not ready for the third degree, even if I am just postponing the inevitable. Plus I do have some calls I need to make. I am not used to taking whole days off."

"I love you," he said.

"I love you, too," I said. "Get yourself ready and spend some time with Masen. I think he really needs it after our talk today."

"I will," he said and dashed out of the room.

I made my way to my office, listening to the noise in the kitchen. I almost didn't see Seth until I bumped into him.

"Sorry, Seth," I said.

"No, prob, Bella," he said smirking at me.

"You seem to have given up the Angela pretty quick, too," I said.

"It didn't really suit you," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "Bella does."

"Thanks, I guess," I said.

"So, Jake..." he said.

"Have you spoken to him?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said. "He's gone to Terrace, staying with his sister."

"I can't believe he's gone... I think I really screwed up, Seth," I said.

"Bella, you did nothing wrong. You never led him on. You never told him to expect more than you had to offer. He did that himself," he said.

"But he was there for me when I needed him... I feel like I have let him down," I said.

"If anything, he let you down," Seth said. "He told me that you would fall in love with him eventually, and I said that you had known each other for seven years, if things hadn't happened yet, they wouldn't, and he refused to see that. You can't take that on yourself."

"It's hard," I said.

"Now what's with you and this Edward guy? I take it that he's Masen's dad... that much is obvious... but what's up with the two of you?" he said.

"He's the only man I've ever loved. We had a misunderstanding and I left," I said.

"You were the one who left?" he asked incredulously.

"There is more to it, and I really don't have time right now because I have calls to make, but I will tell you the whole story soon," I said.

"But he's back in your life now?" he asked.

"He is," I confirmed.

"To stay?" he asked.

"I hope so. We have some issues to resolve, but that is the plan," I said.

"I'm happy for you. I can tell that you love him, and that he feels the same," he said.

"Thanks, Seth," I said. "I do have a question to ask you."

"What's that, Boss Lady?" he asked.

"Will you step up into Jake's roll, permanently?" I asked.

"What if he comes back?" he asked, with a slight frown.

"Then I'll ask him to leave again," I said.

"If you're sure," he said.

"It means quite a bit more money, and you'll have your own cabin. You don't need to share," I said.

"If I have my own cabin..." Seth began.

"What?" I asked.

"If I decided to ask a certain lady to marry me, would she be able to live with me here?" he asked.

"Seth! Who's the lucky lady? Of course she can live here," I said, smiling at my friend.

"Her name is Morgan," he said. "She's absolutely incredible. She is a nurse in town. We've been seeing each other for a year or so, but I just know that she's the one."

"I'm happy for you, Seth," I said, giving him a hug. "You bet you can have her live here."

"Thanks," he said. "I guess I'd better go and get the fire started for tonight. The local drummers are coming to entertain tonight instead of tomorrow as we are expecting rain."

"What else is new?" I asked with a laugh.

"Exactly," he said. "Maybe we should build a pavilion in the off season this year. A sort of gathering place that will work, rain or shine."

"I love it," I said. "I'll see you later, I'd better get to those calls."

"See ya, Bella," he said.

I walked into my office from there, feeling lighter about the Jake situation. When Leah talked to me about it before, I knew that she was being honest, but I didn't know how much her dislike of Jake colored her comments. She was fiercely loyal to me and I sort of felt that she may have sided with me simply because of that. Hearing the same thing from Seth, really allowed me to push past the Jake incident, and I wasn't lying when I said that if he came back, that I would send him packing.

I sat at my desk and quickly sat down to place my orders, telling them that we would pick up as always since their drivers were too nervous to attempt our roads. Once I was finished, I unlocked my personal file and picked out the old papers that I hadn't looked at in too many years. They were all that was left of Bella Swan, and if I had any hope of resurrecting her, I would need to start with the one person who helped to bury her... Jenks. I pulled out the faded business card and dialed the number.

"Hello," the chipper voice on the other end of the phone said, "Jenks' Legal Services."

"Hi," I said. "I'm calling to speak with Mr. Jenks."

"May I ask who's calling?" she asked.

"Bella Swan," I said, giving my real name for the first time in years.

"Just hold for a moment and I'll see if he's free," she said.

"Thank you," I said and started to listen to the annoying telephone music.

"Bella," Jenks said as he came on the line. "How are you, Sweetheart?"

"I'm good," I said. "I wasn't sure if you'd remember me."

"I do. How is Masen doing?" he asked.

"How do you know my son's name?" I asked him.

"I know a lot of things, including the fact that a certain family just showed up on your doorstep. Sorry that my intel wasn't faster on that," he said. "Although it seems to have worked out for the best. Your son seems happy, as do you and Edward."

"What are you talking about Mr. Jenks?" I asked.

"Look, Sweetheart," he said kindly. "I really can't explain on the phone. I will tell you everything you need to know, but you have to come and meet me."

"I can't really get away right now," I said, my head positively swimming with the information he had given me.

"Let Seth, Leah, and Emily hold down the fort for a bit. I'm sure your friends will help them," he said. "And Bella..."

"Yeah?"

"You need to come alone," he said.

"Okay," I said, trying to figure out how to work this.

"Get to Vancouver on tonight's flight and there will be a ticket waiting for you. I'll have Kelsey pick you up at the same hotel that I dropped you off at in Montreal tomorrow morning," he said. "She'll have my business card with both of your names on it so you know who she is."

"I'll be there," I said.

"Good," he said. "I look forward to seeing you with my own eyes again."

Now the questions were, how was I going to get away?... And, was I going to make it back? I quickly made my way to my room and tossed a change of clothes into a duffle bag. I went back to my office and wrote notes to Leah, Emily, Seth, The Cullens as a whole, Edward, and Masen. I also wrote a note saying that if anything were to happen to me, that my will was with a lawyer in Prince Rupert and that Edward was already named as Masen's guardian.

From my office, I heard Carlisle and Esme return, excited about whatever they had done in town today, and I grabbed my spare keys from the hook. Once there was no noise from the front hall, I walked out, placed the letters on the front desk, and made a dash for the door. Since the bus hadn't returned yet, the Jeep was the only vehicle here. By the time the bus got back, they would have no hope of catching tonight's plane.

As I started the car and made my way up the road, I couldn't help but look back and wonder if I was doing the right thing.


	13. Run Away?

**A/N: **Thanks to my beta and all my pre-readers; AceMcKean, Twilight44, Beegurl13 and Sunsetwing. They save my butt most days!

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I have a blog where I post previews to my stories when I can, Twilightmommyof4girls (DOT)blogspot (DOT)com

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You can follow me on Twitter – CallMeMrsWrite

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I have joined FGB Eclipse, auctioning off a one shot of your choice, you name the characters, and the situation. AND an outtake from any of my current stories.

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Without any further ado, on with the show!

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**BPOV**

I picked up my ticket at the last possible minute and dashed onto the plane. I was thankful I only brought the small carry-on that I did, since I had no time to check any luggage. Once I reached Vancouver, I checked in for my flight to Montreal. I was worrying about Edward and the others that I had left behind in Prince Rupert. I knew that I needed to deal with this for our future, and if Edward had known where I was going, there would have been no way he would have let me go.

I dialed the number for the lodge from a payphone minutes before my flight was due to leave. It was late and I knew that people may be asleep.

"Bella?" Alice's frantic voice answered the phone.

"Hey," I said.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked.

"I have to, Alice," I said.

"You have to what?" she asked. "Send Edward into a giant panic? Make the rest of us sick with worry? Cause your son to cry himself to sleep? What do you have to do that is so damned important?"

"I can't tell you, Alice," I said. "Just believe me that this is for the best."

"Where are you?" she asked.

"Vancouver," I said.

"Wait there, we'll come..." she started to say.

"Alice, I have to do this alone," I said.

"Everyone is beside themselves, Bella," Alice said. "We just got you back."

"I will do what I can to come back... and if I don't, make sure that Edward and Masen are okay for me," I said.

"Where are you going?" she said, more worried than before. "Bella, please!"

There was a little commotion in the back and I heard the phone changing hands.

"Isabella," Carlisle's stern voice came on the line. "You need to come back here. Don't do anything dangerous."

"Carlisle, I am doing what I have to," I said. "Believe me when I say, I will do what I can to come back to you all. I wouldn't leave Masen or Edward if I didn't feel it was necessary."

"Where are you going?" he asked. "Are you going to see Jenks?"

"Carlisle, I have something I need to do. I can't tell you what. Please!" I said.

My flight was called at that point and I decided I needed to end the call quickly.

"I have to go. I will talk to you all soon. Tell Masen and Edward that I love them with all my heart. I love you and Esme too. You were just like parents to me and I never got the chance to tell you how thankful I was for that. I love Ali, Rose and the guys too, and I was so happy to have met their kids."

"Bella, no!" Carlisle said.

"Bye," I said, quickly hanging up the phone.

I boarded my flight, surprised to find myself in a plush first class seat. I sat back and closed my eyes, praying for sleep to take me. I had a feeling that I was going to need my wits about me for my encounter with Jenks. Maybe there was a debt he was expecting me to repay for helping me before? As I laid back I thought about all the strange things he had said on the phone.

He knew Masen's name, and the fact that the Cullens had come to my place. Did he have a contact on my staff? I didn't think that could be possible, none of them had known I was Bella Swan before the Cullens' arrival, and Jenks' involvement seemed to go beyond that. I pondered this until I finally fell sleep, and I did not wake until the stewardess told me to raise my seat in preparation for landing. It was still the middle of the night, in my time zone but I could see the sun rising here.

Once we landed, I hurried off the plane, and I did not stop until I reached the taxi stand outside, getting in the first available taxi. I gave the driver the name of the hotel and sat back, watching the city come alive as we wound our way through the mix of old and new that made this city so unique.

"Merci, Madame," the driver said as I handed him the fare, with a generous tip.

"De rien," I answered, using what little french I had managed to learn. I got out of the taxi and looked around. Before I even took a step towards the hotel, a grey sedan pulled up.

"Miss Swan," the female driver said through the open passenger window.

"Yes?" I asked.

"I am Kelsey. Mr. Jenks told me to give you this," she said, handing me a card through the window. Sure enough, both of my names and social security numbers were there.

"Thank you, Kelsey," I said, as I opened the passenger door.

Kelsey sped away from the hotel before I even had my belt on, and I felt myself clutching the edge of my seat.

"You are my sister, coming down for a day or two to see your niece's ballet recital. Lauren is six and is excited to see her Auntie Jane Louise Masters for the first time in a year. My name is Margaret Ann Hatcher, nee Masters. I am 24, you are 26. Here is your temporary passport. Study it," she instructed.

"Thank you," I said.

"Any ID you have with you needs to go into this compartment," she said, pressing some buttons on the stereo.

"Okay," I said as I watched one of the air vents pop open. I removed my wallet in its entirety and slipped it onto the tray. Once it was in, she slid it closed.

"Sleep if you need to," she said.

"It's only after 4 A.M. my time," I said, closing my eyes and leaning my seat back.

She woke me just before we reached the border.

"Ready, Jane?" she asked.

"You bet," I answered, fighting off sleep.

"Names," the boarder guard asked.

"My name is Maggie, Margaret Hatcher and this is my sister, Jane Masters," she said, looking a bit flustered.

"Nationality?" he asked, looking at the passports.

"Both American. Though Jane has been living in Canada for a few years," she answered.

"Reason for this trip?" he asked.

"I drove up this morning so she could come and see my daughter's ballet recital," Kelsey answered, not missing a beat.

"Ms. Masters," he said, addressing me, "How long will you be back with us?"

"Just for a day or two," I answered, as Kelsey had told me.

"Good," he said. "Have a great trip."

"Thank you," we both said.

Once we were through the border, I went quickly back to sleep. My sleepless night with Edward was finally catching up with me.

"We're here," Kelsey said some time later. We were just driving into town, a town that I hadn't seen in more than seven years, a town with as many bitter memories as sweet ones.

"Thank you," I said sleepily as I stretched in the car.

"We will be at the office in minutes and we will head straight up. Jason is expecting you right away," she said.

"Jason?" I asked.

"Mr. Jenks," she responded.

As soon as we pulled up to the building, Kelsey was hurrying me out of the car and into the elevator. Once we got to the floor, she unlocked the door, guiding me inside.

"Jay," she called. "We're here."

"Send her in, Kelsey," he said, "and hold all calls."

**EPOV**

I found myself both nervous and in complete awe of the way Bella handled Alice. I was nervous because I knew Alice would be attacking at her earliest possible convenience, and in awe because I had never seen Bella handle herself with such grace.

I went up and took my shower, relishing in the memory of Bella's body pressed up against mine, and feeling her skin after so long. I wanted to regret making love with her so quickly, using our bodies to stem the pain that we were both feeling, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I loved her, and having her in my arms again was incredible. I only hoped it wasn't something she would regret.

The hot water washed over me, soothing my muscles, which were sore in the most pleasant way. I stepped out and prepared to spend some more time with Masen while Bella worked. I dried off, tied the towel around my hips and stepped out into my room.

"You and Bella had sex?" Emmett practically yelled.

"What? Emmett, shut up!" I said.

"He so did, didn't he, Jazz?" Emmett said to Jasper, who was standing against the door.

"He's right," Jasper said. "Now spill, Man."

"What?" I asked again. "No!"

"We came up here to see how she took it... but I guess we don't need to ask now," Emmett said. "Wait until I tell Alice!"

"No! Emmett, stop!" I said, moving over to look at myself in the mirror. How the hell had they known we had sex? The two large love bites on my shoulder and red scratch marks on my ribs were probably the giveaways, and I rolled my eyes, turning to face my smirking friends.

"Gonna spill?" he asked.

"Fine," I said, running my fingers through my damp hair, and touching the slightly raised scratch marks on my ribs.

"So?" Jasper asked, looking very Alice-like as he waited for information.

"We talked. She told me things, I told her things, she cried..."

"You cried, too, didn't you?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah," I said, shaking my head.

"Hand it over, Emmett!" Jasper said, and Emmett grabbed his wallet, pulled out a crisp new fifty and handed it to him.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "You bet that I wouldn't cry when faced with the woman I have loved as long as I can remember?" I asked him. "I cried when I told you guys."

"No, I bet that you wouldn't ADMIT that you cried," Emmett said.

"Go on," Jasper said.

"She told me so much about Masen... his birth, what it was like for her, being alone... We went through so many emotions, then it just happened," I said.

"So after a seven year dry spell, you finally got laid!" Emmett said.

"No, I finally made love to the one woman who owns my heart, mind, soul, and body completely," I said.

"Alice is going to kill me if she finds out I know this and didn't tell her," Jasper said.

"Rose, too," Emmett agreed.

"Please, don't tell them. They'll just harass Bella to no end and she doesn't need that," I said.

"Then you better put a shirt on before they see you. There is absolutely no doubt what happened between the two of you if they see you with your shirt off," Jasper said with a smirk.

"I'll keep the secret for now," Emmett said.

"If it comes down to the secret or my ass in a sling, it's coming out," Jasper said.

"If it risks my sex life with Rose, even a little, I'll squeal like a stuck pig!" Emmett said.

For the two of them, it was all I could possibly ask for.

"Fine," I said. "Nobody would have seen a thing if it hadn't been for you two barging in here."

"Glad we did," Emmett said. "I'm so happy to see that the shy little kitten has some tiger in her."

"She has changed, Em. She's no shy kitten anymore," I said, thinking of how outspoken, and strong she had become.

"Bellie has a backbone?" Em said. "I can't wait to see that. Remember how she used to blush when I would tease her?"

"The blush is still there, just watch out, she may bite back," I said with a chuckle.

They cleared out after that and I tossed a pair of jeans on with a tight fitting black t-shirt. I grabbed a hoodie and made my way through the lodge to find Masen.

Masen and the other kids were 'helping' Seth build a bonfire and I decided to do what I could to help out. It also was beneficial for me to get to know the man, since he had worked with Bella for a few years.

"What can I do to help, Seth?" I asked the burly native man.

"I need to get all the sticks upright," Seth said laughing. "The kids are doing a great job bringing them, but with five of them, I can't keep up."

"No worries," I said, reaching in to help.

Before long we had a nice setup and Seth told the kids we had enough wood.

"Are we roasting salmon for dinner?" Masen asked.

"Nope," Seth replied. "Better!"

"The drummers?" he asked excitedly.

"You betcha!" Seth replied.

"YES!" Masen said, fists pumping in the air. "Will your dad let me try again? And my friends?"

"I'm sure he will," Seth laughed. "You might want to find your button blanket."

"I know where it is!" Masen said. "It's in my special box. Jake said Billy made it for me."

"That he did. I don't know if Billy is coming tonight or not," Seth said.

"Why not?" Masen asked.

"Because Jake isn't here anymore," Seth answered.

"Is he mad at us, too?" Masen asked.

"Who is mad at you?" Seth asked.

"Jake," Masen said.

"Why do you think that Jake is mad at you?" he asked.

"Cuz he left without saying goodbye," Masen answered.

"I think he was sad. He wanted something different and he left to go find it," Seth said.

"He wanted my mom to love him, but she just loves my dad," Masen said.

"That's true," Seth said.

"Well, I'm glad he went away," Masen said. "He wasn't very nice to my mom or my friends."

"He made some big mistakes, but I bet he still thinks that you're his little buddy," Seth said.

"He can still be my buddy, as long as he likes my dad, too," Masen said.

The other kids had run over to the pirate ship with their parents and I decided that Masen probably had his fill of heavy conversations for one day.

"Shall we go take on Captain Emmett and Captain Jasper with their gang of scalawags?" I asked Masen.

"Yeah," he said. "We'll have the vantage because we know where the swords are."

"We will have the advantage, won't we?" I asked him as we snuck over to the chest that held the foam swords.

We each grabbed a sword and went over to the far side of the ship.

"Ready?" I asked Masen, whispering loudly.

"Ready!" he whispered, a smile lighting up his whole face.

I lifted Masen up and jumped up myself, anxious to do pretend battle with my friends and their children. It was amazing what being with my son could do. Two days ago I was a seriously stuffy doctor who would rather read a book then play a game and now I was mounting an attack on my friends.

"I'll save you, Izzy," Emmett said, as Masen pulled her hand to follow him.

"I don't want to be saved, Daddy," she said. "Masen is my friend."

"You better keep your boy in line, Cullen," Emmett said. "No funny business."

"Oh for crying out loud, Emmett!" I said. "He's seven, she's four."

"I know," he said with a smile. "Just practicing for twelve years from now!"

"En guard," I said. "I will make you walk the plank!"

"Oh no you won't," he said.

"I have a sword, and I know your weaknesses. You don't stand a chance," I said.

"Pshaw! I have no weaknesses," he said.

I begged to differ and poked my sword into his ribs. He shrieked like a girl.

"No fair," he said.

"Are you ready to walk the plank?" I asked him.

"Never!" he cried, turning to run away.

I went for his second weakness, the back of his knees, so ticklish.

"No fair," he squealed as he headed for the plank.

After Emmett had jumped, I took on Jasper. Charlie had left the ship and gotten him a sword.

"En guard!" he cried and we set about play dueling. The kids stopped their own battles and watched as Jasper and I attacked each other with play swords. Before long both Jasper and I ended up walking the plank, children in tow and everyone landed in the foam pit below, laughing like hyenas.

"Hello, Darling," my mother said, as she walked over to the pit.

"Hey, Ma," I said as I began to hoist myself from the pit.

"I have something for you. Go get Bella, it's actually for both of you," she said.

"What is it?" I asked, nervously.

"If I told you that it wouldn't be a surprise," she said.

"I think we've had enough surprises this week to last a life time," I said.

"And look how well those turned out," she said with a smile.

"Mom," I said.

"Just go get the girl," my mom said, "while I spend a little time with my grandson."

"Fine," I said, stalking off towards the house. "Maybe she's done with her work for now."

I went into the lodge, passing Seth and Emily on the way.

"Where is Bella?" I asked.

"Probably locked in her office," Seth said.

"Thanks," I replied, heading off towards the office.

As I passed the front desk, I saw a few envelopes on the desk that made me feel a little uneasy. The desk had been clear before, and now it held a pile of envelopes. Maybe it was only today's mail... I went to her door and knocked. No answer, so I tried the knob. The office was clean, and empty.

"Bella," I called out.

Nothing, and that silence was deafening. I knew in my heart that something was wrong.

I dashed out to the lobby and called again, then I went to her and Masen's quarters.

Still, nothing.

Then I remembered the envelopes, and a sick feeling overcame me. I turned to the desk to look at them. They were written in her hand, addressed to me, our son, her staff and the family. My heart lurched in my chest, I remembered the last letter she left me, her goodbye letter. Would she leave me again, after all we'd said and done? Would she leave our son?

"Seth!" I bellowed.

"What is it?" he asked.

"She left," I said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Where could she go?" I asked.

"Anywhere," he muttered, making his way out front. "The Jeep is gone, and from the timing, I would say she's trying to catch the plane."

I had the envelopes in my hand, and I handed him the one addressed to him. He wasted no time in opening it.

"What the hell?" he muttered. "She is gone. And from the sounds of it, she's not sure if she is coming back."

"What?" I said, ripping into my own letter.

_Edward,_

_Wow! Another letter. Please know that I am not running away from you. I know that's what you're thinking. I had some things that I needed to do for us, if we ever had a chance at being together. Please don't try to follow me, I wouldn't have gone alone if it wasn't necessary. I love you. Take care of our son. My lawyer is Fred Lawson in town. If I don't return, he has my will, naming you as guardian to our son. There was nobody else I could choose for him._

_I love you, always._

_Bella._

By this time everyone had congregated and was watching me with interest.

"She's gone," I managed to utter.

"What?" Alice gasped.

"NO!" my mother cried.

"She left letters," I said.

"Where's Momma?" my son asked.

"I don't know," I told him honestly. "She said she had some things to do."

"That letter has my name," he said.

"It does," I confirmed.

"Can you read it for me? I can read, but maybe she used big words," he said.

"Sure," I said, handing my father the rest of the letters, even the one to me.

I took my son over to the seating area and allowed him to open his own letter.

_Masen,_

_I'm so sorry I had to go without telling you goodbye. I will try my hardest to come back soon. I am so sorry I didn't tell you more about your Daddy and your family a long time ago, but I am trying to fix things so that you, me and Daddy can be a family. I love you, Masen. Be good for everybody. Take your baths, eat your vegetables and say your prayers._

_I love you always,_

_Mom._

"Where did she go, Daddy?" Masen asked.

"I don't know," I said.

"Is she coming back soon?" he asked.

"I think so," I said.

"Masen," Emily said. "Will you come and help me with the snack? The new guests will be here shortly and we can't leave the lobby without snacks, can we?"

"Sure," Masen said, with only a hint of concern lacing his voice. "Momma says we always need snacks cuz people don't like the awful food on the plane."

"Dad?" I said to my own father. He was reading the letter addressed to them and shook his head.

"What the hell is she thinking?" he asked.

"Where is she?" Alice demanded.

"I think she's gone to see Jenks'," I said.

"Jenks? The man that threatened to kill you? The sleazy lawyer with mob connections?" Alice asked.

"Yeah him," I said.

"Seth, how do I make that plane?" I asked him.

"You don't," Seth said, looking at his watch. "There is no other car here, and even if there were, you'd have to speed like hell to even have a shot."

"So how do I get out of here? She can't face this guy on her own. I won't let her," I said.

"After the plane leaves, there are no other flights until tomorrow morning," he said.

"That's too late! She could be in Hanover by then," I said.

"The only other way..." he started to say.

"A charter!" Carlisle called out. "We need to charter a plane!"

"I'll call Hawk Air," Seth said. "If money is no object, I can probably do it. I know Jim well and he likes Ang... Bella. He does a lot of sight seeing tours for her."

"Do it, please," I said.

"Where to?" he asked.

"Vancouver or Seattle," I said. "I'll be able to get a connector out of either."

"Make sure you have your passport," Seth said.

"Son?" my father said.

"Yeah," I said.

"Do you want me to come with you?" he asked.

"No," I said. "Take care of Masen for me. He's such a great kid."

"I know," he smiled. "He's just as precocious as you were."

"I'm scared. What would possess her to go off alone?" I asked him.

"I don't know," he said.

"She's doing this for me," I said. "She's willing to give everything up for me!"

"And you need to show her that you deserve that. Go after her. You're right, the only place she could be going is to see Jenks, but she knows any of us would have gone with her," he said.

"For some reason he liked her," I said. "She feels safe because of that, but she knows how much he hated me... She is protecting me."

"Why didn't she just call him?" Carlisle said. "Or better yet, wait for us to go through legal channels to regain her identity?"

"I don't know," I said. "I just need to know she's safe. I can't lose her now that I have her back! I just can't. I won't live through it again."

"So you fly off to Hanover?" Esme asked. "What about Masen? What if this Jenks guy kills you both? Can you leave your son without parents?"

"He needs his mother. He would never forgive me if I didn't do what I could to protect her. I would never forgive myself," I said, running my fingers through my hair.

"I'm going with you," Carlisle said.

"No!" I said. "If Bella, doesn't come back, if I don't... Masen will need someone, and you guys have been the best parents anyone could ask for."

"Then don't ask us to just stand here and let you put yourself in danger!" Esme said, tears coming down her cheeks.

I was made aware of the others in the room. Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett all stood close together speaking to each other in whispers.

"What?" I asked them as they looked at me.

"We're going," Emmett said.

"What?" I said. "You can't."

"They can and are going," Alice said.

"I won't put my friends at risk!" I said. "He is not a stable person."

"Look, we aren't going to see Jenks with you," Jasper said. "We are going to fly to Hanover with you. If you don't call us within twenty minutes of entering the building, we'll call the cops. We can't just sit here, knowing that the two of you are in danger."

"Jazz," I said. "What about the kids and Alice? It could still be dangerous."

"We'll be fine, Edward," Alice said. "None of us can stand the thought of losing you or Bella. You don't know what it's been like for all of us. We lost her completely, but ,Edward, we lost you, too."

"First it was us, we were mad because we didn't understand how the two of you went from being so perfect, to her completely disappearing," Rose said. "But when I lost my folks, I tried to gather everyone else that I loved close to me... You were just so distant, like you were dead inside. We can't watch that happen again and we will do what is necessary to prevent that."

I knew that there would be no arguing with them, especially since my parents jumped on board and talked about how great they thought that would be.

"I'm going to talk to Masen," I said. "He needs to know what I am going to do. I don't want him to think that I have abandoned him."

"Good idea, Sweetheart," my mom said, kissing my cheek.

I walked through the lodge, looking for Masen.

"Hey, Mase," I said as I entered the kitchen. He was wearing a tiny apron and standing next to Emily.

"Hey, Daddy," he said grinning at me. Wow, does he ever look like me!

"Can we go have a talk, Squirt?" I asked.

"Uh huh," he said, jumping down and trying to untie his apron.

"Hold on, Masen," Emily laughed. "Let me help you."

He backed over to her and she untied the apron strings. He slipped it over his head and handed it to Emily.

"Thanks, Emily," he said. "I'm going to talk to my Daddy now."

"See you later," she said. "Don't forget we're having chocolate cake for dessert."

"My favorite," he cheered. "Do you like chocolate cake too?"

"Yup," I said. "Shall we go for a walk while we talk?"

"Okay," he said. "Can I wear my super fast runners?"

"Sure," I said.

He pulled on his runners and grabbed a little hoodie, before pulling open the back door.

"Come on, Daddy," he said.

We walked for a little ways while he told me his favorite things here. I knew for a fact that I couldn't take him away from this. He loved the forest, the trees, the people, and I couldn't forget his pirate ship.

"Mase," I said, stopping. ""How do you feel with Mommy having gone away?"

"I don't like it. She never did that before. I always get to go with her," he said.

"I don't like it, either," I told my son. "She's gone to do some things so that we can be all together as a family, but she shouldn't do them all alone."

"Why don't you go and help her, Daddy?" he asked.

"I would like to, but I didn't want to leave you here without both of your parents," he said.

"But I have Grandpa and Grandma," he said. "They can take care of me for some days."

"They can," I said, smiling at him.

"Then we can really be a family?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Would I have to live at your house?" he asked.

"I would rather come and live with you and Mommy here," I told him. "You have friends here, and a great place to live and your awesome pirate ship."

"I don't need those things, Daddy. I just want to be a family," he said.

"I'll do my very best, just like Momma," I said.

"Good," he said.

We walked a little farther and I could hear some rattling. 

"The bus!" he said. "I wonder if there's more kids."

He dashed towards the sound and I hurried after him. He watched from a little distance as the people got off the bus. There were no more kids.

"Ready to go in?" I asked.

"Yup," he said.

We walked hand in hand back into the lodge and made our way to the kitchen. Seth was there with Leah. They didn't see us come in.

"She didn't!" Leah said.

"She did," he said.

"Why would she do that?" Leah said.

"She is trying to right things that went wrong," Seth said, shrugging his shoulders.

"THAT wasn't her fault," Leah said.

"Leah, Seth," Masen said as he ran into the kitchen, giving each of them a hug.

"Hey, Mase," Leah said, glaring at me.

"Hi, Leah, Seth," I said. "Were you able to arrange a charter?"

"He'll be ready to go in an hour. He'll file a flight plan and I guess that will determine if you get to Vancouver or Seattle," he said.

"My two friends are going with me," I said. "Is that okay?"

"Shouldn't be a problem," Seth said. "I'm going to need to get you to Digby by boat though, so we should leave soon."

"Thanks," I said.

"Masen," Seth said. "Do you want to come for the boat trip?"

"Can I?" he asked.

"Sure, Champ," he said. "Get your waterproof suit and lifejacket."

"I get to go on the boat with you, Daddy," he cheered.

"Sounds great, Masen," I said.

He dashed off to get ready and Seth smiled apologetically in my direction before moving to get ready himself.

"Edward," Leah said.

"Yes," I said.

"How is it that you have been here just over twenty four hours and everything is in turmoil?" she asked.

"Look," I said. "I messed up with her once, and right now she is facing the consequences of my fuck-up. I can't let her do that alone."

"If she gets hurt, I'm going to kill you," she snarled.

"I won't fight you on that. I have regretted my actions every second of every minute of every day for the last seven years. If she gets hurt because of me, I'd probably do it myself," I said.

"I'll hold you to that," she snarled again.

"Leah, I have loved Isabella Swan since I first laid eyes on her. The only reason that I had to be alive, if that's what I was, was knowing that she and our son were somewhere out there, and the hope that I would one day find them and make right all that I had made wrong. If she is hurt because of this, I will cease to exist. She is my everything," I said.

"I've watched her for years, Edward," Leah said. "She is my best friend, my mentor, and my sister in all ways that matter. I knew that she was missing a piece of her... You are that piece. I'm not dumb enough to try to deny that. I really want you to know that she has a family here that love her and Masen. Bring my sister back and make her happy, if you do, you and I will be okay."

"Thank you, Leah," I said.

I ran up to my room and told the guys what the plans were. I tossed my laptop on the bed and put a change of clothes in the bag with my passport. I grabbed my jacket and headed out, meeting Emmett and Jasper in the hall.

"Let's go get your girl," Emmett said.

"Thanks," I replied.

We went down to see the family and say our final goodbyes. The other kids were jealous that Masen got to come for the boat ride so Seth said he could choose one more person to come with us. The boys were clamoring for him to pick them, leaving the younger and quieter Izzy in the background. Poor Masen was beside himself with the choice until Izzy started to tear up. Like any boy who sees a girl he likes crying, he was toast.

"Izzy, do you want to come on the boat?" he asked.

She simply nodded her head to show him that she did.

"Come on, I'll show you where the lifejackets are," he said.

The boys were disappointed until their moms told them that they could play on the pirate ship without Izzy, which was perfectly fine in their books.

"Will she be okay?" Rose asked, looking at Seth.

"She'll be fine," he said. "It's about a twenty minute ride from here. The only thing I'd suggest is putting her hair in braids or something. It tangles terribly from the wind."

Rose nodded her head.

"Masen's been coming on the boats since he was two," Seth said. "I promise she'll be safe."

"I'm holding you to that," she said. "That's my baby girl."

Masen and Izzy were back moments later with more rain gear and a small life jacket.

"Do you want Mommy to come?" Rose asked Izzy as she helped the little girl into her gear.

"Masen," I said to my son, calling him over to me.

"Yes, Daddy?" he asked.

"I'm proud of you for inviting Izzy instead of one of the boys," I said to him.

"She's a good kid, Daddy. It has to be hard being the only girl. When you and Mommy have another baby, make sure it's a girl so that Izzy has someone else to play with," he said.

I nearly choked in surprise.

"I'll help take care of her and make sure she doesn't get hurt. That is a big brother's job you know," he said very seriously. "So, when can I have a sister?"

"That's a question you'll have to ask your mother when she comes back," I said, finally finding my tongue.

"The life jackets and waterproof coats are here," Seth said to Rosalie as she smiled at him gratefully.

"Your sure that you're okay with all the boys, Alice?" Rose asked.

"We'll live," she said.

"You guys have everything?" Seth asked us. "Passports, money, food. You won't get anything on the plane."

"I'm heading for the kitchen," Emmett said, causing Jasper and I to laugh.

"Coming for a snack, Man?" Jazz asked me.

"Couldn't eat if I tried," I answered honestly.

"Well, I'd better grab what I can before Em eats it all." he said.

"Good luck," I laughed and sat in the couch watching my son.

Rose was back within two minutes, looking far less glamorous than usual. Her hair was pulled back in a single braid and she was wearing bright yellow waterproof clothes with a big orange life vest.

"You didn't need to put that on until we get on the boat," I laughed.

"Shut it, Cullen," she said.

"You got it, Rosie," I said.

"Bring her back, okay," she said.

"I'll do everything in my power," I promised.

"Love you, Kid," she said, reminding me in her own subtle way that she was a month and three days older than me.

"Love you ,too," I said to her.

Two minutes later, we were all headed down to the dock. Izzy was running along with her plastic pants, sending off a squealing sound as she moved. Masen was keeping up with her, telling her all about the boat. Rose was watching them both closely. Jazz was munching on an apple, while Emmett chowed down on one of the billion things he had in a plastic bag, which reminded me of the bags that Bella and I had taken to the cabin the night before.

The trip to the airport was brief and when we arrived, Seth quickly tied up the boat and jumped ashore, leaving the guys to get out of their life vests, and help Rose and the kids from the boat. When we got into the little office that Seth had entered, he was talking to our pilot with great familiarity. The guy smiled and shook his hand.

"Okay, guys," Seth said. "The pilot says he'll be ready to take you to Seattle in about five minutes."

Emmett gathered his wife and daughter to him while I went to Masen.

"You be a good boy for everyone, okay," I told him.

"I will," he said. "You bring my mommy back."

"I will do my absolute best," I promised.

"I know you can do it. Daddies can do anything," he said.

"I love you so much, Masen," I told my son.

"I love you, too, Daddy," he said, throwing his arms around me.

We walked over to the small eight seat plane and loaded on board. The pilot told us that one of us could sit up front if we wanted.

"ME!" Emmett cheered.

Jazz and I just laughed and shrugged our shoulders.

Emmett jumped up front quickly, fastening his harness. Jasper and I sat in the first row, and buckled in. I looked out the window to see Izzy and Masen waving at us. We waved back. The pilot handed us all earphones and started the engine.

"The flight will take about two and a half hours," he said through the microphone in the earpiece. "You'll be able to hear me through this he said and talk to me and each other through the mic that you can lower."

We did that and as he taxied down the runway, I found myself looking back at my son, praying silently that it was not the last time that I saw him, and that I would bring his mom home to him safely.

We passed the short flight looking at the scenery as the sun sank lower in the sky. It was actually dark by the time we made it to Seattle, and I thanked the pilot and rushed into the terminal to clear customs and arrange our flight to Boston. Luckily, it wasn't busy and we were through in moments. I dashed to the ticket counter while the guys checked in with their wives.

We managed to squeak onto the red-eye to Boston, and I even had the forethought to book a car to be ready for us when we arrived, so we had no wait at the car rental counter. The flight arrived in Boston at 8:30 A.M. local time, add the two and a half hour commute, and we'd be pulling into Hanover by 11:00 A.M. I only hoped that was enough time.

Bella's flight from Prince Rupert had landed in Vancouver at 9:00 P.M. If she took a shuttle to Seattle, it was quite possible she would be on the same flight. Could I possibly intercept her before she got to Hanover? Could I actually protect her?

Jasper, Emmett, and I separated and looked around. When it was time to board, Emmett and Jasper got on and took their seats in first class, knowing that all the rest of the passengers had to pass them to get to their seats. I waited by the ticket counter until everyone had been loaded, and got on last.

Unfortunately for me, the stewardess thought I was doing it to check her out and she made suggestive comments to me for the first hour. Emmett found it hilarious, from his seat on the other side of the aisle, but Jasper and I didn't agree. Finally, Jasper had enough of her blatant flirtation.

"Excuse me, Miss," he said, ignoring the fact that she had told us her name four times and the fact that it was displayed in her chest. "My fiance and I would like it if you would back the hell off!"

Fiance?

I stared at Jasper in disbelief as he kept his eyes glued to the stewardess.

"If he's gay then why was he standing there at the end of the ramp for so long?" she asked.

"He was hoping that his father would change his mind and come to the wedding. Apparently his hope was in vain," Jasper said, still with a straight face. Emmett, however, ended up excusing himself to go to the bathroom, giggling as he went.

"I'm sorry," she said looking at me. "Good luck. May you have many years of happiness."

Once she was gone, Jasper began to smirk, then chuckle and finally, he full out laughed, covering his mouth with the pillow to try to muffle the sounds. I was still stunned and stared at him like he was on crack!

"Here," Emmett said, coming back from the bathroom and thrusting a fifty dollar bill Jasper's way.

Jasper recovered quickly, took the money and put it in his wallet.

I looked at Emmett questioningly as he returned to his seat.

"He bet me that the stewardess was going to try to pick you up," Emmett explained. "I said that was a no-brainer. He said that he'd be able to fend her off by convincing her that you were gay."

"Nice move," I said to Jasper, realizing that these guys were the same as always, and hoping that they'd never change.

The stewardess never bothered me again for the rest of the flight.

Once we landed, we quickly grabbed our carry-on bags and made our way to get the keys to our rental. Jasper claimed that he'd have to drive because I hadn't slept. I refused because Jasper drives like a grandmother and told Emmett that he could drive, since he drives like an indy car driver.

Jasper called Alice as soon as we were on the road.

"Oh, thank God!" Alice said, loud enough that we could all hear her. "I've been waiting for you to call all night."

"What?" Jasper asked, panic evident in his voice. "Are the boys okay? Are you?"

"We're fine," she said again. "Bella called."

I couldn't wait for him to ask what she said, or to risk missing anything.

"What did she say, Alice?" I asked as I grabbed the phone from Jasper.

"She was basically saying goodbye. She didn't say it exactly, but she is going to see Jenks. I think she called in advance and he told her to come alone. Please hurry, Edward," she said, dissolving into tears.

"Hurry, Em," I said, tears welling up in my eyes. "Please hurry!"

He stepped on the gas, weaving through traffic like a man possessed, while I passed the phone to Jasper, unable to handle hearing Alice's sobs any longer.

"Please be okay, Bella," I whispered. "I need you."

**BPOV**

"Send her in, Kelsey," he said, "and hold all calls."

I walked into the office of the man that had helped me all those years before. I knew, from Edward, that he was a dangerous man and I not only needed his help now, I needed answers. Why had he helped me without any financial gain? How did he know all these things about my life? Why did I need to be here... alone?

"Bella," he said, standing as I came into the room. He looked a lot older than when I'd seen him last, his hair was greying around the temples and he had a few more lines around his cheeks.

"Mr. Jenks," I said formally, extending my hand.

"I guess you have some questions," he said, as he grasped my hand, not shaking it, simply holding it.

"A few," I said.

"Let me get you a drink first," he said. "I will answer everything I can."

"I don't need a drink," I said, icily.

"You will when I'm done talking to you," he said.

I didn't argue. I had had plenty of surprises in the last couple of days so I needed to be prepared for anything.

Was he in love with me? Did he need me for some secret black market operation? My mind reeled with the possibilities.

"How does it feel to have everyone call you by your real first name now?" he asked, smiling at me.

"A little odd, but a good odd," I said, holding the glass he gave me between both my hands.

"You look good. I like seeing you with my own eyes," he said.

"What does that mean? And how do you know so much about me?" I asked.

"The sadness in your eyes when you walked into my office the first day... it matched the sadness in my heart," he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Do you know when I last saw you with my own eyes, before that day?" he asked.

"When?" I asked, afraid to hear the answer.

"You were not even a day old," Jenks said, "and already you had those chocolate brown eyes."

"A day old?" I asked. "But that's impossible."

"No," he said. "It's really not."

"You need to explain," I said.

"I..." he started to say but was interrupted by some commotion in the other room.

It took a minute, and even then I thought I was hallucinating, but I heard Edward's voice.

"I need to get in there!" he said. "I know Bella's here! Please, let me see her!"

Jenks looked completely unshaken as he pressed the intercom button on his desk.

"Let him in," he said.

He reached into his desk drawer for something as Edward dashed through the door.

"Bella!" he cried, rushing across the room to scoop me into his arms.

"Edward," I said, wrapping my arms around him.

The dizzying effect of being in his arms made me forget where we were and who we were with.

"Right on time," Jenks said, gaining our attention. "I guess you let the big one drive then."

We turned to face Jenks, seeing that he had a gun in his hand, not pointing it at all, just holding it.

Oh shit!


	14. Who is Jenks? And what does he want

**_A/N: This is being added unbetaed as I have been busy writing and didn't even send it out. I will have it edited later and fix any mistakes._**

**_A/N2: I have put myself up fpr auction with FGB Eclipse. My user name is Sara and I have two story auctions. An outtake and an original one shot. Bid away. Alex's Lemonade Stand is a great charity!_**

**_A/N 3: Follow me on Twitter: CallMeMrsWrite_**

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.

**BPOV**

"Right on time," Jenks said, gaining our attention. "I guess you let the big one drive then."

We turned to face Jenks, seeing that he had a gun in his hand, not pointing it at all, just holding it.

Oh shit!

As soon as Edward saw the gun, he pulled me behind him, quickly putting himself between the gun and myself.

"Oh, calm down, Romeo," Jenks said, smiling and shaking his head as though we amused him.

Edward did not react at all to Jenks' words, simply holding me behind him and staring at Jenks. I placed my hands on his back so he could feel my presence, and so I could feel his. I needed that connection to him. I could feel his muscles tense under my hands and I moved my hands slowly against him, willing him to be calm. I needed answers from Jenks, but I needed Edward more, having him here, knowing that Jenks had threatened him, made my heart race.

"I am not going to shoot either of you so just chill," Jenks said, rolling his eyes dramatically.

He grabbed a two way radio that I hadn't previously noticed, from the desk and pressed the button. "Are they secure?" he asked.

"Affirmative," the voice on the other end said.

"You know what to do," Jenks said.

"Emmett and Jasper?" Edward asked.

"Yeah," Jenks said.

"Don't hurt them. They both have wives and children," Edward said.

"Romeo, Romeo, Romeo... I've already told you that I don't plan to shoot you. I have no plans to hurt any of you at all," Jenks said. "You have my word, Romeo, that you and your friends will walk out of here unharmed."

"And Bella!" Edward said. "I won't leave without her."

"I promise that Bella will walk out of here too," Jenks said.

"If you aren't going to shoot us, and are telling me we are going to walk out of here safely, can you tell us what this is all about?" Edward asked.

I was still, trying to come to terms with everything. Edward was here, his hand firmly grasping my hip as I stood behind him, my hands caressing his muscular shoulder as we struggled to come to terms with everything. Then there was Jenks, who had just informed me that he had known me when I was a baby. I simply couldn't bring myself to get any father into that thought.

"Let me just confirm the office is secure and we'll get back to our chat," he said.

Jenks strode out of the inner office, gun still in hand and Edward pulled me around to the front, and into his arms again.

"Why did you come here alone?" he asked me, holding me against his chest. "Couldn't you have just called?"

"I did call him, Edward. I did. He knew things that he shouldn't have known... He told me to come and to come alone," I said, begging him to understand. "I had to."

"What did he know?" Edward asked, pulling me away from him and looking into my eyes, concern marring his usually smooth features.

"He knew that I had a son. He even knew Masen's name," I said. "He knew where I lived and what I did. He knew that you and the family had come to see me and that our meeting had gone 'very well'. These are things that he shouldn't have known, Edward. How could he?"

"You should have told me," he said. "We could have figured something out."

"You would never have let me go," I said. "I thought if I came alone, it would be best."

"I don't want you to ever have to face anything alone," he said, firmly. "We need to face the consequences of this together if we have a hope of making it in the future."

"I know," I said, nuzzling against his chest. "I just didn't want to risk your life here. He had threatened you before..."

"Yeah, because he was a grade A pain in the ass," Jenks said coming back into the room.

Edward's arms tensed around me as he pulled me tighter against his chest. Jenks simply shook his head and moved towards his desk, placing his gun in a drawer and closing it. He moved to the front of the desk and leaned onto it, sitting on the surface. He looked appraisingly at us, before he smiled.

"You are very resourceful, Mr. Cullen," Jenks said. "I had hoped that I would get a few hours with Isabella before you came barging in."

"You knew he'd come?" I asked.

"I know a lot of things," Jenks said smirking.

"And I would really like to know how you know what you know," I said.

"In time," he said. "I am really happy to see you together. It does an old man's heart good."

"No thanks to you," Edward muttered.

"I know," Jenks said, a frown creasing his forehead. "And for that, I am sorry. I simply did what I had to do."

"What does that mean?" Edward asked angrily.

"I will get to that, too," Jenks said, smiling rather sheepishly.

"What are we going to talk about, since you seem to be dictating this conversation?" Edward asked snarkily.

"Actually, Bella and I had begun something before you came in... but I can't decide if I should continue from there, or exactly where I should start," he said.

"Well, you said that you had seen me when I was less than a day old. How is that possible, when I'd never even heard of you until this all came up?" I asked.

"He knew you when you were a baby?" Edward asked me.

"That's what he said," I confirmed.

We both looked expectantly at Jenks.

"You really look good together," he sitting back a little more, relaxing the tense posture he had previously maintained. "You look truly happy, Isabella.

"And you are evading the question," I replied.

"Take a seat, you're making me antsy, standing there all tense and everything," he said, chuckling at me.

"What did you expect? You did have a gun," Edward said.

"A precaution," he said. "You've come at a dangerous time."

"Your mob buddies aren't happy with you?" Edward asked.

"You could say that," he said.

"I could say a lot of things," Edward said. "But I really want to know why you needed to see Bella, and how you knew so much about her."

"We'll get to that," Jenks said again.

There was a loud crashing noise outside and Jenks moved to look out the window quickly.

"Everything okay?" he asked into the two-way radio that he had scooped off his desk on the way.

"A palate fell off a truck across the street. It's legit," the voice said.

Jenks sat back on his desk, blowing out a breath quickly.

"Are you expecting the mob or the police?" Edward asked him, before turning to face me. "Look we shouldn't be here, whatever it is. We need to leave, Bella. We don't need to be involved in this."

"Sit down, Romeo," Jenks said, "Not everything is as it seems. There are things you two need to know, and there isn't much time to tell you."

"We need answers," I said to Edward.

He began to argue, but I put my finger over his mouth.

"For us," I said. "For our son and our future."

He sighed in resignation and moved towards one of the chairs, pulling me along with him. He sat down, guiding me to sit on his lap with a little lopsided grin. Between him and Masen, I was toast!

"Can't say I'm surprised," Jenks said, shaking his head at our seating arrangement.

"So are you going to explain that last comment?" I asked.

"Now that Romeo has arrived, I need to get a few things cleared up with him first," Jenks said.

"Fine," I said, not happy to be waiting.

"I could have almost kissed you when you broke her heart here in Hanover," he said to Edward, who tensed instantly.

"I beg your pardon?" Edward said.

"I had been watching Bella for a number of years. First in Forks, then to all of the little whole in the wall towns that her mother dragged her to, then to Phoenix, back to Forks, and finally to Hanover," he said.

"Why were you watching me?" I asked.

Jenks acted as though I had said nothing.

"Why?" Edward asked.

"I know you two have a lot of questions, but this will go a lot easier if you let me get this out first and ask questions later," he said.

"Fine," Edward and I said in unison.

"Anyways, I was worried about her. There were a lot of people on my tail, and I needed to get her out of town before they discovered that she had any connection to me. Your little psychotic episode came along at the perfect time..." Jenks explained.

"The perfect time?" I asked. "I was pregnant, my heart was shattered, and my father was dead. How was that the perfect time?"

"Patience, Little One," he said.

The name flowing from his lips brought me back to my childhood, to a time before I had my accident, when my father used to refer to me as Little One. The tears welled up in my eyes at the unexpected reminder of my father. I snuggled into Edward again, trying to wait to ask Jenks all I needed to ask him.

"You ended up at that stupid run down hotel. You were a mess, barely sleeping or eating. You looked like you were a member of the living dead. It was really easy to slip someone into place, to feed you information on me so that you would send Isabella my way," Jenks said.

"But I used it as a ruse," Edward said. "I didn't want her to..."

"I know," Jenks said, nodding his head. "But it got her into my office, and right on time."

"What do you mean?" I asked, fearing what he was telling me.

"The Volturi figured out who I was, or who I had been, and showed up on your father's door step, asking questions. Your father answered them as best as he could. He didn't have any information that they could use. All he knew is that I had gone missing, hooked up with some druggies out of high school, and had never reappeared until the day after his only child was born. He told them that I had turned up at the hospital unexpectedly. The joy he felt being able to show me his only child..." Jenks stopped, appearing to be fighting back tears.

This made no sense!

He cleared his throat and took a deep breath before continuing, "He told them that when he placed you in my arms, he got worried. Where had I been? Why had I never returned when our parents had died? What had I been doing? I tried to be vague and then he found out about my lifestyle... He begged me to leave it behind, to let him help me out. He was a cop through and through."

I watched, stunned, as a single tear slipped down his cheek

"What are you talking about?" I asked quietly. "Charlie had no family."

"What do you know about your father's family?" he asked.

"His parents died when he was still in high school, he became an emancipated minor at seventeen, kept their house, finished high school, married my mom when she became pregnant with me..." I said.

"What about any other relatives?" Jenks asked. "Did Charlie ever mention anyone else?"

"No," I said. "There was nobody. Uncle Billy, his best friend, was my only family after my great grandma Swan died when I was six. Not that he's truly blood related."

"Charlie Swan had a brother," Jenks said. "He disappeared when Charlie was eight and his brother, Matthew, was seventeen. That's when the family moved away from Seattle, settling in Forks. Fred and Marie Swan didn't want their baby boy seduced into the evils of the world as Matthew had been."

"Why would he never mention that?" I asked.

"How can we be sure it's the truth?" Edward asked, tightening his grip on me.

"Pictures, mostly, but if you will just be patient, I'll explain," Jenks said. "I was only seventeen at the time. I had just graduated from high school, a year early, ready to accept a full ride scholarship from the University of Washington."

I stared at Jenks, looking at his features, looking for similarities to Charlie, because if what he said was true, he was my uncle, my father's brother.

"I was going into criminal justice, and had even taken a few courses in advance because of my aptitude towards it. My goal was to either become a lawyer or a judge," he said.

I just nodded dumbly, and Edward just stared straight ahead, listening to him.

"It was four days after graduation and I had been playing some hoops with a couple of guys I knew from school. We parted ways and I started walking home. I had a car, but it was only a few blocks so I had decided to walk. It was dusk and I knew I needed to hurry or my mother would worry," he said, seeming to slip back into the event in his mind. "I was half a block from home when it happened, a guy grabbed me and hauled me into the back of a large black van. He took me to a warehouse and forced me to call home and tell them I was at a friend's house."

I shivered slightly at the words. Kidnapped into a world of crime, how terrible.

"They told me that they had been watching me for a while and that they needed a guy like me," he said.

"For what?" I asked. "Who needed you?"

"In time, Little One," he said, using Charlie's pet name again.

"I told them I wasn't like that," he said. "but they were persistent and made me an offer that was impossible to refuse."

"So you were recruited into the criminal underworld at seventeen?" Edward asked. "You left your family..."

"No," Jenks said. "I was recruited into the CIA at seventeen. Not as a regular agent but an undercover agent. It was everything I had always wanted... I could make a difference, but in order to do so, I needed to leave my parents and brother behind."

"I don't know what to say," I said.

"So you are Matthew Swan?" Edward asked.

"I am," Jenks said. "But, I haven't used that name in a lot of years. I left it behind when I first joined."

"So what did you say to your family?" Edward asked.

"I made the decision that night. I knew I could do what they were asking and that Charlie and my parents would be okay," he said. "Over the next two weeks, I pretended to be sullen, have mood swings... all giving my parents the impression that I was on drugs. Then I planted some drugs and made sure my parents found them. They confronted me and I told them that it was my choice and if they couldn't understand, I'd leave. That was the last time my parents saw me, or I them. I spent five years training and studying, I got a law degree and much more. Then I went into the field. I was small potatoes to start. Jason Jenks set up a small law office in New York, taking bribes as needed to do some shady things. After a few years, I was in Seattle for a job... it coincided with my parents' deaths. I knew Charlie wasn't old enough to be on his own... I almost quit right there. I drove up to Forks, even able to attend the funeral. I stayed and watched for a few days. Charlie had a good head on his shoulders and stepped up to the plate as I hoped he would. He had Renee to comfort him and I slipped out of town, vowing to keep my eyes on him."

"Oh," I said, my eyes welling up with tears.

"I never expected to see him so soon. I learned of Renee's pregnancy and I made sure that Charlie got the job with the Forks PD as he was trying to do. When my source said that Renee was in labour, I left New York again and flew to Seattle. I rented a car and drove to the hospital, just wanting to catch a glimpse of my baby brother and his baby. I didn't mean for him to see me, but he did. I should have played the bad guy card right away but I let him drag me into the nursery and he picked you up so carefully, placing you in my arms. He was so proud of you. I let him tell me everything, and before even handing you back, I offered him money so that you guys would always have the best things. I was paid well and never used any of it. Jason Jenks' money was used to support me. He yanked you away and asked where I got the money. I told him drugs."

Jenks' had a single tear dripping down his cheek while I was full out sobbing now.

"He begged me to give it up. To move to Forks and stay with them, to get away from that lifestyle. I wanted to, Bella. I really did, but so much would have been jeopardized. I went back to New York and back to work. I broke a major case there and allowed myself to be scapegoated and run out of New York. Our new target was the Volturi Brothers. They work out of Hanover, but have agents all over the East coast. I wasn't even in my office a day when Aro Volturi showed up, wanting my services," he said, brushing away the tear.

"I had been here about eight years when I got the news that you had been accepted to Dartmouth, I very nearly intervened, trying to send the two of you to Harvard or Yale instead, anywhere but here. I realized afterwards, it wouldn't have really helped. The Volturi were all over the East coast and I couldn't be sure you'd be secure anywhere. Then I found out that Edward had a reason to come here in particular, and I knew that I was fighting a losing battle. Plus, the lure of seeing you with my own eyes was too much," he said, shaking his head.

I was still in tears at what this man, who I now believed to by my uncle, was saying.

"I only saw you a few times, from a distance, but that was good. Then just after Christmas, one of the Volturi's top allies was arrested in a police sting operation. The Romanian brothers had gotten sloppy and the police raided them. Aro, Caius and Marcus were on the warpath, not believing that they had just been sloppy. Vladimir and Stefan were arrested and put in a holding cell, awaiting their lawyer's arrival before they were questioned. When the man arrived thirty minutes later, Stefan and Vlad were dead. They knew far too much about the Volturi to be kept around," he said.

"They were killed in the police station?" Edward asked. "I think I remember that... It happened the day we returned here after Christmas."

"Right," Jenks agreed. "Every one of their associates, including me were investigated, and somehow they managed to get some info on me. I was terrified and ready to pull you two in here to get you into hiding... Then I got news of the pregnancy and your reaction, Romeo."

Jenks' face was straight. It was like he had no reaction to the statement he had just made. The trembling I felt coming from Edward let me know that he did not react the same way and I turned to face him, rubbing my fingers gently across his cheeks, letting him know that everything was okay with us still.

"I didn't..." Edward said, trying to justify to my gun-toting uncle what had happened between us.

"You don't need to explain anything," Jenks said, "I already know everything."

"You do?" Edward asked.

"I could have stopped it. I could have fixed everything... Then Charlie..." he said.

"What do you mean, 'then Charlie'?" I asked, quickly turning to face my uncle, my stomach tensing.

"He didn't die of a heart attack. I am so sorry, Isabella. The managed to track me back to him. He answered all of questions the the man that they sent asked. He gave nothing away, he couldn't, he didn't know anything. James was their most ruthless assassin. But Charlie was a cop and he knew that James was a criminal. He started to ask questions, and James decided that all the heat he could get from this small town cop was dangerous. He overpowered your father and killed him with his bare hands. Our agent that had been in place was supposed to be protecting him, but he had no time to react. After calling in, he fixed the scene to make it look like Charlie had died from a massive heart attack, sitting in his favorite recliner. Then because of his status as Police Chief, his autopsy had to be conducted by another doctor... We had someone brought in from Seattle to take care of everything," Jenks said, tears rolling down his face as he looked beseechingly at me.

"He was murdered?" Edward asked,

"He was," Jenks said. "James was taken out before he had a chance to return, delaying their knowledge and questioning of you, Isabella. I knew it wouldn't be long before they learned of James' disappearance and showed up at your door. We arranged it to look like James had taken some money and run after being seen with you."

"With me?" I asked.

"Another agent went to the Volturi with a story, the night you disappeared. James had gone mental on you, figuring that you must have known something about me since you lived in the same city. I explained that I had never met you, and didn't even know you were here when questioned. Since you were gone, there was no connection made to the Cullen family at any time," he continued. I

"If Edward had disappeared, too, there would have been more questions, and my plan had always been to approach him a few months later," Jenks said. "But you begged me. I didn't know if you still loved him. I assumed that you would get on with your life. As time went by, there was never a good time for it. Edward's family had come to be with him, and I knew that they would suffer if he were to disappear, and there was no way to make them all disappear."

"So now what?" I asked. "Am I still in danger? Is Masen in danger?"

"No. You are dead. They never found a trace of you and as far as they are concerned, Bella Swan is dead. I have wanted to explain for years... but I couldn't. I have kept track of you, and of Masen..." he said.

"How?" I asked. "Is one of my staff..."

"No, your staff was all to loyal to you to even attempt to approach them. We put a maintenance man in place... he managed to bug your place, with both audio and video equipment, so I could keep tabs on you and make sure that you and Masen were safe," he said. "I had also kept tabs on the Cullens, the private investigators hired by the Cullens, and the occasional peek in at the Hales and McCartys."

"Tyler..." I said, quietly.

"Right," he confirmed.

It all came crashing down then. There had been so much more at play here. I buried my head into Edward's neck and sobbed.

"I am now one of the top operatives in the CIA ," Jenks said, braking into my little Edward cocoon. "Busting this case open will put a rather large bounty on my head and if you are discovered to be Isabella Marie Swan, it could cause you a lot of trouble. I am so sorry."

"So I am Angela Weber forever?" I asked, looking at my uncle.

"Not necessarily," he said, smiling apologetically. You cannot try to reclaim the name Isabella Swan. It just wouldn't be safe, but we can do something. The name that I chose for you was close to our family's heart, our maternal grandmother, your great-grandmother, was a Weber. It was the closest name that I dared choose for you and still keep you safe. I just couldn't allow you loose your history all together. I couldn't do that to Charlie."

"So what can you do?" I asked, coming to grips with the news he was sharing.

"I assume you would like to claim your son, Mr. Cullen," Jenks said to Edward.

"I would," Edward said, nodding his head and tightening his arms around me. "I want them both, always."

"And I assume that this would be something you would want, Isabella," Jenks said to me.

"I would," she said.

"And your name?" Jenks asked.

"I would really like to be Bella again," I said. "I... I wanted to... I guess it doesn't matter."

"I am so sorry," he said, kneeling in front of me. "I never expected that the choices that I made all those years ago would affect you this way. I would never have done anything that would have put my family in jeopardy, even the family that hadn't been born yet."

"Why did you never tell me, something, anything... I came to you time and time again. My father came..." Edward asked him, the pain.

"I am so sorry. There were two reasons for that," he said. "The first was, she asked me not to. I knew why you had done what you'd done, but I had to trust her own words. She deserved the right to a fresh start. The second was the danger to you and your family."

"And what about now? Now that we've found her, aren't we still in danger?" Edward asked.

"No," Jenks said. "Since Isabella Swan is dead, there is nothing to link you to me. There is no doubt in my mind that they know that this is me. My home has always been my sanctuary, yet this morning, two of Aro's thugs rigged it with a bomb. I will be seen tonight, entering my home and I will not leave."

"You're going to allow yourself to be killed?" I gasped.

"No," he said, smiling softly. "A body that closely approximates my body type will be there. Our guys will get me out through the underground tunnel."

"And then what?" Bella asked.

"I will get a new face, a new identity and I will start out fresh somewhere else," he said with a shrug.

"So that's why you needed to see us now," Bella said.

"It is," he said.

"Why did you tell her to come alone?" Edward asked.

"If we are changing her identity then she couldn't travel down with you," Jenks said, a wicked smile coming across his face. "Plus I wanted to see just how resourceful you truly were. You certainly didn't disappoint."

"So how do we do this?" I asked.

The radio crackled, interrupting our conversation. "They are getting antsy, Mr. Jenks," the radio said.

"Bring them up," Jenks replied into it. "Your friends," he said looking at us.

"Are they okay?" Edward asked.

"They have been briefed. Isabella, we can handle this a few ways. You can keep your current identity and simply change your name legally to Bella. We can make the change retroactive to before your son was born. The team that is at the lodge now will step up and do what is needed," he said.

"There is a team at the lodge?" I asked.

"We needed to make sure that Dr. Cullen didn't step up and ruin everything. We also need to debrief your staff and family," he explained.

"If you choose that option, the paperwork is here and I'll simply make a call and it's done. You can be Bella Webber, all records you have now will work, it is simply a name change. You can maintain both your Canadian and US citizenships. Masen's birth certificate can be changed to include his father," Jenks said.

I felt Edward's arms tighten around me.

"All of this is completely legit. We have great sources within the Canadian government," he said.

"And the other option?" I asked.

"We could change your name completely, set you up somewhere else..." Jenks said.

"No," Edward said, before Jenks had a chance to finish. "That's their home. That's where she and Masen belong."

"No, Edward. We belong with you. Wherever you are is where we belong," I said. I turned to my uncle. "Which way will make that happen?"

"The first," he said.

"Do it. I want to be Bella again, not Isabella, simply Bella," I said.

"I'll make the call," Jenks said.

At that point, Emmett and Jasper were brought into the room.

"You guys are okay!" Emmett said, relieved.

"We are," Edward said, squeezing me. "Are you guys?"

Jazz simply nodded, but Emmett felt the need to go on.

"It's like playing cops and robbers for real!" he said.

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help but to laugh along with Jasper and Edward. He really was an overgrown child.

"Isabella," Jenks said, addressing me. "I need to get you out of here now, Sweetheart."

"Not without me," Edward said.

"She has to leave the way she came," Jenks said. "It's for her security."

"I can't let you go," Edward said to me.

"I'll race you back to Prince Rupert," I said to him, knowing that Jenks was telling the truth.

"Are you sure?" he asked me.

"She'll have agents with her the whole way, just as she did on her way here," Jenks said.

I looked at him strangely.

"You can't see them if they don't want to be seen, but they were there," he said.

"Bella," Jasper said. "You be safe, Little Sister. We just got you back and none of us are going to willingly let you go again."

"I will, Jazz," I said as I got up from Edward's lap to give him a hug.

"Rosie will kill me for letting you walk out of here without me," Emmett said, pulling me from Jasper's embrace. "But I trust this guy to keep you safe."

"Thanks, Em," I said to him.

"You still fit perfectly with us, Bellie," he said to me, being uncharacteristically serious. "Rosie needs you now. I'm sure she'll fill you in when you get back."

"Thanks," I said to him, pulling away.

I turned to Jenks and addressed him.

"Thank you," I said to him. "You could have written off my father and I as collateral damage, but you didn't."

"Never," he said.

"Will I ever see you again?" I asked him.

"You never know," he said. "If you do, I certainly won't be looking like this, though."

I moved over and gave him a hug.

"You will always be protected, that is my vow to you," he said. "Be safe, Little One."

I moved over to Edward next, not wanting to be parted from him at all.

"I love you," I said to him. "We'll be together in under twenty four hours."

"I love you, too," he said. "That's too long though."

"When we get back, we can truly work on being together, long term," I said.

"We can," he said.

I kissed him, more passionately that was proper considering the room was full of agents, friends and family.

"Can you do something for me?" he asked.

"What?" I asked him.

"This has been out of place for too long," he said, unclasping the ring that he had given me from around hid neck. "Will you wear it for me?"

I looked down at the ring he had given me in high school. That seemed like a lifetime ago. I guess it was.

"I will," I said, tearing up again. He placed the ring on my finger and kissed my hand.

"Ill see you soon," I told him.

"You bet," he said.

I was led out of the office by a burly guy, who said nothing. Once in the outer office, Kelsey was waiting for me. She had a packet of papers in her hand.

"Ready to go?" she asked cheerily.

"I guess," I said.

The drive back through the border was unremarkable and I found myself on an evening flight from Montreal to Vancouver. I studied the other passengers thoroughly, not knowing who could possibly be an agent. I gave up and settled in for a nap.

The stewardess woke me as we were landing in Vancouver. It was late evening here and I expected to have to spend the night in Vancouver before catching an early flight to Prince Rupert. I was pleasantly surprised to find a ticket to Terrace, an hour drive from Prince Rupert, for tonight. I called Seth on his cell phone from the airport and asked him to meet me. He agreed quickly and I asked him not to tell anyone else yet. There was something else I needed to do.

I didn't sleep on the short flight to Terrace, instead I pondered all that Jenks, or should I say, Uncle Matt, told me. The flight was mostly empty and so I had the entire row to myself. I missed Edward and wondered where he would be. I doubted that he had the whole CIA making sure he and the guys made it back okay.

I thought about Edward and all that he meant to me. Would things have been different if he hadn't freaked out? After a lot of thought, I decided that they wouldn't have been. The happily ever after that I had dreamed of for so long would still have been denied me. Jenks would have most certainly had to pull me in and tell me all that he had told me today. I would have made the choice to leave, if it would have saved Edward and the Cullens. I would have left.

Would I have ended up where I was? Would I be running a very successful resort destination?

That I doubted. I would have wallowed. I would have felt sorry for myself, missed Edward and raised my son in a very different manner.

All the thinking gave me a lot of answers, some to questions I hadn't even been ready to ask yet.

Even though I had turned to Edward, physically and emotionally, I hadn't truly opened my heart. I couldn't. The risk of being hurt was too much. Yet now, I found the last corners of my heart were opening up, accepting Edward fully. I fingered the ring that was on my finger again and smiled. One day, when he was ready, when I was ready, I would wear another ring.

I found the remaining anger and doubt that I held in my heart start slipping away and I opened up the papers that were the key to my new name, and my son's. There were two choices for Masen's birth certificate, in one Masen remained a Weber and the other he became a Cullen, both had Edward listed in the father slot, and Bella Weber in the mother spot.

Seeing my new name made me pine for my father even more. My father, who had been murdered for my uncle's choices. My father, who never knew that he was a grandpa.

I flipped the pages, looking at the rest of the papers. The final page was an instruction page, detailing what I needed to do. The guests that were staying at the lodge now would take care of everything, I just needed to give them the papers. Everything else would be taken care of by the end of the week.

As the plane circled to make it's final landing, my thoughts drifted back to Edward, smiling at the thought of having a future with him, but as the wheels hit the tarmac, it was another man who entered my thoughts. A man that I desperately needed to see before I began my new old life with my family.

**EPOV:**

Watching Bella walk out of that office was one of the hardest things I had ever done. If I hadn't believed with my whole heart that Matthew Swan, or Jason Jenks, loved her and would protect her with everything he had, I would never have been able to do it.

I watched from the window as she got in a car. Jenks was kind enough to point out the security he had in place out front which eased my fear greatly.

Jenks nodded to the other men in the room, who escorted Jasper and Emmett out.

"We'll be in the outer office, when you're ready, Boss," one man said.

"I'll see you guys in a bit," I said to my friend, my brothers in every sense bit blood.

As soon as the door was shut the air got tense, and Jenks, the suave business man, seemed to be struggling. Finally he let out a sigh.

"I really do need to apologize to you," Jenks said to me. "You lost a lot of time with my niece and your son because of me."

I hadn't expected that. I pondered it for a bit.

"Somehow I can't find it in my heart to be angry. After seven years of longing, I am on my way to getting more than I had ever dreamed I might," I said.

"You are a good man, Edward Cullen," he said, smiling softly.

"Where do you go from here?" I asked him.

"I don't exactly know," he said. "I've put in a lot of years. I don't know that I have anymore to give. Maybe I'll slip away into obscurity, living out the rest of my days as a fisherman in Bora Bora."

"You like to fish?" I asked, surprised that this man would sit on a dock, or in a boat, with a fishing pole.

"I don't know. I've spent the last over forty years as Jason Jenks. I don't know what I like," he said.

"I guess you have time to figure it out now," I said.

"I don't know if I can live with the costs," he said morosely.

"You've kept a lot of people safe, taken a lot of criminals off the street," I said, trying to ease his pain.

"And cost my baby brother his life, destroyed your relationship with my niece, caused your son to live without a family for almost seven years," he added.

"None of that was you. You thought that your old identity was permanently buried. How were you to know that criminals would be able to track them down? Bella and I are working through everything, we'll be okay. And my son, I wish you could meet him. He's the greatest little boy. He didn't lose his family. I learned a long time ago that it isn't just blood that makes a family, and my son is surrounded by family. Bella's staff are more than just workers. They are friends and family to both her and Masen," I said to him.

"Thank you," he said. "You are far more gracious than I deserve."

"I don't know where life will take you, but you are Bella's family, the only blood relation she has. Stop by for a visit whenever you like," I offered. "Come meet my son."

"You'd want that?" he asked.

"I would," I said, honestly, looking at the man in a very different light than the one I'd sen him with for the past seven years. "You kept her safe, and for that I will be eternally grateful."

"Thank you," he said again.

I simply smiled in return.

"Now, what can I do to help you?" he asked.

"There is only one thing I need," I told him.

"Anything," he said.

I laid out my desire to Jenks, who simply rolled his eyes, saying that it would be dealt with by the time I reached Prince Rupert.

"Thank you," I said excitedly.

"You'd better get on the road," he said. "You only have five hours until your flight to Vancouver. The arrangements have all been taken care of."

"That's great," I said.

"You'll be back bright and early tomorrow morning," he said.

"Anytime," I said to him, giving him a handshake.

We walked together to meet up with my friends, who were chatting happily to the other team members.

"Don't talk about anything until you get back to Prince Rupert. The Lodge is secure and if you can wait until then to discuss anything, it would be most appreciated," Jenks said to us.

Before we knew it, we were all shaking hands and wishing the guys luck with all that was to come for them. Jenks saw us down to the car and we got in, and headed for the airport. Tomorrow morning I would have my girl and my son in my arms again.


	15. Home Again, Home Again, Jiggedy Jig

_A/N: Sorry for the delay in getting everything out. It's been a crazy last little bit and I am praying that life will quiet down now so I can get back to my regular posting schedule. Thanks again to my amazing beta ACEMCKEAN, who, although busy with her own life and family, found time to do a crap load of editing for me. Also I participated in the Foxy Fics one shot compilation, raising money for Parkinson's research, a charity that is very close to my heart as I lost one grandmother to the disease in May 2008 and my mother-in-law is currently suffering from it now. Go to _**_foxyfics (DOT) blogspot (DOT) com_**_ to find out more information. For $5.00 you can get 22 one shots. _

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**Bella's POV**

I stepped off the plane onto the wet tarmac. It wasn't raining, which was nice, but the ground was still wet as I had become accustomed to. I took a deep breath of the damp air. It wasn't home, but it was still refreshing. I looked around, trying to take in the scenery but it was too dark. I decided to look at the other passengers that had shared the almost two hour long flight with me. There were only twenty, eleven men, seven women and two children. I knew that one was bound to have been the agent watching over me, but who?

I ruled out the young mother with the baby, and five people who were obviously a family, grandpa, grandma, mom, dad and toddler. It could have been any of the others. There were people in business suits, returning from meetings in Vancouver. There were teenagers who were more interested in turning on their cell phones than anything else, and seniors who seemed to move more cautiously across the wet ground than any of the others. Some people were native, some Caucasian, some well dressed and some not. I sighed, realizing that it could have been anyone.

We all walked into the small terminal and about half the passengers went to the luggage carousel to await their baggage, while more moved towards the front door. Would my agent have luggage? It was amazing how that question plagued my mind so completely. Who was watching me?

As I made my way through the terminal, I spotted Seth waiting just inside the front door.

"Seth," I called.

"Bella!" he said, sweeping me up into his arms. "I missed you. Don't you ever leave like that again!"

"I had to, Seth," I told him, hugging him.

"Did you see Edward down there?" he asked, putting me down.

"Yes," I said. "Edward, Jasper and Emmett all made it too."

"Why aren't they on this flight with you?" he asked, looking around like he expected them to be right around here somewhere.

"Safety," I said, shrugging my shoulders. I watched as he visibly stiffened and then he pulled me in tight to his body protectively.

"Shall we go?" he asked, looking around suspiciously.

"Please," I said.

As we exited the front door, I was happy to see my Jeep parked in one of the fifteen minute parking spots. I smiled at Seth and held my hand out for the keys. I had never been in the passenger seat, and I didn't intend to start now. Seth glared at me and teasingly held the keys just out of my reach, seemingly forgetting the tense atmosphere of moments ago. I stopped and gave him my best mom glare.

"Fine!" Seth said dramatically as he handed the keys over.

"Ms. Weber," someone said from behind me.

I turned to face the person calling my name. It was one of the stewardesses from my flight and she was holding a large think manila envelope in front of her.

"You left this on the plane," she said. I looked carefully at the young woman. She couldn't have been more than 23 or 24. She had blonde hair that was tied back in a french braid, and her accent was definitely Canadian.

"I don't think so," I said, holding my small pack that contained all the documents that I had received in Hanover. I felt the envelope crinkle inside, so I knew that wasn't anything I'd seen before.

"It is yours," she said, nodding her head, hoping for me to agree.

"I think I would remember if I left something on the plane," I said stubbornly.

"You'd be surprised," she said, winking at me.

"And you say it's mine?" I asked.

"I'm certain of it," she said, grinning at me. I guess I knew who the agent was.

"Thank you," I said, taking the envelope from her. As soon as it was in my hands, she turned and made her way back into the terminal. Seth looked at me, and the envelope suspiciously, and I swear I heard him growl. I looked down at the envelope, knowing I needed to look at the contents so I looked up at Seth who grinned and held his hand out. I tossed him the keys, causing him to fist pump and run to open the passenger side door for me, grinning wildly. He was such a goofball. I watched as he dashed around to the driver's side, whooping as he got in.

"Do I need to take my keys back?" I asked him.

He didn't answer, just sticking the keys into the engine. "Is she one of them or something?" he asked.

"Apparently," I said.

"So what's in there?" he asked.

"I think I'd like to get away from the airport before I find out," I replied.

As soon as we were on the road, I opened the packet. Inside were piles of documents that supplemented the packet I had been given by Kelsey. There were copies of business licenses, tax returns and other papers of note, all in my new name. I couldn't believe how thorough it all was. Even the speeding ticket that I had received nine months previously was there, this time as Bella Weber. I shook my head in wonder.

"What's all that , Boss?" Seth asked.

"My new life," I answered.

"Ah, the whole international spy thing?" he asked.

"I guess," I answered, smiling at my friend. "I guess you were debriefed."

He nodded. "And here I thought you were just little innocent Angela Weber..." he said.

"I'm sorry," I said to him, truly feeling bad for dropping all of this on them now and not having told them anything before. Granted, that wouldn't have helped much since I had been under a lot of false impressions myself.

"What do you have to be sorry about?" he asked.

"You were all my friends and I never told you," I said. "I should have."

"I understand why you didn't. They sat us all down last night and told us everything. First the agents, but the Cullens, Alice and Rosalie filled in a lot of gaps too," he said.

"So you know what I thought... and also what really happened, how both Edward and I got played," I said.

"The Cullens were pretty shocked about all the differences in what they had always believed and what really happened," he said. "As for us, none of us blame you for not sharing what happened between you and Edward. It wasn't a lot worse than what we had already assumed."

"What?" I asked, surprised that they had assumed anything.

"We could tell you'd been burned badly, and that you still carried a torch for the man who did it," Seth said, like it was nothing.

"Wow... I didn't know I was that transparent," I said, feeling rather embarrassed.

"You had a lot of shit to deal with," he said. "We know you would have shared when you were ready."

"Still," I said, sighing.

"Look, you can't change the past," he said. "You can choose to live with should haves and could haves, or you can live in the present."

"Thanks, Seth," I said. "It's still so much for me to take in. I thought I had no family after my dad..."

"I'm really sorry about that," he said. "They told us he didn't die of a heart attack like you had all thought. Dr. Cullen nearly had a coniption!"

"Me, too," I whispered, knowing I'd cry if I spoke any louder.

We drove along for a while and as we got close to the lights of the small town, I knew I needed to ask Seth for his help now.

"Seth, I need to ask you to do something," I said cautiously, not knowing how he'd feel about what I needed him to do.

"Yeah?" he said, cautiously.

"Do you know where Jake is?" I asked him. Silence reigned in the car for a minute as Seth moved to the side of the road, stopping the car and turning to look at me.

"I do," he said hesitantly, trying to read what I wanted to ask from my face.

"I need you to take me there," I said as firmly as I could. I didn't want to face my former friend, but I needed to.

"I don't think it's a good idea, Bella," he said, shaking his head.

"There are a lot of things I owe him," I said, looking at Seth sadly. "First and foremost, he deserves the truth. He has been my friend for most of the last decade and I can't leave things the way we did. I know we can't go back, and I don't really want to... but I need to do this for me and for him... So we can both move on."

"If you think it's best... I'm not leaving you there though. I won't be more than a few feet away at most," he said, turning to face front again and maeuvering the car back onto the road.

"It's Jake," I said. "He won't do anything."

"This is a Jake you haven't been privy to," he said sadly. "He made choices that are hard to come back from. He has turned his back on not only you, but a lot of others. He treated you coldly, abandoning your friendship because he couldn't have what he wanted. It wasn't like you led him on, you told him repeatedly that it was all you wanted."

"I owe it to him," I told Seth.

"This isn't your fault," Seth said "This is not on you, Hun. This is all him."

"Maybe so," I said. "But I am not willing to completely throw away that friendship without trying to make things right. He was my friend and he kept me centered for a lot of years."

"Just don't be surprised if it doesn't go well," Seth said with a sigh. We drove through Terrace and I thought for a little while that Seth wasn't going to bring me to wherever Jake was. Finally, when the lights of the city were far behind us and all that lay ahead was emoty stetches of highway, he turned off on a small dirt road that I had never even known existed.

"I can't guarantee he is here... This is just where Billy said he'd gone," Seth said.

"Thank you, Seth," I said to him.

The dirt road was completely closed in by dense brush on either side of the Jeep, forming a canopy overhead that even the moon couldn't penetrate. Occasionally, branches brushed along the side or top of the Jeep. The only light came from the headlights.

After five minutes of driving, I turned to Seth, "Are you sure you aren't just dragging me into the forest to kill me?"

"What would you do if I was?" he said with a menacing tone of voice. If it wasn't for the highlighted smile on his face I might actually have been worried.

"Seth," I said, slapping his arm, causing him to laugh. "You can't do that to me. Do you realize that all I've known has been turned on it's ass in the last few days? Seriously!"

"I didn't mean to scare you," Seth said apologetically. "Well, maybe I did, but I didn't mean for it to work so well."

"I know better than that," I said to him. "It's just that after learning everything you knew for the past seven years is a lie... it tends to throw a person for a loop."

He stopped the car and looked at me.

"Bella, you are so strong to have gone through everything you did. But you did, and you made it through with flying colors. Masen is a great kid. He is smart and outgoing. You have done a great job raising him alone," he said.

"I was never alone Seth," I said. "I had Jake, Leah, Emily and you. Not to mention all the others that came in and out helping where they could."

"But you drew us all together. You bring out the best in people just by being who you are," he said. "It doesn't matter to any of us if you are Angela or Bella. A name doesn't change who you are in your heart. Now, I can't pretend to understand what Edward did, the choices he made, but from the sounds of it, you do. He was beside himself when he found you gone. More so when he figured out where you went. He loves you and I can tell you love him. His parents were telling us what it was like for him after you left, and I think even Leah is Team Edward now."

"I do love him," I told Seth. He smiled at me in the dark and I watched as his eyes turned a little sad.

"Are you moving back to Seattle?" he asked quietly.

"I won't be apart from him anymore," I said, almost ignoring his question. "He may not be able to change that, but I can."

"Is that what's best for you and Masen?" Seth asked, frowning.

"Masen deserves a chance to get to know his dad, and I don't want to be away from Edward anymore," I said.

"So you'd give this all up? Your friends, your home, everything?" Seth asked.

"Never," I said, looking him in the eyes. "I will never give any of you up. Someone may have to run the lodge for a little while, so Edward can finish up any commitments he has in the States... but I think he wants to come here. I put my heart into the lodge and it's the only home that Masen has ever known, I won't leave forever."

"I hope not," he said, facing forward again and putting the car into gear. "You're sure you want to do this? Jake has some rather peculiar expectations and you may be playing into them."

"I need to," I said, patting his arm in the dark. We drove for a little while longer, coming up to a small cabin. There was a light coming from inside and Seth nodded his head, telling me silently that he was there. As soon as he stopped the car, I opened the door and hopped out. I walked up to the small porch and lifted my hand to knock on the door. I didn't get to do that as Jake threw the door open.

"I knew you'd come," he said, pulling me into a hug.

"Jake," I squawked as he squeezed me in a very Emmett-like hug.

"I knew you'd see," he continued. "I knew you'd give us a chance."

"Jake," Seth said. "Put her down."

"I told you, Seth," he said, ignoring what Seth said. "I told you she wants me."

"Put her down and let her speak then, you ass," Seth said, moving closer.

"Sorry, Angela," Jake said, putting me down. "I knew you'd want me. I knew you missed me. Now we can go back to how it always was. Angela and Jake... and Masen of course, but I assume his dad will want some time with him. I guess we can do that. I mean Masen would want to get to know him, even though I'm more of a dad than that guy could ever be."

"Jake!" I said, absolutely horrified by my friend's diatribe.

"What, Ang?" he said. "Are you as excited as I am? You don't have to be Bella or whatever ridiculous name they wanted you to take. You'll just be my Angela like you always were. You see that now, don't you? You see that I was always the one for you."

"Jake, no," I said, unable to comprehend what he was saying.

"What do you mean, no?" he asked. "We're meant to be together. I mean we don't even have to wait long. We can be married right away. Do you think Masen could take my name or would that guy object?"

I felt myself hyperventilating as Jake continued to ramble on and I looked at Seth, absolutely horrified. The Jake that I had known for the last seven years wasn't in this room and suddenly I was very afraid for my safety.

"Jake, I'm not Angela. I am Bella," I said. "I'm so sorry that I never told you. You have been such a good _friend_ to me and I didn't tell you the truth. But, I am Bella."

"Don't you see?" he asked. "You don't have to be Bella anymore."

"I want to be Bella," I said to him firmly. "That is the name my father chose for me and I want it back. Angela was a name I chose for a while, but even then, I wasn't your Angela. I have always been his."

"No," he roared, turning away from me and clenching his fists.

Seth pulled me closer to him, and then stepped in front of me, putting himself between me and my old friend, who had obviously lost it.

"Jake," he said. "She came as your _friend_ because she couldn't stand for your _friendship_ to end that way. She is in love with Edward. They are doing what they can to be a family with their son."

"No!" Jake yelled, moving farther into the cabin. "I just have to wait. I just have to be patient and she will feel the same way about me that I feel about her."

I stepped farther outside, leaning against the wall, and letting Seth block my vision of Jake completely. I didn't know what had happened to my friend. I sat on the small step, worried that my knees were going to buckle if I didn't sit, as Seth continued to talk to him, only listening to the very basics of what was said. There was so much of our time together that I had seen as a friendship, that Jake was now construing as a courtship.

"I make her smile," Jake said to Seth. "I make her happy. Nobody else does that. Look at him... he made her cry. He hurt her so much. I would never make her cry. She's my girl. She's for me."

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I listened to him. How could he have been feeling these things when I didn't know? I listened to him analyze everything I did and beg Seth to believe his delusional view of things.

"Jake," I said finally, standing up, though I didn't know if my knees would hold me up.

"Bella," Seth said, looking at me. "We should just leave."

"Let me talk to him for a minute," I begged Seth. He looked at me for a moment and nodded his head.

"Jake," I said to my old friend as I looked at him, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Angela, why are you crying?" Jake asked moving to get closer to me. Seth stepped to my side and allowed Jake to get a little closer while still guarding me.

"Jake, I'm Bella. Not Angela anymore. Angela wasn't real... she was invented to protect me..." I started to explain.

"To protect you from HIM," Jake said.

"No, not from Edward. Never from him. Both Edward and I were manipulated. My new name, my new identity... Angela, was invented by my uncle to keep me safe from the criminals that he dealt with," I said.

"But she loved me," he said.

"She loved you as a friend or a brother, and I do too," I said to him. "You are my friend. You have been my best friend for seven years... but that's all. I never wanted anymore than that. My heart has always been Edward's, even when I thought he didn't want it. Everyday it beat for him and for our son. Even if Edward had never come back, Jake, I never felt that way about you."

"But we could be so good together," he said. "It would be easy, like breathing."

"No, Jake, it wouldn't," I said.

"It would. We are friends, you could learn the rest," he insisted.

"No," I said, looking sadly at him. "Jake, it's not something I can turn on and off. I love Edward. I always have and I always will. You deserve that kind of love, and it is something that I could never give you."

"I had a plan. If he hadn't come..." Jake started to argue.

"Than I would have been alone," I said.

"Ang," he said. "Don't you see the life we could have had?"

"I'm Bella," I told him. "That is the real me. I took another name for a while, but it was never me. Do you know why I chose the name Angela? Out of all the names that I could have chosen, why that was the name I selected."

"It suits you, that's why. You were always meant to be an Angela, my Angela," Jake said.

"I chose it because of the word angel," I said to him.

"You are an angel, my angel," he said, as I finally realized just how delusional he was.

"I chose it because Edward had called me Angel. It was my reminder everyday, every time I heard someone say Angela, that I was once his angel. It told me that even though we were apart, that we had loved each other. I didn't know he had looked for me. I didn't know that he still loved me, and still I loved him. I am not your angel, I never have been your angel, and I never will..." I said to him.

"NO," he roared, causing Seth to put his arm in front of me, ready to protect me fro Jake.

"Yes, Jake," I said firmly. "What have I always told Masen? What did I tell him?"

"No," he said shaking his head.

"Jake... I love Edward. I always have and I always will," I said.

"But you love me too," he said in a pleading tone.

"I do. I love you as my friend, as someone who helped me to live when I wanted to curl up and let my grief take over. I am not in love with you," I said.

"But you could be, Ang," he said.

"MY NAME IS BELLA!" I yelled at him. "Say it, Jake."

"I..." he said.

"Say it," I told him.

"Ang..."

"No, Jake," I said. "You were my friend, and I thought I was yours... Obviously I was mistaken. Friends want what's best for each other. Edward is what's best for me and for my son. And if you knew me at all, you'd know that. But you can't see past whatever preconceived notion that you have about him and about what relationship you and I have. Let me make this perfectly clear to you, we were friends, nothing more. And now we are nothing, because of YOU. I came to offer you my friendship. I came because you mattered to me, but I see something in you I never saw before. You are selfish. None of what you did as my friend meant anything to you, except a way for you to get into my bed. You never wanted what was best for me or Masen, you only want what's best for you. That is just pathetic! Let's go, Seth."

Jake just stood there with his mouth agape. I had never spoken to anyone as harshly as I had to him there.

"Goodbye, Jake," I said to him, as I turned on my heel making my way to the Jeep. Seth didn't move, probably protecting me from Jake in case he tried to do anything. Once I reached the Jeep, I quickly hopped into the passenger seat and locked my door. I looked out as Seth said a few words to Jacob and loped over to the driver's side, jumping in and starting the car.

He patted my knee in support, but said nothing, as he put the Jeep into gear. In order to turn around, and not have to back down the long driveway, he moved the Jeep forward into the clearing around the cabin. I could feel the tires sink into the muddy ground and I worried momentarily that we could become mired here. So did Seth, obviously, as he quickly switched the Jeep into four wheel drive and spun it into the turn.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Seth said as he looked at me quickly. He stopped the car and started to reverse, to complete the tight turn, but as Seth he put his foot on the gas, Jake snapped to life, running out of the cabin and jumping off of the porch.

"Hold on," Seth muttered as he tried to move faster in reverse. Jake obviously hadn't finished what he had to say and he jumped in front of the Jeep and stared inside with the most heartbroken expression on his face. I looked down at my hands on my lap.

"Angela," he yelled, moving to the side of the Jeep. Seth made sure the doors were locked. "Angela, please."

Seth continued to move the Jeep, little by little, not wanting to hurt Jake, but not letting him get the upper hand either. Jake was right by the side of the Jeep now, staring at me through the passenger window. I kept my eyes focused on the floor, silently begging whoever was listening to get me out of here fast. He banged at the glass and kept calling me Angela and telling me how much he loved me.

The only outward sign that I gave that this was affecting me at all were the deep gulping breaths I was taking to try to maintain my composure and not give into the tears that were ready to fall. Finally, Seth got the Jeep turned around and we were ready to make our way back through the long tree covered path that had led us to this cabin. I closed my eyes, not looking at anything, and mentally said goodbye to my friend.

"Bella," Jake called. "BELLA!"

We were moving up the long drive at this point and I turned around for a last look at the man that had helped me for so many years. He had dropped to his knees in the mud and was reaching towards the Jeep. I was thankful that I wasn't driving because I would have stopped. I couldn't bear the pain I had put him in.

"Has it always been like this?" I asked Seth, when the tires hit the actual road, leaving the dirt path behind.

"He has problems..." Seth said with a sigh. "He saw a counselor after his mother's death. I thought it was over until this... I am so sorry, Bella. I would never have brought you if I knew it was going to be bad."

"Even knowing this, I would have asked to go anyway, Seth," I told my friend. "I needed to know if I could salvage our friendship and I got my answer."

Seth spent the next forthy five minutes of the drive filling me in on our new 'guests'. There were three agents there now and they had managed to debrief everyone, except the kids. Apparently, Carlisle was beside himself having let the guys fly off into danger ,until the agent explained that it had been anticipated. Seth, Leah and Emily had been surprised by all the devices that they had hidden throughout the lodge and guest cabins, to keep tabs on me and Masen. There were audio bugs as well as some cameras to get a visual on the comings and goings at the lodge. That thought made me bristle until Seth informed me that they were being removed, except for two in the main lobby and one external device that monitored only at night. We would also be left with a panic button that would alert them to our situation if need be. I filled Seth in on what had happened in Hanover and the reality of my father's death.

"I can never say nothing ever happens around here anymore," he said, shaking his head as the well marked turn off to the lodge, my home, came into view.

"No," I agreed with a half smile.

"So, you are officially changing your name to Bella Weber?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said. "I want my first name back."

"Now what about Masen?" he asked.

"I have to decide if he should be a Weber or a Cullen," I said. "Edward will be on his birth certificate either way."

"And how do you feel about that?" he asked.

"Relieved mostly," I said. "The more he asked about his father, the harder it got to give him answers."

"If Edward had said he didn't want to be a part of your lives, why did you give him hope that his dad would come?" Seth asked.

I was silent for a while, contemplating his question. I should have told Masen something else, anything else, but I couldn't.

"I loved Edward and a part of me wanted to believe that someday, somehow we would find each other... I couldn't kill him off in Masen's mind, nor could I tell him the truth. So I told him a half-truth. His father was busy learning to be a doctor... I don't know what I would have said in another year..." I said to Seth.

"I guess fate has a way of working things out," Seth said.

"He never said as much, but I think that fate had a helper named Jason Jenks... or Matthew Swan," I said.

"How so?" he asked.

"The Cullens heard about this place from a previous guest... only I don't remember the man ever staying here. He did call about a month ago and booked the rooms, for them..." I said.

"Maybe you just don't remember him, after all there have been so many guests go through here," he said.

"Not remember someone from Seattle, especially a doctor?" I asked. "Plus, why would he book the rooms under his name and not any of theirs?"

"Because you would have recognized the names!" Seth said, nodding his head, understanding where I was coming from with this. "I never thought about that."

"I didn't either or I would have asked him. It wasn't until I was on the plane that I really thought about it," I said.

"How much did he affect your choices?" he asked.

"If it hadn't been for Edward suggesting him, I would have gone home eventually or at least remained in contact with the Cullens and my friends in some fashion. Once the family learned of our break-up, I have no doubt that they would have intervened somehow. Since the only family that I knew of was in Forks, I would have had to go home some time... and Masen leaves little doubt to who his father is," I said. "Jenks also arranged to have all finances set up for me and had papers in my hands within days, then he actually drove me to Canada himself."

"Wow," he said.

We talked a little more as Seth navigated the darkened roadway to the lodge as if it were any normal road. It was after midnight by the time we reached the lodge and the second that Seth turned the car off, my door was practically ripped off the hinges by the hyper pixie known as Alice. She didn't wait for me to unbuckle my seatbelt, as she leaned over and did it for me, then practically dragged me from my seat.

"Don't you ever do that to be again Isabella Marie!" she said as Rose, Esme and Carlisle all piled out of the lodge and stood behind her.

"Hello to you too, Alice," I said to her as she wrapped her arms around me.

"Are you okay? Oh my God, they told us that Charlie didn't have a heart attack and that he was murdered! Did they tell you what happened? Did the guys make it to Hanover safely? Is Jasper okay? How are Edward and Emmett? What the hell happened there? Did you know that he was your uncle? Does he look like Charlie at all?" Alice asked all in one breath.

"Woah," I said to her. "One question at a time and I would really like to be able to hear them and have a chance to answer."

"Alice," Rose said. "Can the rest of us hug her now?"

Alice huffed and stepped back allowing Rose her chance to hug me, followed by Carlisle. I was wondering why Esme waited until last, worrying that she was angry with me or hurt by my actions. I shouldn't have worried.

"Oh, my girl," she said as she wrapped her arms around me in a very Emmett or Alice-like hug. "You have been through so much and all alone. I promise you'll never be alone again."

That did it. I don't know if it was the words, or simply the comfort that she provided just by holding me as she was, but the emotions from everything that had happened both seven years ago, and in the last few days, flooded through my body and the tears that I thought were completely depleted made a reappearance with a vengeance. Esme, the woman that I had considered my mother for so many years, held me tightly as I sobbed against her for all that I had lost. I don't know when, but Carlisle, Seth, Rose and Alice all moved inside, giving Esme and I some privacy. By the time I regained some composure, the front of Esme's shirt was soaked in my tears.

"I'm sorry," I said to her, sniffling as I tried to regain my composure. "I've ruined your blouse."

"Darling Girl," she said. "This blouse means absolutely nothing to me. You are what matters."

"I'm sorry I never told you about Masen," I said to her. "I wanted to... I just..."

"There is nothing to be sorry for," she said. "What's done is done and it's how we deal with things from here on out that matters."

"But I lied to you, missed my own father's funeral, hid your grandson from you from the time I knew I was pregnant..." I said, starting to list my numerous sins.

"You did what you thought was right for you and for Edward," she said. "I will never fault you for that. When we heard everything... well, Darling, you didn't really have another choice. And now we know Masen and get to spend the rest of his life spoiling him absolutely rotten."

"I don't get a say in that?" I asked, knowing that I would never prevent her from spoiling him.

"Not at all," she said, smiling and drying the tear tracks on my cheeks with her thumbs.

"I'm coming to Seattle," I said to her. "I won't let him be separated from Edward again. They need to get to know each other."

"But this is your home," she said.

"This is a place... a great place, but it is only a place," I said. "I won't let it go completely but I need to be where Edward is, and I think he feels the same."

"I know he does," she said. "Now we better get in there before Carlisle and Rosalie lose their grip on Alice."

"I should have known she'd never leave willingly," I said, laughing a little. Esme smiled and wrapped her arm around me as we headed for the front door.

"You've done a marvelous job with this place," she said. "It is a little piece of heaven wrapped in a tiny corner of Canada. I am so proud of you."

"Thank you," I said, feeling my cheeks flush.

As soon as we walked in the door, Alice flew at me again, nearly knocking me over. If it hadn't been for Esme's arm on me I am sure both Alice and I would have been on the ground. My balance had improved, but not enough for me to stay on my feet when I had a pixie flying at me.

"Bella," she squeaked. "I have so many questions."

"I know," I said, smiling at her as she pulled me into the front room. "Me first. How was Masen? I've never really left him before and then..." I did worry about Masen. He had all this dropped on him and suddenly I had basically checked out of his life leaving him with strangers who were somehow related to him. I felt like such a failure as a mother, since I had just taken off, not making sure that he was adjusting to all the changes.

"He is such a sweet boy," Rose said, smiling at me. "He plays so well with all of the kids, taking special care to make sure the little two are included. Izzy has a complete crush on him."

"We had a good day," Carlisle said. "He showed us where to fish from the rocks and then we spent some time at the tidal pools. Seth is a great child wrangler."

"He is," I said. "I have a great family here."

"Does that mean you don't consider us your family anymore?" Alice asked quietly.

"You and Rose have always been my sisters," I said, feeling my eyes beginning to tear up again.

"Why didn't you tell us then?" she asked. "Right in the beginning. I only found out the day before you arrived and I couldn't wait to tell you."

"Oh, Ali," I said, feeling the tears slip down my cheeks. "I wanted to. I wanted to so bad... I just... and Edward..."

"I couldn't have ever kept it from you," she said.

"Alice," Esme said.

"That's why I avoided you guys," I said. "I couldn't talk to you and not tell you... I kept hoping that Edward would come around and that he'd want our son as much as I did. Then we'd tell you together... I was so scared and hurt. I didn't even know anybody there. There were a few people in my classes that I said hello to in passing, or people that I studied for tests with. I wouldn't count a single one as a friend."

"But you shouldn't have been alone," Alice said. "We would have helped you."

"I know," I said. "But you were Edward's friends first, I didn't want to rip everyone apart by making them choose between us."

"I would have chosen you," Alice said.

"And Jasper? Would he have made the same choice, or would it have been a problem between the two of you?" I asked. "In the end, it wouldn't have mattered. You all would have been in danger. It is better that it worked out this way."

"I would have put myself in danger for you," Alice said.

"And Charlie?" I asked her. "Would you have put your son in danger too?"

"Bella..." she said.

"I didn't want to keep any of you out. I hoped until the end that Edward would see he was wrong and that we could be a family. For a long time that was my reason to stay alive, if that's what I was. Then, as it became more apparent that he wasn't coming back, I had Masen."

"When I was faced with the option to leave... It was so hard, but I chose what I thought was best for Edward. I mean, he didn't want me," I said with tears streaming down my cheeks. "But I still wanted what was best for him. He needed his parents and his friends. I knew I'd be okay. I had my son..."

"Oh, Bella," Rose and Ali said, sobbing themselves. Esme and Carlisle were sitting close together, curled up together.

"Who was with you when he was born?" Rose asked, looking at me with her big blue eyes. She already suspected the answer, I knew that, but she needed to know.

"Nobody," I said quietly.

"What?" she asked, horrified. "No!"

"I made it through," I said to her. "No drugs either... not that I planned that, but when you live in a small town with one hospital and one anesthesiologist, he may or may not be busy when you are ready for that epidural."

The looks of pity in all of their eyes made me pull away and walk towards the window.

"Bella?" Esme asked.

"I don't need pity. I did what I did because I had to. I missed Edward and wanted him with me, but that wasn't possible. For a long time after I left, I wished I could just forget him. I wished that my heart would just stop hurting when I saw someone with copper hair, or heard someone call his name. But when I was in labor, I made it through because I thought about him and the good memories we had. Then Masen was born. Even as they laid him on my stomach the first time, when he was wet and slimy, I could see the copper in his hair. Then the first time he opened his eyes... They were just as they are now, bright emerald green," I said thinking of that day.

Alice and Rose looked like they wanted to say more. So I looked right at them with my arms crossed, almost daring them to say more.

"Whose hand did you hold?" Rose asked.

I looked at her and avoided the question. Except for the nurse who offered her hand to me occasionally, I didn't hold anyone's hand. "Jake drove me to the hospital. He would have stayed with me too, if I hadn't booted him out of the room. He sat in the waiting room the whole time, waiting to hear. I actually made him leave before he saw Masen that day, it was just too intimate for me. I wouldn't even call him for a ride home. I took a taxi," I said.

"We would have been there, Bella," Rose said.

"I know," I said, looking at the two girls who were more like sisters to me than anything. "Right or wrong, I did what I thought was best for me and for Edward. I think the thing that bothers me the most is the fact that both Edward and I were played in this scenario. There was no choice, I had to leave. I had to protect my son, Edward, and each of you. I don't regret that. The only thing I wish is that I'd known I was making that choice, that I didn't spend seven years thinking that he didn't want me or Masen."

"Edward made his choices!" Rosalie spat.

"Yeah he did," I said. "Then when he was down and vulnerable, he had a source feeding him details of how he could keep me safe from someone he deemed dangerous."

"He didn't know he was protecting you from that guys associates. Don't try to make him seem all noble," Rose said.

"He thought he was protecting me from himself," I said.

Nobody said anything and I took the time to look at Carlisle.

"There was no fluke with you guys showing up here now. Jenks tried to make me believe it was some random coincidence..." I said, looking right at him.

"It was," Carlisle said. "Tom stayed here last year and suggested it."

"There was no Dr. Tom Reynolds here last year. Believe me, I always know where my guests are from. I pay attention to those kinds of things," I said. "Even if he did, why did he make the reservations in his name and not yours? Better yet, why didn't he have you call and make the arrangements?"

"He just does things like that," Carlisle said, frowning slightly.

"Did you tell him for how many people, or did he just know?" I asked him.

He opened his mouth to say something, but it seemed to stick in his throat. "I must have told him at some point..." he said.

"Still doesn't answer the question about why the reservations were not under Cullen, Whitlock or McCarty," I said.

"What are you saying, Bella?" Esme asked.

"I think my uncle had far more play in this than he is letting on," I said.

"Very good, Bella," said an unfamiliar voice. I turned and looked at the woman who came in and shivered slightly. She was as pale as they come, her white skin almost translucent. Her clothes were impeccable and her blonde hair was tied back into a knot at the base of her head. Obviously, she worked with Jenks.

"Heidi," Carlisle said, looking at the woman. "I assume you don't need to be introduced to Bella."

"Not at all," she said with a smile. "You are very clever, Bella. Jason was certain you'd never figure that out."

"Why did he do it?" I asked. "And why did he not want me to know he did?"

"He did it because you two belonged together and it was his last chance to really make that happen. As for why he didn't want you to know, honestly, he didn't want to make you feel like everything was contrived... He wanted you to know that you had choices," she said.

"I guess that makes sense," I conceded, not wanting to seem ungrateful.

"Anyways, I was just going to inform you all that the guys will leave Seattle at first light tomorrow bringing them to the airport here by eight."

"Thank you," I said, feeling my heart pump a little faster at the thought of Edward returning.

She smiled and nodded, bidding us all goodnight before turning to leave.

"Uggg," Rosalie said. "Emmett is never going to let this all go. I am going to have to hear about this little adventure everyday for the rest of my natural life!"

I giggled but didn't deny that fact. It was so Emmett to do something like that.

"So are we done talking?" I asked hopefully.

"Not even close," Alice said.

"What's next Alice?" I asked her.

"Charlie," she said.

"What did they tell you?" I asked, turning away from them all.

It was silent for a moment and I heard some movement from move across the room. Then I felt hands on my shoulder, Carlisle's hands. I looked up at him with tears threatening to fall from my eyes to find his in the same situation.

"We were informed that he didn't die of a heart attack, nothing more," Carlisle said. "It was implied that he was murdered but they left it there. I am so sorry, Sweetheart."

"The bad guys, the Volturi..." I said, spitting out their names. "They went on a witch hunt after some associates ended up in jail. Somehow they found out Jenks' previous identity, and went to Charlie's asking questions. Both Charlie and I were already under surveillance as the leak had been found and closed, but they were unsure if the damage was already done. He was already setting Edward up to get me out of town," I said.

"Wait! Setting Edward up?" Rose asked incredulously

"They had been watching us for a while, and when Edward had his freak out, they put an agent in place to feed him information on Jenks, how I could be hidden from him and kept safe. They knew about Edward's parents, but it was easier to hide one woman and a baby then a couple, as he had his parents to consider. The two of us couldn't have just disappeared without you guys creating a massive fuss," I said. "Two people would have made it look like we ran, rather than me being taken out and killed by the psycho that killed my father."

"What happened to Charlie?" Carlisle asked.

"He was at home when the man, James, came to talk to him about his brother, Matthew. He answered everything truthfully, telling him the last time he had seen his brother was almost twenty years ago. He knew he was into drugs and that was about it. Apparently, James was happy with the answers, but I guess Charlie was a cop to the core, and started asking questions about James himself. Before the agent that was there listening could do anything, James killed him with his bare hands," I said, tears streaming down my cheeks. "They set it up to look like a heart attack and brought in the foreign medical examiner to say it was true."

"That's why they wouldn't let us do the autopsy. Charlie had no risk of heart attack at all. He had just done his physical and was given a clean bill of health. I couldn't believe that he had a heart attack but the medical examiner said it was," he said. "I knew it couldn't be right!"

I just nodded in his direction, not sure what else to do. Finally, I continued on with the story. "James was killed before he could get far, but they used his persona and set it up to look like he met me in Hanover. My financial records were brought in and since I had just received all of the money from both of my parents' life insurance policies, they made it look like James took it and ran," I said.

"But those accounts weren't touched," Carlisle said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"When you disappeared all the money was put in a trust fund in your name. When you were declared dead, it was given to Esme and I since Charlie had named us as your guardians in the event of his death, not that you needed a guardian anymore. We kept it all in a trust fund for when we found you," Carlisle said.

"It was all him again!" I said. "Jenks had taken care of all of the arrangements. Where would he have come up with that kind of money?"

"So you thought that you had those all cashed in?" Esme asked.

"That was how I bought this place, and how I keep upgrading," I said. "This is all mine... no loans or anything."

"You did a spectacular job," Esme said. "It is perfect here. A little slice of heaven."

"Thank you," I said.

We chatted for a little longer and finally Carlisle and Esme excused themselves and went to bed. A short time later, Alice suggested that the three of us grab our jammies and retire to my quarters. Even though it was already after three in the morning, I smiled at the thought of a girl's night. We hadn't done it since two nights before Alice's wedding. I went into the kitchen, picked up some goodies and made a batch of hot chocolate. By the time I was back, both Rose and Alice were at the door, ready to go.

Rose was wearing a little pair of silk sleep shorts and a dark blue cotton tank top. Alice, surprised me. She was wearing a pair of flannel pajamas with shoes on them. They were cute.

"I didn't think you would ever own flannel jammies," I said to Alice. I swear she blushed a little as she reached up to take some of the things from my hands

"The boys insisted I needed some new jammies last Christmas and took Jasper shopping," she said. "They certainly aren't my usual style."

"I like them," I said. "As far as flannel jammies go, they are very you."

"See, I told you," Rose said to her.

I led them into my room and they quickly took up residence on my bed.

"So..." Alice said.

"So what?" I asked.

"What's up with you and Edward?" she clarified.

"I love him. I never stopped," I said.

"Really?" Alice squealed.

"Are you sure giving Alice sugar was a good idea?" Rose said.

I laughed with her as Alice pouted.

"As much as it hurt me, there was nobody else," I said to them.

"That's so romantic," Alice sighed.

"And crazy!" Rose added. "Does that mean you haven't had sex at all in seven years?"

How did I answer that? I'm sure they weren't aware that Edward and I had sex the night we spent at the cabin. I didn't tell them and unless Edward had changed some of his more prudish ways, I'm sure he wouldn't have said anything.

"She means other than the night you and Edward spent at the cabin," Rose said, giggling as I stared at her, my mouth gaping.

"I'm going to kick his ass," I said, unable to believe Edward would have said anything.

Alice giggled harder. "You would kick your own child's ass?"

"I beg your pardon?" I said to them.

"Edward didn't say a damned thing, and I will kick his ass for that," Alice said.

"Like you could reach, Pixie," Rose giggled.

"Later, Barbie!" she threatened Rose.

"What the heck did Masen say?" I asked.

"He was telling Esme that he knew Edward was his daddy because you two were sleeping in the same bed with no clothes on. We just assumed that must have included sex as we knew Eddie was on a seven year dry spell and assumed from everything we'd seen and heard that you were too," Rose said.

"Well, it's true," I said causing them both to squeal like little girls.

"And you weren't with anyone else in the meantime," Alice asked.

I just shook my head. We went on talking and giggling for an hour before Rose started conking out.

"Darn pregnancy hormones," she said, as her eyes began to close.

"You're pregnant?" I squealed in a very Alice-like manner.

Her eyes snapped open as she realized what she had said. "Yeah," she confirmed. "Nine weeks."

Alice joined the conversation and we chatted for fifteen minutes before we decided to call it a night, and I fell asleep with my two best girlfriends on either side of me in my bed.

"See, I told you she was back," I heard Edward's velvet voice say in a whisper.

"Why can't I wake her up?" Masen said in a loud stage whisper.

"I am guessing she had a long night," Edward said. "Why don't we let them all sleep for a little while longer."

"Why does she have cookies in her bed? I'm never allowed cookies in my bed," Masen said, a little louder.

"Ah, er... ummm," Edward stuttered, not sure how to answer his son.

"It's a special privilege you have when you grow up," I said groggily as I opened my eyes to see my two green eyed guys.

"I'm sorry," Edward said. He was holding Masen. "We didn't mean to wake you up. Masen just didn't believe me when I said you were back too."

"I should be up anyways," I said, moving from between my friends. They were both still out cold.

As soon as I was on my feet, both my boys had their arms wrapped around me.

"I love you, Mama," Masen said as he wrapped both of his arms around my neck.

"I love you, too," I said to him. Edward had both of his arms wrapped around us, but his hands were quite a bit lower than Masen's.

"Are you going to make breakfast now?" Masen asked as we pulled out of our hug and set him on the ground.

"What are Leah and Emily doing?" I asked him.

"But you make the best breakfasts," he said as we moved away from our sleeping friends.

"How about I make breakfast tomorrow morning and give Leah and Emily a break," I said to him.

"Okay," he cheered.

"Are you going to get dressed?" I asked him as we arrived in my personal sitting room.

"Yeah," he said, running off to his bedroom.

I was left alone with Edward and I felt his arms creep around me from behind. "I missed you," he said into my ear.

I spun in his arms and looked up at him. "I missed you, too." I planted a kiss on his waiting lips that quickly got more heated then planned. I think I could have stood there kissing him all day, but we were interrupted by Masen's return.

"Kissing is gross," he giggled.

"What?" I asked, pulling away from Edward quickly.

"I mean..." Masen said starting to back peddle.

"You're going to get it," I said to him.

"No, Mommy," he giggled running towards his room with me hot on his tail. He jumped onto his bed and looked at me as I stalked closer.

"Just for that you get twenty kisses," I said to him as I jumped on his bed and started planting kisses all over his face.

"Mommy.. Mommy," he giggled as I kissed him. "Boys don't like kissing... Uncle Emmett told us."

"Just wait until I tell that to Aunty Rose!" I said.

"I quite like kisses," Edward said from the door.

"You do?" Masen asked, looking at his dad.

"Very much," Edward said. "And your mommy's kisses are the best."

"Compared to?" I asked him, raising my eyebrows.

"Nothing," he said without missing a beat. "You know when you've had the best that nothing could ever compare to it."

"You're a cheese ball, Cullen," I said as he came to join us on the bed.

"Always," he said, his eyes shining as he looked at us.


	16. You Are My Everything

A/N: Even though my beta and prereaders have given me the corrections for this chapter, I haven't had a free minute to get them done. I posted this as is to get it out to you. :)

.

**BPOV**

**.**

We sat together on Masen's bed for a while as he showed his dad various treasures. It was nice to have that tiny bit of family time. I was still tired from my lack of sleep the night before so I leaned my head onto Edward's shoulder. He responded by kissing my hair. I looked up at him and smiled and he lowered his lips and kissed me softly.

We were interrupted by Masen's giggles as he looked at us with his hands covering his mouth. His cheeks were pink and his eyes showed the smile that his hands hid.

"Get over here, Little Mister," I said, scooping Masen onto the bed with us.

"No, Mommy. Stop, Daddy," Masen giggled as I pulled him between Edward and I and started kissing his pink cheeks. Edward joined in and we made a Masen sandwich as he giggled happily and pretended to protest. Soon the kissing turned into tickles and Masen giggled merrily before he and Edward turned on me and both started tickling me.

"What's all the commotion?" a very tired Alice said, coming into the room.

"OH! You're back!" Alice said, running out of the room calling for Jasper. Rose peeked in and smiled on her way to go find Emmett.

"Can I go and play with the kids now?" Masen asked.

"Okay," I said. "But stay in the lounge until we've had breakfast." He ran out of the room, leaving Edward and I laying on his bed... and a whole lot of tension, sexual tension.

"I guess I better go and get dressed," I said nervously.

"Me too," he said, seeming nervous himself.

I pulled myself off the bed and stood nervously. Edward stood behind me, his body shadowing mine without touching me... but I was very aware of it. The fact that we were standing in our son's room was completely irrelevant in the equation.

"Bella," he breathed.

I leaned back into him and his hands snaked around me.

"I'm not ever letting you go," he said quietly, pain evident in his voice. "I can't, not again."

"I don't want you to," I whispered, my voice unable to give more.

"It almost killed me when I found out you'd left," he said.

"I needed to. I had to know what happened and fix it so we could be together," I said. "I never imagined that we'd find what we did."

"Me neither," he said. "I wanted to be angry, but it was still me. I was still the one that pushed you away."

"If he had come to me with the truth. If I knew that I had to leave to keep you and our son safe, I would have," I said to him.

"But it would have been your choice," he said.

"And I would have known that you were hurting. If you had embraced me and our son right way and I still had to go... I couldn't bare hurting you like that," I said.

"That is what very nearly killed me, Bella," he said. "Knowing I hurt you. When I learned it was all in vain, the only thing that kept me going was the thought of finding you and our son."

"Where do we go from here?" I asked him.

He seemed to hesitate a bit, not wanting to offend me in any way. "That's up to you," he said finally.

"No, Edward," I said. "We need to decide how this works. I want to be with you, however that has to happen. But this has to be joint, not just me."

"But you are what matters to me," he said. "You and Masen's happiness is worth more to me than anything else."

"I don't want to leave here," I said to him. "This is the only home that Masen has known. I made a family here for Masen and I. But we both need to be with you and if you can't be here then we will go where you are."

"I won't ask you to do that," he said.

"You aren't asking," I said.

"Bella, I will make it work here. It may take some time but your uncle is helping and I want to be here with you two," he said. "I just have to get everything wrapped up in Seattle. It may take a couple of weeks at most..."

"We are coming with you," I said.

"And who will run the lodge? I'm already responsible for Jake leaving..." he said.

"You have no responsibility for Jake leaving. Neither do I. Jake has issues. He showed me that last night," I said.

"Last night?" he asked.

"I made Seth bring me to see Jake after I got off the plane. I needed to see if we could salvage some sort of friendship, but there was nothing. He kept calling me Angela and saying that... It doesn't matter," I said. "He isn't all there."

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"It was hard to see him that way. I didn't want a relationship with him, but he was my friend... He saw things a lot differently than I did, he wanted more from me. More that I never would have been able to provide," I said with a sigh.

"I promise you, Love," he said. "You and I... and our son will make it work here. I'll get a job at the hospital... and if I can't, I'll learn to drive a boat or clean cabins... I will be here with you."

"And until you can be, Masen and I will be where you are. I watched you walk away once... and I walked away from you twice. I can't do it again Edward, not even temporarily."

"We'll make it work," he said, holding me tight. "You are my life, Bella."

"And you are mine," I said, turning in his arms and kissing him.

After a few minutes of heated kissing, Edward pulled away and rested his forehead against mine.

"I'd better go and have that shower," he said. "I'm sure Masen will be bursting in here any minute."

"Why don't you get whatever clothes you need and join me," I said, biting my lip nervously. "Masen is watching cartoons and playing with the kids, he won't be in here for at least an hour."

"Are you sure?" he asked, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

"About Masen or the shower?" I asked him.

"Both, I guess," he said with a smile.

"Yes, to both," I said, smiling softly back at him. He grinned like a kid on Christmas morning before fighting to contain his joy.

"What if Masen does come in? I don't know how he'll..." he asked.

"It's a little late for us to be worried about being caught in a compromising position by our son, Edward. That ship has sailed and we survived. Honestly, it feels right. I can't think of a single reason to go slow. We've both missed so much and I don't want to waste one more minute worried about what could have been. You, me and Masen... we have a future to plan," I told him.

He claimed my lips then in a fiery kiss that I felt clear down to my toes. "I love you," he said between kisses. "I won't rush you... if you want to wait..."

"We have both waited long enough," I said to him, clutching myself to his chest.

"I would wait forever, Bella," he vowed, kissing me deeply then pulling away and practically running out of the room.

As he started out of the room, I called him back. He looked at me with concern, wondering why I was stopping him now I suppose.

"Just bring everything. Your suitcase doesn't need it's own room because you won't be staying there," I said. "Unless that's what you don't want..."

"You are worried that I won't want to stay in here with you?" he asked incredulously. "I would gladly share a bed and a home with you forever."

He swept me up in his arms and kissed me passionately, I wrapped my legs around his waist and tangled my fingers into his copper hair, returning the kiss with all I was. Finally he pulled back, gasping for air and set me on my feet, smiling wickedly before dashing out of the room. I assumed he was going to pack his bag, but I assumed wrong. As I made my way out of Masen's room, intent on getting some clothes to put on after the shower, Edward was standing right there by the door to the lodge. He turned and looked at me, his eyes absolutely shining, with his crooked smile that I loved so much playing on his obviously well kissed lips. I opened my mouth to ask him what the problem was, but he beat me to it, spitting out the answer.

"I wanted to lock the door," he said, almost sounding sheepish about it. He walked slowly and purposefully back across the room towards me. I leaned against the doorframe,sheepishly as he made his way back to me.

"Expecting something, Mr. Cullen?" I asked, as I realized what he'd done.

"Hoping," he said, grinning as he reached out to touch me. "There is a difference, My Love." I shivered at his touch, knowing that I wanted him as badly as he wanted me.

"There sure is," I agreed breathlessly, as he scooped me up in his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist as he carried me quickly towards the bathroom.

I had always had a thing for bathrooms. I guess the one, small dingy bathroom that I had had to share with Charlie when I lived with him had made that my focal point in life. All the bathrooms throughout the guest house were top of the line with soaker tubs built for two and fancy showers that had the top of the line adjustable sprayers. The bathroom in my suite was different. My soaker tub was not built for two, as I had believed at the time that there would be no romantic interludes in the tub, but the shower was another thing altogether. It was set into the corner of the bathroom, with the two walls and ceiling covered in golden brick sized marble tiles, the rest was enclosed in glass. There were three shower heads, one on each wall and one in the ceiling that all had adjustable spray. There was a heated bench to one side that I had used a lot when I helped Masen in the shower when he was young, but that now stored all my shower supplies and the occasional action figure that managed to make it's way in.

Edward set my feet on the ground and our lips crashed together frantically. There was no more talk of going slowly, it wasn't even a thought. Our bodies, pressed together and our hands moved in unison, trying to remove the clothes that were preventing us from fully reconnecting. My hands fumbled with his belt buckle and the button on his jeans as he made quick work of the drawstring tie on the front of my pajama pants, undoing it but not loosening them yet. His hands made their way under my shirt as our lips moved together, tongues tangling desperately as his hands moved across my hips up towards my breasts. Then he moved his hands out from under the shirt, grasping the little spaghetti straps, and moving them down my arms. Once my arms were free, he pulled the fabric down, freeing my breasts for his hands without having to stop kissing me to do it.

"So pretty," he moaned as my naked breasts made an appearance and I found myself thanking whoever had invented built in bras as his mouth moved to take one of my nipples in his mouth.

"Edward," I moaned as he dropped to his knees in front of me, fully worshipping my now naked breasts. His black T-shirt was still caught half way up his chest and I yanked at it as his tongue danced over the sensitive peaked buds. He finally pulled away so I could pull his T-shirt over his head. My impatience and lack of practice at that particular move made it more difficult than it needed to be but we eventually triumphed and Edward went back to work on my nipple.

"Feels so good," I moaned, working on my own clothes. My tank top was still around my waist and my drawstring pajama pants just needed a little prodding before they both landed in a puddle on the floor, leaving me in just a pair of white cotton panties.

"I love you," Edward moaned as he finally pulled his attention, and lips from my breast, working the down with fire hot kisses to the waistband of my panties.

"Please," I begged, unsure what I was even begging for as his lips and tongue caressed my abdomen, just over the panty line. He pulled away and stood up, moving to pull his jeans down. I shook my head at him and put my hands on the waistband of his jeans and moved them slowly over his hipbones, making sure that I was taking his boxers down at the same time.

"Shit, Bella!" he gasped as I leaned down, lowering myself with his pants until I was eye level with his throbbing groin. I moved my lips towards his hip, kissing the muscles there before moving along the crease down towards his center. As I neared the area, I felt his hot throbbing groin rub against my cheek and he hissed in pleasure.

"Sweet God!" he cried out, throwing his head back in pleasure. I took it for my invitation to do more, moving my hand up to wrap around his length. He moaned out loud and brought his hand to my head, desperate to hold something, yet gentle as not to direct me into any course of action. My action was set as I moved my hand up and down his length a few times before looking up at him.

"Look at me, Edward," I said huskily. He slowly lowered his head and dragged his eyes open, focusing on mine. I was very deliberate in my actions as I placed one open mouth kiss at the base of his throbbing member, before opening my mouth to take him into my mouth. Expletives flew from him as my hot mouth encircled his length, and I moved to engulf more of him slowly. It had always driven him nuts in the past, and obviously our years apart had not changed that one bit.

"Bella, shit, oh my God... I'm not going to last if you do that and I need you... I need to feel all of you, Sweetheart. Shit! God! Your hot little mouth is going to be the death of me," he said, closing his eyes once more. I moved my head down so that I could feel him in the back of my throat before pulling back and off, releasing him with a pop.

"Should we have that shower now?" I asked, breathlessly as I got up, turning away from him and heading towards the shower door.

He stood there gasping for a moment, allowing me to open the door and reach for the control knobs. I have never been so happy for the preset function, allowing me to pull one lever to turn it all on to my favorite setting and temperature.

Before I could pull back at all, Edward was behind me, pushing us both through the glass door and into the warm spray. I squeaked as his hands moved to my hips, tugging my now soaking wet panties down to the floor.

"Edward," I moaned as his hands moved to caress my legs on the journey back up my body.

"I need you, Bella," he moaned into my ear as he stood up fully, pressing his hardness against the cleft it my rear end.

"Edward," I moaned again, pushing back against him.

"Shit," he groaned as he pushed me towards the wall. I braced my hands on the wall, spreading my legs and pushing my bottom back toward him. He wasted no time, angling himself towards my now exposed core, causing me to hiss in pleasure as he began piercing my sensitive core. He pushed in slowly but insistently, as I pushed back until I could feel his hips and abdomen pressed against my bottom, and he was fully sheathed in me.

"Edward," I moaned. "Please!"

He didn't respond with any verbal cue that could be described but simply an animalistic grunt. His hand moved to my hips and then up to my chest, grabbing my breasts and pulling me to a standing position so that my spine was against his stomach and chest. My hands were still braced against the wall as he used the leverage he had to begin thrusting within me. I pressed back into him, causing him to sink deeper into me.

"Shit!" he hissed again. "I'm not going to last, Bella. God!"

I couldn't have responded if I tried. The sound of him completely incoherent with pleasure was pushing me towards by breaking point and I began to move my own hips back, rocking to meet each thrust. The shower was filled with our groans of pleasure as we both worked closer to our climaxes. Edward's hands began to move against my breasts, allowing the nipple to slip between his fingers as he pinched and massaged the tender flesh.

"Edward," I cried as I reached my peak. "Yes!"

"Bella!" he roared in response as the tightening muscles caused by my release brought him his own. We stood on shaky knees, leaning against the tile wall as we came down from our highs. Finally, Edward pulled away, and sat down on the bench, picking up the GI Joe action figure that occupied the space before him.

"Poor GI Joe," he said, as he leaned back and smirked at me.

"Why is that?" I asked, moving over and straddling his legs, wrapping my arms around him.

"He has no chance of ever landing a woman," he said smirking as he tossed the action figure out the still open shower door and kissing me.

I giggled at his silliness and moved off of his lap, much to his protest.

"We would be pushing our luck trying for round two," I giggled as he stood behind me.

We closed the shower door and finished off the shower with lots of kissing and inappropriate touching. Since neither of us brought fresh clothes, we wrapped ourselves in towels and gathered our old clothes and made our way to my, now our, bedroom. The bed was still rumpled and covered in cookie crumbs from our girls' sleepover.

"I guess I'll have to change that for later," I said, biting my lip.

"If you aren't ready..." Edward said, smiling at me.

"I am ready, Edward," I said to him. "I won't tell you I'm not nervous, because I am. I don't know if we're doing things right or not and I am so scared to mess everything up, but I can't stay away from you any longer. I just want to be with you. I want us all to learn how to be a family. I want to wake up with you beside me and go to sleep at night with my head on your chest, listening to your heartbeat, because that's where I am meant to be."

"We won't mess it up. It's too important," Edward promised. "I love you, Bella. You and our son own my heart and always have. I have loved you since the first day I saw you at Forks High. Nothing has ever changed that. I loved our son from the moment I knew he existed. I screwed it all up so badly but I would die rather then hurt you ever again."

"I love you," I said, allowing the tears to flow. "We will make it work."

"I think we have a whole team backing us up too," he said.

"We do," I said, sniffing.

"Speaking of our team, we'd better get going before we have the whole group pounding on our door," he said, climbing into his dirty clothes.

I made my way to the dresser and pulled out some fresh clothes and pulled them on before making my way back to where he was sitting on the bed.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you," I told him, kissing him softly. He wrapped his arms around me and tugged me down onto the bed so we were lying next to each other. We connected our hands and he kissed the promise ring that was on my finger.

"How do you think this would have played out if it wasn't for my uncle?" I asked him.

"I honestly don't know," he said. "My best case scenario in those dark days... I just wanted to know you were okay and maybe see pictures of him..."

"I think it would have played out very differently," I said turning to look at him.

"How so?" he asked, gripping my fingers a little tighter.

"I thought about it on the plane," I said, biting my lip anxiously.

"My first thought after that night was that you would come back. I assumed that you just needed time... when that wasn't the case... when it became evident that you weren't coming back, I came up with my own plan. I couldn't make our friends and family hate you, so I was going to finish the semester and then go down to Florida. I was planning on getting a job and living in my mother's old house, until I was able to get to that trust fund that she left me. I knew the house was still there, closed up, waiting for me to decide what needed to be done with it. I was planning on keeping in touch with my father, but only through email. I was going to tell him that I couldn't deal with everything and needed space and time," I said to him, cringing as I did.

"How does that change anything... other than the fact that you were in Florida rather than British Columbia?" he asked.

"Eventually everyone would have figured out that we broke up..." I said.

"And Charlie would have kicked my ass," he added, emotion thick in his voice as he mentioned my father.

"Yeah," I agreed, tears streaming down my cheeks, which he quickly rubbed away with his fingers. I moved my head onto his chest and he wrapped his arms around me before I continued. "And either my dad or your parents would have confronted you about why we had split. You could have kept up a front for a bit, but you would have eventually cracked and told them about your parents and maybe about the baby. My money is on my father, there was just something about him that made a person spill... and you would have spilled..."

"I would have," he agreed, running his fingers through my damp hair. "I was terrified of him."

"He loved you," I told him,lifting my head and looking him in the eyes. "He told me so."

"But he never knew that I had caused you so much pain. He would have probably hated me if he knew that," Edward said.

"I think he would have understood," I said. "No matter how misguided your reasoning, he would have seen that you tried to protect me. And then he would have told me the reason, and I would have been on the first flight back."

"Even though I hurt you?" Edward asked.

"I love you," I said. "That has never changed. When I first came to Prince Rupert, I wanted it to change. I avoided anything that would remind me of you, but that wasn't easy. Every time our son kicked, I wished that you had been there to feel it. If I had had any inkling that you still loved me, I would have found a way to be with you."

"How can you say that? How can you move past this?" he asked.

"Love," I answered him. "I could have chosen to be bitter and hate the hand that was dealt to me. I could have promised that I'd come back but still run. I'm sure now that Jenks would have helped me if I had wanted him to. But I didn't want to live a life full of questions and what could have beens. But to the very core of me, I have always loved you and only you. I want whatever future we have together.."

"I love you," he said, capturing my lips. Conversation was effectively ended for a few minutes before we broke apart gasping for air.

"Do you know why I called Jenks?" I asked him after our breathing had returned to normal.

"To reclaim your name," he said.

"In a small part," I said. "I had a lot of questions for him. Why he hadn't charged us being first and foremost. But that could have been dealt with on the phone. As for my name... It wasn't that important to me. Mostly, when I found out your reasoning and that you still loved me and our son... I wanted your name on our son's birth certificate. I wanted to be able to be with you fully. When I called, he talked about Masen, by name, and he knew that you were here and that we were working things out. I had no clue what kind of shit he was into but I knew I needed to get there. I knew he was likely dangerous but I thought that since he had seemed to like me so much before that I had to take that chance. I knew that Masen would be okay with you guys if..."

"He killed you?" Edward asked. "I would never have been okay with that. Not ever. I do understand how my father felt, why he killed himself. I couldn't live in a world where you don't exist."

"Edward!" I said, shocked that he was talking so calmly about suicide.

"I can't live without you," he said. "I barely made it when I knew you were out there somewhere... but to know you were dead. I couldn't."

"So, Masen would be reeling from the fact that he'd just lost his mother and you would take his father away from him too?" I asked.

"No... I..." he started to say.

"You what?" I asked.

"I don't know," he said. "I couldn't do that to him... but I don't even know how to breath without you."

"I understand," I said, looking into his deep green eyes. "I feel the same way, but Masen needs to be a priority too. You were too young to understand when your father killed himself... but Masen isn't. He'd know."

"I know," he soothed. "I would consider Masen. I promise."

I leaned into his chest again and tried to take deep calming breaths. The very thought of him not existing was killing me.

"I love you," he said. "You and our son are my everything."

"I love you, Edward," I said.

"In your note, when you left to go see Jenks, you mentioned a lawyer and a will. What was that about?" he asked.

"When Masen was just a few weeks old, I was driving into town for his well baby check up. As I rounded one of the bends on the highway, I came upon a large mangled wreck. There were three occupants of the car. Mother, father and one year old child. I called 911 and stayed and cuddled Masen while they worked to get them all out. The baby was not harmed but both parents needed to be airlifted from the scene. One of the police officers told me that there were fatalities on this part of the highway all the time, and that the little boy was likely going to be the only survivor. I couldn't stop thinking about that. What if it had been Masen and I? What if I had been the one driving and Masen was the one left alone? I had nobody. He would have been alone. There was just Jake here at that point and no matter how great he was at the lodge, he was not family. I didn't want Masen going into the system and I believed that no matter what had happened between us that you would do right by him," I said.

"But I didn't do right by him. I refused him before he was even born. One day he's going to want to know the truth. I am going to have to tell him that I sent you two away," he said.

"No," I replied. "You can explain that you wanted him to be safe... that you thought you could be a danger to him. You never really refused him... yes you made me believe you did, but in your heart of hearts, did you ever truly refuse him?"

"No," he said. "From the moment that you told me... I wanted him. I wanted to drop to my knees and beg you to marry me so we could be a family... and maybe so Charlie wouldn't kill me."

"Then that's what he needs to know. We can tell him about my uncle, tell him we couldn't stay together for our safety," I said. "You never refused him."

"Thank you," he said, holding me close to him.

I didn't say anything more. There was nothing to say. We got up a few minutes later when someone knocked on the door.

"I guess, I'll go get my stuff now," Edward said, kissing me softly.

"And I guess I'll get to work and see what is going on around here," I said.

Edward kissed me once more before I opened the door to Leah. She was ready to serve breakfast, but none of the couples had emerged from their bedrooms yet and she was not wanting to disrupt them. I agreed and told her to serve the kids and the agents, the rest could deal with cold breakfast. I helped the kids all get set up and grabbed a plate for myself before I went to my office to see what I had missed.

.

**EPOV**

**.**

I left Bella and made my way up to the room that my suitcase had occupied for the last few days. I wasn't paying much attention to anything else, just thinking about how my life had turned into something worth living in just a few short days. As I got to my door, Emmett came out of his room, freshly showered and changed.

"Doing the walk of shame, hey Eddie," he said grinning like a crazy man and wiggling his eyebrows at me.

"Nope," I said, looking at my big oaf of a friend, returning his grin. "I will never be ashamed of anything to do with my Bella or my son."

"Welcome to the club," Emmett said with a snort. "Is that breakfast I smell?"

Leave it to Emmett to just accept how easily Bella and I had fallen back into being together. I honestly had the four best friends in the world and they were all supportive of Bella and I. I went into what was supposed to be my room, and gathered my stuff. It didn't take long as I hadn't even managed to unpack yet. I gathered my things and zipper up my case. I didn't even make it to the door, when Alice blocked my way.

"Where are you going?" she asked, looking at my suitcase in my hand. "You can't leave! She still loves you!"

"Relax Ali," I said with a smile. "I'm not going far. She asked me to stay downstairs with them."

"I'm so happy for you!" she squealed as she launched herself across the room and into my arms. I barely had the sense to let go of the suitcase before I had my arms full of Alice. Jasper, alerted by the sound of his wife's squeal of delight came to the door of my room and laughed at the sight of his wife wrapped excitedly around me.

"You know, if I was a jealous man, you'd be dead right now, Cullen," he said with a smirk.

"So not my fault," I laughed. "It was either catch her or duck... and I figured I'd have to turn in my man card if I ducked."

"You don't have a man card," Jasper snorted. "You turned it in the day you met Bella."

"The only one of us who is still in denial about the whole man card thing is Emmett, but Rosie has had him by the balls since he was seven years old, so who can blame him," Jasper laughed.

"And when did you turn in your man card, Jazz?" Alice asked, glaring at him.

"When a little pixie looked at me in kindergarten and told me she didn't like the smell of peanut butter. I never ate the stuff again," he said causing her to bounce over to his side and kiss him soundly.

"Alright," I said. "I'm going to go find my girl."

"You do that," Jasper said, not letting go of his wife. Every time those two talked about peanut butter, you knew they'd be busy for a while. I just hoped they remembered to lock the door.

I carried my suitcase downstairs to Bella and Masen's suite, to our suite, and then followed the sounds to the dining room. Bella wasn't there and I looked questioningly at Leah who mouthed, "office" to me. I made my way to Bella's office, before anyone else noticed me, and knocked.

"Come in," her soft voice said.

"Hey," I said to her.

"Hey yourself," she said, looking up from her filing cabinet.

"Did you eat?" I asked her.

"I did," she said. "I need about fifteen more minutes here and I'll be all yours for the rest of the day," she said, grinning.

"Then I'll go grab breakfast," I said, moving close so I could kiss her. She smiled at me and raised her head so that her lips were at the perfect level for a kiss. I kept it short and sweet, and I turned to leave the office.

"Edward?" she said, calling me back.

"Yeah," I said, turning to look at her. The sweet smile she had worn just seconds ago had been replaced by a look of concern. "What's the matter?"

"About Masen..." she said.

"What is it, Love?" I asked her.

"I have been filing all of the papers that my uncle provided me and I have two options for his birth certificate and ID. I want you to have some input..." she said. She pulled out two envelopes from the pile and pulled out the long form birth certificates. Both had me listed as his father, and Bella Weber as his mother. In fact they were identical, except for one word. On the first he was Masen Charles Weber, on the second he was Masen Charles Cullen. Seeing my name attached to his... I couldn't even begin to describe the feeling so I stood there mutely. Bella obviously misinterpreted my silence.

"This is too much for you, isn't it?" she said. "Just never mind..."

"Bella," I said, emotion leaking into my voice. "It's not too much. It's everything... Just seeing the name... it's what I dreamed of..."

"You're not upset?" she asked.

"Not at all," I said.

"So, which do you prefer?" she asked.

"Seeing my name on there is enough for me. It's more than I ever hoped. If you want him to remain a Weber, that's fine. If you want him to be a Cullen..." I said, unable to keep the smile off my face as I thought of both of them with my name. I knew Bella's would take time, but it was my every intention to make her my wife as soon as I could. I wanted to bind her to me in every way possible, I didn't want her to ever doubt my love for her, for them, again.

"So Cullen it is," she giggled.

"Maybe we should ask Masen what he wants," I said to her, trying to quell the excitement building in my body. "Maybe he doesn't want to have the same name as me."

"Thank you," she said to me, kissing me tenderly.

"For what?" I asked her.

"For thinking of him. For wanting to give him a choice," she said.

"Always. I love you, Isabella... and make no mistake, I want you to be a Cullen too. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you and our son," I said to her, watching her big brown eyes fill with tears.

"You don't know me anymore... How can you want to marry me? Maybe I have bad habits and snore... and..." she started to mumble.

"Bella, I understand that it is too fast. I don't expect it today... But that's where I want us to head. I am in love with you, all of you. Your heart, your soul, the way you bite your lip when you're nervous, the way you blush when you get flustered. I love your smile, the fact that your middle toe is the longest one on your foot, and the way you twirl your hair when you are reading a book. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever known, both inside and out. If you snore, I'll buy ear plugs. Bella, I won't push you. I'll wait until you are ready but I am here for the long haul," I swore to her.

Tears slid silently down her cheeks and I cursed myself for making her cry again.

"I love you, Edward," she said, kissing me gently.

"Now, you said you have a little work to get done?" I asked her.

"Yeah," she said.

"I am going to grab a bite to eat and some coffee, and then I'm going to see what our son is up to," I said.

She shivered and a small smile graced her lips before she nodded.

"I'll see you in a little bit," I promised her.

She turned and went to sit at her desk as I made my way out of the office, our eyes locking until I almost walked into the door frame, causing her to giggle. I couldn't help but laugh along as I made my way to the dining room. As I approached I could hear the din of voices inside and I smiled, knowing that the rest of my family was in there. My son, my parents, and my friends...

I stood at the door watching everybody. Jasper and Alice had not reappeared yet, but that was to be expected. Rose was snuggled into Emmett's side, looking down at all the children who were crowded on the other end of the table. Emmett, of course, had his plate filled with food. He had one arm wrapped around Rose, a true testament to his love for her since he wasn't using both hands to shovel the food into his mouth. All the kids were together at one end with Carlisle and Esme. They had taken on grandparent roles with my friend's kids since they were born and now, my son was a part of that and my heart swelled at the sight.

Masen was everything I had ever dreamed he would have been, when I allowed myself to dream. His hair was just as unruly as mine and his eyes, the exact same shade of green. In fact, aside from the shape of his eyes, and his nose, he looked nothing like his mother. But his personality, his heart, his intelligence... that was all her. He was good. Not just the impeccable manners that she instilled in him, but just the essence of who he was. He included Izzy, the lone girl in the gaggle of boys without being told. He thought of others before himself, and seemed to possess a patience that I had never seen in a child. His ability to accept all the craziness that had happened in the last few days left me in awe. He accepted me, and everyone else with open arms and an open heart. Truly his mother's son.

"Hi Daddy!" Masen said, finally noticing me standing by the door.

"Hey, Mase," I said to my son, smiling at him. He hopped off his chair and ran around to me, jumping into my arms that had reached for him unconsciously. I hauled him up and gave him a quick hug before he wiggled to be put down.

"Grandpa said he got me a present," Masen said. "But he told me I have to wait until you and Mom were here."

"Really," I said, looking at my father. "That sounds great, Masen. Your mom said she will be done her work in about fifteen minutes."

"Yay!" he cheered. "That's only five and five and five."

"You're right," I told him. "I guess I should have something to eat before she gets here."

"Leah made eggs, bacon, and sausage. I helped to make the toast," he said proudly.

"You did?" I asked.

"Yeah, " he said. "I put on the butter. Are you going to have some, Daddy?"

"You bet," I said.

"Come on," he said tugging me over to a buffet table. "See. Look. That's the toast I helped with."

"It looks perfect," I said to him, ruffling his hair.

I put two pieces of toast on my plate, followed by scrambled eggs, a couple of pieces of bacon, and a sausage. Masen stayed next to me the whole time, waiting for me to get everything I needed.

"Will you sit with me, Daddy?" he asked once my plate was full.

"You bet," I told him, giving him my hand and allowing him to pull me to where he had been sitting before. There was a little shuffling necessary to accommodate Masen's request but my parents were quick to shift down so I could sit next to him. I smiled at them in thanks, and noticed my mother wiping happy tears from her eyes.

"Maybe we can go on the boat today," Masen said. "Or fishing, or to the beach. I bet everybody would love to see the tidal pools. Do you like tidal pools, Grandma? I showed them to my Daddy and he liked them."

"I know," she said. "I bet I'll like them too."

I know? I thought as I finished the last few bites of my food. Masen didn't see anything wrong with the comment and continued to regale his newfound friends with stories of life in the tidal pools. I looked over at her cryptically and she blushed, looking away from me. How could she know how we had spent our day together? I was about to ask when Jasper and Alice finally appeared, his arm wrapped around her, pulling her tightly into his side. They both smiled sheepishly as their boys went flying out of their seats to see them talking a hundred miles a minute about the tidal pools that Masen had just been telling them about.

"Mom?" I asked, looking at her. I wasn't about to let it drop, and her behavior now was making me even more curious.

"Yes..." she answered, sounding rather cryptic.

"What do you mean you know?" I asked.

"Edward... I... It... Well, I can't tell you yet," she said.

"You can't tell me?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Yet," she confirmed.

"And when will you tell me?" I asked.

"With Bella," she said.

"Dad?" I asked, knowing he would know what she was talking about.

"Esme, let's go get those things from our room," he said, completely ignoring me. My father refused to make eye contact with me as he hurried Mom out of the room. I just shook my head at the two of them and hoped I would remember to ask when Bella was next to me.

"Edward," Leah said, addressing me from the doorway.

"Yes, Leah?" I asked.

"Bella said that she's done and thought now might me a good time for the two of you to ask Masen the question," she said.

"Thanks," I said, my throat suddenly dry. I don't know why this suddenly concerned me so much, either way he chose, he was my son, my name was on his birth certificate and I was his Daddy. If he chose to be a Weber... maybe he would change his mind later when Bella and I got married. The nerves which had hit suddenly, left just as suddenly when I realized that there wasn't a wrong choice here.

"Come on, Mase," I said, looking over at my son. "Your mom is waiting for us."

He hopped up quickly with a big smile on his face, grabbing my hand to pull me up before I had even managed to pull my chair back from the table.

"Hold on a second," I said to him. "We need to clear our dishes from the table first."

"But Momma is waiting," he said.

"Don't worry about it, Edward," Leah said smiling. "I have it for you guys this morning."

"Thank you, Leah," I said, as Masen added his thanks, tugging me out of the room, much to the delight of Rose, Emmett, Jasper and Alice.

"Momma?" Masen called, as we got to the lobby.

"In our living room, Masen," Bella said, her voice coming from the private quarters.

"Come on, Daddy," he said tugging me some more.

I pulled him back so that he bumped into my legs before I reached down and scooped him up, jogging into the room where Bella was waiting. He was giggling like crazy when we arrived and I saw the smile on her lips that I wanted to see there forever. I had caused her enough heartbreak and I swore that I would do whatever I could to make sure she was nothing but happy for the rest of her life.

"Momma," he said happily, wiggling out of my arms and going to give her a hug. The enthusiasm with which he said her name filled my heart. I loved the fact that he was six years old and still loved his mom and didn't refuse her 'yucky' kisses. Emmett was still going to pay for that remark.

"Masen," she cheered, with the same enthusiasm he had used.

"Grandpa got me a present," Masen said. "He said it wasn't a toy but it was a very important present."

"Sounds exciting," she said, looking up at me. I shrugged my shoulders.

"And Grandma said she buyed a present for you and Daddy," he said.

"Bought. She bought..." Bella said, correcting Masen before turning to me. "What did she buy?"

"I know nothing," I said. "This is the first I've heard."

She rolled her eyes and I shrugged my shoulders. She was as used to Esme's tendency to go overboard as I was.

"Leah said you had to ask me a question," Masen said, pulling us back to the question at hand.

"We do," Bella said. "Let's all sit on the couch."

"What kind of question is it?" Masen asked excitedly as he situated himself between Bella and I."

"It's about names," she said.

"Like how you used to be Angela but now you're Bella?" he asked.

"That's part of it?" she said, looking at him.

He frowned slightly and looked between us.

"Do I have to stop being Masen?" he asked.

"No," I told him. "You will always be Masen."

"Do you know how you got your name, Masen?" Bella asked him.

He just shook his head.

"Masen Charles Weber," she said. "Masen was a special name to your daddy, and I remember when I first heard the story, I loved that name and thought in my head that if Daddy and I ever got lucky enough to have a little boy, I'd call him Masen."

"What story?" Masen asked her, bouncing up and down.

"I think that story is for your daddy to tell you," she said, looking at me cautiously.

"I will tell you, Masen," I said. "Do you know why Carlisle and Esme are your grandparents?"

"Because they are your mommy and daddy, right?" he said, smiling.

"That's right," I confirmed. "But they aren't the parents that I was born to."

"They aren't?" he asked.

"No," I said. "They became my parents when I was still a baby, just after my first parents died."

"They died?" Masen asked, his eyes as big as saucers.

"They did," I slowly. Talking to him about this was so hard. I didn't know whether I was saying too much or not enough. Did he understand adoption? I wrung my hands nervously and Bella reached across Masen and held my hand.

"There was an accident when I was little and since they both died, Carlisle and Esme became my mom and dad. Carlisle and Esme were very good friends of my parents," I told him.

"Do you miss your first mom and dad?" he asked.

"Sometimes," I said. "But Carlisle and Esme were the best parents I could have hoped for. I love them and they love me just the same as if they had been my first parents."

"So was your dad Masen?" Masen asked me. "Because I know Charles was my other Grandpa's name."

"Sort of," I said. "My dad's name was Edward, like me, and my mom was Elizabeth."

"So then why am I Masen?" he asked, knowing that this story was supposed to explain that.

"Edward and Elizabeth Masen were my first parents," I told him.

"Masen! Like me!" he said, smiling.

"Right," I said. "When they died they left a note telling Carlisle and Esme that they should change my name to Cullen like them. So my whole name is Edward Anthony Masen Cullen."

"You have four names!" he said, excitedly.

"I do," I chuckled.

"So then why do we have a question about names?" he asked.

"Well," Bella started to explain. "When you were still in my tummy, some bad people killed your Grandpa Charlie. In order to keep us all safe, I had to change my name and go far away, leaving your daddy behind."

"But you said that Daddy was learning to be a doctor?" he said confused.

"He was learning to be a doctor," she said.

"Are you done learning?" he asked me.

"I am finished with school," I promised him. "But when you are a doctor there is always something you can learn to help make people better. And the kind of people I work with are kids."

"Oh," he said. "So what did you used to be?"

"I used to be Isabella Marie Swan," she said, choking on the name a little bit.

"Isabella... that's the same like Izzy's name," he said.

"It is," she said, smiling at him.

"So then you got to be Angela Weber," Masen said.

"Right," she agreed.

"So now what are you?" he asked.

"Well, I had to keep Weber the same, but I am Bella Marie Weber now," I said.

"So what's the question?" he asked.

"Well, you have two choices," she said. "You could keep your name the same as it is, Masen Charles Weber or you could choose to change it and be Masen Charles Cullen."

"Like Daddy?" he asked.

"Like Daddy," she confirmed.

"But you're still Weber by yourself then," he said.

"That's okay," she said.

"One day, hopefully Mommy will be a Cullen too," I said.

Bella blushed slightly.

"Could I have four names like you, Daddy?" he asked.

"Masen Charles Weber Cullen?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he said. "Like Mommy and like you."

"I think we could do that," Bella said smiling at him.

I couldn't keep the grin off my face. My son would have my name. Maybe it made me a caveman to feel that way but I did. We went on to discuss what we could do for the day and bella was all for showing the others the tidal pools. I just enjoyed sitting with my two favorite people in the world, thanking God for this opportunity.

"Knock, knock," my father said, standing at the open door to the living quarters.

"Grandpa!" Masen cheered.

"Can we come in?" my mom asked.

"Of course," Bella said, standing up to greet them.

My mom had a large package in her hands, which I assumed was for Masen. "Oh," she said. "It's lovely in here. So warm and inviting."

"Thank you," Bella said. "Would you guys like to take a seat? I could get you something to drink..."

"We'd love to sit, but we're good on the beverage front," she said.

"Did you bring my present?" Masen asked my dad.

"I did," he said.

"Yay," Masen cheered. "I have a new name now. And it's just like my daddy."

"What name is that?" my mom asked.

Masen looked at his mom for approval before puffing out his chest, ready to speak. "Masen Charles Weber Cullen. Four names like my daddy."

Both my parents were momentarily speechless, but the smiles on their faces let us all know that they were thrilled with this development.

"Well then this present is perfect!" my dad said, his voice heavy with emotion.

He pulled out a small wrapped package from his pocket and Masen bounded over to sit between him and my mom. My dad smiled and placed the package in his hands.

"Can I open it, Mom?" he asked.

"I think so," she said, smiling at his excitement. I closed the small gap between Bella and I, that Masen had occupied moments earlier. She slid into my arms contentedly and leaned against me as Masen worked the paper off the small box. He opened the box and looked inside.

"It's a lion medal!" he exclaimed. I knew exactly what it was instantly. The fact that I had worn my own since I was a small child probably contributed to that knowledge. As a child I had worn it as a necklace. Later, I wore a leather wrist cuff with it, and now, it was the face of my watch. My parents had presented it to me as a college graduation gift and I wore it always. Bella obviously understood what it was as well

"How did you guys do that?" I asked my parents, choked up slightly.

"The jeweler in town did it and delivered it out here first thing this morning," my dad said.

"It's so cool," Masen said, pulling it out of the box.

"It's a very special lion medal,"my dad told him. "It's actually called a crest."

"A crest?" he asked.

"This one is the Cullen crest," he said. "And every Cullen gets one. I have one, so does Grandma, and Daddy."

"And me!" Masen cheered.

"And you," I said. "Do you want me to help you put it on?"

"Yes," he said running over to me. I helped untangle the chain and I attached it around his neck. Once it was there he grinned and moved my shirt from my neck, looking for my crest.

"Grandpa said you had one too," he said.

"I do," I told him, pulling up my sleeve. "Mine is on my watch."

"It's the same like mine!" he cheered. "Where is yours Grandpa?"

"Mine is on my ring," my dad said, holding out his hand. "And Grandma has hers on her bracelet."

My mom held out her arm for inspection. After he was done, he turned to Bella and proudly showed her his medallion.

"It looks so good," she said to him.

"I love it so much, Mommy," he said. "Can I go show everybody?"

"You sure can," she said. "and you can play outside on the pirate ship only if your aunts and uncles go with you."

"Or Seth?" he bargained.

"Or Seth," she agreed.

He went dashing out of the room excitedly causing all of us to laugh.

"Thank you," Bella said to them. "That was very kind of you."

"I've been wanting to do that since... for a very long time," my dad said. "So I should thank you."

"So Mom, what's that?" I asked, nodding to the large package that she had.

"I don't know how to do this," she said. "Please know I didn't mean to intrude, but I saw... and I couldn't help but snap pictures."

Okay. That sounded really ominous and apparently Bella thought so too. My mom was apparently done talking and instead, passed my father the large package, to pass to us.

"Just open it," she said nervously.

I put the package, wrapped in brown paper on the small coffee table and Bella set to work opening it. Once the paper was unfastened, it was obvious that it was a large frame and I wondered what could possibly be in there. I moved to lift the frame, which was face down and turn it to Bella.

"Oh," Bella exclaimed, her hand flying to her mouth as tears came to her eyes. I turned the picture so that I could see it to, and my reaction was much the same as hers. The picture was of the three of us, Bella, Masen and me. It was taken from above, on the first morning we spent time together down on the small beach. The scenic background was startlingly beautiful, but the three subjects in the middle looked even more so. Masen was walking between Bella and I, holding our hands. It was perfect.

"I don't know what to say," Bella sobbed. "It's..."

"Perfect," I said.

"I wasn't trying to spy. I actually had taken my camera to take some scenic shots and I went to the cliffs... When I saw the three of you, I couldn't stop... I'm sorry... I just..." my mother said, standing nervously.

"It's beautiful," Bella said to her, moving to her side. "Thank you."

The love of my life embraced my mother and both women dissolved into tears. I looked down at the picture in my hands and was grateful that she hadn't.

"The rest are in there," my mom said finally, pointing to a photo envelope that had been in front of the large picture that was still in my hands. "We'll just leave you guys with them and..."

"Don't," Bella said. "Look at them with us, please."

We spent the next twenty minutes going through picture after picture that my mother had taken from her cliff top vantage point. At the end, Bella was curled into my side happily and my parents seemed more than happy to listen to anything she wanted to say.

"So," my dad said, awkwardly. "What are you two planning to do now?"

"I'm coming here," I told him.

"But all the red tape... It isn't easy to get Canadian work permits... It could take quite a while," he said.

"Jenks is handling that part. I just have to worry about the hospital in Seattle, and finding a job u here," I said. "He said that all necessary paperwork would be here before we were scheduled to return to Seattle."

"Masen and I are returning to Seattle with Edward, until he can make all the necessary arrangements," Bella said.

"But what about the lodge?" my mom asked.

"I have good people here," she said.

"But are there enough people here to run it? I know that you lost one when we arrived," my dad said.

"It will be a bit hairy for them," she said. "They can handle it. We always have roving summer staff depending on fishing, so they should be able to handle it."

"What if we stay to help?" Mom asked. "At least until you and Edward are able to return with Masen."

"But you have your life in Seattle," Bella said.

"Sweet Girl," my mom said. "We have simply been where we were needed, and if we are needed here, we'll gladly help out. This is an incredible place and we'd be honored to do what we could to make sure that you have nothing to worry about while you guys spend time together reconnecting."

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Extremely," my father said, smiling at me. I knew that they must have talked about this previously to have even offered and I was extremely thankful that they were willing to do this for us.

"Okay," Bella said. "I would love it if you would stay to help the staff."

"Then it's settled," my mom said.

"I guess it is," Bella said, looking at me and smiling.

"Avast me hearties!" Emmett's loud voice bellowed from outside. "Who is going to walk the plank today?"

The giggles that followed brought a smile to my face and I stood up and offered Bella my hand.

"Shall we go see if we can catch us a bunch of scallywags?" I asked.

She giggled and waved to my parents as we made our way to the back door.

"You're so sexy when you speak pirate, Dr. Cullen," she said, as she kissed me and dashed out the door, running to join our son and our friends on the pirate ship. I threw my shoes on and charged into the fray, doing battle against Pirate Emmett and Buccaneer Jasper and their gang of kids with my son and my love at my side.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Sorry for the delay. Illness and surgery have plagued my life for the last little bit. Add work, family and other real life commitments and unfortunately FF was pushed to the back burner. Enjoy this chapter! Please review!

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**BPOV**

The rest of the week with the Cullens was crazy. Carlisle and Esme spent every free moment learning all they could about the lodge, either with me, or with Emily, Leah, or Seth. Not only were they willing to do everything, from changing the linens and running loads of laundry, but they were happy to let my staff take the lead, something that Seth, Leah, and Emily appreciated.

Edward spent the times that I was busy with Masen, and I often found myself distracted from the task at hand, preferring to simply watch them interact, rather than getting my stuff done. Thankfully, both Carlisle and Esme seemed to be suffering from the same affliction.

"Why don't you go join them, Sweetheart?" Esme asked on Friday. "We've got everything we need. Plus we can always call you in Seattle if we have any questions."

"Are you sure?" I asked, worried about leaving the lodge just as the busy season began.

"Positive," she said. "We're so happy to have you and Masen back with us."

"We're glad to have you in our lives too," I said.

"It's been a long time since I've seen him smile like that," she said, looking at Edward, who was lying on the ground, laughing, having just been tackled by our son.

"I wish things would have been different," I said, sadly. "I wish that you could have known Masen when he was a baby... that Charlie could have met him..."

"He would have adored him," Esme said, grabbing my hand and squeezing it. "I imagine he would have had that boy out fishing before he was out of diapers."

"I'm sure," I said, smiling. My father would have adored Masen, once he got over the shock of his college aged daughter being knocked up.

"They named a park in Forks after him. Swan park. It's right along the Sol Duc river at a nice calm spot, good for fishing. After Jasper saw you and Masen in Seattle, and Edward told us that you did indeed have a son, we donated money to have a playground put there. It bears your name. We figured that everyone else would assume that we did it in your memory, but it was a way for us to let you know, if you ever saw it, that we wanted you and your son in our family still. There is a dedication there..." Esme said, her eyes filled with tears.

"Thank you," I said, my own tears streaming down my cheeks. Esme pulled me into a hug and we stayed that way until Masen's giggles interrupted us again.

"I guess that's my cue," I said, wiping my eyes.

"I love you, Sweetheart. Thank you for loving him, and giving him this chance with both you and Masen," she said.

"I couldn't have loved anyone else," I said. "He was it for me from the time I was seventeen."

"And you for him," she said.

I walked out the doors and into the Prince Rupert sunshine. Masen was trying to catch Edward, and Edward was running just fast enough to stay a step ahead.

"I'm going to get you, Daddy," he giggled.

"Never!" Edward said. "Run, run, as fast as you can. You'll never catch me I'm the DADDYMAN."

I leaned against a tree and took advantage of the fact that neither of my loves knew I was there. Seth had taken the others out to explore some of the scenery in the area, leaving my boys behind at their insistence.

"I'm going to get you," Masen said, lurching forward. Edward turned just at the right time and scooped Masen up, tumbling onto the grass with him. Masen giggled and Edward laughed, right from his belly. Both sounds made my heart want to burst!

I guess I made some sound, alerting my boys that I was there. They stopped what they were doing and looked at me, their identical emerald eyes glistening mischievously.

"I think I see a spy," Edward stage whispered to Masen. "Should we capture her?"

"Yeah," he agreed excitedly. "She isn't as fast as you, Daddy!"

I squealed like a little girl and took off running, hoping that with their position on the ground, I'd get enough of a head start to have a fighting chance. I dashed away from the lodge and into the trees, listening to Edward and Masen coming behind me. Once into the thick brush, I hid behind a large cedar tree, struggling to catch my breath and stay silent at the same time. Masen and Edward sounded like a herd of elephants as they searched for me, calling me.

"You can run, but you can't hide," Edward growled playfully.

"We're gonna get you, Mommy!" Masen cheered.

"What are we going to do to her, when we catch her?" Edward asked Masen.

"Ummm," Masen said, trying to decide. "Give her a million kisses."

"A million?" Edward asked. "That's going to take a long time."

"Yeah," he agreed. "But you are all done with going to school to be a doctor, and you don't have to go away again, so you have lots of time."

"I do have lots of time," Edward agreed. "Forever and ever."

They were quiet after that. I couldn't hear a peep and I imagined Edward must have his finger to his lips to try to keep Masen quiet. There were no footsteps, only the sound of some random birds and the wind rustling the tree branches. Finally, too anxious to hide anymore, I moved around to the other side of the tree, coming face to face with Edward, with his crooked smirk firmly in place.

"Gotcha," he said, pressing me up against the tree.

I smiled at him and looked for my co-captor, finding nobody. "Where's Mase?" I asked him, as my whole body began to tingle in reaction to his body being so close.

"He went back to the lodge to do something," he said, pressing his body fully against mine.

"Really?" I asked, my breathing becoming ragged in anticipation.

"Uh huh," he said, his green eyes smoldering.

I hitched my leg against his hip and he promptly grabbed it, pulling me closer.

"You, my Bella, are absolutely gorgeous," he growled as he lowered his head to my ear, his hot breath sending shivers down my spine.

"You're not so bad yourself, Dr. Cullen," I told him, grinding myself against him, feeling his hardness against my center. He groaned and buried his head against my neck.

"He's waiting," he groaned. I felt his pain.

"I'm still waiting for you to collect your spoils for capturing me," I said, needing a little more time with him before we went to find Masen.

"You heard that, did you?" he asked, lifting his head and smiling crookedly at me.

"I did," I confirmed, licking my lips.

He moved his head in slowly, knowing he was teasing me. I opened my lips slightly, in anticipation of his kiss. I felt his hot breath against my lips and closed my eyes, wanting nothing more than to feel his lips move against mine, to taste him... Finally, he pressed his lips to mine, chastely, softly. My entire body protested as he began to pull away, and my hands moved up into his hair, guiding him back to me as I pressed my lips more urgently to his, opening my mouth and inviting him in. He didn't need a lot of encouragement. He opened his mouth, his tongue darting out to take my invitation. My fingers began to stroke the hair at the base of his skull, causing him to growl into my mouth. Sexiest sound ever, and I pressed myself against him more firmly. His hands began to roam, finally finding themselves on my bottom. He squeezed, causing me to mewl into his mouth as he used the leverage to lift me completely off the ground and press me more firmly into the tree. I lifted my other leg to join the first, wrapping them both around his waist, pressing myself into him completely.

I loved the feeling of his body pressed against mine, the sound of his ragged breath, the taste of his mouth and skin. I loved knowing that he was mine, that the years that I spent longing for him, longing for this feeling were reciprocated, that he wanted me as desperately as I wanted him. Our tongues danced together, tangling into a sensuous tango of movements, each softly touching, caressing, exploring. My senses were on complete overload, filled completely with Edward. We were in a passion filled bubble, each existing to please the other. My history of being a stick in the mud when it came to sex in unusual places was about to come to an abrupt halt, when the only thing that could have stopped us willingly, did.

"Daddy!" Masen called from a short distance away. "Did you find her yet?"

"I did," Edward said, fighting to try to keep his voice even. "Is everything ready inside?"

"Yeah," Masen cheered. "Emily helped me."

"Okay," Edward said to him, resting his forehead against mine.

"Did you give her any kisses yet?" he asked.

"Just once," Edward said, smiling crookedly at me. I lowered my legs to the ground, knowing that our stolen make-out session had come to an end. Edward slowly leaned back and adjusted himself in his jeans, causing me to groan softly.

"Hurry, Daddy," Masen cheered excitedly, and I pulled myself away from my new favorite tree and began to walk towards the sound of his voice. Edward blocked me, an evil glint in his eye. I opened my mouth to protest, but before the words even passed my lips, he hoisted me up over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes.

"Edward Cullen," I yelled, "put me down!"

"Never!" he laughed as he carried me carefully out of the trees, towards Masen and the lodge.

"We got you, Mommy," Masen cheered. "We were a team and we caught you."

"Yes, you did," I agreed from my upside down vantage point, not struggling too much. He cheered as he led the way back to the lodge, and into our suite. We passed Emily and Esme in the kitchen and they both laughed at my predicament. Once in the suite, Edward swung me into his arms before depositing me on the ground. I looked around, first seeing Masen grinning happily, then seeing the kitchen table, that was covered in all sorts of finger foods; biscuits, muffins, cheese, fruit, sliced meat, and fresh buns, as well as water bottles and juice boxes.

"Wow," I said. "What is all this?"

Edward wrapped his arms around me so that my back was against his chest. I leaned against him, relaxing into his embrace.

"It's our lunch," Masen said.

"It's a great lunch... but I think you owe me something, Mister," I said to Masen.

"What?" he asked, furrowing his brow.

"I heard you and Daddy talking, and I believe you owe me millions of kisses," I said happily. When you are the mom of a little boy, you remember every promise of a kiss, because half the time they are too busy for kisses and snuggles, and the other half they are fighting off the notion that girls have cooties.

"Daddy too," Masen said. "And it's gonna take us a long time to get all the way to a million."

"It is," Edward confirmed. I leaned down to Masen's level and he threw his arms around my neck, pressing dozens of kisses onto my cheek. Once he had reached his fill, I kissed his nose and stood up.

"Let's eat," I said. "I am starving."

We spent the afternoon together as I enjoyed my two men. That night, I stood at the door and watched Edward read to Masen. I couldn't believe where my life had gone in a little less than a week. Masen had his dad, something I had never even allowed myself to dream would happen.

"Mama," Masen called from the bed.

"Are you and Daddy finished your story?" I asked him.

"Yup," Masen said.

"And you brushed your teeth?" I asked.

"Daddy helped me count," Masen confirmed.

"Good," I said. "And what is tomorrow?"

"We're all going on an airplane," he cheered.

"You're right," Edward said.

"Can I bring my legos?" he asked.

"Just a little bit," I said. "We don't want to lose anything."

"We'll pack one bag of toys when you get up in the morning," I promised.

Edward and I took turns leaning over and kissing his forehead and saying goodnight, then we went and joined the others. It was neat to see how everyone had bonded during this week. Both of my families were in the lounge together, in blended seating arrangements. Carlisle and Esme were sitting close to the crackling fire, with Seth and Morgan, who was fitting in perfectly with everyone, beside them. Rose and Emmett were on the couch next to them with Leah and Emily. Rosalie was sitting on Emmett's lap, his hand splayed across her mostly flat belly. Finally Jasper and Alice rounded out the group as they sat on one of the love seats, their arms wrapped together.

"Are you excited for tomorrow?" Emily asked me.

"Yeah," I said, squeezing Edward's hand.

"Not worried that we're going to burn the place down in your absence?" Seth added cheekily.

"That's why Carlisle and Esme are here," I said looking at them. "They know how to use a fire extinguisher."

Everyone laughed and Edward pulled me over to an armchair that was vacant, sitting down and pulling me to sit on his lap. We all sat around and shared some light easy conversation. It actually felt... normal, for lack of a better word. Carlisle and Esme retired first, citing a need to be prepared to take over the next day. Everyone else chatted for a while before we all headed to bed at the same time. It was still fairly early but I was certain that Em, Rose, Alice and Jasper all wanted a little couple time before returning to Seattle the next day. I couldn't speak for Edward, but I was certainly anxious to have a little couple time myself. We had almost made it into our suite when Leah and Emily stopped us.

"Bella, Edward..." Leah said.

"Yeah," we said in unison, turning to look at Leah. I could tell from the look on her face that she was up to something.

"We'll listen for Masen tonight. This may be your last chance to have a night away from the little guy for a while," Emily said, with a sly smile.

I felt my cheeks heat up as I realized what my friends were doing. I had never been one that could go shopping for sexy lingerie with my friends, much to Alice's displeasure. To be perfectly honest, it kind of creeped me out. I liked my private life private.

"Thanks girls," I said as I went to give them a hug. "I owe you one."

"Don't worry," Leah said with a laugh. "We're keeping track for when we need something."

"I bet you are," I said. "and I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Your cabin is ready," Emily said with an evil grin.

We laughed and hugged again before they grabbed their bags and headed into our suite. I smiled at Edward and headed for the back door. It didn't even dawn on me that they hadn't even given us a chance to grab an overnight bag. Edward and I headed for the back door and grabbed our shoes, coats and a flashlight. The anticipation that I was feeling caused me to hurry along the path to the cabin, our cabin. The slight mist did not dampen our spirits at all as the cabin came into view. The fact that there was light coming from inside the cabin did confuse me though.

"I wonder why the light is on?" I asked.

Edward caught on faster than I did. "I think we have been set up, My Love," he said, pointing to some rose petals that were scattered on the ground.

"Oh," I said. "Your parents?"

"So it would seem," he said, shaking his head indulgently.

We held hands as we walked up to the cabin and opened the door. The overhead lights were off and the whole room was lit with the soft glow of tealight candles that were spread all over the room. The rose petals that had decorated the end of the path and the front porch led into the room as well. Edward closed the door behind us and pulled me into his arms.

"Are you nervous?" he asked me.

"About being here with you?" I asked him.

"No," he said. "About Seattle."

"Anxious more than worried," I said. "I just want everything to work out."

"Me too," he said. "But I meant what I said. No matter what, I will be here for you and Masen."

"But being a doctor is what you've always wanted..." I said.

"Not more than you," he said. "Not more than us. You and Masen mean everything to me."

"I love you," I said.

"We'll figure this all out, but as long as I have you and Masen, I can be happy. I love you my Bella," he said.

I pressed my lips to his and kissed him softly. The tingle that flowed though my body from that simple act ignited a fire in me that I didn't want to ever extinguish. I felt him smile against my lips before he pressed his lips to mine more firmly. Our lips moved together, fast paced and frantic. We gasped little bits of air when we could, but our lips never parted fully. My body was tingling from head to toe when I finally opened by lips, inviting Edward to explore. He did not disappoint. He needed no further invitation as his tongue came out and tangled with mine. His arms pulled me closer, holding me tightly, desperately, against his body. My arms wrapped around his neck, my fingers tangling into his hair, as his hands explored the small of my back, finally pulling my t-shirt out of his way so he could feel my skin. Once his fingers made contact with my overheated flesh, I couldn't fight the little moan from escaping my lips.

"I need you, Bella," he whispered against my lips.

"I'm yours," I vowed. "Always."

He pulled away gasping for breath still, and then nipped at my jawline, kissing and nipping his way along until he reached the spot behind my ear.

"Bedroom," he whispered into my ear, before nipping at my ear lobe. My knees were I moaned again. He licked his lips hungrily before giving me his crooked grin. He took my hand and led me slowly towards the bedroom. The bedroom was also decorated with rose petals and candles, causing the light to dance around the room, and the scent of the petals to give off a heavenly aroma. Edward closed the door as soon as we entered the room, and twisted the lock. Apparently he was not wanting to wake up with our son at the foot of the bed again. His green eyes burned into mine as he gazed at me, his eyes devouring my fully clothed form. He toed off his shoes and kicked them across the floor. I did the same, only I also reached down and pulled my little ankle socks off. He licked his lips and stared at my naked toes. I moved closer to him, until we were almost chest to chest. I could feel his chest moving with each breath, I could feel his breath against my cheek as I stared up into his eyes.

"I love you," I said to him. "I need you."

The sexual tension between us was supercharged. I reached my hand up to touch his chest, but he grabbed it, and intertwined his fingers with mine. I repeated the process with the other hand, with the same result. Still it was the only place where our bodies connected.

"Edward," I said, breathlessly.

He leaned his head down, running his nose along my collar bone, causing me to moan. Our hands moved together sensually, caressing with palms and thumbs, while our fingers remained locked together. As he moved his nose up again, I turned so that our lips were close, so close that if I moved my tongue at all, I would touch him. It was like a standoff. Both of us wanting, yet neither prepared to make the first move. Finally, he couldn't take it and pushed his lips forward, catching mine in a scorching kiss. He pulled his hands from mine and wrapped them around me. My hands went to his head running my fingers through his hair as the kiss deepened. When we finally broke apart, gasping for air, I pushed Edward back a little, so he was leaning against the wall.

He leaned back and smirked, reaching forward to grab my hips to pull me towards him. I took a step back and shook my head. He looked concerned for a moment before I smiled at him. I took another step back so I was in the middle of the room. I moved my hands to the hem of my shirt and pulled it up a little, exposing the skin of my abdomen slightly. His eyes popped open wide as he realized what I was doing. When we were together before, I was never confident enough to do something like this. But knowing... knowing that he felt for me what I felt for him for all those years... that there had never been anyone else for him... I felt confident. I felt beautiful. I felt loved.

By the time the shirt was up to my breasts, his eyes were locked on me, drinking in the sight of me.

"So beautiful," he whispered huskily.

I lifted the shirt over my head and tossed it to the floor. Edward pulled himself away from the wall and took a step towards me. I shook my head again and moved my fingers over the skin of my abdomen towards the button on my jeans, unbuttoning it, and pulling down the zipper.

Edward gasped as he saw the little hint of white panties I had just exposed. "I need you," he whispered, taking another step forward.

"I want to do this," I told him, looking into his green eyes that were significantly deeper darkened with lust. "Can I do his for you?"

He stopped dead, and nodded his head. I began lowering the jeans away from my hips, exposing the white lacy boy shorts.

"Fuck," he muttered as I turned around and bent over a little, knowing that he had always liked the sight of my bottom. I turned back around and Edward's eyes traveled up and down my body, as if unsure where to focus their attention. I stood still and allowed him to look and I guarantee that, though the room was cool, it wasn't the chill in the air that caused the gooseflesh that popped up. It was the hunger in Edward's eyes as he looked at me.

"I want to touch you," he said, lifting his hand and reaching towards me. I stepped towards him and reached out to touch his finger tips, before backing up again. I had never felt especially beautiful, in fact, I would have told you I was a plain Jane, with muddy brown hair and dark brown eyes. But the way Edward looked at me, the way he drank in my body... It wasn't the words he said, it was simply his reaction to me that made me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth.

I moved back some more, and sat on the edge of the bed, my cheeks going a little pink. I knew what came next. I moved my hands up to the front clasp on my bra and began to undo it. I almost had it when I heard one strangled word pass Edward's lips in little more than a whisper.

"Stop," he said.

I looked at him, not moving my hands from my bra clasp, waiting for him to explain.

"Please," he said, stepping forward. "I need to touch you. I need to feel you."

I nodded in response, pressing the catch closed again and moved his hands over my lace covered breasts, ghosting them along so gently that if it wasn't for the electricity of his touch, would go almost unfelt.

"So perfect," he said as he moved his fingers back towards the center again. His fingers moved to the clasp and he fumbled trying to get it undone. I reached my hand up and guided his fingers to unclip it, before dropping them down to the bed again and grasping the fabric of the quilt. He released the two sides of my bra and let his fingers explore the skin that had been exposed in the valley of my breasts. I leaned back on my elbows and allowed him to explore. He brushed them down, ghosting them around my belly button before bringing them back up to my collarbone and neck. I gasped at the trail of fire his fingertips left and moaned as they moved back to the center of my chest, before slowly moving across, pulling the fabric off my breasts as they went. "So beautiful," he added as the fabric was removed completely.

I moaned and let my head fall back as his fingers moved back to my puckered pink nipples, standing proudly and begging for his attention. He brushed over my nipples again causing me to gasp. It was like that little wanton noise broke some sort of flood gate, because the methodical touching Edward had been using before was replaced by a more wanton touch as Edward's hands became more demanding, squeezing and touching more firmly. I cried out his name as I allowed his touch to consume me.

"Shit," he said. "Seeing you like this. Bella, I want to go slow. I want to worship you, but my resolve flies out the window feeling you writhe under my touch. He moved his hands down to my abdomen before moving them back up and allowing each hand to lift and cup one of my breasts, his fingers massaging the flesh as they moved to my nipples, pinching them gently.

"Oh," I gasped as he released my nipples and let my breasts fall to their original position.

His hands ghosted down my sides, leaving shivers in their wake as they moved towards my hips. Once they arrived at their destination, he hooked a finger into the fabric on each side and prepared to tug them down.

"Wait," I gasped, shivering under his touch. He looked up into my eyes, questioning my word without using his. "It isn't fair," I finally stated. "You're still dressed."

His crooked smile was back on his face in an instant and he moved quickly to toss his clothes aside. First he tugged off his socks, hopping around impatiently in his hurry to rid his body of the offending garments. Next, he moved his hand to the bottom hem of his shirt, ripping it over his head without a thought, dropping it to the floor, next to mine.

"Wait," I said again as his hands moved to the button on his pants.

He looked at me, questioning the hold up.

"Please," I added, sitting up and moving closer to him. I allowed my fingers to play with the exposed skin of his chest as I stood to press my lips to his pecs, my hands moving lower, finding the glorious happy trail. My fingers left his skin, rather unwillingly to find the button of his jeans, tugging it apart with as much grace and finesse as I could. Once I did that, I moved to the zipper, lowering it slowly, allowing the back of my hand to caress the obvious bulge that I was exposing. He hissed in pleasure and threw his head back. Once the jeans were loose on his hips, I moved my hands to the side and tugged them down. Once they reached his knees, he moved his legs and kicked the the rest of the way off. My hands moved immediately to the sides of his boxers, and I slipped my fingers inside, lifting the band to move it past his hardness without causing any damage.

Once they were past his thighs, I let them go and they fell to the floor.

"Now who has too many clothes on?" he asked, moving his hands to the top band of my panties, tugging them down quickly. Once I was bared, he pressed me back against the bed, laying me down and moving beside me.

"I missed this," he said, looking down at me. "Seeing you like this."

"I need you," I said to him, reaching up and pulling him down beside me, so his lips met mine. We kissed feverishly as our hands explored each other's bodies. Finally Edward pulled away with a groan. He guided me up the bed so that my head was on the pillow, my hair splayed messily across the top.

He moved his head down towards the end of the bed and picked up one of my feet, massaging it gently but firm enough that it didn't tickle. I groaned softly as he brought his head down and kissed my instep, moving his head and hands up simultaneously, kissing my calf, the inside of my knee, and even my thigh. His hot breath moved along my skin to my center and I groaned, wanting to feel him. Just as he got to my center, he moved across, not touching me where I wanted him the most and placed a kiss on my opposite thigh, moving down to my other foot. I groaned in frustration and he looked up at me through hooded eyes and smirked.

He moved up my body again, letting his hot breath move across my skin.

"Edward," I moaned as he moved over my center again, placing a kiss on my stomach and moving to dip his tongue into the dip of my belly button. I tried to push him away, self conscious of the tiny stretch marks that still lingered there. He shook his head, refusing to move, and kissing the tiny marks there.

"Please no," I said to him. "They're so ugly."

"They're beautiful," he said, looking up at me and running his finger over the largest mark. "Every bit of you is beautiful. And these, Bella, these... they are one of the most beautiful parts of you. You carried our son in you, you kept him safe and growing strong. There is nothing ugly about these marks."

"Edward, I..." I started to say.

"You are beautiful and selfless. I don't deserve to be here with you. I don't deserve the chance that you've given me. You have given me so much..." he said, laying his head on my stomach.

"I love you," I said, stroking his hair. "I love you so much."

He looked up at me, his eyes glistening.

"Forever," he swore, moving up to kiss me. His lips moved against mine with complete synchronicity. We broke apart frequently, pausing to utter sweet words filled with love. Finally, I couldn't take any more, I needed him. I needed all of him.

"Please," I begged. "I need to feel you."

He looked into my eyes, and moved his body over mine. I opened myself to him and he pressed into me causing us both to hiss at the feeling. I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him in deeper and we moved in unison. The only sounds in the room was the sounds of our bodies moving together and the guttural sounds emanating from our throats. I felt my body tremble, ready to simply explode.

"God, Bella..." Edward cried.

"Edward!" I called back, feeling my body react to his every movement.

Our movements became hurried as we both neared the precipice, finally calling out together as we reached our peaks in unison. Edward, collapsed onto me, not cushioning his weight at all, and I didn't mind a bit. The feeling of his weight on me made me feel alive and I realized at that point that I hadn't truly been living without him. I had merely been existing. We both gasped for air a our bodies trembled from the force of our coming together. Finally he rolled to the side, separating us momentarily before pulling me to him again.

"I love you," he said, panting for air still. "Always and forever my Bella."

"Forever," I said returning the sentiment. We ay snuggled together like that until sleep claimed us.

…

"Daddy! Mom!" yelled Masen through the locked door. "You gonna get up yet?"

"I'm up," mumbled Edward in my ear, pressing his hardness against my leg.

"Mmmmm," I said, moving against him.

"Mama! Daddy!" Masen said again, knocking on the door in a very Emmett-like fashion.

"Good morning, Masen," I called out. "We're just waking up. Did you come here without permission again?"

"Nope, Nana brought breakfast for you and she said I could stay and eat with you," he said happily.

"Cockblocking mother," Edward muttered as I reluctantly stood up.

"Just be patient, Mase," I said as I looked around for my clothes. I had everything but my bra when Edward got up and started. Masen was still waiting by the door, as patiently as a six year old boy can. He was completely dressed before me.

"Help me find it please," I said as I bent over to look under the bed.

"Mama! Are you ready yet?" Masen asked.

I looked at Edward who was smiling devilishly.

"What?" I asked him. He smiled again and pointed up. The ceiling fan on the ceiling was looking a lot whiter than usual as it sported my bra.

I giggled and Edward reached up and pulled it down for me. I put it on and clasped it, sighing as I did so. I pulled my shirt down and opened the door.

"Finally!" Masen said with an exasperated sigh.

"Masen!" I warned. I didn't like rudeness.

"I'm sorry," he said with a scowl. "Nana said I should be patient but we have to eat breakfast before we can get ready to go. And you told me you'd help me pack my toys... and we're going on the plane today."

I actually felt bad for scolding him. This was all new and exciting for him. He probably didn't even remember the last time he'd been on a plane, let alone the excitement of finally being with his dad.

"You're right," I said, smiling and getting down on his level. "And what else are we going to do?"

"We're gonna go see the Space Needle, and the zoo, and Daddy said we might even go to Disneyland!" he cheered.

"I didn't hear anything about Disneyland," I said turning to Edward.

"I didn't promise Disneyland, Buddy," Edward said, looking flustered. "Do you remember what we talked about?"

"But you said Disneyland was close to Seattle," Masen said.

"No," Edward said, looking at me to help him. "You asked if I lived close to Disneyland and I said what?"

Masen screwed up his face like he was contemplating the answer. "That Disneyland was still a long long way from Seattle... but it's closer than Prince Rupert, right?"

"It is," Edward said. "And what did I say about going to Disneyland?"

"That we would be really busy doing stuff on this trip but if I was really good, and Mommy said yes, that we could go before I turn 8," he said with a resigned sigh.

Edward looked relieved that he had managed to avoid any major kerfuffle with this discussion and smiled in relief.

"I think that would be a good choice for our next trip," I said, baking both boys up.

"Really?" Masen asked.

"Yeah," I said, ruffling his hair.

"Okay," he said with a smile. "Let's eat so we can go pack my toys."

I laughed at him and we went to the picnic basket.

"Yum," I said, knowing the answer before I even asked the question. The smell from the basket was a dead giveaway. "Who made these muffins?"

"I did!" Masen said. "Nana helped me."

"Are they banana chocolate chip?" I asked.

"Uh huh," Masen said. "I did the chocolate chips... and I squished the bananas too."

We sat back and enjoyed our breakfast, but the second that Edward and I were done eating, Masen was tugging is tpwards the door.

"Hold on, Buddy," Edward said laughing. "We need to clean up before we go anywhere."

Masen looked around at the rose petals that were still littering the room, and frowned. "Well who killed all the flowers anyways?"

We made a game of it, and I'll admit the game took longer to play then it would have if I had just done the work myself. But both my boys were smiling and happy so I couldn't complain. I even stripped the bedding off the bed, and Edward volunteered to carry it back to the laundry room at the lodge. I put the rest of our breakfast mess in the picnic basket, and carried it with me as we walked back to the lodge.

Now Prince Rupert is known as the city of liquid sunshine for a reason and that reason reared it's ugly head half way back to the lodge as it started coming down in buckets.

"Run!" Masen yelled as the rain beat down on us. Soon Edward and I joined in and began to hurry back to the lodge. Unfortunately, with the large basket in my hand, and the pile of laundry in Edward's we didn't see the mud puddle until it jumped up and bit us, literally. Edward hit it first, his feet skidding every which way. I tried to stop on time but was unfortunately too late for that. The picnic basket and laundry went flying as both Edward and I landed on our asses in the mud. He looked at me in shock for a moment before the look of concern crossed his face. The fact that he was concerned wasn't funny, in fact, I found it rather endearing, BUT the look of concern on his face with mud dripping from his eyebrows and caked in his hair... That was funny. That was really funny.

I tried, I really did, but I just couldn't stop myself. First came the snort. I bit my lip. It was followed by a titter. I held my breath. The giggle broke free anyways and before I knew it I was full out laughing. Edward just stared at me at first, then he huffed, and the corner of his mouth came up though he tried not to smile. Then he chuckled. "Is there something funny, Bella?" he asked with as much seriousness as he could muster.

"You're covered in mud," I giggled.

"As are you," he said, with an evil glint in his eye.

"Edward," I said, stopping my laughing.

"Bella," he said, moving closer to me in the mud.

"Edward!" I warned. It had been years since I had seen it, but I knew that glint in his eye, and it never meant anything good.

He smirked. He damn well smirked.

"Edward," I said trying to move from my precarious position, sitting on my ass in the mud without taking my eyes off him.

It wasn't working. Mud was simply sliding into places where it hadn't been before. Edward leaned onto his hands and knees and crawled towards me. When his face was inches from mine, he looked at me and squinted his eyes, trying to be scary.

"Did you laugh at me?" he asked.

"With you," I said, biting my lip to keep from laughing again.

"I don't believe I was laughing," he said, trying to keep his smile at bay.

"You should have been," I said cheekily. I was going down no matter what, I might as well enjoy it.

"And how is it that I have mud in my hair, on my face and all over really and you only have it on your bottom half?" he asked, maintaining his serious composure.

"I splashed you?" I asked, assuming that was probably why he was more covered than I.

"You splashed me," he agreed. "The question is, what am I going to do about it."

"Kiss me, and then help me get the muddy laundry and picnic basket back to the lodge?" I asked hopefully.

"Possible," he said, enjoying tormenting me far too much for that. "Maybe I will kiss you first." He leaned forward and I lifted my lips to try to meet his. He was having none of that and used his body to cause me to lay back a bit. I felt the mud start to rise ip the inside of my jacket and gasped at the coldness of it.

He smirked.

That did it, the gloves were off. I lifted my hand, thoroughly soaked in mud and pressed it to his face, scrambling to my knees and trying to get away when he sat back in shock. That shock didn't last long and before I could get anywhere, Edward tackled me to the ground so I was covered in mud from the neck down. I squeaked and rolled over, pressing my mud covered chest to his.

Then he laughed, and I laughed... and then we kissed. Just as the kiss started to heat up...

"Momma!" Masen said, standing there with wide eyes. "How come I'm not allowed to play in the mud if you are?"

I didn't have an answer. Hell, if playing in the mud is this much fun, who am I to deny my child that right. I nodded my head at Edward, letting him know it was time to get Masen involved in this family mud bath. Edward pounced like a puma. Poor Masen never knew what hit him until he was on his bottom in the mud next to me. He laughed and smiled, rolling over and getting completely covered in mud.

It was a Prince Rupert version of a snowball fight. Only with mud instead of snow. By the time we managed to come up for air, Masen and Edward were completely covered in mud, their trademark copper hair completely obscured by the thick gooey substance. In fact if it wasn't for the matching piercing green eyes, I would never have been able to tell that it was them.

"I guess we should go get cleaned up," Edward said, looking at me. I nodded in agreement and we managed to get up out of the mud. He looked at me and Masen, and finally himself.

"I hope you have a hose," he laughed.

"I can do you one better," I said to him. "I have a fisherman's shower."

"What the heck is a fisherman's shower?" he asked with a laugh as we collected our dropped possessions.

"Mase?" I asked, looking at him to see if he wanted to explain.

"It's a outside shower that we use when we're too yucky to come inside without stinking up the place," Masen said.

"It's usually used for the guests who spend the day fishing," I explained.

"Yeah," Masen agreed. "So they don't come in smelling like fish guts."

We went into the shower room, which was actually 4 individual shower stalls, and Bella asked Masen if she wanted her to help him.

"No, Daddy can help me," he said. This was a first. In the week since Edward and the family arrived, Edward had assisted me while helping him shower and get ready for bed, but had never actually given him a shower or bath by himself. Oh well, trial by fire.

"Make sure to get all clean. That means wash your hair, Mase," I said with a smirk, knowing he was not the easiest kid to get clean.

"Yes, Mama," he said with a sigh as he headed into one of the stalls.

"Are you sure?" Edward asked, pausing outside the door, looking a little uncertain.

"Positive," I said. "There is a robe behind the door and towels on the shelf."

"You mean, I am supposed to get naked too?" he asked, looking flustered.

"You do have the same equipment," I said, trying not to giggle. "What's the problem?"

"No problem," he said quickly. "I just... I don't want to mess up."

"Edward," I said, putting my arms around him. "You are going to mess up. You will do it over and over again."

He looked down at me completely horrified.

"It's part of being a parent. I do it all the time," I told him.

"Like?" he asked, needing an example.

I couldn't decide to go serious or not at first, but then I knew just what to say.

"When I snuck Masen out the window," I told him.

"What?" he asked.

"When I was willing to take Masen and run," I said to him. "It was a mistake. No matter what the unknowns in the situation were, I was teaching him to run away from them. There were lots of possible outcomes that I was unwilling to face. I could have dealt with it so much better."

"But you came back," he said.

"And that was one of my better parenting decisions," I said.

"So far you've managed to screw up this parenting thing once," I told him.

"But what a doozy it was," he said.

"We've been over this," I said, leaning against his muddy chest. "We know that there wasn't a choice for us."

"But you also did right, too," I told him. "You looked for us, and you never gave up."

"Bella, that wasn't as altruistic as you seem to think it was," he said.

"If I had talked to you that night. If I had asked you to leave and never come back... Would you have?" I asked him, my voice low so that Masen wouldn't overhear.

"Bella..." he said.

"I would have tried," he said. "But I don't think I could have stayed away... not unless I knew that both of you were better off without me."

"So if I had been married, and Masen was calling another man daddy, you would have walked away?" I asked.

"Yes," he said. "I would have said my piece and I would have walked away if that was what you wanted and what you felt was best for our son."

"And that makes you the most unselfish parent on the planet," I said to him. "I love you."

"I love you," he said. "With all that I am and will ever be."

"Daddy!" Masen called from inside the cubicle. "I need help with the shampoo."

"See you later, Daddy," I said, kissing him.

"I love you," he said, as he pulled away. I smiled and turned around. "Bella? Is there a robe for Mase in there as well?"

"No," I said, smiling at him. "Just wrap Masen in a towel until you get inside, then he can get dressed for the day again. All the shampoo and soap is in the shower. I'll see you in a few minutes. Put all the dirty laundry,in the pile with the bedding and I'll grab it and wash it. Maybe we can save it all."

"If not I'll replace everything," Edward said, smiling. "It was well worth it."

He disappeared into his cubicle and I listened to him and Masen for a little while before heading into my own cubicle to shower. After I got all the mud out, I dried off and slipped on the robe. The showers were quiet and I knew Masen and Edward must be done and back in the house already. I grabbed the large pile of muddy laundry and brought it into the heavy duty washers we had. With all the rain up here, mud was a common problem.

"Hey, Boss," Seth said, coming into the laundry room.

"Hey, Seth," I said. "You guys ready to handle this?"

"Of course," he said, his boyish grin in full force.

"Esme and Carlisle can help a lot... but if you need me, just give a call and I'll see what I can do," I said.

"I'm sure we'll manage," he said.

"Heard anything from Jake?" I asked him, sighing sadly.

"No," he said. "Don't keep beating yourself up about him. He's a big boy and you never led him to believe that there was ever going to be more between you than friendship."

"He was a friend, a good friend..." I said. "I can't believe I never suspected anything..."

"I never knew how far it had gone, and I've known him since I was in diapers," Seth said, smiling sadly.

"How is Billy doing?" I asked.

"He's sad about Jake, but he knows that you've always dealt with him fairly, and that you've never led him to believe there could be more. And not only from what I have said, but from what he has witnessed over the years himself," he said.

"I just wish it didn't have to be this way," I said sadly.

"I know," he said. "He isn't alone though. Someone goes to see him every day or two and he seems to be accepting everything. He needs to come back to reality."

"He needs medical attention," I said. "Maybe I should talk to Carlisle."

"Things are done differently here," he said. "Let the elders deal with him. It's not like he's dangerous... He's still Jake."

"I guess it won't even matter, at least not for a while. It's not like we'll be here... You just be careful, too. He may feel like you are taking his spot here," I said.

"Don't worry about me. Jake knows that I am here and he is happy about it because I can keep my eye on you," he said.

"Does he know that Masen and I are going to Seattle?" I asked.

"No," he said. "We aren't telling him anything about you, other than that you and Masen are nt his concern. Now you need to stop worrying about him."

"He was my friend... I will always worry about him," I said.

"I know you will," Seth said. "You are a good person, Bella. I am glad to have known you."

"Me too, Seth," I said, turning to give him a hug.

"You better go get yourself packed. You have a plane to catch this afternoon," he said.

"Will do," I said.

I headed into our suite and searched for Masen and Edward immediately. I found them sitting on Masen's bed with a copy of The Lord of The Rings, as Edward told Masen about Frodo, Gandalf, Bilbo, and all the goings on in Middle Earth. It had been one of Edward's favorite books and he had asked me about reading it to Masen a few days prior, even going so far as to pick up a new copy when we went into town. Watching them snuggled close together, sharing something that Edward loved, and I knew Masen would love, warmed my heart. Tears rushed to my eyes as I stood silently listening to Edward's voice telling Masen the story. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought that he would be back in my life this way, that he would fit in so seamlessly and completely. I had allowed myself to believe that he didn't love me enough... that he didn't want our son, but he did. He loved us both and we were going to make together.

I smiled to myself as I backed out of the room, happy that my presence had gone unnoticed. I finished packing my bag and tidied up the last of Edward's stuff that he was bringing, not that he was bringing a lot, most of his stuff was in the closet and drawers for him to come home to. I placed our bags in the sitting room and finally got dressed. I put on some comfortable traveling clothes and made my way back to Masen's room. The sight in front of me nearly stopped my heart. Edward was asleep, one of his arms behind his head, and the other wrapped around Masen. Masen was sleeping too, curled into a ball with his head on Edward's chest. The book lay open across Edward's stomach. I smiled and made my way silently into the room, grabbing Masen's bag and packing a few toys for him. Neither of my boys even flinched as I moved through the room.

Once I had Masen's bags with the rest of our luggage, I made my way out to the lodge to see the others. Esme was in the kitchen with the girls, happily learning the running of the kitchen while Carlisle and Seth were out roaming the property, doing God knows what. Alice and Rose were packing for their families while Emmett and Jasper were keeping their kids occupied by watching movies in the lounge. I headed into my office and arranged the last of the papers for my extended absence. I happily lost myself in signing paychecks, paperwork and checking with my suppliers. I didn't even look up until a sleepy looking Edward cleared his throat from my doorway.

"Hey," he said, crooked smirk firmly in place and his normally messy hair even more so.

"Hi, Sleepy Head," I said.

"Mase fell asleep," he said.

"I saw that," I said. "How far into Middle Earth did you get?"

"A fair ways," he said. "I see you got our bags all packed."

"I did," I said. "And this is all set for the next little bit. The rest I should be able to do over the phone."

"Good," he said, walking across the room to stand in front of me. "When do we leave?"

"Well, since we are chartering directly to Seattle, thanks to your parents, we should be at the dock in about an hour," I said.

"Everyone else is packed and we are about to have a massive lunch before we head out," he said.

I stood up and wrapped my arms around him and smiled. "I love you," I said to him, as I felt his arms wind around me.

"I love you too," he said.

I rested my head against him and just relaxed in his arms, having missed this part of Edward the most during our time apart. He was my center, he excited me, and relaxed me. When the world was in turmoil around me, he was the one who grounded me and when I was down, he had brought me up. And I was those things to him too.

We joined the gang for lunch, happily watching our son interacting with the other kids.

"So, Eddie," Emmett said. "I guess Ali was right."

"How was she right?" Edward asked, ignoring the Eddie jibe.

"She said this trip would be the end of Emo-Eddie," Emmett said, chuckling to himself.

"What's Emo?" Masen asked.

Rosalie slapped the back of Emmett's head.

"It means sad," Edward answered.

"Why were you sad?" Masen asked.

"Because you and your momma were here and I wasn't," Edward answered.

"So you're not sad anymore?" he asked.

"Not at all," Edward answered, smiling at him.

"Good, I don't like emo... It isn't good," Masen said, scowling slightly.

"You're right," I said.

We went on with lunch and I looked at my family. Esme was absolutely glowing, looking at Edward and I, and then to Masen. Carlisle sat at her side, happily, joining in conversation with everyone, including Seth and the girls who we insisted join us. Edward sat beside me, joining in conversation with our friends, with no signs of the brooding man he had apparently been over the last years. Rose, Alice, Jasper, and Emmett all looked happy and relaxed and the kids all fit together wonderfully. Even Emily, Leah and Seth looked relaxed, fitting into our group easily. Everything was perfect.

After lunch Seth shepherded us to the boat after we finished lunch and we had some last minute hugs as we prepared to get on the boat. The only boat that we had that was large enough for our group was our whale watching boat. Everyone was geared up in their life jackets, much to Emmett's displeasure. Rosalie set him straight pretty quickly and we were underway. Loading onto the plane was another experience. Emmett was far worse than any of the kids and finally Rosalie's steel gaze managed to shut him up long enough for the pilot and single crew member got us under way. The plane stayed lower than a commercial flight and so the kids got a good look at the coast line and ocean as we made our way to Seattle. Once we landed, it was time to go our separate ways. With hugs and kisses, and promises of get-togethers later in the week, we each hopped into separate taxis.

"Are we going to your house, Daddy?" Masen asked Edward.

"Yup," Edward said. "We have to get it already to pack up so we can go back to Prince Rupert."

"You're staying forever right?" Masen confirmed.

"Right," Edward said.

"But we get to go to the zoo, and the aquarium... and the space needle... and Forks too so I can play at Grandpa Charlie's park?" he asked.

"Yeah, Buddy," I said. "We're going to do lots of stuff. Sometimes Daddy will need to be working though."

"Can we see your hospital?" he asked.

"You bet," Edward answered.

It was evening by the time we reached Edward's apartment and since Masen was hungry we just dropped off our stuff and went out to find a restaurant.

"What does Masen eat?" Edward asked as we strolled along the street.

"Everything," I said. "He isn't picky."

"I don't like peppers, Momma," Masen corrected.

"Shall we try mexican?" Edward asked.

"I haven't had any really good mexican food in a while," I said.

"Can I have a burrito?" Masen asked excitedly. "Or maybe a quesadilla?"

"You bet," I said.

We found a small mexican restaurant and went in. The hostess hurried over and took a long look at Edward, not even paying any attention to me or Masen. Edward noticed her leering and wrapped his arm around my waist, holding me to him possessively, while holding Masen's hand with his free arm.

"Hey," she said, pushing her chest out and batting her eyelashes. "Welcome to Mi Hacienda. How can I help you?"

"My _family_ and I need a table for three," Edward said, completely ignoring her blatant attempts at flirting.

"This way," she said, scowling momentarily. Masen chatted to her happily, telling her bits and pieces about our life.

"We live in Canada, close to Alaska," he said.

"Are you here visiting?" she asked.

"My daddy was going to school to be a doctor but now he is coming home again. We just have to help him pack his bags," Masen volunteered.

"I see," she said.

"There is no good places in Prince Rupert to get a burrito so my momma and my Emily make me burritos. Do you guys make good burritos here? I like the kind with chicken and beans and rice and corn," Masen said, quickly filling the short trip to the table with inane chatter.

"We have great burritos here. I bet the chef will put corn on yours," she said.

She led us to a table in the middle of the room, but Edward waved her off, asking for something more private. She rolled her eyes but brought us to the back. Once we were seated she got down to Masen's level and asked what he wanted to drink.

"Um, chocolate milk?" Masen answered, more like a question than an answer.

"You are so handsome, just like your daddy," she said to him.

"Uh huh," Masen agreed happily. "Mommy says I'm going to be big like Daddy when I grow up, but I have to eat all my vegetables."

"I bet you will be," she said, tapping her finger on his nose.

"What can I get you two?" she asked.

"Bella?" Edward asked, allowing me to go first.

"I'll just have a bottle of water," I said. "Thank you."

"And I'll take a Corona," Edward added.

We ordered and ate our meals, even making room for an empanada at the end. The walk back to the apartment was slow as Masen was dragging. Edward offered him a ride and Masen accepted, climbing onto his dad's back. Once we reached the elevator, Masen's hold on Edward had loosened completely and soft snores were coming from his little body. We got into the apartment and lowered Masen to the bed. I slipped off his runners and jeans, letting him stay in his undies and shirt. We closed the door most of the way and Edward led me across the hall into his room.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you," I replied.

"Thank you," he said.

"What for?" I asked him.

"For taking a chance on me all those years ago in Forks," he said with a crooked smile. "For giving me a chance again when I didn't deserve it. For coming to Seattle with me. For our son, who is sleeping soundly across the hall. For being amazing, incredible, and sexy..."

I laughed.

"Well then, thank you," I said to him. "For seeing something in me that I never knew existed. For taking me from a shy and awkward teenager and giving me the confidence to grow and deal with all I had to deal with. For loving me, for never giving up on finding us. For not moving on. For loving our son and being an incredible daddy to him. For making me smile and laugh again..."

Our lovemaking was slow and passionate, filling us both up with the love that we had been missing during our time apart. As I fell asleep in Edward's arms that night, I was certain that our future only held bright things to come.


	18. Seattle

A/N: Sorry it's been so long. We have had a chaotic last six months... not that the the eight before that were a piece of cake. Anyways, I should have a fairly regular update schedule of one chapter every second week. For those that read my other stories, Vegas will be posted tomorrow, followed by Searching, A Mother's Choice, and even IWAV. A name change may be immanent as my name no longer fits my life... We will see. My new public service announcement. HELMETS SAVE LIVES! MAKE YOUR CHILDREN WEAR HELMETS WHILE SLEDDING. If I hadn't, I'd have been planning a funeral this week.

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Without further ado...

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BPOV

Our time in Seattle was perfect. The board had already been notified of Edward's desire to leave and had accepted his resignation with more grace than I expected. They did ask Edward to cover four shifts while one doctor was on vacation, but other than that our time was our own.

Masen loved the city. We did all the touristy things possible, taking in a Mariner's game, the zoo, the aquarium, Pike Place Market, as well as packing up Edward's personal belongings. We also visited Emmett and Rose one day and Jasper and Alice another. It was great.

After two weeks, just about everything was taken care of. Edward had managed to get his finalized work visa for Canada and a moving and storage company was set to come and get the remainder of Edward's belongings that weren't coming home with us. Even our trip home was scheduled. One more week.

Carlisle and Esme were in their element at the lodge and from the sounds of it, they would be doing what they could to spend long periods of time with us there, maybe even moving there permanently.

In my personal opinion, waking up in Edward's arms every morning was the best part of the whole trip, well, except for this morning.

"Oh God," I groaned as my stomach churned. Edward was still snoring softly behind me, his arm thrown over me. I desperately tried to move his arm off me so that I could get up. I knew whatever was left in my stomach was not going to stay there long. Edward protested sleepily and pulled me in tighter.

"Let me go," I all but yelled. He sat up in surprise, removing his arm at once. I bee-lined for the bathroom and proceeded to heave the entire contents of my stomach into the toilet.

"Oh God," I moaned as I noticed Edward behind me, holding my hair out of my way.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I think I ate something off," I moaned.

"We all ate the same thing yesterday," was all he said.

"The flu maybe," I said weakly as I leaned against him.

"Um," Edward said, seeming a little apprehensive.

"What?" I asked him.

"Are you done?" he asked.

"For now," I said, feeling my stomach lurch a little.

"Let's get you back to bed for a bit," he said.

"I need to brush my teeth first," I said, allowing him to help me stand. I brushed quickly, while Edward stood watch, apparently not trusting that I wasn't going to fall over or something. Once I was finished, he led me back to bed and crawled in behind me, holding me loosely. Though his hold was relaxed, his body wasn't and I could just feel that there was something brewing in his mind.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I asked him.

"I don't know how to even ask this," he said.

"Ask what?" I asked.

"I was just thinking..." he said.

"About me being sick?" I asked.

"That is what took my mind in that direction," he said.

"You're confusing me," I said. "Will you just spit it out already?"

"We haven't exactly been safe," he said.

"Meaning what?" I asked. It was early and his beating around the bush was getting me nowhere.

He sighed and then swallowed thickly. "Are you protected?"

"Protected?" I asked, densely, before it hit me. "Protected! Oh God! I never even... Oh my God!"

"So I take that as a no?" he asked, his hand caressing my side.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I never even thought," I said, starting to cry. A baby? I mean, there were times I thought about another child with Edward but they were just thoughts. We were just starting out again and I never once even thought...

"Hey," he said rolling me so I was facing him. "Why are you apologizing?"

"I didn't plan this. I just had no need for the pill, and..."

"Bella," he said. "Stop."

"Oh God!" I sobbed, not stopping. "I'm so sorry."

"Bella," he said, pulling my lips to his and kissing me. He kept his lips on mine, pressing tiny chaste kisses to my lips and finally all over my face as I calmed down.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. I didn't consider it either," he said. "Not until you were sick and I remembered before... with Masen."

"How did we not consider this?" I asked him. "We are so not ready for a baby."

"Why not?" he asked.

"We've only just found each other again," I said. "And Masen is just getting used to the idea that we are a family..."

"And adding a baby would be wrong?" he asked, almost sounding hurt.

"Not wrong, I guess. Just different," I conceded. His face cracking a small smile.

"Good different or bad different?" he asked, allowing his fingers to start tracing small circles on my abdomen. It felt good. It felt so good... I thought of all the times that I had hoped he would have done something like that while I was pregnant with Masen and it brought tears to my eyes again.

"Good," I said, reaching my hand down to his and holding it. "How do you feel about this?"

"Bittersweet," he said with a sad smile. "I am so happy to be here, to be holding you and sharing this with you. But it reminds me of what I should have done for our son."

"Edward, you can't..." I said to him, ready to try to stop him from beating himself up again for the choices he had made years ago.

"I'm not, Bella. I know I can't change it, but I missed so much..." he said.

"You're here now, and that's what we need to focus on," I said.

"I will be here. Every step of the way," he said.

"I love you," I told him, holding him close.

"I love you. I can't wait to share all this with you," he said, running his finger softly over my abdomen.

"So far all you've shared is me throwing up," I said, rolling my eyes.

"You know what I mean," he said. "I get to be the silly guy heading into the drug store to buy you a test... I get to wait outside the bathroom door while you take the test and then I get to hold you and celebrate when the test tells us we are having another baby." His face went dark after saying that, like the excitement that had been there seconds ago was now gone.

"Edward, are you okay?" I asked him.

"It just reminds me what I should have done with Masen," he said sadly. "Instead of freaking out and making you do it alone, I should have danced for joy when I saw our baby in those pictures. I should have..."

"We've covered this, Edward," I said. "We can't allow ourselves to live in the past. It is what it is, and we can't change that. You know what would have happened if you hadn't freaked. Jenks would have approached me and I would have been gone."

"You can't know that," he said.

"Oh, but I do," I told him. "If he had told me what he told me in that office. If he had told me that you and our child were in danger, I would have done whatever I had to do to keep you both safe," I said to him.

"You didn't even talk about yourself in that," he said. "No mention of keeping yourself safe at all."

"Implied," I said, rolling my eyes again. "It would have killed me to leave you, but I would have done it in the blink of an eye if it meant keeping you safe. You made the same judgement call, so how can I blame you for your choices?"

"Never again," he said. "This time we are together, no matter what. If I have to give up my parents and our friends. If I can never practice medicine again and we have to live our lives in an igloo in the Arctic, I am here. I can't lose you and Masen again. I can't. And even this little bean..."

"You don't even know for sure that I'm pregnant," I snorted. "It could be the flu."

"It isn't," he said firmly, laying his hand flat over my lower abdomen. "Our future is in there. Masen's little brother or sister, our little baby."

Happy tears filled my eyes as I imagined myself pregnant again. As Edward lowered his head to place a kiss on my abdomen, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt it wouldn't be like the last time. I wouldn't be alone. "Well then," I sniffled. "It's time for your first daddy duty for this one."

"Yeah?" he asked, his green eyes sparkling.

"I think the drug store on the corner is open at 7:00am," I said, looking at the clock that read 6:55.

He smiled, looking at the clock himself, and hopped out of bed like a man on a mission. His clothes were on quickly and he grabbed his wallet from the dresser, pressed a kiss to my lips and headed out the door.

"And Edward..." I said, as he stepped into the hallway.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"I only need one," I said. He smiled his crooked smile at me and practically ran out the door. I lay back against the pillows as I heard the front door close and allowed myself to think about a baby, our baby. Boy or girl, I was pretty sure that Edward's bronze locks would overpower my own dark brown tresses. Would they get his and Masen's green eyes as well? I closed my eyes imagining our child.

_I wake in the middle of the night. The spot next to me in bed is empty but rumpled, letting me know that Edward had been there. Had he gone in to the hospital? I slide out of bed, tiptoeing down the hall, checking in Masen's room, seeing him sprawled across the bed, his bronze hair in complete disarray, and a soft snore coming from his lips. Then across the hall. Opening the door and peering into the nursery. The walls are painted pink, since Alice and Esme would have had it no other way, and whimsical flowers and butterflies are hand painted throughout. It is whimsical and bright, lit only by the soft nightlight in the corner. I look past the dark wood crib, covered in white bedding to a rocking chair in the corner. Edward is there, his eyes closed and his head leaned back. He looks so peaceful and content, but it isn't the soft smile on his lips, or the lullaby that he's humming that has my attention, it's the tiny baby in his arms. She is simply a tiny burrito, swaddled in pink. Neither Edward, nor our daughter, notice me as I lean against the door jam watching them. They are lost in their own world. I want to cross the floor to see the baby, but the peacefulness of the situation leaves my feet stuck where they are. I smile at them, knowing all is right with our world, and I close the door and tiptoe back to bed._

When I wake again, Edward is there. His arms are wrapped around me and we are no longer in the bedroom in my dream. We are in the sparsely furnished room in the Seattle apartment and Edward is wrapped around me. The clock now reads 8:04 am and I can hear the soft sound of cartoons from the other room.

"Are you awake?" I asked Edward.

"Um hmm," he said softy, kissing my neck.

"I fell asleep," I said, feeling rather embarrassed that I had managed to do that when I was supposed to be waiting for him to bring home the test.

"And you were smiling in your sleep. Must have been a good dream," he said, running his hands along my abdomen.

"It was," I said, rolling over to face him.

"Gonna share?" he asked.

"Maybe later," I said, moving to sit up. The nausea reared it's ugly head again and I fell back against the pillow with a groan.

"Still feeling bad?" Edward asked, brushing my hair from my face.

"Yes," I said, closing my eyes and swallowing thickly.

"I got you some ginger ale," he said. "Would you like to try some?"

"Not yet," I said. "Let me try this again." I sat up slower this time, and while the nausea was still present, it wasn't overpowering.

"You okay?" Edward asked as I stood up. I nodded, not entirely trusting opening my mouth just yet. I took a few deep breaths through my nose while Edward stood beside me looking on with concern.

"Well, let's get this done," I said as soon as I managed to get my nausea under control. "Where's the test?"

Edward looked at me sheepishly and pointed to the bathroom. "In my defense there were a lot to choose from."

"How many?" I asked him, trying to be stern but truly amused by his antics.

"Four," he said.

"Edward!" I laughed. "One would have sufficed."

"But I didn't know which one was the best. One has a plus or minus sign, the other has one or two pink lines, the third is smiley face or frowny face, and the last has it in words," he said, looking rather sheepish.

"And they all tell you the same thing," I said.

"That I'm gonna be a dad again. And I promise Bella, we will do it right this time. I will be there to rub your feet or anything else you might need. We are in this together no matter what," he said.

"No matter what," I agreed, as I pulled him to me. "Besides, you are talking like this is a done deal. We don't even know for sure that I'm pregnant."

"You are," he said, his tone completely certain.

"What if you're wrong?" I asked, not wanting him to be disappointed if the test came out negative.

"I'm not," he said, showing me his cocky grin.

"Edward," I whined, wanting him to be serious.

"Bella, if you aren't, then I guess the time wasn't right yet. If you aren't pregnant now, then we'll sit down and talk about what we want to happen and when. I want everything with you. I want to be a family with you and our son and whatever other children may grace our lives, if any. I never believed I would find the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with at 17-years-old in Forks, Washington, but I did. I want to marry you and grow old together, sharing everything life has to give us," he said, looking into my eyes. I could see his eyes sparking and knew that he truly meant every word he said. Every word!

"You want to marry me?" I asked, clarifying

"I do," he said. "I want you to be my wife more than anything. I've looked at the ring I bought you a million times, dreaming of the day I could put it on your finger."

"You bought me a ring?" I asked.

"Before... before everything happened I did. I knew I wanted you to be my wife from the very first day in Forks. This ring," he said picking up my hand. "This was supposed to be a promise of things to come. I love you more than anything. I have looked at it every day, hoping that I would see it on your finger one day..."

"How about today?" I asked him.

"What do you mean?" he asked. "Of course today..." I held up my hand for him.

"Ask me today," I said, biting my lip. I had truly been happy where we were, but knowing that he wanted to move forward... well it made me realize I wanted that too. I wanted everything with Edward and I was willing to take the leap of faith to make that happen.

"Really?" he asked, his lip pulling up in a half smile.

"Yes," I said, happily. "I don't want to wait, Edward. I feel that is all we have both done. I want to be with you, you want to be with me... Why wait?"

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," he said, his brow scowling, though the smile was still on his lips.

"Like what?" I asked, confused.

"It was supposed to be romantic and something you would remember for the rest of our lives," he said.

"You know me," I told him. "I haven't ever wanted or needed the grand gesture."

"It should at least be romantic," he protested.

"It is," I said with a smile. "You're only half dressed."

"Are you only marrying me cuz I knocked you up again?" he asked, smirking to tell me he was joking around.

"You betcha," I joked. "You get one freebie, but the second requires a wedding band."

"I love you so much," he said, laughing as he pulled me into his arms.

"I love you too," I said, running my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

"So, you are going to let me make an honest woman out of you?" he asked.

"Uh huh," I agreed.

"Can I ask you properly at least?" he asked.

"Properly?" I asked.

"Definitely need to do it properly," he said.

"Okay," I agreed.

He put me down and made his way to the other side of the bed, picking up his laptop case.

"If you don't like this, we'll buy you a new one," he said.

"You really bought me a ring?" I asked.

He held up a ring in his hand and I placed my hand over my mouth.

"I wanted to put this on your finger years ago, and I let my fears get in the way. I have held onto it ever since, hoping and praying that I'd get the chance to give it to you one day," he said, smiling his sexy crooked smile.

"Edward, I..." I started to say.

"For years I wore it on a chain around my neck. I couldn't wear the one that had been on your finger because the police had confiscated it as part of their investigation so this was as close as I could get," he said. "It was always meant to be yours."

I bit my lip as I watched him move back towards me. His confident smile replaced by a look of trepidation.

"Bella," he said as he reached my side, and grabbed my left hand. "You have owned my heart since the first time I saw you. You are the most beautiful person I have ever known, both inside and out. Even in high school I dreamed of the day I could make you my wife. That has never changed. Isabella Marie Swan, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"Yes," I whispered, not trusting my voice to speak any louder than that.

"Yeah?" he asked, rubbing my ring finger.

"Yes. Yes, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. I want to be your wife," I said. He slid the ring onto my finger and lifted my hand to his mouth to place a soft kiss on it. He lifted my right hand and did the same next to the promise ring he had given me all those years before.

"It looks good on you," he said, his eyes moving back to the ring on my left hand. "I like it there."

"Me too," I said, biting my lip.

"Yeah?" he asked. He was smiling ear to ear and his eyes danced with happiness. He looked like a kid on Christmas morning.

"Yeah," I said.

"When do you want to marry me?" he asked happily. "I'm sure Alice..."

"No Alice," I said to him.

"No Alice?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"That would look weird," he said. "I mean Rosalie..."

"No Rose," I said.

"No Rose?" he asked.

"Uh uh," I said.

"Who then?"

"Just us," I told him. "You and me. And Masen of course."

I didn't want a spectacle. Anything that would have included Alice, Rose or Esme would have insured that. Once upon a time that had been my dream, too. The dress, the party, the church, walking down the aisle on my father's arm... That dream died with him. Now I wanted simple. I had always known Edward was it for me. When we were together, when we were apart, it didn't matter, he had my heart. He had claimed it years ago in Forks.

"When?" he asked, a small smile dancing on his lips.

"Today?" I asked him.

"You know they'll kill us," he said, smiling a little more.

"I know," I said softly.

"You and me," he said, almost as a question, his smile getting brighter.

"And Masen," I added.

"That's all I need," he said, his smile taking over his face.

"So?" I asked him, biting my lip.

"Vegas?" he asked.

"Just here," I said to him. "Get a license and head to the court house."

"We'll probably have to wait," he said. "There is usually a waiting period."

"That's fine," I said to him. "I can wait a day or two. We just won't be able to tell Masen until then. He's liable to tell Esme or Rose, or God forbid, Alice. He spends far too much time on the phone with your parents or playing with the other kids. He'd is not one to keep a secret, and he'd probably give us away even if he tried his best... and then we'd be back at square one."

"Good idea," he said.

"And you're sure about this?" I asked him. "If you want the whole big wedding..."

"Bella, I want you," he said. "I don't care how we do it. I had always envisioned you walking down the aisle to me in a big poofy white dress that either Esme or Alice had forced you into..."

"On my father's arm," I finished for him.

"Yeah," he said, wiping a tear from my cheek that I didn't even realize was there.

"We could do that... without Charlie, of course," I said.

"Even in my visions, nothing ever mattered but you and me. It wasn't about Charlie, or our friends, or my parents. It's you and me, and now Masen too," he said.

"And maybe a new baby too," I added.

"I'm sure of it," he said, his crooked grin lighting his face and a mischievous glint in his eye.

"And how can you be so certain?" I asked him.

"Super sperm," he answered, making me laugh out.

"Super sperm?" I giggled.

"Exactly," he said, smiling at me.

"You are awfully sure of yourself, Dr. Cullen," I teased.

"That I am, Mrs. Cullen," he said.

"I like that," I said.

"Me too," he said. "You ready to take the test?"

"You mean tests," I corrected.

"Sue me. I was excited," he said, a crooked smile back on his lips.

"I'm glad," I said.

We cuddled for a bit more before his nerves got the better of him and he pulled away nervously. "Are you ready to prove me right?" he asked.

"We'll see," I told him, already knowing he was right. I could just feel it in my bones.

I headed into the bathroom and took the tests, washing my hands and opening the door before even looking at them again.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Yup," I said.

"Let's do it," he said, picking up the first test and turning it over.

"Smiley face," he said, grinning ear to ear.

"Positive," I said, looking at the second one.

"Two lines," he said looking at the third one, his smile filling his whole face.

"Plus sign," I said picking up the last one.

I stood there grinning at him and watched as his eyes got glassy. Before I could comprehend what he was doing, he dropped to his knees on the floor and lifted my shirt.

"Hi, Little One," he said to my still flat belly. "I'm your daddy. I promise to be there with you, your Mama, and your big brother always."

"I love you," I said to him, running my fingers through his hair.

"As I love you," he said. "Now let's get ready and see about making an honest woman out of you."

"I like the way you think, Dr. Cullen," I said. He stood up and pressed a soft kiss against my lips.

We moved around the bedroom, getting dressed and ready to go. We decided to get breakfast at the little bistro down the street before heading to the registrar's office to arrange our marriage license. According to the internet, there was a two day waiting period which Edward was certain could be shortened if you 'greased the wheel'. We grabbed our breakfast and headed down to the office.

"Why are we here, Mommy?" Masen asked as Edward talked to the clerk.

"Daddy is getting his license," I answered.

"Like for driving?" he asked.

"Sort of," I answered. "But this one is much more important."

Thankfully he dropped the subject and busied himself with his newest Bionicle, while Edward and I filled out the necessary forms. The clerk was happy to fast-track our license and we would be able to pick it up the next day. The rest of the day was spent doing last minute things to prepare for the move, and I managed to break away from my boys long enough to pick out a simple white summer dress for the wedding.

"Why don't we head to Forks after the ceremony tomorrow," Edward suggested quietly as we climbed into bed that night.

"Oh," I said to him. "I'd love to... but what if people see us?"

"We won't get there until after four. I was thinking we could go to the park, then to the cemetery. The house is still furnished, just closed up so we can stay there."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said. "Then we'll be on our way home by next week."

"I'd like that," I said. "Maybe we can even head down to First Beach..."

"Or maybe we could book a night at the cabin," he said. "I bet Masen would like it there."

"Could we?" I asked excitedly.

"Anything for you, Mrs. Cullen," he said kissing me.

"I love you," I told him, kissing him. As the kissing deepened, I pressed my body against Edward, hitching my leg over his hip.

"God, Bella," he moaned.

Clothes were shed quickly, and Edward laid me back on the pillows, positioning himself over me. "You are so beautiful," he said to me. "I love you." As soon as he said the words, he pushed into me, joining us once more.

"Edward," I cried out, at the joining, enjoying the feeling of being fully connected to the only man I had ever loved. "I love you." The final words came more as a whimper than anything. We moved together, exploring with hands, bodies, and mouthes, neither of us in a hurry to reach our climaxes. Words passed between us, promises of love, and forever. It was perfect.

It was inevitable that we would reach our peaks, hitting them almost simultaneously and crying out into each other's mouthes when the overwhelming feelings got too much to acknowledge our need to be quiet. Afterwards, I lay sated, Edward's head resting on my chest and my hand running through his sweaty hair.

"They are going to kill us," I said softly to him.

"That they are," he agreed.

"You think they'll ever forgive us?" I asked him, as he rolled onto his back, tugging me to change positions.

"They will," he said. "But I guarantee the baby shower will be epic!"

"Oh no," I said, nestling my body into his for a few minutes before I got up to throw some clothes on.

I never did get any clothes on and I woke up to the sound of Edward talking to Masen in the hall outside our door.

"Today is a very special day," Edward said.

"How come?" he asked.

"Your mom and I are doing something important today," he said. "And I really need your help."

"With what?" he asked.

"Well you see," Edward said. "Mom and I are getting married today and I want to make her something special for breakfast first."

"You're getting married? For real?" Masen asked loudly and excitedly.

"Shhh," Edward said to him, obviously trying to let me sleep. "For real. How do you feel about that?"

"We'll be a real family like Aunt Ali and Uncle Jazz, and Uncle Em and Aunt Rosie?" he asked, obviously trying to be quiet.

"Yup," Edward said. I could even hear the smile in his voice.

"Do I get to have a brother or a sister too?" Masen asked, causing Edward to choke. "You okay, Daddy?"

"I'm fine," Edward said. "Would you like a brother or sister?" He was getting good at this parenting stuff.

"Yeah," Masen said. "Either one would be okay. The guys all think Izzy is icky but I think she's pretty cool. I just don't like playing dolls. Would I have to play dolls if I had a sister?"

"I don't think so," Edward said.

"Good," Masen said. "So am I gonna have one?"

"One?" Edward asked.

"Yeah, you know," Masen said. "A brother or sister."

"Not right away," Edward said. "It takes some time for these things to happen."

"Okay," Masen said. "So what are we doing for Mom?"

"I think we should make her a special breakfast," Edward said to him.

"Do you know how to cook good?" Masen asked, the critical tone in his voice nearly made me laugh out loud. Edward had cooked once since we got here, and it was good, but I had done the lion's share of the cooking.

"I do okay," Edward said.

"Well, Mom likes waffles with strawberries," he said. "That's what me and Emily made her for Mother's Day."

"That's a little out of my range," Edward said. "Plus I don't think we have the right ingredients."

"Okay," he said. "So what can you cook?"

"Scrambled eggs?" Edward asked.

"Maybe we should just go out for breakfast," Masen said.

Edward and Masen's voices drifted down the hall I sat up slowly and nibbled the crackers that Edward had left on my bedside table, smiling at his thoughtfulness. I sat up slowly and made my way to the bathroom to begin my morning routine. There was a little yellow post it note on the mirror.

_I love you Bella Cullen, today, tomorrow and always._

Bella Cullen. That was what I had always envisioned becoming, and by some miracle, it was finally happening. Today I would be Bella Cullen. I remember the first time I had dared to try on that name. I was 17 years old, a new resident of Forks, Washington, and had just been on my first date with Edward. Arriving home, I had said a quick goodnight to Charlie, before making my way up to my bedroom. My lips still tingled from the soft kiss Edward had placed on my lips at the front door, and the sweet kisses we had shared in Port Angeles. I had flopped down on my bed and sighed, thinking of our date. I knew already that I wanted to spend forever with him, so I lay there thinking of our future, a future that included me becoming his wife. "Bella Cullen," I had whispered into the air for the first time.

Today, almost ten years after those first whispered words left my lips, it was finally coming true.

"Bella Cullen," I whispered again, smiling as the words passed my lips.

I stepped into the shower, thankful that the crackers and slow wake up had seemed to settle my stomach for the time being. I took my time in the shower, making sure that my body was primped properly. When I stepped out of the shower, I plugged the blow dryer in and carefully dried my long hair, while looking at the little post it again.

"Good morning, soon to be Mrs. Cullen," Edward crooned as I stepped out into the bedroom wearing just a towel.

"Good morning, my soon to be husband," I replied, smiling.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, pulling me into his arms so that my back was pressed into his chest. As soon as I was stable, both his hands drifted to my still flat abdomen.

"We're good," I answered. "Thank you for the crackers. They helped immensely."

"Good," he said, kissing my bare shoulder. "I like taking care of you both. You are my princess and I will be there to take care of you forever."

"Where is Masen?" I asked.

"Setting the table," he said.

"You made scrambled eggs?" I asked, letting him know I had heard his conversation with Masen earlier.

"Nope," he said. "Masen insisted we go find a place that had waffles for you."

"Ahh," I smiled. "Take out."

"Yup," he said, spinning me slightly, so he was facing me. "One of the few things I do well."

"Let me just grab something to put on and I'll be right there," I told him, kissing him softly.

"I'll go help Masen," he said reluctantly. "Though I am not really ready to let go of my bride yet."

"Two hours," I said, smiling at him.

"That long?" he asked with a pout.

"Yup," I said. "I can't wait."

"Me neither," he said, kissing me gently one more time. He smiled and made his way out into the hall, calling Masen to tell him that I'd be right out. I went to Edward's large suitcase, where the last of his clothes now resided, except for the black slacks and white button up shirt he was planning to wear today. I pulled out one of his old worn t-shirts and pulled it on. It hung down to almost my knees. Then I went to my suitcase and pulled on a pair of white lacy boy-short panties.

"Mom! Are you ready for breakfast?" Masen called, running down the hall.

"I certainly am," I said, bending down to kiss him.

"I made Daddy get us waffles," he said. "It's a special day because you guys are getting married, just like Aunty Ali said you would."

"What did Aunty Ali say exactly?" I asked him, wondering what the little pixie had said.

"She said that she knew that you and Daddy would get married before we went home," he said, like it was common knowledge.

"I see," I said, smiling at Alice's little gift of foresight. "What else did she say?"

"She said that I had to take lots of pictures because Nana and Pops would want to see them," he said.

"She did, huh?" I asked.

"Yup," he nodded.

"Well, I think Daddy got someone else to take pictures so that you can be in them too," I said to him. "How do you feel about all this Masen?"

"Ummm," he answered. "I used to think that maybe my dad wasn't real cuz he never came but now I'm happy because he did come and now we're going to be a family forever."

"That we are," I confirmed with a smile.

"All the guys at school are going to like seeing my daddy," Masen said. "Daddy said he will even come to school sometimes to get me and that sometimes the guys can come over to play too."

"That sounds great Masen," I said to him. "Maybe some of them can come out to play when we get home."

"Maybe," Masen said. "But I'd be happy to just hang out with you and Daddy. He's getting pretty good at legos."

"That he is," I said with a smile.

Edward appeared a moment later, warning us that our breakfast was getting cold. Masen dashed off to the table immediately, yelling for us to hurry up.

"Um, wow," Edward said, looking at me. "You look so sexy."

"I'm just wearing your shirt," I protested. "I think we already packed my robe."

"If this is the alternative, I think I'll burn your robe," he growled.

"Edward!" I giggled, slapping his arm.

"What?" he asked, feigning innocence. "You were sexy the first time I saw you in my clothes too. Do you remember?"

"The cabin," I said with a grin. "Alice had packed me a suitcase full of lace and other unmentionable fabrics. I was so worried that you would be disappointed that I wasn't wearing any of that stuff."

"I remember," he said. "I loved what you wore. I had to pull my tongue back in as you walked down the hall in just my shirt."

"I was wearing more than your shirt," I protested.

"That was all I could see," he said. "It was HOT."

"Mom!" Masen called, dragging us back to the present.

"Just a sec, Mase," I called back. "We'll be there in a minute. You can start without us."

"What was Masen saying about Alice?" he asked.

"Apparently, she had figured we'd get married before heading home and told Masen," I said, rolling my eyes.

"So Alice predicted this, huh?" he asked with a smirk, his hand going to the ring on my finger.

"Apparently," I said. "I guess she won't be too angry then."

"That's good," he said leaning into me. "She was the only one I was really worried about."

"She's tiny but scary," I said, agreeing with Edward.

"Ready for breakfast?" he asked.

"I think so," I said.

Edward looked down the hall to see where Masen was before dropping to his knees and pressing his cheek to my stomach. "You let Mommy eat her breakfast today without a problem, Little One," he said to my belly. He pressed a kiss against my stomach through the shirt.

"I love you," I said to him as he stood up, tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

"I love you, too," he said.

We had a nice, but slightly hurried, breakfast together. Masen chatted happily about our anticipated trip to Forks and even asked questions about the wedding. I had picked him up some dress pants and a white shirt for the wedding when I got my dress. He was actually excited to be dressing up just like his dad. As soon as breakfast was done, I insisted on washing the three plates while Edward had his shower. Masen stood next to me, peppering me with questions.

"Do you have to say I do?" he asked.

"Sometimes people say I will, but usually it's I do," I responded.

"Do I have to say anything?" he asked.

"The judge may ask you some questions but it's not anything too scary," I replied.

"Mkay," he said. "Will Daddy have a ring like Uncle Jazz and Uncle Em too?"

"He will," I said. "It's in the bedroom right now, but I'll show it to you later."

"Mkay," he said again. "I like it better now that you're Bella. Bella is happier than Angela was."

"Angela was missing your daddy like crazy," I said.

"It's like daddy finishes our puzzle, right?" Masen asked.

"That sounds about right," I said to him.

"Our puzzle was good with just me and you, but Daddy just makes it better," Masen said.

"I couldn't have said it better," I said to Masen. "When did you get so smart?"

"I'm almost seven, Mom. I'm supposed to be smart," he said, rolling his eyes.

"You are so much like your dad, it's scary," I said. "Let's go get you dressed."

I helped Masen into his dress clothes and let him sit and play with lego in the bedroom while he waited for Edward and I to be ready.

"Hi," I said, as I entered the bedroom to see Edward in his dress pants with his dress shirt on, but open.

"Hey," he said, his crooked grin coming out to play.

"You look handsome," I said.

"Thanks," he said, almost looking embarrassed.

"Do you need any help?" he asked.

"Nope," I said. "Masen had his bath last night so I just had to dress him. He's playing lego on the floor. I just have to put my clothes on and brush my hair and put on a little make-up."

"I could help you take that shirt off," he offered, smirking at me sexily.

"Hmmm," I said, pretending to consider my options. "I think I can manage."

"I wouldn't want you to strain yourself," he said, coming up behind me and placing his hands on my hips, using his thumbs to massage gently.

"So concerned for my well being," I said, biting my lip as I glanced over my shoulder at him.

"Of course," he said. "That's my husbandly duty."

"Maybe we should wait until you're actually my husband," I said, turning in his arms and wrapping my arms around his neck. His hands were quick to wrap around me, both hands moving the shirt up and gripping my panty covered behind.

"I could start now," he said, with a chuckle. "Practice makes perfect you know."

"I've heard that," I said, nuzzling my face into the bare skin on his chest and neck. "However, the little boy across the hall isn't going to be patient forever."

Edward groaned and pulled away. I let my arms drop as he walked across the room. To my surprise, he locked the door and turned to face me.

"I think I'll take my chances," he said, walking back across the room to me. "Otherwise it will be hours until I get you alone."

He took off his shirt and hung it on the chair and stepped out of his pants. I wanted to protest, to tell him we should wait, but I couldn't. I wanted him just as badly as he wanted me. Soon he was standing in front of me in just his boxers, his desire for me well highlighted by the thin fabric.

"Edward," I groaned as he pulled me against him.

"Bella," he answered, moving his hands under the hem of the shirt.

"Please," I said, as his hands reached the skin of my sides. I lifted my hands to assist in the removal of the shirt. He didn't hesitate for a moment as he lifted the shirt over me, tossing it on the floor.

"These have to go too," he growled as he bent down and tugged my panties off.

"You too," I said, snapping to attention. Suddenly tonight was far too long to wait to feel his body against mine.

I reached for his boxers, but he was quicker, tugging them off without any preamble.

"This has to be quiet," he said.

"And fast," I added, agreeing with him. I tugged him towards the bed and he climbed on, pulling me on top of him.

"I want to watch you," he said. I bit my lip and moved my legs to straddle him. "You are so beautiful."

"I love you, Edward," I told him, lifting myself up so that he could maneuver us into position. As soon as I could feel him at my entrance, I lowered myself down on him, both of us groaning softly at the connection.

"I love you," he said to me. "Always and forever."

We moved, slowly at first, but picked up speed quickly, finding a speed that suited us both. Our eyes never left each other as we moved, connected in the most intense way. I could feel my climax building and I moaned softly, pushing hard against him.

"So beautiful," he said, caressing my hip with one hand while the other moved to touch me lower.

"Edward," I whispered as his fingers brushed against me, firing me up further.

"So close," he said, as he started to touch me firmer, playing my body as if it were a piano.

Words were gone and I let out a series of small gasps and pants as I moved closer. Our eyes were still locked on each other and I fought to keep them open, not wanting to lose eye contact with him for a second. "Oh," I gasped, blinking quickly, but still not looking away, as I reached the peak. Edward moved his hands to my hips and used that leverage to thrust into me a few more times, before losing himself as well. His eyes glazed over but he couldn't pull his gaze away either.

Finally I pulled my eyes from his, as I lowered my head to his chest, needing to rest after that.

"God, I love husbandly duties," Edward said, still trying to catch his breath.

"Perv," I said, slapping his chest gently. We laid together, his hands gently caressing my spine as we came down from our highs. As our breathing returned to normal, I could hear the phone ringing in the other room.

"I'll get it," Masen called out.

"No," I gasped, flinging myself off Edward. "It might be Alice!" I hissed.

"Shit," Edward said, leaping from the bed. He grabbed a towel and dashed out the door as I grabbed my discarded shirt and threw it on.

"That's right, Aunty Rose," Masen said as I reached the hall. "Mommy, Daddy, and I are getting married today!"

SHIT!

I didn't hear the rest of what Masen or Rose were saying as Edward and I just stared at each other, knowing that the shit had just hit the fan.

"She wants to talk to you, Mama," Masen said, handing me the phone.

I let out a breath and took the phone.


	19. Wedding and more

_Sorry it has taken me so long to get my stories updated. All of my current stories, with the exception of Interview, will be updated again in the next week to ten days. _

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"She wants to talk to you, Mama," Masen said, handing me the phone.

I let out a breath and took the phone, walking back towards the bedroom with it. I imagined that this wouldn't be an altogether friendly conversation.

"Hi Rose," I said sheepishly.

"Isabella Marie Swan," she hissed. "Is Masen telling the truth?"

"Yes," I said slowly, sounding even more sheepish than before.

"And why am I just finding out about it now?" she asked angrily.

"I'm sorry," I said honestly. "It's just..."

"Just what?" she asked, still using her angry tone.

"He just asked me yesterday, and we didn't want to wait," I said.

"How would telling us make you wait?" she asked.

"Rose," I said, not even sure how to explain.

"You didn't think we'd be happy for you?" she asked. "You know we would have. We've all missed you so much, and Edward... He was so different when you were gone. He barely smiled and he was all emo. Now that you're here with us again, and you're both happy, you didn't want to share that with us?"

I could tell she was hurt and that had never been my intention.

"Rose, it wasn't about excluding you guys. We were just doing it for us. I couldn't handle it if it was turned into a spectacle..."

"And we'd make a spectacle?" she asked, sounding hurt or offended

"Not you precisely," I said, thinking of the one person who would make it a spectacle given a chance.

"Alice?" she asked.

"Alice," I agreed. "Look, I know she'd mean well, but I can't do that. I don't want to walk down an aisle... I just... I always thought..."

"That Charlie would be there to give you away," she finished for me. "I get that, Bella. We'd all just like to be there for you guys. I think we could even reign Alice in with the limited notice."

Edward walked into the room and smiled sheepishly at me again, before grabbing his pants and boxers and heading for the bathroom. I asked Rose to hold on for a second, covered the mouthpiece and grabbed Edward's arm.

"Help me," I whispered to him. "What do I do?"

"Invite them?" he said, shrugging his shoulders. "It's up to you."

"Really?" I asked.

"It would be nice to see them there," he said. "I want to tell the world that you are my wife and we can start with them."

"What about your parents?" I asked.

"We'll have pictures," he answered.

"Rose," I said, getting her attention again.

"Yeah," she answered.

"What are you doing this afternoon?" I asked her.

She let out a very Alice-like squeal in response, causing me to pull the phone from my ear. Edward heard and shook his head laughing.

"You'll be good for Rose," he said softly. "She's obviously been spending too much time with Alice."

"I heard that Cullen," Rose threatened, loudly through the phone. "I'm just happy to see the last of your emo ass."

I rolled my eyes, thinking of how normal this conversation actually was.

"So when are you going to call Alice?" I asked Rose.

"No dice, Babycakes," she said, her voice taking on a little evil tone. "That's all you."

Oh shit!

After begging Rose to take pity on me and call her for me, she threatened that if she hadn't heard from Alice in the next ten minutes I would be sorry, then hung up. I waited all of ten seconds before dialing Alice's number.

"Hello?" Charlie's little voice answered the phone.

"Hi Charlie," I said to him.

"Auntie Bella," Charlie cheered. "Does Masen get to play with us today?"

"I'm not sure about that, Charlie," I said to the boy. Just saying his name made me smile. "Is your mom there?"

"Yeah," he said. "She's trying to make some muffins. Last time she tried, I dropped it and it bounced. It was funny."

I laughed. Alice was good at many, many things... Cooking and baking were definitely not included in those things. I started to feel some of the nerves that I had in making this call dissipate. Maybe Alice wouldn't freak out...

"Can I talk to her please?" I asked the boy.

"Okay," he said happily. "MOOOMMM, it's Auntie Bella."

The name Auntie made me happy and I smiled thinking about how happy I was to have my friends and their families back in my life.

"Bellaboo," Alice cheered as she answered the phone. "I was just making muffins from the recipe Emily gave me."

"I heard your last muffins bounced," I said, postponing the real reason for my call.

"I don't know what I did wrong," she said. "The boys were... Wait. Why are you calling me right now?"

"Can't a girl call her friend?" I asked.

"Something's up," Alice said, and I could feel perspiration forming on my lip. Every bit of the stress I had in telling my over-excitable friend about my impending nuptials was back full force, and they brought friends. I was certain that I was going to throw up, and it had nothing to do with morning sickness.

"What are you, Jasper, and the boys up to this afternoon?" I asked.

"Jazz is at work, and the guys and I are just hanging out. Why?" she asked, her voice laced with suspicion.

"I wanted to know if you wanted to get together in about an hour or so and do something," I said, realizing I was getting to the crux of the matter quickly. My heart started to beat wildly.

"What are we doing?" she asked.

"I'," I said quickly, sure she'd never understand what I had said.

"IN AN HOUR?" she squeaked, understanding perfectly what I had mumbled out. Then, the Alice that I knew and loved came out. "What about flowers, a dress, the license, when did he ask you? What am I going to wear? Do you have wedding bands? I hope Jasper doesn't have a meeting. Did you call Rose? What about pictures? Where is this happening? Do you have a cake? Is there a reception? Masen must be thrilled. I'm so happy for you!"

"Uhhhh," I muttered not even getting half of what she said.

"Oh, Bella..." she said, suddenly bursting into tears. "I never thought I'd see this day. I had truly given up hope."

"Why are you crying Alice?" I asked, my own tears starting as I heard hers. "You never cry."

"I'm just so happy for you," she sobbed.

I was a mess of tears myself but I had pregnancy hormones to blame for that. Pregnancy hormones?

"ALICE!" I exclaimed.

"What?" she asked.

"Do you have something to share?" I asked her.

"No," she said quickly. A little too quickly, even for Alice.

"Mary Alice Brandon Whitlock!" I exclaimed. "You're pregnant!"

"What? No... How?... But..." she sputtered.

"When are you due?" I asked her.

"Shhhhhh!" she said. "How did you...?"

"I just did," I said, smugly.

"It's new," Alice said. "Like maybe on our trip. I haven't even been to the doctor yet."

Now it was my turn to squeal. "I'm so happy for you."

"Shh," she said. "Now you're marrying Edward in an hour and I'm just finding out now?"

"We were sorta gonna sneak off and do it just the three of us," I admitted.

"I knew it!" she said, surprisingly not sounding upset at all. "Why'd you change your mind?"

"Masen spilled the beans to Rose," I admitted. Might as well go with the whole truth.

"I'm going to buy that boy a big present for that," she said, giggling.

"So can you guys make it?" I asked. "I don't have much time and need to finish getting ready."

We went over time and place, and Alice promised to be there with Jasper and the boys. I was excited that both she and Rose were pregnant too, yet still not ready to share our news with her. I liked it that Edward and I had that just for us. I finally managed to get Alice off the phone and went to join Edward in the bathroom.

"Hello, my beautiful bride," he said smirking at me as he tried in vain to control his mop of hair. "You're still breathing. I take it Alice wasn't too upset."

"Nice of you to take off and feed me to the wolves," I commented.

"Sorry," he said, grinning sheepishly.

"Just for that you have to be the one to tell everybody we're pregnant," I said.

"Alice doesn't know already?" he asked, seeming actually shocked. Alice always seemed to know everything.

"I think she is preoccupied with her own condition right now," I said to him. He looked at me, all confused. I rolled my eyes and continued. "Alice is pregnant, too. Like a vacation baby or somewhere close."

"God help us!" he said, snickering. "So she doesn't know about...?" he asked, pulling me so my back was against his chest and placing both his hand on my still flat abdomen.

"Nope," I said to him. "Just us."

"Good," he said. "I like that."

"Me too," I said. "Now you need to go and entertain your son so I can finish getting ready."

"You need any help?" he asked, grinning at me in the mirror, his hands moving under my shirt suggestively.

"Any more of your help and we'll be late to our own wedding," I said to him.

"Fine," he sighed, kissing my neck. "I'll finish getting ready in the bedroom then I'll play Lego with Mase."

"Sounds good," I said.

I stepped out of the shirt and into the white strapless bra and lacy boy shorts that had been discarded quickly earlier. I put on a little eyeliner, mascara, and some lip gloss, then I brushed my hair again so it fell in soft waves to the middle of my back. I pulled up some small strands from close to my face and clipped them there with a simple silver barrette. I looked at Edward's note again and whispered, "Today, tomorrow and always." With 40 minutes to go before the wedding, I opened the dress bag and pulled out my wedding dress. It was made of a soft, light weigh cotton, and I unzipped the back and stepped into it. It was strapless fitting around my chest perfectly with an embroidered sash built in at the waist. As I zipped it up, feeling the soft fabric hug me tightly across my upper body, I placed my hand on my abdomen, knowing that the dress wouldn't fit by the end of summer. I smoothed out the front, letting the soft fabric flow around my thighs to just above my knees. I admired myself in the mirror, thinking that it was pretty much perfect. It was no grand ball gown, covered in more bling than a person could hope to count, like Alice had always dreamed, but it was simple and elegant, and perfect for me.

Marrying Edward... My high school dream, my college assumption, the dream I wouldn't allow myself in our time apart. I would never have imagined this a year ago, or even a month ago. I had never even thought of having more children. Not that I didn't enjoy Masen, that was never the issue. I just knew that I could never love anyone the way I loved Edward, and having another child that didn't have a father wasn't for me. As I laid my hand on my belly, I realized how long ago that seemed. My time as Angela Weber seemed almost like a bad dream.

"Wow, Mom!" I heard from the door.

"Hey, Mase," I said to my son.

"You look beautiful, Mom," Masen said, sounding awed.

"Thanks, Mase," I said to him.

"Whatcha doing back here?" I asked him.

"I missed you," he said. "Dad told me you were going to be wearing a dress and I didn't believe him."

"Why not?" I asked him.

"Cuz you always wear pants," he said.

"Well it's cold in Prince Rupert a lot and since I get dirty working around the lodge..." I explained, trying to justify my lack of dresses to my still six-year-old son.

"I know," he said. "I just wanted to see it."

"Tell Daddy that I'm almost ready. I just need to get my shoes..." I was interrupted by a knock on the apartment door.

"Uh oh," I said to Masen.

"Who do you think it is?" he asked, whispering.

"EDWARDO!" Emmett's booming voice sounded through the apartment. "It's about time you made an honest woman out of our Bellsy."

"Uncle Em," Masen squealed running out of the room. I made a quick b-line for the closet to get the simple white kitten heeled sandals I chose for today.

"I know you are in there, Bella," Alice said coming in. I turned and looked at her, armed to the teeth with bags and her trusty case of cosmetics. Rose was standing behind her, both her arms full too.

"Oh," Alice said, her eyes watering. "You look..."

"I know," I said. "It isn't very bridal..."

"It's perfect," Rose said.

"It is," Alice agreed, tears springing to her eyes. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you?" I said, looking at my two friends.

"I was sure you were going to try to get married in jeans or something," Alice sobbed. "You look great."

"Alice!" Rose said. "It's not surprising, she always did."

"We came to hep you out, but I guess you don't need it," Alice said hiccuping.

"No," I agreed. "But I am so happy you are here with us."

"Me too," Rose said coming over and hugging me.

"Me three," Alice said, staying where she was. "I'd hug you too but I don't want to ruin your dress with my tears."

"What's a few tears between friends?" I asked, reaching the hand that wasn't currently wrapped around Rose towards Alice. She didn't hesitate and came and wrapped her arm around me. After a few moments, we were all sniffling and I smiled at the thought that we were all pregnant together, though I was the only one who knew that.

"She's getting married, and I'm pregnant. What's your excuse for the waterworks, Alice?" Rose asked, pulling back.

Alice looked at me, I guess wondering if it was okay to spill the beans on my wedding day. I nodded at her.

"Me too," Alice said.

"You're pregnant?" Rose all but yelled.

"Bellsy is pregnant?" Emmett yelled barreling down the hall.

"She is?" Jasper asked coming in behind him.

"Yeah," Edward said following behind them. Guess the cat is out of the bag on that one.

"What?" Alice and Rose yelped, turning to look at me.

Edward looked at me, completely helpless for a minute realizing he had just let the cat out of the bag.

"If Rose wasn't talking about Bella, who was she...? OHHHHH!" Jasper said looking at his wife.

"Jazz didn't even know?" I asked Alice.

"I hadn't... I just took the test this morning," Alice said, not taking her eyes off Jasper.

"Really?" Jasper asked her, not taking his eyes off her.

She simply nodded. I looked away, and my eyes met Edward's. His eyes were glued to me and I realized he was seeing me in my wedding dress for the first time. I crossed the floor to see him.

"Hey," I whispered softly to him.

"You look stunning, Bella," he said to me.

"Thanks," I said, feeling myself blushing. He leaned down and pressed his forehead to mine.

"Sorry for spilling the beans," he said, looking at me rather sheepishly.

"As soon as he asked it was game over," I said.

"True," he said, placing a chaste kiss on my lips.

"Okay, Lovebirds," Emmett crowed. "I think it's time we go and get Edwardo and Bellsy hitched." Rosalie's resounding slap to the back of his head had the rest of us giggling.

"Do you have to be such an oaf all the time?" she whined.

"Sorry, Babe," he said, giving her the dimpled grin that she always fell for.

"We need five minutes alone with Bella before we go," Alice announced, picking up her bag.

The boys were shuffled out to check on the kids and the girls turned to me and smiled.

"You didn't tell us," Alice accused poking out her bottom lip.

"We would have," I said, biting my lip. "It's new too... obviously."

"We're all knocked up together," Rose said matter-of-factly. "The way it should have been from the start."

Alice and I nodded and smiled at her.

"So we talked and decided that even though you are getting married in a very small setting you still need to follow appropriate customs," Alice said.

"So we got you a few things that every bride needs," Rose finished.

"Something old," Alice said, reaching into the bag.

"This hair clip is actually Esme's. It was something her mother wore on her wedding day. I borrowed it to use for a photo shoot before we left and never got a chance to return it. I'm sure she'd love for you to wear it today," Rose finished.

"Awww," I said, starting to tear up. Rose removed the clip from my hair and slid Esme's antique golden clip in instead.

"Something new," Alice said, dabbing at her tears. "You obviously have that covered with your dress and shoes, so we don't need to worry."

"Something borrowed," Rose said, her eyes filling with tears. "It is supposed to be from a happily married woman..." She removed a bracelet from her wrist that her mother had always worn.

"Your mother's..." I sniffled.

"Yeah," she said. "It was a gift from my dad on their wedding day. They had overcome so much to get where they were... it just seems right that you wear it today."

"I'll take good care of it," I said, my own tears starting to fall.

"Something blue," Alice said, pulling a blue garter belt out of the bag. I laughed as I took it from her and slipped it onto my own leg.

"And a silver sixpence for your shoe," Rose said. "Remember we had such a hard time finding one for Alice..."

I nodded. Alice had insisted on ALL the traditions and Rose and I had scoured Seattle for the sixpence.

"When we found it, the shopkeeper had two, so I bought the other one, knowing that you and Edward would be getting married at some point. I didn't think it would be seven years later but... I'm so glad it's here and that I can finally pull this from my sock drawer for you."

"Rosie," I sobbed, hugging her. Alice joined in and we all sniffled for a few moments.

"We'll have to tape it to your shoe since you are wearing sandals," Alice said, dabbing at her tears, causing both Rosalie and I to laugh.

"Well, let's go get you married," Rose said, wiping her own tears away. We quickly loaded into three cars and made our way to city hall. Edward kissed my cheek before dashing off to pick up the marriage license while Rose and Emmett talked to the photographer and Alice and I talked to the JP who was doing the ceremony. It hit me suddenly that there was something truly missing from all this, and I needed to make it right.

"I have something I need to do," I said to Rose. "Tell Edward I'll be right back."

I dashed into the bathroom and took my cell phone out of my purse.

"Esme..." I said.

Five minutes later I was back, my cell phone lodged into my dress.

"Are you okay, Beautiful?" Edward asked, standing outside the door.

"I'm perfect," I said to him. We walked hand in hand back to the rest of the group and the JP.

"Shall we begin?" he asked. Edward and I nodded at him.

"Wait," Alice said, grabbing a small bunch of red roses that she had been carrying. "It isn't a true bouquet but it was the best I could do on short notice."

"Thank you, Alice," I said. She pulled out a camcorder next and handed it to Jasper. "You work this thing better than I do."

"Now that your videographer is in place..." the JP said.

The ceremony was quick, with the JP telling us about marriage and committing to each other. Before he got to the vows, he asked us if we had anything we wanted to say to each other. Edward said he did.

"Bella, I knew the day that I met you that I wanted to be standing here next to you one day. I let my own foolishness cost me so much time, but I promise you that I will be there for you from this moment on. I love you with all that I am and all that I will ever be. You are my everything," he said, tears in his green eyes.

"Bella?" the JP asked.

"Edward, I was never a little girl that dreamed of growing up and getting married. Fairy tales and happily ever afters were never my thing, but you changed that. I never expected to find the love of my life at seventeen years old, but I did, and through all of our trials and tribulations that never changed. I promise to love you today, tomorrow, and forever," I said to him, tears streaming down by cheeks. Edward brought his hands up to my cheeks and cradled my face in his hands gently before gently brushing my tears away with the pad of his thumbs.

"I understand you two have a son," he said.

"We do," Edward confirmed. "Masen is right here."

"Come here, young man," he said to Masen. Poor Masen looked really worried, but he stepped up as Edward and I both held our hands out to him so he could stand between us.

"Hello, Sir," Masen said, as he clutched both of our hands.

"What's your name?" the JP asked.

"Masen Charles Weber Cullen," Masen said proudly.

"Do you know why we are here today?" he asked.

"Yeah, my dad is going to make an honest woman out of my mom," Masen said proudly.

Edward and I both whipped our heads around to glare at Emmett, who was laughing hysterically.

"Emmett!" Edward growled. WHACK! Rose's hand connected with the back of Emmett's head.

"What?" he asked. "It's true."

WHACK! Rose smacked him again.

"Sorry," he said, rubbing his head.

"Do you know what that means, Masen?" the JP continued on. You could see him fighting back laughter.

"It means that my dad and mom are getting married," Masen said.

"And you're happy that they are getting married?" the JP asked.

"Yes, Sir," Masen answered.

"You are a very polite young man," he said.

"Thank you, Sir," Masen said. "My mama says that manners are very important."

"They certainly are," the man laughed. "Do you know what getting married means?"

Masen was quiet for a moment before speaking up, "It means happy. We can be a real family and I can have a brother or a sister like the rest of the guys. And, my mama will be happy all the way to her eyes because my daddy is in our family now too."

"Is that all?" he asked, smiling at Masen.

"Yup, I think so," Masen said seriously.

"You have raised a very smart boy," he said to us, before turning to Masen. "Thank you for answering my questions. You can go stand with your friends again."

"You're welcome," Masen said, offering his hand to the JP to shake again. "Thank you for being the marrying guy. You're pretty nice and not scary like I thought you'd be."

The JP chuckled and Masen hopped over to stand next to Charlie and Izzy. Edward grabbed my hand again and smiled at me.

The vows followed. We chose to stay with the traditional vows, promising to love, honor and cherish each other. Then it was time for the rings.

Edward took them both from his pocket, while I handed my flowers to a very teary Alice. He handed me the ring we had bought for him and I took it in my hand and placed it on his finger as instructed.

"With this ring, I thee wed," I said, tears trickling down my cheeks. Edward wiped my tears away with the pad of his thumbs and proceeded to place my ring on my finger and repeated the same words.

I couldn't take my eyes off Edward's. The JP said a few more words, and for the life of me I couldn't tell you what they were. The next words that entered my consciousness were, "You may now kiss your bride."

Edward leaned down to place a kiss on my lips. It was soft and sweet. I reached up to wrap my arms around his neck momentarily, which was greeted with a hoot from Emmett.

"Get a room!"

WHACK!

"Ouch, Rose! That hurt!"

We broke from our kiss with a laugh. Leave it to Emmett.

"Let me be the first to introduce you to Edward and Bella Cullen," the JP said, concluding the ceremony.

"It's about time!" came Esme's voice from my dress.

"What?" Edward said, looking at me.

I sheepishly pulled my cell phone out and handed it to him.

"Mom?" Edward said.

"Congratulations, Son!" Carlisle's voice said over the speaker phone.

"Congratulations Guys!" Emily, Seth, and Leah chimed in.

"I am so happy for you," Esme said, tears evident in her voice.

"We did it, Gramma," Masen yelled. "We got married."

We were congratulated, hugged, kissed. Then, at Alice's insistence, we found a nice restaurant nearby to celebrate. Then it was time to hit the road. Alice and Rose had offered to watch Masen so we could have a proper honeymoon, but we refused. We weren't just Edward and Bella, though we both hoped to have plenty of 'grown up' fun, but we were finally a family, something Masen had wanted so badly.

We loaded into the car and hit the road for Forks. Between the excitement and the food, Masen was asleep within minutes of pulling away from the curb.

"We did it," Edward said, smiling.

"We did," I said.

"I love you Mrs. Cullen," he said.

"As I love you," I told him.

Masen woke up when we got on the ferry and told everybody that we passed that we just got married. Seeing his excitement made everything we felt even better and Edward and I snuggled together enjoying his excitement, and the congratulations from all the strangers. Once we got to the other side, we drove straight to Port Angeles.

PA had certainly changed since I had last been there as a teenager. We decided to stop at a restaurant, then a grocery store, so we didn't need to do it in Forks. Masen still told everyone about our wedding, and I was more glad then ever that we didn't take Rose or Alice up on their offer to keep him for this trip. We headed out of PA at 4:00pm for the hour long journey to Forks. We chatted a little, telling Masen about the places we passed and sharing memories of our time together.

"Nothing much has changed," I said to Edward, as we passed the turn off to LaPush, shortly before crossing the Sol Duc, the last bridge before we got to the Welcome to Forks sign.

"It really hasn't," he said, squeezing my hand.

We went to the park first before heading into town. It was a nice evening, but thankfully the park was empty allowing Masen and Edward to climb around like monkeys. I even got in on the action, taking a turn on the swings while Edward pushed me. It was almost dusk when we left to head to the cemetery.

Charlie was buried under a large spruce tree. The spot actually reminded me of his favorite fishing spot along the Callewah River.

"Why does the stone have a badge on it, Mommy?" Masen asked.

"Because Grandpa was a police officer," I answered.

"The why does it have a big fish on it too?" he asked.

"Because that was his favorite thing to do," I said.

"Do you think Grandpa would have liked me?" he asked.

"Grandpa would have loved you," I said to him. "You would have been his little fishing buddy."

"Did he have a police car?" he asked.

"He did," I said, smiling as I thought of his cruiser.

"Did he let you play with the lights and siren?" he asked.

"When I was a little girl," I answered, thinking about it. "He even let me wear his police hat."

"WOW!" Masen said.

After the questions petered out, Masen asked if he could go sit on the little bench about twelve feet away. Edward pulled me into his arms and held me as I let the tears fall. I never realized how much I had blamed myself for Charlie's death. Knowing now that I couldn't have done anything to prevent it, allowed me to grieve without the added guilt, and today, on my wedding day, I grieved for the man who should have been there to walk me down the aisle.

"I miss you, Daddy," I said, leaning over to run my fingers over his name. When I stood again, Edward kissed me cheek and said his own words to my father. "I know I haven't always done right by her... by them, but I promise from here on out, to do everything in my power to keep them both safe."

I kissed Edward softly and said goodbye to my father before turning to call Masen.

"Masen," I called looking over at the bench. It was empty. Edward noticed at the same time.

"Masen!" I called louder. There was still no answer and no sight of him. Edward started calling him in a panic as well. Edward let me go and ran to the place where Masen was sitting, as I moved to look to the other side of the tree. He was nowhere. I looked up at Edward and the hopeless look in his eyes made me panic.

"MASEN!" I screamed, tears streaming down my face.


End file.
